A/N: Okay, so this is my first fanfic with my favourite HP pairing Hr/G. Please review and let me know what you think, but no nasty comments please. Not sure how long this will be yet and I will try to update as often as possible.

Disclaimer: I own nothing HP.

'Hermione, I…' I begin, but I can't get the words out.

I take a deep breath and gather my courage, (well, the little I have anyway) and open my mouth to try again.

Nothing.

I give up turn away from the mirror I was facing to sit at the desk in my room and put my head on my arms.

Great, I think, I can't even say it to a mirror.

How am I going to admit it to her if I can't even admit it to myself? Maybe that means there's nothing to admit?

Sure, keep telling yourself that, my brain repeated for the millionth time.

I groan to myself and wonder how I am going to deal with this. I can't carry on this way. I can't keep 'dealing' with it the same way I have been for the last four years. I'll have to tell her soon because I think my head might explode if I don't.

Just say it. Admit it.

I haven't ever been able to admit to myself how I feel, though I know my feelings have been building for a long time.

Just do it. Get it all out before you lose yourself again.

I raise my head and grab a piece of parchment and a quill to start writing everything I feel down so the words will be somewhere else besides in my head - and my heart. I focus on Hermione's face again and force myself to continue. I spend the next hour getting everything out and onto the parchment. When I finally finish I read it over to admit to myself everything I've been feeling and everything that has been bubbling to the surface for a long time now, just begging to come out.

Hermione,

I'm writing this because I'm not sure I'll ever have the courage to tell you in person.

Everyone thinks its Harry I want, but it's not.

I hero-worshiped him, yes, but only during my first year. After he saved me from Riddle though I began to see him differently, as a brother, and I also saw you differently, as something more.

I saw you at school and I saw you at home in the summer, and…things changed…everything changed.

I made you think I didn't want Harry or anyone else. But it wasn't true. Then I let you think it was Harry I tried to make jealous by being with Michael and Dean. But it wasn't him that I wanted to take notice and to be jealous.

But it was Harry that eventually took notice and I went along with it by becoming his girlfriend – but it wasn't his girlfriend I wanted to be.

But still, I did it for you.

Right from the start you gave me advice on how to get Harry to like me, thinking it was him I pined for. If only you knew. I went along with it as it made you happy. I began dating Michael and then Dean at your suggestion to make you happy. And then I dated Harry because it made you happy.

When Harry called it off after Dumbledore's funeral it didn't bother me or upset me because I knew he'd still be around as the brother I saw him as.

But then you all left to stop Voldemort. You were gone.

Again, everyone thought it was Harry I missed, that it was Harry I worried about, that I cried for Harry and that it was Harry I needed.

But it wasn't.

It was you that I missed every second of every day. It was you that I worried something would happen to. It was you that I cried myself to sleep over every night thinking that if you died I wouldn't even know it. It was you that I needed with me, beside me, to quell my fears and to know that you were safe.

When I saw you in the Room of Requirement that day, when you finally came back…I nearly cried with happiness. I nearly died with happiness. I barely even saw Harry, barely cared that my own brother had followed you in. I only saw you.

After Fred died I didn't know what I was going to do. A piece of me broke apart, began to crumble and fade away. But then, as always, you were there. My light in the darkness. Harry and my family tried to help but they had their own pain to deal with and so they couldn't get through to me. You hid your own pain away and stayed with me every night, holding me and letting me cry. You were just...there for me. You still are. You stopped the pain and because of you the broken part of me began healing.

Now you're back at home with your parents after you found them and restored their memories and I know how happy that makes you.

Before you and I go back to Hogwarts though I have to be honest with myself.

Harry wants us to get back together but I can't. I won't lie and tell him I love him when I know I don't. I won't do that again. Even though I can't be with you, too much has happened for me to live a lie.

I know you love Ron, and I could never hurt him, my own brother, by telling you the truth even if I could make myself be honest with you. Besides, he makes you happy and he would never hurt you, and I can't ask for more that.

But I need to say this to myself even if I'll never say it to you because…I have to be honest, even if it's just with myself.

I love you, Hermione...I'm in love with you…

I've always loved you but I only realised it while you were gone. I never thought I could feel so much pain for one person or fear so much for one person…or feel so much love for one person.

I may never have your love Hermione, but I know that I will always love you, care for you, and cherish each moment I have with you, because…you're my always…and my everything.

After I finish reading I fold the parchment and hide it in the compartment at the back of my diary I keep under my mattress.

'Ginny! Time for dinner!'

I hear my Mum calling me and return the diary to its hide-away spot and head down to the kitchen still thinking about Hermione. Before I enter the kitchen I stop and think about all that I wrote and how true every word is and how I wish she were in my arms right now.

I know she loves Ron and I wouldn't do anything to ruin that, but I know I'll never stop hoping for a way for her to love me, where my brother doesn't get hurt in the process.

Knowing it'll never happen I enter the kitchen and sit down.

But still, I can always hope.

More to come soon!

Again please review and let me know what you think, would be much appreciated! :)