THE HANGDISTRICTSAVINGBACKTOPRIVATESHREKTHEFUTURE 9 – PART TWO THE THIRD (4)

By Austin Bittner

Normandy in France, 1944; it was when some faggots died. But more importantly, it was when Doc Brown's DeLorean came and struck the Hangover people as they were wandering around in French France. But more importantly importantly, it was when as soon as the DeLorean hit the Hangover people, it just happened to hit 88 mph. And because of that fucking shit, the DeLorean entered another era in time; in fact, it went smack dab into the day of the premiere of Shrek the Third in Afghanistan.

Doc Brown would've been able to avoid driving the DeLorean into the site of the premiere if it weren't for the bodies of Phil, Stu, and Alan blocking his view. With that nigga shit intact, the DeLorean ran into the premiere of Shrek the Third, killing all of the peoples on the ground and the red carpet; including the stars of Shrek the Third; Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, John Travolta, Robin Williams, and its award-winning director, Chris Miller. As soon as the DeLorean hit the ground, all three of the Hangover people's bodies flew off the DeLorean and fucking splattered on the ground and slid across the red carpet. Phil's body coincidentally struck and killed every person at the premiere that wore sunglasses and had awesome hair, Stu's penis ejected out of his body as soon as it hit the ground and it flew into the butt of everybody it hit and came out their belly button, killing them instantly, and as soon as Alan's body hit Mike Myers, they both fucking exploded and died.

"Awwww fuuuuck", screamed Mike Myers before he exploded. But now he doesn't say things anymore.

And as for Doc Brown, he pressed the DeLorean's 'eject' button as soon as it hit the ground, which activated his parachute as well. But as soon as he flew up into the Islamic sky, he realized that he had never built a parachute, and therefore fell back to the ground of the premiere and smacka-dabba on Cameron Diaz. And as soon as Doc landed on Diaz, he realized that the rumors of Cameron Diaz pooping out of her vagina were true, as thick mounds of Cameron Diaz's poop came out of her vagina and into Doc's mouth, killing him and therefore giving him dysentery.

And as for the DeLorean, it fucking struck the giant mechanical turban-wearing Shrek head that was built for the premiere and it caused a giant-as-dick explosion, killing any remaining Shrekees (people who attended the premiere of Shrek the Third in Afghanistan). And before the DeLorean hit the Shrek head, it hit Eddie Murphy, who was in a Donkey costume, which temporarily saved his life before the giant explosion caused by the DeLorean running into the Shrek head ended it milliseconds later. Chris Miller also died, but who gives a fuck?

So the premiere didn't go very good, possibly because everybody who attended the premiere was brutally killed; all but two, John Travolta and Robin Williams. Upon grieving nobody at the premiere, Travolta and Williams realize that since they are John Travolta and Robin Williams, they are going to be blamed for the entire incident. After talking about things, John and Robin came up with Juan idea…

"Let's cut out that cool guy and nerdy guy's faces, wear them, and start new lives", Travolta said to Robin (not the superhero, you fucking idiot).

"I like this idea, John. You're a cool person. Awesome", Robin said to John in his Robin Williams voice.

So they did that. John Travolta and Robin Williams cut out Phil and Stu's faces with a butter knife and wore them. John took the face of Phil, and Robin took the face of Stu; he also found Stu's detached penis and replaced his penis with Stu's, as he was depressed with his current one. After donning new identitties, John Travolta and Robin Williams decide to head to the nearest town available, which turns out to be Johannesburg, Africa; a place that has aliens in it, which was about five minutes away from Afghanistan.

After arriving in Johannesburg, John receives a call from a distressed Tracy; Phil's wife, who asks him where they are, since the wedding of Wikus van de Merwe and his wife begins soon, asshole. Desperate, Travolta decides to make up a place called 'District 9', and tells her about how much they messed up and how much they fucked up. In District 9. Uh-oh. Fuck you.

"I don't care about any of that shit. Just get to the wedding or I'll rip your dick off in your sleep", Tracy quietly said to Travolta.

"Okay", said Travolta.

Travolta and Williams go to the wedding, but since Wikus van de Merwe is still an alien in the District 9, his wife just stands there in the altar. As it becomes clear that Wikus' wife ain't marryin' shit, everybody in the wedding leaves.

As they get back home to Western Southern America, Travolta and Williams talk about how donning new identitties is no walk in the park.

"Donning new identitties is no walk in the park", Travolta asked Williams.

"Donning new identitties is no walk in the park", Williams answered.

Concluding to this, John and Robin agree to abandon Phil and Stu's wives and they get rid of their face masks by throwing them at a gay couple. Taking inspiration from what happened at the premiere of Shrek the Third and their journey from Afghanistan to Africa, John Travolta and Robin Williams decide to work on a brand-new film project that portrayed the events from their point-of-view; Old Dogs.

There are photographs, but they are only a metaphor for my life.

The End