TITLE: Soul Decision
AUTHOR: Brittany "Thespis" Frederick
E-MAIL: baltimorelt@yahoo.com
RATING: PG for language
CATEGORY: Drama, Missing Scene
SUMMARY: She was always asking what more she could do for him. Standing there, she kept asking "What next?" and she never saw herself as not asking the question.
CONTINUITY: The sequel to "Zero Play."
SPOILERS: 4:00-5:00 PM
RECOMMENDED LISTENING: "I Live My Life for You," Firehouse
You know you're everything to me
And I could never see the two of us apart
And you know I give myself to you
And no matter what you do I promise you my heart
I just can't live without you and I want you to know
I need you like I've never needed anyone before
I dedicate my life to you
You know that I would die for you and I would always be with you
There is nothing we can't do as long as we're together
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you
- "I Live My Life for You," Firehouse
It was almost like a dream now that the blood had been cleaned away and the pain had been exorcised – at least a portion of it had – and she stopped short of deluding herself into thinking it was just another ordinary day. As if there were any ordinary days working at CTU, she thought as she gently pushed open the break room door and shut it behind her. She certainly felt less weight on her shoulders, but part of that had been how well her clothes had stuck to her with the blood drying on them.
Jack was waiting for her as he had said he would, sitting on the edge of the break room table nursing a mug of office coffee, looking much better than when they'd stood there talking in the hotel hallway. The haunted look had receded in his eyes, and he looked up from the mug and regarded her with an expression she took to be somewhere between content and tense.
"You feeling better?" he said needlessly.
"I think I'm on my way there," she said, crossing the room to lean against the counter and look right at him. "Talk to me, Jack. You know we haven't got much time."
"I know." He set the mug down on the table. "I appreciate you getting it together like you have, going in there right to Mason's face for me like that."
"No sweat. You know Mason's grooming me to fill the CO Tech position when it opens up in a few months. Big deal."
"I think it is a big deal."
"Oh, come on, it's not any bigger than the other times I've done it, however many that is 'cause I'm not counting any more."
"Yeah, but how many times has he said he can't protect us?"
"He hasn't, but that won't make me change my mind." Liz crossed over to sit beside him. "You don't need to be worried about me, Jack. I can take care of myself."
He shifted, taking both her hands in his own. "That's the thing. You know I worry about you like you were worried about me back there. If I go down for this, I go down. But I'm not taking you with me. I know you stick with me but you shouldn't lose your job over this."
"Well, I'm not going to let you hang for it, either. You think I really like working here that much? I may be good at it but mostly I'm here for you and the donuts."
Jack smiled. "Honestly, if this is going to cost you too much, you can back off. I won't think less of you."
"I'll think less of myself."
They looked at each other for a moment.
"How long have we been together?" he asked her.
"Three years, unless you want months, weeks, days or minutes."
"Don't need them. How many times have you done this for me?"
"I didn't count those."
"Guess."
"Maybe half a dozen. Maybe more."
"Don't you think that's too much?"
"Jack, for you, nothing is ever too much." Liz cracked a small smile. "I care about Teri, I care about Kim, and I care about you. If it cost me everything I've got, I'd do whatever you want me to. You've seen me through a lot. You saw me through all of that with the Hotel L.A. and you know how hard that was. I don't know how many people who can claim to be friends with their boss, let alone have their boss celebrate major holidays with them and check in on them when they're sick."
"Well, I certainly don't know many subordinates who'd sacrifice their lives and their careers to follow me blindly, let alone put up with me in their personal lives." He paused. "That means a lot to me, Liz. Especially right now. And I don't want to lose that."
"You'll never lose it, Jack. I owe you too much."
"You don't owe me anything, Liz. If anything, I'm probably going to be hailing you when we get through this." He smiled genially at her, then let go of her hands and embraced her again, kissing her chastely on the top of her head. He liked knowing she was tangible and she was right there when so many things seemed to be just phantasms today. Resting his chin on her head, he added, "When this is all over, I promise you we'll do something that doesn't remotely involve working."
"Assuming that I'm still awake when we're through." She sighed. "I never should have taken that nap."
"Don't beat yourself up over that. I told you to and it's over."
"Hello, you're speaking to someone with a complex."
"Get over it, then."
"How long have we got, Jack?"
"I don't want to know, Liz. When it's time for me to know, someone will tell me. Right now, for a few minutes, do me a favor and let's forget about it, okay?" He paused again. "I didn't mean to sound harsh."
"You didn't. I'd call you on it."
"That's right, of course you would."
"You're slacking."
"I'm sorry, did you just call me on something?" Jack realized it had been a while since he'd actually laughed at something, but he laughed at her blunt sarcasm now.
"Yes, I did. You're slacking and you should get back in the game. We can still turn this op. We're headed in a direction. It's not the perfect direction but it can still be a workable direction. There. You've just been told."
He sighed. "I'll do better."
"Yes, you will. Mason will help me out from time to time because in his eyes I've earned it. We've earned the right to lose some, Jack. But think about this: Teri and Kim are fine. We stopped one attempt on Palmer's life. We're not out of the woods yet but this has gotten a lot better since we were called in sixteen hours ago."
"There's still … she thought she was going to *die,* Liz. That stays with you."
"I know, Jack. I've got my own set of scars. They don't heal but they do get better with time. And sometimes you can use them to your advantage. If they need someone to talk to, I'm here. I'll walk them through it, day by day, just like you did for me after the Hotel attack." She pulled back to look into his eyes. "We will see ourselves through this."
"Liz…" he started, then faltered.
"What?" she prompted gently.
"I know … I know I've said this before, but you mean more to me than just about anyone else. You're one of the best friends that I have. I don't know what I'd do without you. There isn't a day that I'm not blessed to have you as a friend and as a teammate and as a force of good in my life and the lives of my family. And if you hadn't been there to call me out in the hallway … let's just say I needed someone to ground me again. Now that I'm on the ground, I just want to thank you."
Liz paused a moment, gathering her thoughts.
"You don't need to thank me, Jack. You've done just as much for me as I've ever done for you. You're the reason I'm standing here with this job, with my life together. I've gotten onto Mason's elite list because of what we've done here together. My personal life – well, whatever it is I have – isn't keeping me awake at night anymore. Every time I fall, you're there to catch me. If anything, I've got to be thanking you for picking up the pieces of my life and putting them in some sort of order."
They looked at each other for a moment, their eyes speaking volumes of words that they could not properly articulate. They could talk for years about how they felt about each other and it still wouldn't be enough. They knew it was a hopeless cause to try and put into words what they knew in their hearts. Instead, they merely regarded each other and how far they had come.
"Elizabeth, you are incorrigible."
"I know."
"And I'm right here."
"I know."
There was a barely audible sound over their mutual silence then, and Liz shifted her gaze to look to the door where Milo was standing. "What's going on?" she asked.
"I can wait if it's a…"
"No, it's okay, Milo, I'll be right there. We've got things to do anyway." She stood up, checked her watch and glanced up at Jack. "You've got eleven minutes. Change your shirt."
Jack glanced down. "What's wrong with my shirt?" he said, as if to also say, 'Not again.'
"You've got my mascara on your collar." Liz got up and walked Jack to the door. He squeezed her hand gently. "Liz," he said as she started to walk away, and she turned back. Jack favored her with a smile. "There's no one that can be this for me but you."
Liz smiled back. "Thank you," she said quietly, then added, "I'll always be waiting."
AUTHOR: Brittany "Thespis" Frederick
E-MAIL: baltimorelt@yahoo.com
RATING: PG for language
CATEGORY: Drama, Missing Scene
SUMMARY: She was always asking what more she could do for him. Standing there, she kept asking "What next?" and she never saw herself as not asking the question.
CONTINUITY: The sequel to "Zero Play."
SPOILERS: 4:00-5:00 PM
RECOMMENDED LISTENING: "I Live My Life for You," Firehouse
You know you're everything to me
And I could never see the two of us apart
And you know I give myself to you
And no matter what you do I promise you my heart
I just can't live without you and I want you to know
I need you like I've never needed anyone before
I dedicate my life to you
You know that I would die for you and I would always be with you
There is nothing we can't do as long as we're together
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you
- "I Live My Life for You," Firehouse
It was almost like a dream now that the blood had been cleaned away and the pain had been exorcised – at least a portion of it had – and she stopped short of deluding herself into thinking it was just another ordinary day. As if there were any ordinary days working at CTU, she thought as she gently pushed open the break room door and shut it behind her. She certainly felt less weight on her shoulders, but part of that had been how well her clothes had stuck to her with the blood drying on them.
Jack was waiting for her as he had said he would, sitting on the edge of the break room table nursing a mug of office coffee, looking much better than when they'd stood there talking in the hotel hallway. The haunted look had receded in his eyes, and he looked up from the mug and regarded her with an expression she took to be somewhere between content and tense.
"You feeling better?" he said needlessly.
"I think I'm on my way there," she said, crossing the room to lean against the counter and look right at him. "Talk to me, Jack. You know we haven't got much time."
"I know." He set the mug down on the table. "I appreciate you getting it together like you have, going in there right to Mason's face for me like that."
"No sweat. You know Mason's grooming me to fill the CO Tech position when it opens up in a few months. Big deal."
"I think it is a big deal."
"Oh, come on, it's not any bigger than the other times I've done it, however many that is 'cause I'm not counting any more."
"Yeah, but how many times has he said he can't protect us?"
"He hasn't, but that won't make me change my mind." Liz crossed over to sit beside him. "You don't need to be worried about me, Jack. I can take care of myself."
He shifted, taking both her hands in his own. "That's the thing. You know I worry about you like you were worried about me back there. If I go down for this, I go down. But I'm not taking you with me. I know you stick with me but you shouldn't lose your job over this."
"Well, I'm not going to let you hang for it, either. You think I really like working here that much? I may be good at it but mostly I'm here for you and the donuts."
Jack smiled. "Honestly, if this is going to cost you too much, you can back off. I won't think less of you."
"I'll think less of myself."
They looked at each other for a moment.
"How long have we been together?" he asked her.
"Three years, unless you want months, weeks, days or minutes."
"Don't need them. How many times have you done this for me?"
"I didn't count those."
"Guess."
"Maybe half a dozen. Maybe more."
"Don't you think that's too much?"
"Jack, for you, nothing is ever too much." Liz cracked a small smile. "I care about Teri, I care about Kim, and I care about you. If it cost me everything I've got, I'd do whatever you want me to. You've seen me through a lot. You saw me through all of that with the Hotel L.A. and you know how hard that was. I don't know how many people who can claim to be friends with their boss, let alone have their boss celebrate major holidays with them and check in on them when they're sick."
"Well, I certainly don't know many subordinates who'd sacrifice their lives and their careers to follow me blindly, let alone put up with me in their personal lives." He paused. "That means a lot to me, Liz. Especially right now. And I don't want to lose that."
"You'll never lose it, Jack. I owe you too much."
"You don't owe me anything, Liz. If anything, I'm probably going to be hailing you when we get through this." He smiled genially at her, then let go of her hands and embraced her again, kissing her chastely on the top of her head. He liked knowing she was tangible and she was right there when so many things seemed to be just phantasms today. Resting his chin on her head, he added, "When this is all over, I promise you we'll do something that doesn't remotely involve working."
"Assuming that I'm still awake when we're through." She sighed. "I never should have taken that nap."
"Don't beat yourself up over that. I told you to and it's over."
"Hello, you're speaking to someone with a complex."
"Get over it, then."
"How long have we got, Jack?"
"I don't want to know, Liz. When it's time for me to know, someone will tell me. Right now, for a few minutes, do me a favor and let's forget about it, okay?" He paused again. "I didn't mean to sound harsh."
"You didn't. I'd call you on it."
"That's right, of course you would."
"You're slacking."
"I'm sorry, did you just call me on something?" Jack realized it had been a while since he'd actually laughed at something, but he laughed at her blunt sarcasm now.
"Yes, I did. You're slacking and you should get back in the game. We can still turn this op. We're headed in a direction. It's not the perfect direction but it can still be a workable direction. There. You've just been told."
He sighed. "I'll do better."
"Yes, you will. Mason will help me out from time to time because in his eyes I've earned it. We've earned the right to lose some, Jack. But think about this: Teri and Kim are fine. We stopped one attempt on Palmer's life. We're not out of the woods yet but this has gotten a lot better since we were called in sixteen hours ago."
"There's still … she thought she was going to *die,* Liz. That stays with you."
"I know, Jack. I've got my own set of scars. They don't heal but they do get better with time. And sometimes you can use them to your advantage. If they need someone to talk to, I'm here. I'll walk them through it, day by day, just like you did for me after the Hotel attack." She pulled back to look into his eyes. "We will see ourselves through this."
"Liz…" he started, then faltered.
"What?" she prompted gently.
"I know … I know I've said this before, but you mean more to me than just about anyone else. You're one of the best friends that I have. I don't know what I'd do without you. There isn't a day that I'm not blessed to have you as a friend and as a teammate and as a force of good in my life and the lives of my family. And if you hadn't been there to call me out in the hallway … let's just say I needed someone to ground me again. Now that I'm on the ground, I just want to thank you."
Liz paused a moment, gathering her thoughts.
"You don't need to thank me, Jack. You've done just as much for me as I've ever done for you. You're the reason I'm standing here with this job, with my life together. I've gotten onto Mason's elite list because of what we've done here together. My personal life – well, whatever it is I have – isn't keeping me awake at night anymore. Every time I fall, you're there to catch me. If anything, I've got to be thanking you for picking up the pieces of my life and putting them in some sort of order."
They looked at each other for a moment, their eyes speaking volumes of words that they could not properly articulate. They could talk for years about how they felt about each other and it still wouldn't be enough. They knew it was a hopeless cause to try and put into words what they knew in their hearts. Instead, they merely regarded each other and how far they had come.
"Elizabeth, you are incorrigible."
"I know."
"And I'm right here."
"I know."
There was a barely audible sound over their mutual silence then, and Liz shifted her gaze to look to the door where Milo was standing. "What's going on?" she asked.
"I can wait if it's a…"
"No, it's okay, Milo, I'll be right there. We've got things to do anyway." She stood up, checked her watch and glanced up at Jack. "You've got eleven minutes. Change your shirt."
Jack glanced down. "What's wrong with my shirt?" he said, as if to also say, 'Not again.'
"You've got my mascara on your collar." Liz got up and walked Jack to the door. He squeezed her hand gently. "Liz," he said as she started to walk away, and she turned back. Jack favored her with a smile. "There's no one that can be this for me but you."
Liz smiled back. "Thank you," she said quietly, then added, "I'll always be waiting."