I just finished season 2 of The Hour and it destroyed me so here have some feels. (P.S. theres an odd line about red. Bel was wearing red ok? good) I apologize for typos.
He remembers that night in bits and pieces. Rough shards that stab and cut. Everything open, everything bleeding. The air was too sharp on his face, in his lungs. The grass impales him. Even his clothes feel like they are gouging him.
All the senses crying objections and it becomes a haze. A cloud that obscures logic and reason. Maybe that's how he managed to walk all the way to Lime Grove. Someone sensible would have called for an ambulance but he has no sense he just had her.
Her.
He can't even say her name. If he said her name maybe they would go after her. They would find her. They would hurt her. But he needs her. His need pierces him deeper than all the rest and it resonates in every cell of his body. He wants to cry and to be held and he wants her but he can't say her name.
Oh Money…Miss Moneypenny. Words must come since they are all he has and that is the only word that comes. The only word that matters.
By the time he reaches the lawn the word dances circles in his mind. There are no other words left.
Moneypenny
It escapes heavy lips like a tired sigh. There are footsteps soon followed by voices. Gasps and more words but they mean nothing and they are far away. Only one voice penetrates the fog.
"Freddie!" like a siren call he has to answer. He has to respond. It takes effort just to open his eyes but it's worth it. There she is. All red and blonde and blue eyes and shouting at him. His face smiles but his body regrets it.
What is she saying? What is she screaming? She is shouting at him and it sounds ragged.
He can't understand. She is too far away. Suddenly he panics. He needs to understand her. Her words are important. She is shouting for him and he has to answer. Maybe he tries to move or reach. He can't do it and now hands are holding him down.
"Don't move Freddie"
"It's ok Freddie"
But it's all too much and those beautiful eyes are covered. She has her hands over her face and her shoulders shake. And he is scared and so tired. He wants to understand but the darkness is pulling at him. He tries to reach for her again. Does his arm even move? She must see because she grabs his hand and holds it to her chest. Now at least his hand feels warm. That's the last thought he has before unconsciousness pulls him far away.
The rest comes to him in pieces. Time passes but he has no sense of it. Voices plague his dreams but he can't seem to match faces to them. Names mean nothing but he still dreams about Moneypenny and those blue eyes.
The first time he wakes up he sees a tired older woman. She is leaning out the window smoking a cigarette. Her hand shakes and her cheeks are wet. He wants to say something to make her smile but then he is gone again. He didn't even notice She was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room. She jumps up when his eyes opened but by the time she is beside him he has gone again.
The second time he awakes there are voices. Soft whispering words. A man stands at that same window with sagging shoulders. A pretty woman with dark hair is holding his hand and speaking. He puts a hand to his forehead and looks defeated but he musters a smile for the woman. And then there's Her. She is sitting beside him crying but without a sound. Freddie wants to ask why but the darkness pulls him in again.
The third time he wakes up he sees her. She is asleep by the side of his bed and a man sits beside her reading the newspaper. He notices Freddie first and grins.
Freddie sees the smile and tries to smile back but suddenly he feels like he has forgotten how to smile. Hector. His name is Hector.
Then Freddie's eyes are pulled back to her. Hector's still smiling as he gives her shoulder a nudge and then stands up. Freddie hears him walk out and shut the door but he doesn't see as his eyes remained riveted on her. She stirs slowly and lifts up her head. Her eyes are red rimmed with dark circles. Her hair is tangled. She looks beautiful.
Bel.
His lips form the word but nothing comes out. Her eyes focus on him. On his mouth, on his face, his body. She bites her lip as her eyes fill up.
"Freddie" she says his name and it sounds like poetry. He smiles at her and she starts to cry again.
"Bel" He tries to speak but only a croak comes out. Her hands flutter to her face as she stands and gets him a cup of water. The tears are still flowing as she comes back to him and puts the straw in his mouth. He gratefully sucks down some fluid and she puts the empty cup away. Now they can only stare at each other. He watches the tears fall and tries again.
"Bel" He loves saying her name. Now he tries to reach her. He wants to wipe away those tears. He wishes he wasn't the reason for them. Although at the same time, knowing that she cares this much makes him feel stupid and giddy.
He realizes he can't make his arm work enough to reach her face. His shoulder aches the moment he tries to move it.
Maybe she sees him move or maybe she sees something in his face but it makes her stop and take a deep breath. Then she wipes her own tears away and his smile widens even though it hurts him to do so. She takes another look at his face and looks away shaking her head.
"You stupid, stupid boy."
"You know that's my best quality," he rasps and her lips twitch. Now she faces him again and he can see it in her eyes. The fear, the pain. Will her eyes always look at him this way? He loved the way she had looked at him after that kiss. There was love and amazement and maybe even joy. Now she looks at him as though even her gaze could break him.
"Come here" He says and he manages to tap the bed beside him. Another ghost of a smile as she stands up. Very gently she scoots him over the slightest bit and he manages to not visibly wince. It's worth it though.
When she lies down beside him so warm, so alive, it's worth it. He turns his head to look at her. She is staring at him and biting that lower lip. A hand gently brushes his cheek and he smiles again. Pain be damned.
She smiles back and this time is a full smile. The sight of her smile is what pulls him in. Like gravity he Is sucked into her atmosphere. He wants to move to kiss her. He tries but everything hurts too much.
Thank goodness Bel understands these things. Her smile widens as she leans over and gently places her soft lips to his. When she pulls back Freddie thinks he may never be able to stop smiling.
They lie there and stare at one another. It's a moment that seems to need no words and lasts forever. Finally Freddie feels sleep pulling at his eyelids again. She sees it too.
His eyes begin to shut but he forces them open and finds some words. They are clumsy and fearful but they will do.
"Will you stay?" he asks and she smiles at him
"Of course." And with that he can sleep peaceful feeling her warmth beside him.
Later the sleep would be less peaceful. Visions plaguing him behind closed eyelids. Memories and imaginings mixing together into horror. Screams claw at his throat as his body fights the sheets. There are no words, only fear. But then he hears her. Her voice cuts through the fear and the pain.
"Freddie" When he opens his eyes she is still there, and warm beside him.
"Thank you Moneypenny," he murmurs and she smiles. Her presence scatters the demons of sleep and allows him to have peace again.
Um please tell me if it sucked...or you know...didnt...cheers!