Author's note: Okay, the girls at ncis_espanol (LJ community) have this thing called, "twitter challenge". Each week they choose a word and write something for it. This week it was "Photography". I saw it and the first thing that came to my mind was that picture of Tali, Ziva and Ari that we saw on the show and this little piece came to my mind. Weird enough, I don't think I could actually post this to said challenge, I'm not sure it fit the challenge requirements. Oh, yeah, and there's the fact that I write in english only and the community is in spanish...
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again.
(Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)
(Not) fighting (impossible) battles
The thing about the past is that it happened.
It's a fact.
Everyone has one.
You can try to hide from it, act like it isn't yours, forge a future letting it all behind, cutting all ties with anything related to it.
You can travel miles and miles and thousands of miles trying to leave it all behind, somewhere along the way, but you can't out run it, you just can't.
One thing is for sure, it will always find you.
Sooner or later.
Always.
It might give you a truce and you may think you are safe but in reality, it is just waiting for the right - worst - moment to come back and hit you like thunder.
All of a sudden.
Unexpectedly.
Completely predictable.
She was one of them for a while, one of those trying to achieve the impossible, thinking that where other failed she would come out a winner.
She tried to leave so many things behind.
So many things.
She's fought so many wars she's now familiarized with losing. With knowing when to retreat and no exhaust yourself in lost impossible battles because there will always be another one waiting around the corner. Expecting for you to be weak, expecting for you to surrender, to give up without putting too much of a fight.
If nothing else, she's learned to pick her battles.
The past, her past, isn't one she's willing to stand up to anymore.
She didn't give up, won't ever give up, she simply came to terms with it and did what not everyone is able to do about it.
She accepted it.
And moved on.
Because if anything, she's realistic, down to earth.
There are no magical time traveling machines or devices, there's no wishing being able to undo things done, words said.
There's no wishing bombs that didn't went off and guns that didn't got fired.
(Because it happened, the past is there, and it will always be.)
But there's someone to hold her when she needs to be held, there's a warm body to share the warm with at night, there are friends to make her laugh when everything feels like it's turning dark, there's a box under a bed, filled with photographs.
There are happy moments trying to outlast the bad ones.
And sometimes they are enough.