One Bad Birthday

By PepsiAngel

Disclaimer: All the characters and the plot belong to J.K. Rowling, as does a lot of the dialogue. I made up most thoughts and feelings.

Dedication: This little story is dedicated to the talented Rachel (Twix). Her sidesplitting story, Heir of Aphrodite, put me in a good enough mood to type this up. You should all go read that story, as soon as you have read and reviewed mine. ;)

Dudley Dursley's eleventh birthday started out just fine, he woke up later than usual and the sun was shining. This was especially good news because his mum and father had planned a day at the zoo for him.

He strolled gracefully, okay, more like ambled, into the kitchen. Harry was fixing him a plate of bacon and egg, he was happy to see. Meanwhile, he had slowly, very slowly, added up the presents and there were only a mere-

"Thirty-six," Dudley spat and looked at his parents in disgust. "That's two less than last year."

"Darling, you haven't counted Auntie Marge's present, see, it's here under the big one from Mommy and Daddy."

He had to add this up in his head, which made him feel a bit dizzy. Thirty-six plus one, what could that be? "So, I'll have thirty…thirty…" C'mon brain, work, he thought. At least he knew it is more than thirty-seven… or maybe less.

Luckily, his mum felt she had to come to the rescue. "Thirty-seven, sweetums." She then promised to buy him two more. He just gave her his regular half witted remark and began to tear into his nearest parcel.

His father made comments and Harry watched silently, probably too jealous to speak, as he ripped gift after gift open. As far as presents go, this was not his best year but it was decent. The greedy boy unwrapped a racing bike, video camera, remote control airplane, sixteen new computer games, and a VCR and was in the middle of opening a gold wristwatch when his mother came back.

"Bad news, Vernon," she said. "Mrs. Figg's broke her leg. She can't take him." At first, Dudley could not remember who Mrs. Figg was for the life of him. But soon it hit him; she was Harry's babysitter.

"Now what?" Petunia was almost begging for an answer.

Vernon tried, "We could phone Marge." Dudley almost laughed out loud at that suggestion, but he knew better so he stifled it. Aunt Marge despised Harry just as much as Mr. and Mrs. Dursley did.

They continued and he started to sweat, but just a little therefore Dudley did not smell. Harry couldn't possibly come with them, of course not. His parents would never allow that to happen.

But this is just what they were going to do though, Dudley could tell because they had run out of options. He began to cry loudly, only he was not really crying. It had been years since real tears had fallen but if he screwed up his face (even more than usual) and wailed, his mother would give him anything he wanted.

"Dinky Duddums don't cry. Mummy won't let him spoil your special day. She promised and flung her arms around him, as far as she could.

He grinned nastily at Harry and fake sobbed some more. Then the doorbell rang and it was his best friend, Piers Polkiss, and his mother. Piers, a thin boy with the face of a rat, walked in. Naturally, Dudders stopped the loud, artificial howling.

* * *

Harry had ruined the day from the beginning, Dudley's bacon was too burnt that morning, but he put on a brave front for Piers. It wasn't normal for young Potter, who was like a not so glamorous Cinderella, to get any treats (unless you counted doggie snacks) but he had two ice creams and it was Dudley's birthday on top of that!

It wasn't until after lunch that they made the biggest mistake of the mishap filled day. This mistake, of course, was the entering of the reptile house. Dudley and Piers immediately headed for the largest snake in the place, a Brazilian Boa Constrictor.

They got bored with the sleeping snake quickly and, after Vernon had failed to wake it, they left. Harry and the snake began were, frankly, conversing when Piers looked back over.

He shouted for Dudley and Mr. Dursley and Dudley waddled over. Dudley knocked Harry to the ground and the next thing he knew the bloody glass had DISAPPEARED.

"Oh my…Mummy!" Dudley could be heard hollering.

The large reptile slithered away, destination unknown, to most anyway. It had nearly bitten off Dudley's leg and almost squeezed scrawny Piers to death, or so they claimed.

"Harry was talking to it, weren't you Harry?" Piers asked excitedly once they were safely on their way home.

This promptly resulted in Harry being locked up like a prisoner in the cupboard, Mr. Dursley being hopping mad, and Dudley needing serious comforting from his mum for hours.

"He's crazy, Mummy, and he wants my blood! He won't stop until I am dead," Dudley would insist repeatedly.

For days, our innocent and beloved Dudley feared his death was just around the corner, not to mention the lifelong emotional scarring he experienced. As well as rapid weight gain due to stress, something Petunia tried to convince herself of. This was not a very good theory since he was fat before the incident too.

After all this, his eleventh birthday definitely qualifies as one of his worst.