It was, without a doubt, the most shameful moment of my life. The moment I broke my vows and let my heart rule my head, the moment I betrayed the man I'm supposed to love for the man I have come to love.

Hello, my name is Lily Potter and I am an adulteress. I know it's wrong, it never should have happened, but it did. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, I just love his best friend more. James has been so distant lately, obsessed with work and ignoring me, almost as if he doesn't feel the need to pay attention now that we're married. All through school he chased after me, pestered me and obsessed over me, driving me crazy. One day I decided to give him a chance and he became the most devoted, loving partner a woman could ask for, at least until we got married.

After the wedding he changed, became obsessed with his work as an Auror, claiming it was to keep me safe. I know times are bad but it doesn't make me feel safe to know that my husband's out all night chasing after people who want to kill him. He comes home, eats, sleeps and leaves again, I've hardly said more than a dozen words to him in the last three weeks because I never have the chance. It's lonely and I end up spending a lot of time with Sirius, he actually listens and tries to help me feel better, telling me that it's just a phase, James's way of dealing with his fear. I want to believe him, I'm just not sure I can.

~IHON~

"Here Lil, drink this."

Lily reached out and took the cup of tea Sirius had made her, smiling softly at him. "Thanks Sirius, I appreciate you letting me come over."

"Not a problem sweetheart, I enjoy your company and you sounded like you needed a friend."

She nodded, staring at the liquid in her cup. Lily had flooed him just minutes ago after crying for nearly an hour and she was glad that she wasn't sitting at home alone anymore.

"We had a fight, a big fight. He got mad because I asked him if he'd take his birthday off so we could celebrate. He said that we had no right celebrating at a time like this and I was being selfish by asking." She looked up and locked eyes with Sirius. "Was I being selfish Sirius, asking him to do that?"

"No. James is just, stressed right now, with work and all."

"You two have the same job so how is it that you're home and he's not?"

"Because I'm not a madman." He winked mischievously, he enjoyed taking the piss out of James.

Lily laughed a little, glad that he was here for her. In school she never would have imagined them sitting here like this, Sirius didn't seem the type back then but by the time they'd returned for their Sixth Year he'd changed. It wasn't until later that she learned why and she thought Sirius was really brave for doing it. No matter how rotten Petunia was over the years, Lily didn't think she could ever have run away from home. Smirking she looked at him and winked back.

"Yeah you are but we choose to overlook it in favor of your charm."

He laughed and bumped his shoulder against hers causing her to laugh along with him. Setting his cup down, he took hers as well and then put his arm around her shoulders, sitting back and taking her with him. Lily snuggled against him and rested her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes. Why is it that she got to do this with Sirius but never with James?

"Lily, stop thinking."

"I can't. Why does he do this to me? To us? I don't know how much more of this I can take Sirius, I thought he loved me."

"He does, he's just got his priorities confused."

"I'm not sure I like being lost in the shuffle."

"I don't know anyone who does."

They fell quiet after that, each lost in their own thoughts. Lily let another hour or so pass before she thanked him for letting her come over and bid him goodnight. Flooing home was a depressing event because it meant another night alone in a cold, empty bed and probably another fight come morning. This was not what she thought marriage would be like.

~IHON~

Lily stumbled into Sirius's living room, tears from her fight with James still spilling down her cheeks. It was the worst yet, both of them yelling and him slamming out of the house swearing that when he came back it would be with divorce papers. She was covered in soot because she'd been too afraid to Apparate, then again, flooing had proved a near disaster so maybe she should have just stayed home.

"Lily? Oh my god, Lily, what happened?"

"H-he left. He s-said that he w-wants a d-d-divorce."

"What?"

"W-what am I going to do Sirius? What am I going to do?"

Sirius gathered her close and held her while she broke down in a fresh round of sobs. He was at a complete loss for the first time, no idea what to say or do. He'd spent at least three nights a week, if not more, with Lily for the past six months and it meant a lot to him that she would turn to him at a time like this. The worst part was that their first anniversary had been two days earlier and now James was calling for a divorce. How James could do that after spending his school years obsessing over Lily was completely beyond Sirius.

"Shh, Lily, baby, it'll be okay. We'll talk to him together, he'll come to his sense, I promise."

Lily looked up at him and shook her head. "If he doesn't want me then I don't want him to pretend he does. I just, I never thought this would happen to us. We were so happy until a few months ago and I just don't understand what changed."

"I don't either Lil but I'm not letting him do anything until he explains himself."

"No Sirius, you can't." She brushed his hair out of his eyes and stared at him pointedly. "James will think you're choosing me over him and I don't want to be the reason you stop being friends."

"If we stop being friends it's because James is a git."

"Sirius, please, don't."

Sirius sighed heavily and hugged her. "Alright Lily, for you, I won't."

She smiled and he felt his heart stop. It was so unfair, James treating her like this when she deserved so much better, so much more. Sirius felt like a fool, developing feelings for her, his best friend's wife, the one woman he couldn't have. As if sensing his thoughts Lily's eyes met his and he heard her inhale sharply. Sirius felt his heart stop at what he saw there, the indecision, the desire, the love. It was crazy, unbelievable, absurd and a dream come true.

"Lily-"

"Shut up Sirius." Lily stopped thinking the moment their eyes had locked and when he whispered her name something inside her snapped. She reached up and pulled Sirius's mouth down to hers, kissing him hard with everything she felt.

She heard someone moan and wasn't sure if it was herself or Sirius but at this point she didn't care. She didn't stop to analyze her feelings for Sirius, not wanting to think at all. Everything had been completely crazy in her world and Sirius was her constant, her friend, her rock. Lily knew this was crazy, knew it was wrong but she couldn't stop herself, hell, she didn't want to. After what seemed like a small eternity Sirius broke their kiss and looked deep into her eyes. He never spoke, never really questioned because what he saw in her eyes told him everything. They would probably regret it in the morning, probably wish they could turn back time but for now they needed each other and he couldn't tell her no.

He leaned down and kissed her softly, unable to resist the woman he'd fallen for. Even though he knew that he what he was about to do was wrong, he damned James to hell and back for being such a bastard. Sparing that last thought for his best friend Sirius took Lily's hand and led her to his bedroom, where the pair spent the rest of night in each other's arms, indulging in a love that was forbidden.

~IHON~

The next morning Lily returned home to find James waiting for her, looking haggard and exhausted, as if he'd been up all night. He looked up sharply as she stepped through and rushed over to her, gathering her in a rather fierce embrace.

"Where were you? I was so worried."

"Y-you were? James, just last night you stormed out yelling that you wanted a divorce and now you're telling me you were worried?"

"I'm sorry Lily, so sorry. I've been a total prat for months and I don't deserve you but please, give me another chance."

Lily looked up at him, unsure what to do, what to say. Could she take him back? Last night she'd realized a lot of things, mainly that she wasn't so sure she was still in love with James. She looked up into his eyes and saw the fear, hope and love and in that moment, she knew she couldn't give up on him. Sirius had told her to take him back if he asked, even after what they'd shared. He'd admitted that he loved her just as she'd admitted she loved him but they'd agreed that they could never repeat last night, not as long as she remained married to James. It had been beyond surprising when he'd kissed her goodbye and told her to talk to James and try to save their marriage.

"You still love him Lily, so don't give up on him. Talk to him, hell, he's probably waiting for you so he can apologize and beg you to forgive him. I love you, always will, and no matter what I'll always be here for you, remember that. Now go home and beat some sense into him."

Lily swallowed hard, refusing to cry and nodded. "Alright James, one more chance."

He whooped and kissed her, pouring all his love into the kiss. Pretty soon the pair found themselves upstairs, making love like it was the first time. James kept her in bed all day, showing and telling her how much he loved her, how much he wanted her by his side. He promised to get it together and sealed it with a kiss. Lily felt wonderful, elated that her marriage was going to work even if her heart wasn't solely James's anymore. Sirius had been right, she did still love James and it wasn't in her to just let him go. They spent the day in bed, talking, snogging, shagging and just lying in each other's arms, at peace for the first time in months.

~IHON~

That was a year ago and I've never regretted my decisions. Yes, I feel the shame of breaking my vows as I said before but I don't regret what happened between Sirius and I. I got pregnant after that and now I have Harry, beautiful, wonderful Harry. James still doesn't know about Sirius and I and by unspoken agreement it's going to stay that way. Sirius has never asked if Harry's his and well, obviously James won't ever feel the need to. I'm the only one who knows, I had to know, and I'll take it with me to the grave. As far as the world is concerned Harry is James's son and I'll never confirm or deny otherwise. I will say this though, magic is a bloody wonderful thing.

"Not always sure what things called sins may be, I am sure of one sin I have done."