A/N: Because someone loves you.
Disclaimer: Don't own DeathNote or Three Days Grace...but I do own Honoka. (hehe.)
Summary: This is not my home, I think I'm better off alone
Home
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She was broken; like a toy that had been dragged through the mud and thrown around for an entire childhood. She felt like her insides were melting away and there was nothing left; there was nobody. Everything was gone. Nobody cared. No one was home. She was an empty shell, just waiting for a purpose...
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He couldn't help but feel his own heart break whenever he would hear her scream out with sobs from the depths of her room. He leaned against the wall, sighing. He lifted his head and watched the ceiling. He could hear ever little noise she made, every gasp for breath, every whimper, every beg for forgiveness. His face seemed to swell up with rage, knowing the only thing that could make her that unhappy were those terrible thoughts of her father...he could still see that scar that lingered on her neck, a bright pale color etched into her skin...
"Stop...! Please, stop..." the wall was like paper, and sound traveled right through it. Each time, he felt another set of butterflies bump and fly and tingle in his stomach, making him feel nauseated. All he wanted to do was open that door, step inside, hold her until the pain went away...but he knew that she would hate him for that; for making her feel so weak. She could take care of herself. She was strong. Her dad didn't matter anymore...
"M-m-mello...i-it hurts," Snap. He felt his entire system crumble, from the inside out. He felt sick, wrong, and hurt. She needed him...but how could he? He knew she wouldn't want him to. He felt it in his gut, gnawing away at him. Before long, the whimpering got louder and the cries became desperate.
"God, please, Mello...make it stop..." everything about that sentence made his bones tingle and his face turn red. The doorknob felt cold in his hands and his mouth was dry. 'I don't need you, or anyone! I'm strong enough now!' The words jumped around in his brain, but he pushed it all aside and took one long step into the frozen bedroom where Honoka sat, sobbing into her sleeve on the lumpy comforter drapped on her bed.
"Hono," he cooed softly, taking a few more steps so he could reach out and feel her; know she was real and close. She gave in; gave into everything she stood for and cried like a little girl who just saw a horror-like nightmare. She latched onto the blonde, screaming into his shirt. He stomach was wet with tears, but nothing else mattered...
I'll be coming home just to be alone
I know your not there and I know that you don't care
I can hardly wait to leave this place
No matter how hard I try, you're never satisfied...
And she walked out the door, into the pouring rain...
"Honoka! What are you doing?!" Mello screamed out the front door, chasing after the rain-soaked girl who was heading for her car. She glared over her shoulder, stopping in the middle of the driveway.
"I'm going!" She yelled, leaving a vague feeling of confusion on Mello's face.
"Going...? Where?!" he called over the sudden clap of thunder. Honoka didn't even squeak, facing him with bravery.
"I'm going away. Going home," she replied coldly, setting down her bag onto the cement.
"Home? What 'home'? I thought you said this was your home!" Honoka snorted with laughter.
"This? My home? This is not. my. home. You know what, Miheal? I think I'm just better off alone," she snapped, shoving her finger into his chest. He felt his broken heart dangle by a tread, barely together any more. His face was red and he felt the need to throw up.
"...Honoka...please. Don't do this. You're not just hurting youself, you're hurting me!" During the middle of his sentence, she had swifty picked up her bag and began down the driveway once more. He called to her over and over. She never stopped...
You always disappear even when your here.
This is not a home, I think I'm better off alone.
It was weeks later...and suddenly, his entire house felt empty. No matter how many items he tried to shove into his apartment, it never felt full. It never felt complete like it had when Honoka was there...
It was dark. There was no light. She was the light...
It was cold. There was no heat. She was the heat...
It was lonely. There was no love. She was love...
He slipped into her old room, his eyes falling on the lumpy comforter. Without any real thought, he shoved his face into the sheets, looking for any sort of scent that she may have left behind. It smelled of her...it felt like her warmth against his skin...he began to sob...
"H-Ho-Honoka...please...why? I need you...I want you so muchsomuchsomuch," he slammed his fist against the warmth, his mouth dry once more. He made more incoherant sentences and pled to God to bring her home to him. Now he felt empty. Like a shell. Without life. Without purpose...his insides felt frozen and his lips quivered. It took so much not to just breakdown on the floor, so he made an alternative; he shoved his teeth into his own skin, breaking it until blood rose to the surface. His face was red, and so was the drops that spilled from the canvas of his pale skin. He needed medication to make it all feel okay. He needed a drug to calm him down. His teeth sank even deeper so that they were touching his veins. He wanted to cry, but each time he would only bite harder and harder.
"M-miheal...?" Her voice was cracked, filled with something so sad. His eyes were now open and wet. He couldn't handle it anymore. His knees buckled and he broke down. He became a pile of flesh on the floor, making noises that he had never heard before. He remembered how her warm hand felt against his hair, the way she smoothed it out and told him that it would all be okay. That she would make it better.
But the one thing he would always remember was: "I'll never leave you...this can be our home. I can't go out on my own. I need something; I need you,"
This is not my home
I think I'm better off...
A/N: So...it was rushed. I'm sorry. I just wanted you to feel better, Hono. Know that I'll kick Darby's arse and make him pay. No matter if that boy doesn't love you, know that I always will. Smile. Humor me. You are my jungle lover.
Home is by Three Day's Grace.