Author's Note: This is totally one of my first fanficitons ever, so try and be a little nice, please? That's not to say constructive criticism isn't welcome. Reviews would be so so so amazing. If not just to know it's actually being read. This is one of my versions of the Degrassi Goes Hollywood Movie, I do not however own anything. Not the characters, setting, some of the dialog, ect ect. I am not that amazing and I never will be. It is Ellie centric, with a lot of Paige.

Her eyes water as she looks over and sees the young man dressed in his military uniform. The flow gets harder to stop as he lifts his small daughter in the air, giving her a big bear hug. Lip quivering as she hears her best friend's words.

"Hey, are you alright?" Marco asked, slightly concerned.

"I'm fine, yeah, the LA air is so dry," Ellie answers as she hides her emotions.

Maybe if Paige didn't just walk up, he would have seen through the act. But then again, he doesn't know what's going on. Going around L.A. was fun for all three of them, for the most part. After the initial excitement of seeing the giant house she would be staying in, Ellie turned to Marco and Paige. "I think I'm going to go take a nap…or something." Marco agreed it would be a good idea, and Paige decided to work on her lines. Neither noticed the shakiness of her voice as she said "or something."

When she got into her room, Ellie started unpacking. Her favorite pjs, toiletries, tons of jeans, a bunch of shirts among other things. Her shirts consisted of mostly three quarter sleeves, a couple long sleeves. One item she found in her bag was from the last time she had used it, having completly forgotten it was there, her old CD case. Slowly she took the zipper and slid it around the outside, as if she was opening some sort of ancient treasure. Inside, near her punk rock CDs, was still her collection of rubber bands, razors and a small xacto knife as well as Band-Aids and things to clean out her old wounds. She had been bad at dealing with things, not stupid.

A million thoughts raced through the red heads mind as she saw her supplies for the first time in so long. Her head swimming in memories.

"Ew, Ellie you're bleeding"
"Oh yeah, I..I hit my arm on the..thing"

"Ellie I saw."
"I hit my arm; I'm going to file a complaint with the janitor."
"Bull"
"Pardon me?"
"Why would you do that to yourself? Does it feel good or what? Look, okay, I totally get that you don't wanna talk to me but.."
"My arms fine"
"I'm not talking about your arm, you need to talk to someone like Ms. Sauve or"
"All I need is for you to leave me alone like you normally do!"

"Look I don't care if you get mad, what you're doing is dangerous, okay, it's scary."
"You can't handle it, you have to take away the one thing that matters"
"What are you talking about?"
"You want my co-op job"
"I don't care about the stupid job you're hurting yourself! This is beyond me, I don't know how to help you but Sauve will"
"I don't need help!"
"Then show me your arm"
"There's nothing wrong with me!!"
"Then show me your arm! Ellie, Ellie please. Show me your arm"

"I guess it was the only pain I could control"

"I thought you stopped cutting"
"I did, I, I just didn't wanna leave it there. I wouldn't lie to you about this"

"Pick one mom! Knife, razor,"
"What are you doing? What is this?
"What's best for me mom, because if I stay here I'm gonna do it again. You're making me do it again"
"Ellie,"
"This is what it costs; your drinking made me cut myself"

"Craig, I used to cut myself, and what's bizarre is that I'm always gonna be a cutter, even if I don't do it for years its still me"

It's been so long, years since she last used a sharp object against herself. She stopped using the rubber bands when she moved in with Marco and Paige. She has come so far, but like she said she will always be a cutter. Its part of her, it's in her blood. So maybe that's why she did what came next. She took a brand new razor, sucked in a lungful of air, and with only an addict's precision, made a brand new line of crimson on her recently clean skin. Beads of red bubbled up and spilled over the tiny slit in her skin. One wasn't enough; she added one more for every thought of everything that has gone wrong, everything she felt was her fault. By the time she was too exhausted to continue she had bloodied at least four towels. She flopped on the bed after cleaning up, her arms looking like they did when Paige caught her in the bathroom years ago. It had been so long, and although she should have cared about destroying years of progress she didn't. It had been so long, no one would notice.

She woke up early, added a few new cuts to her collection and threw on a long sleeved black shirt. Getting herself some breakfast she hoped her two friends wouldn't notice the long sleeves, considering L.A. was hot compared to Toronto. Lucky for her she was the first up, she grabbed some food and her book, plopped her feet on the counter and started reading. It wasn't long before Marco and Paige came down to practice the blonde's lines.

"You slept a while, you okay El?" Marco asked as he grabbed some orange juice

"Yeah, fine. Just jetlag I guess" she replied, lying through her teeth.

It was a good thing for Ellie that Paige was too self obsessed at the moment to question her, instead she went to the store to get some bacon for Paige. She had a major awkward moment when she ran into Craig.

"You look good"

"Yeah, clean and sober for a year now"

I wish I could say the same

She looked in Craig's eyes as they parted ways, and for just a second she thought he saw through her façade. He smiled and turned. Guess not. They would never guess haven't cut since 10th grade Ellie. They would never notice, which isn't a bad thing, right?