No Fanservice, No Profit!
It seems to be basically your normal day in the wacky DW world, until a disaster happened! Suddenly, all pretty boys and pretty girls have disappeared off the face of earth without any trace! The lack of eye candy caused people to become disinterested in the games, forcing Koei to finally end the series for good, putting the DW world in a brink of destruction. Will the unpopular 'mature guys' (and few popular ones) be able uncover the truth and save the world?
Chapter 1: Beginning of a Disaster – Wei side
It just seems to be yet your another normal day in what is basically an alternate, wacky, anachronistic, nonsensical, and MAGICAL version of Ancient China. First of all, we will focus onto a blue-colored resident known as the kingdom of Wei.
Inside the Wei palace
Cao Cao: waking up Oh, yawn…man, what a good sleep! gets off his bed, walks towards the corridor
Xiahou Dun: Oh, good morning cousin! You woke up a bit late than usual.
Cao Cao: Oh, morning Dun! drinks coffee Yeah, sorry.
Xiahou Dun: Hmph, it's alright. Anyway, you notice something weird?
Cao Cao: What is it?
Xiahou Dun: Hm, I don't know. This morning just seems to be…awfully quiet, if compared to the other mornings.
Cao Cao: Really? Hm, I never noticed that…oh, you're right!
Xiahou Dun: What is it?
Cao Cao: That's right! Usually it was Zhang He who wakes up a bit earlier than us just so that he can wake all of us up with his constant screaming of 'BEAUTIFUL!'!
Xiahou Dun: Oh, that's right! And we usually beat the crap outta him senseless…
Cao Cao: Yes. Right, maybe THAT'S the reason why I woke up a bit late today…
Xiahou Dun: Yes, yes. Weird, why didn't he do the same this morning?
Cao Cao: Meh, I don't care. It's far, FAR better if he didn't do it this morning.
Xiahou Dun: You got a point.
Cao Cao: Oh well. I'd better go to prepare breakfast.
15 minutes later
Cao Cao: putting breakfast on the table PI! ZHENJI! YUAN! REN! BREAKFAST'S READY!
Cricket noise
Cao Cao: Huh? Ehem, PI! ZHENJI! YUAN! REN!
Xiahou Yuan: Hey, hey! I'm coming!
Cao Ren: Me too!
Xiahou Dun: Oh, you two are finally here!
Cao Cao: Oh, okay! Uhh…but where's Pi and Zhenji?
Xiahou Yuan: Hm? I don't know, maybe they overslept?
Cao Cao: Argh, why didn't you two also rouse them to come for breakfast when you were coming here?
Cao Ren: We're sorry.
Cao Cao: Tch. It's alright, I'll go rouse them myself. walks towards Cao Pi and Zhenji's room, but suddenly stops and turns Oh, and Dun, make sure NO ONE steals my special peanut butter jelly sandwich while I'm gone. turns again
Xiahou Dun: Understood, cousin! Hey, you two!
Xiahou Yuan and Cao Ren: Uh?
Xiahou Dun: makes that 'I'm watching you' gesture
Xiahou Yuan: Uhh…but you only have one eye, Dun.
Xiahou Dun: That still means that I AM watching you.
Cao Ren: Geez. Okay, okay.
In front of Cao Pi and Zhenji's room
Cao Cao: knocks door Hey! Pi! Zhenji! Wake up! Breakfast's ready! Hey! It's already 8 o'clock in the morning! Wake up! ….tch, what the hell were they doing last night anyway?! HEY! WAKE! UP!
However, there's still no response.
Cao Cao: What the hell?! Tch, fine then! You left me with no choice! freezes the door, then shatters it PI, ZHENJI, I SWEAR IF YOU TWO DON'T WAKE UP NOW, I WILL- huh?
He was surprised when he found Cao Pi and Zhenji's room to be empty. The beds are messy, indicating that they were there, but the persons are nowhere to be seen.
Cao Cao: What? scratches head Hey! Pi! Zhenji! Come on, don't hide from me! I've already prepared you your favorite meals! Hey! Pi? checks the shelves and cabinets Zhenji? checks below the beds Tch, weird! Did they…did they escape through the window? checks windows They're still firmly shut. Hmm…oh well, they could've gone somewhere else and didn't come back last night. They're still youths, after all. Oh, this means I get to eat their breakfast! Hahaha! walks back towards the dining room
At the dining room
Xiahou Dun: Hm? Oh, cousin! You've returned? Where are they?
Cao Cao: They're gone.
Xiahou Yuan: What? Gone? What, what happened? Did somebody kidnap them, or-
Cao Cao: Geez, chill down, Yuan! They weren't kidnapped, they just went out somewhere, but forgot to come back.
Cao Ren: You sure about that, cousin? Did they actually leave a note, or something?
Cao Cao: Uhhh…no. But hey, I'm not THAT paranoid to make that kind of assumption! Haha! It's alright. They're just youths. Besides, if somebody messes with them, they will freeze that guy to death! There's no need to fear anything!
Xiahou Dun: Well…that being so.
Cao Cao: Of course! Besides, I also get to eat their breakfast too! Haha! This is great!
Everyone else: sweatdrop
So, Cao Cao and his three cousins proceed to eat their breakfast without Cao Pi and Zhenji.
At the afternoon
Cao Cao: Hmm…ah, I need Guo Jia to solve this problem. I'd better go look for him! walks around the palace corridor FENGXIAO! FENGXIAO! HEY! COME HERE! I NEED YOUR HELP!
Cricket sounds
Cao Cao: Huh, where is he? Usually he'll instantly teleports in front of me, but not today. Weird. HEY! FENGXIAO! GUO JIA!
More cricket sounds
Cao Cao: Argh! Where is he? Tch, is he going out drinking and flirting with pretty ladies? Hmmm….sees Jia Xu! Oh! Jia Xu!
Jia Xu: Huh? What?
Cao Cao: Here, have you seen Guo Jia? I've been calling for him, but he didn't come! It's weird!
Jia Xu: Uh, to be frank, I too haven't seen him all day.
Cao Cao: What? That's weird.
Jia Xu: I know. Infact, he is usually the one who rouses me at every morning, but today he didn't show up at all!
Cao Cao: Have you checked his room?
Jia Xu: I have, but…it's empty.
Cao Cao: What! He disappeared too, like Cao Pi and Zhenji?!
Jia Xu: I think it's just like what you think about the latter two. They probably went out for some partying or something. Youths.
Cao Cao: Ah, yes, yes, that's right. Well then, I suppose I'll call Xun Yu.
Jia Xu: Uhh…okay, about him, sir…
Cao Cao: What?
Jia Xu: …he's missing too.
Cao Cao: WHAT! Shit, what the hell's going on here?! Suddenly my son, his wife, and my two advisors disappeared without a trace!
Jia Xu: I know, it's weird. But like I said before, maybe it's just him and Guo Jia going out to get drunk. Hey, they were childhood friends.
Cao Cao: Argh…okay, I understand. I suppose I have no choice but to ask you.
Jia Xu: About what?
Cao Cao: Here, I was thinking about the best choice for my cereal. Should I choose Corn Pops or Frosted Flakes?
Jia Xu: …shit. This feels familiar.
Cao Cao: What?! You're telling me to eat shit instead?!
Jia Xu: What? Um, no, NO! I said you should eat Corn Pops instead!
Cao Cao: Really?
Jia Xu: Yes, yes!
Cao Cao: Hmph! Fine then! Corn Pops it is!
At the evening
Zhang Liao: Alright! We're going to start the drill! First of all, let's see the attendants…huh? Hey, where are Yue Jin and Li Dian?
Everyone else: raises shoulders
Zhang Liao: Huh. Oh well, they're probably out destroying forests or something, so that's fine.
After the drill is over…
Cao Cao: So, Zhang Liao! How's the drill today?
Zhang Liao: It mostly went well, sir.
Cao Cao: 'Mostly'?
Zhang Liao: Um, yeah.
Cao Cao: What do you mean?
Zhang Liao: Uh…Yue Jin and Li Dian were absent, sir.
Cao Cao: What? Well, shit! Now there are 7 people who disappeared today! What happened?
Zhang Liao: Uh, what?
Cao Cao: Here. This morning, my son Cao Pi and his wife Zhenji were missing. This afternoon, Guo Jia and Xun Yu were missing. And now Yue Jin and Li Dian are missing too!
Jia Xu: Even weirder, sir, is that today I found that the Ma Chao statue placed at the back of the palace are perfectly intact. At the end of every other day it would always end up being destroyed and had to be replaced by a new one the next morning.
Cao Cao: Jia Xu? Wait, does that mean that?
Jia Xu: Yes. Seems like we're missing Wang Yi too.
Cao Cao: Argh! Shit! Just…just what the hell is going on here?! This means that we only have Cai Wenji as the girl around here!
Jia Xu: Hmm…ah, wait a minute, my lord.
Cao Cao: What?
Jia Xu: Here, I just noticed a pattern…so far, the missing people we have here are your son, his wife, Guo Jia and Xun Yu, as well as Yue Jin and Li Dian, and Wang Yi. Those people are either pretty boys, or fanservicey girls.
Cao Cao: So?...oh no.
BOOOOMMMM!
However, just when Cao Cao are still thinking about what's happening regarding the sudden disappearances of these people, suddenly a large green tank blasted through the Wei palace. The head of the tank opens to reveal the Shu strategist, Zhuge Liang.
Zhuge Liang: Ha! I finally got you, Cao Cao! Your greed ends here! Now, return our pretty boys and girls or I will blast your palace!
Cao Cao: What?! WHAT THE HELL?!
To Be Continued….
So…what really happened? Find out in the next chapters! Keep on reading, and leave a review! Good day!