Someone once said "red flags just look like flags through rose colored glasses." but I had no idea what that meant when I met you. All the signs were there, but your sweet nothings and empty promises wrapped around me like a cage. You got me a bracelet, you said. The chain was so you were always close to me, you said. Now I know it was so I couldn't get away. That's alright though, at some point the blame stopped getting put on you. The cage you had me in, had the key inside all along. The chain you hold me with was made of my own insecurities. The rose glasses I wore I had hand crafted to hide your flaws. Luckily, she saw through all of that.
"Hey, you ready to go?" Bonnie's voice echoed through the dungeon that was your house. The couch I sat on felt more like a jail cell I wasn't allowed to leave.
"I'm not sure I should go. He might come home today." I tried to hide how my hands shook by clasping them together. Of course, she notices anyway.
"You know, you're allowed to have a life without him. He isn't everything there is in the world. Besides, you promised." She took one of my hands and laced her fingers between mine. Pulling me towards the door without thinking twice about it. It seemed unfair, without raising a hand or her voice, I was more than happy to do whatever it was she wanted. With you, I had defiance, but with her there's not a bone in my body that could say no.
We went to the movies, and she never let go of my hand. When we sat down, she rested her head on my shoulder. For a couple of hours I could forget you existed. On the way home, she made fun of phoney science and the way conducted labs. She smiled at me like it was the most natural thing on the planet.
"You should stay the night. We could watch movies!" She looked up at me with big puppy eyes. There was no demand anywhere on her face. Just joy and and that smile she always has on.
"We just watched a movie, dork" That did nothing to waiver her, though.
"Pleeeeeease?" she squeezed my hand for emphias. "You don't not listen to another song because you just listened to one." I rolled my eyes but it was sound logic. We were gonna swing by your place so I could grab clothes. She came in because 'sitting alone in the car was weird.' While I was around the corner, she was in the kitchen. On her tiptoes reaching for the top shelf. Her midriff exposed as she stretched with all her might. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself as she struggled. I hadn't meant to set a hand on her waist for balance when I reached up for the cup behind her. Nor I had I meant to totally invade her personal space, but she didn't seem to mind either. She turned so her back was against the counter, looking up at me. Her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. I felt frozen, my feet suddenly cinder blocks holding me in place. The sound of my heart rapidly beating in my ears made it impossible to think. Her hand had grabbed the hem of my flannel, keeping me from moving. Her other hand had reached up to my cheek, thumb brushing against my lips. The gap between us had been painstaking. She must of thought so too, because she was back up on her tiptoes, closing the gap between us. I melted into her lips, wrapping both my arms around her waist. Her teeth against my bottom lip made knees week. When I pulled back her eyes were searching mine. Looking to see she crossed some kind of boundary. My heart was in my throat, panic started to settle into my bones. What had I just done? What if you found out? What would you do to me? What would you do to her?
"I'm sorry." It came as a whisper as she pushed me away. "I must of misunderstood." The waver in her voice broke my heart. Her back was to me, but I could hear the tears streaming down her face. She filled a glass of water and chugged it, taking a steadying breath before turning back around. A watery smile plastered on that didn't reach her eyes. "We can pretend it never happened. If you don't wanna come over I get it. I can give you some space or."
"Bonnie," I tried to keep my voice calm. "You're rambling"
"Yea, I guess I am." her fingers were intertwined instead of laced into mine. A pang in my chest made me want to reach for her hand but the thought of you stopped me.
"I'm sorry, Bon, I'm not sure what to say. I guess I just need a minute to wrap my head around this." Out the corner of my eye I could see the picture frame with me and you in it. You had all of my stuff, your name was on the lease.. I loved you, didn't I? Why did any of that matter if I loved you. She took my hand and brought me back to reality, a knowing look on her face.
"I get if you don't like me like that, Marceline, but please tell me all this hesitation isn't over him?" The floor was easier to stare at. Did I want to leave him? Her finger under my chin made me look at her again. "It is, isn't it? Hes awful. Honestly what is it that makes you stay?"
"He has all of my stuff, Bonnie." the words were coming weather I wanted them to or not. "His name is on the lease, if he knew I was leaving he would destroy everything I own. I would have nothing, and no where to stay."
A look of determination now settled on her face. I could almost hear the gears turning in her head as she worked through her plan. "Is that the only reason you stay with him?" Her eyes searching mine for any hint of a lie. Not that I could ever lie to her. I nod, scared my voice would betray me. "I'll help you find a place, help you slowly get your stuff out of here. So he doesn't notice."
"Bonnie⦠even if I do leave him, I don't know if I could handle another relationship." A smile made its way back onto her face, her eyes rolling at me lightheartedly.
"That's a whole other thing that can be talked about decades from now. First and foremost we need to get you out of here." I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Do you still want to come over?" the question was hesitant. Worry laced in her voice.
"Yes, dork. We kissed, not fucked calm down." Blood now rushed to her face.
"Marceline, that's distasteful." She lightly smacked my arm. "I purpose we get a bag of stuff out now, and it can just hide in my closet till we find you a place."
That was almost three years ago, now. You no longer rein control over me. Bonnie and I have been dating for 8 months, almost, and I'm happy as hell without you. I just thought you would like to know how your perfect world came tumbling down.
