{warning, contains profane, homophobic and sexist language}
Chapter 01 - What a Hella Week!
September 20, 1989
9:00 PM
Sigma Theta Nu house
Inside a large, dimly lit room, roughly 65 degrees, stood a row of college Freshmen. Stripped down to their underwear, with partial blindfolds around their eyes, their knees starting to buckle from standing so long. Two young men in late 80's "Cosby sweaters" yelling insults at them.
"YOU MAGGOTS DON'T DESERVE TO BE NEGANS." - yelled one young man.
Meanwhile, in another room, there sat a 23 year old guy in a leather chair; dressed in attire best described as a cross of an 80's fraternity villain and a biker gang member. A knock on his door.
"Come in" – said the man
"Brother Negan!" - said Brother J'ones, walking into the room.
"Yes, Brother J'ones" - said Brother Negan
"The beers from our beer run have arrived." - said Brother J'ones.
"Excellent. How many did you bring." - said Brother Negan
"120 beers. 70 domestic, 50 foreign. 30 of them are micro-brewed" - said Brother J'ones.
"Excellent work. This will be worth at least 350 points, give or take 30. Good work Brother J'ones" - said Negan
"Now, whats the situation with the new crop of pledges" - continued Negan.
"Sir, we are down to 20. We need to cut 8 more for our final 12" - said J'ones
"Way rad. We're not even halfway through Hell Week yet. Good work." - said Brother Negan
"Ok, mine if I join the party" - continued Negan
"Sure thing"
Brother Negan got up out of his chair, and opened a closet door. A modified baseball bat, with round on one half, and a square flat surface on the other side. Brother Negan grabs the bat, makes his way out of the room and walks downstairs.
The young men are standing, shivering from cold, as the young Negan walks in, slowly circling them.
"Tsk tsk tsk. Oh, so you want to join Sigma Phi Nu you fucking faggots. You want to join to get all the pussy you want. Why?"
"Let me guess"
"Because. You. Can. NOT. Get. Pussy. On YOUR. OWN! You pathetic sacks so shits!" - yelled Negan as he smacked a random pledge in the butt with his modified bat / paddle.
"None of you can get pussy on your own, so you need to join a fucking fraternity to get some. Ain't that right." - laughed Negan
Meanwhile a young pledge started peeing and holding back tears.
"Ok, now, who gets the next one. Heh heh heh" - continued Negan
"Enie" - points to a pledge with the modified bat
"Minie" – points to the next one.
"Miney" - points to the next one.
The next pledge closes his eyes and starts sobbing.
"Moe" - the bat is touching the chin of the pledge's nose, now fully crying.
"Ahhhha ahhh ahhhhhhhhhhh". - said Negan walking away slowly.
"Who the fuck are you, you fucking faggots. WHO ARE YOU!"
"We are Negan, sir" - chanted the pledges in unison, one lagging by a half-second.
"You're not Negan. You don't deserve to be a Negan. You sacks of shit. None of you should be Negan" - pause
"But" - another pause
"Unfortunately," - said Negan, then continued
"I have to let 12 of you in. That means that the 12 least, undeserving, least shitty of you, of the bottom of the shit barrel will get in." - said Negan, sighing
Then, slowly walking towards the lagging pledge. Negan lifted the bat and with full strength swung at the pledge's butt and smacked him. Then smacked him again. And again and again.
"Get the fakoutha here." - pointed with his thumb towards the door.
The pledge falls to the ground as the two young men in Cosby sweaters help him up. They politely escort him out and give him back his clothing, neatly folded.
"Thank you for pledging Sigma Phi Nu, the world's best fraternity. May we wish you the best of luck."
"And then there were 19. Lets call it a day." - said Negan with a smirk