Disclaimer: I think after you read this you'll know just WHY I don't own any such fantastic story or set of characters.
J.K. Rowling stood in one corner of the ring. She paced back and forth, threateningly twirling her wand between her fingers, but keeping her eyes on her enemy. George Lucas stood in the other corner of the ring with his light sabre ready in his hand. JRR. Tolkien was in the center to referee. He raised his hand, counted down from three, and brought his hand down swiftly to signal them to begin their battle to the death.
Lucas raised his light sabre, but didn't do anything right away. Instead, he stood in shock when, rather than using a spell, Rowling charged at him, screaming nonsensical words and began jabbing her wand into his stomach, seeing as she was untrained in how to use it properly. Lucas lowered his sabre, confused, as she continued to poke and yell and poke and yell. He looked at Tolkien, who just shrugged. Finally, realizing how very bruised his stomach was going to look if this continued, Lucas raised his light sabre and brought it down on Rowling, slicing her into two even halves. Tolkien blew his whistle and raised Lucas's hand in the air, pronouncing him the winner.
Suddenly, millions of HP fans, realizing that there would be no fifth edition to the series now that Rowling was in half and her writing hand was detached from the half with the brain, swarmed into the ring and began to devour Lucas. Tolkien walked away triumphantly.
LET IT BE KNOWN!!! I have nothing but the utmost respect for Rowling, Tolkien, and Lucas, and may Rowling and Lucas live long happy lives and may dear old Tolkien rest in peace.
THERE NOW that was gruesome. And let me tell you, it took a lot out of me to right that MASTERPIECE OF A STORY so take a few moments to send me your thoughts on my beautiful work. Come on…come on don't be bashful…review! Go on! and thank those select few who already did. when I become Ruler of the Universe I will make sure you recieve a great many jelly beans. :o)