Toris blinked, green eyes adjusting to the increasingly dim light in Alfred's basement as he made his way down the stairs. America had called him earlier last week and informed him that he had begun cleaning out his storage room for the first time since he had left. He joked about forgetting to eat for hours, so caught up in his memories when he was down there, and Lithuania immediately knew that there was a lot of truth to the statement; he always had to remind Alfred to sleep and eat when the man went down there. If he didn't, Alfred wouldn't be seen for days. Luckily, there was at least a bathroom down there, so Toris didn't have to worry about the American forgetting to go.
Lithuania had organized a surprise trip to America simply to make sure that the blond stayed healthy while he did it, and when he arrived he found Alfred hunched over an old dictionary, half asleep and with a growling stomach. He knew he had been right to come. He fixed Alfred some soup, sent him to bed, and when he woke the next day, Toris gave him a mug of coffee and six granola bars. He reminded Alfred that he would be checking on him hourly.
Now was one of his hourly checkups. It was four o' clock, so Lithuania had brought down some sliced carrots and ranch dressing as a snack before he prepared dinner. As he expected, America had left the granola bars untouched even though Toris had urged him to eat them at three, and the mug of coffee from that morning was only half gone and perched on an unopened box, cold and neglected. Alfred was in the corner of the room gazing intently at a book that had papers sticking out at odd angles.
Lithuania approached him and smiled softly. "Mr. America," he said softly, watching the blond's head jerk up. "I brought you a snack."
"Huh? Oh, geez, has it been another hour? Dude, you were just down here like, a minute ago. Are you trying to psych me out?" He laughed.
Toris set the plate on the floor and then gently situated himself on the ground beside Alfred, leaning against the wall. He picked up an antique pillow from the ground and placed it behind him for cushioning, then picked up a carrot and bit in. "I think I will stay down here for a bit." He decided with a smile. He wanted to spend some time with Alfred, and on top of that, he wanted to make sure the man ate something.
Alfred pulled out his phone to check the time and his eyes widened. It really was four! He unlocked it and texted something pointless to Ivan, gloating about having Lithuania make him snacks, and then set his phone down. He placed his hand over his phone, unaware that the movement had caused his hand to switch from his text messages with Ivan to his with Arthur.
"Alright, that's cool. Whats up?" Asked Alfred as he reached forward and grabbed a carrot. His other hand swiped across the screen as he moved forward, shifting Alfred's phone from Arthur's messages to his contact information. As he settled back down and bit into a carrot, his hand came down on the phone again and, unknowingly, he called Arthur.
In England, it was midnight. Arthur was still up knitting when his phone began to vibrate. He picked it off the coffee table (which he called a tea table, because coffee be damned), and blinked when he noted the time. It was a little past 12! America was lucky he was still awake at this hour, or he'd get an earful.
Arthur answered with a sigh. "Yes, America?"
"Nothing, I suppose. I would like to ask you something, though."
Was that Lithuania speaking? Why would Lithuania be calling him?
"Hm? What is it?"
"Shoot."
Alfred's voice. What was going on? Was this some kind of bloody prank? Why, that little wanker!
"What is that?"
"Huh? Oh... Um, it's some old maps... From the French and Indian War, actually." Alfred answered.
Arthur's eye twitched. It was called the Seven Years' War! Damn American... Although, it was odd to him that Alfred would have those; he didn't remember giving them to Alfred or anything of the like. And why would Alfred be looking at them even if he did have them? Was he cleaning out his storage again? God, the last time that happened, America had missed a World Meeting. Arthur was glad Toris had came to keep an eye on America.
"I'm... Not familiar with that."
"Oh, um... Basically, it was this war that England, France, and some other dudes fought over my land. It was, like, a really long time before I was a country of my own and stuff. I mean, France and England fought over some other colonies and stuff, too, but, y'know. I only really know stuff about what happened here."
"They were fighting over you?"
"Um, yeah. 'Cause like, I was so cute and stuff when I was a kid. Heh, those two oldsters never stopped fawning over me back then." Alfred chuckled.
Arthur's eye twitched. He had hoped Alfred wouldn't remember how gushy he had been back then whenever they had came in contact. It was slightly embarrassing how much fighting he had done for the mysterious little boy and his land.
"So what happened? Who won?"
"Um, well, there was this deal thing, and England gave Spain and France some territories and then the original thirteen colonies were developed. At this point I was already living with England and stuff. I mean, he won me over long before that whole deal got settled. We'd been together for a while. Honestly, I think France and Spain were jealous. But, yanno. It wasn't that hard for either of them to recover. France had Canada, Spain had Romano... And England had me. Everyone got their own little family."
Arthur couldn't help but smile at the words. He was glad to know America wasn't demonizing their history the way he did in public. When he spoke about the revolution aloud at meetings, he spoke about Arthur like he was some kind of demon who had terrorized him.
Arthur realized he was listening in on what was clearly an accidental phone call as he muted his microphone, but he didn't exactly care. He wanted to hear America tell their story the right way. He set his half-done scarf aside and lay down, putting the phone on speaker and setting it on his lap. He closed his eyes and listened to America continue.
"You know, England said he was my big brother, but when I was little I always thought he was my dad." Alfred laughed and Lithuania gave a soft chuckle. "I mean, he didn't really raise me at first; I was raised by my native culture, but... Um, actually, this was pretty terrible, but when he took me back to England, he told me really bad things about them. Basically that they were monsters and stuff. I feel bad about it now, but... I guess that's just how he justified taking all their land. He said they were, like, demons and shit. Pretty fucked up. But I was young and I believed him. I even had nightmares. I was a little kid, so I'd be all crying and stuff and he'd come get me and just kinda hold me. He used to sing me this lullaby."
"Do you remember it?"
"Huh?" Alfred asked, as if he had forgotten Lithuania was there. Arthur wondered what his expression was.
"Do you remember any of it?"
"Well... Yeah, some." Replied Alfred a bit bashfully. "Not the lyrics, though..." After that, he began to hum the tune. Arthur barely noticed himself singing along in a whisper tone.
"It sounds nice."
"Yeah... It was. But after a while it started to annoy me. Like, once I was a teenager and stuff. My colonies were getting all angry and stuff and so was I. 'Cause, like, in 1764, he did this thing that really pissed everyone off back home. I was still in England during all this. He did this Sugar Act thing, like where all this shit had all these dumb taxes that nobody liked. And I was all angry and I told him that but he told me it was for the best and that he needed me and I believed him so I guess I chilled out for a while there. 'Cause, y'know, I loved him a lot and stuff. But then in 1764 he did this other stupid thing."
Arthur growled. He had not done anything stupid at that point! Bloody Americans! The Currency Act was a damn good idea—all of their confusing, made-up money was completely irrational!
"What was that?" Lithuania asked. There was a crunch. He was eating something.
"Well, the colonies had this whole money system going, see. And then England was all like 'fuck that shit, us British dudes can't understand you 'cause we have small brains, so, like, here's this new money that you're gonna use instead and if you don't like it just shut up', and I was like 'um, what the fuck, England? Everyone liked the money and stuff, why do you have to be so rude?' But he was like, 'shut the fuck up. You're just a kid, what do you know?' And I was super freakin' pissed."
Arthur wanted to turn on his microphone and start hollering at Alfred. Didn't he understand that his currency system was much too confusing and that he had only been trying to help? And it wasn't as if Arthur had been trying to undermine him or treat him like a child; he just hadn't wanted America to have deal with such complex things! Although, as he thought about it... He hadn't really paid attention to Americas feelings on the matter at the time... Though he certainly hadn't told America to 'shut the fuck up', as the younger so eloquently put it. He settled back down as America began to speak again.
"So, I was all angry and shit, and stuff was getting real. My homies back in the colonies, they were pulling some mutiny shit on England like a buncha champs, but he was all pissed about it. So, in 1765, he did this Quartering Act. He also did the Stamp Act, but what I was really pissed about was this whole Quartering thing. Basically it means that he was sending all these British soldiers out to the colonies to like, stalk them and stay in their houses and stuff. 'Cause he was all pissed that everyone was pulling all this mutiny stuff, even though it was like, some total underdog hero stuff happening and I totally think England should've been like 'dude, you're amazing' to me."
"So what happened after that?"
"He repealed the Stamp Act. So all my dudes were like, 'hells yeah, bitch!' But then he enacted the Declaratory Act. But, like, everyone was really distracted by the whole Stamp Act dealio, so no one really noticed that this whole Declaratory Act he did was some major bullshit! I mean, it basically said that England had full control over the colonies and I had nothing. He wouldn't let me read it, y'know, 'cause he didn't want me to be mad, but I found it and I was pissed as hell. I mean, he was being such an asshole! I'd been telling him for so long that I wanted freedom and instead of listening to me and giving me some control, he takes it all away with the Declaratory Act and just kinda is like 'screw you, you're my little kid and I can do whatever I want with you so just goddamn deal with it.' So that was in 1766."
Arthur couldn't hold back the yell that left him that time. "I was trying to keep you! I didn't want you to leave me, damn it! Why can't you see that I did it because I wanted you to stay?! I wasn't trying to confine you!" He yelled into the phone, though he knew Alfred couldn't hear him.
"...I don't understand. I think he was just afraid you were leaving him."
"Well... I didn't think of that, but... It doesn't matter, 'cause he didn't listen to me. He was just an asshole, yanno? He didn't even care what I had to say anymore."
"Oh... Well, did you care what he had to say?"
There was a long pause. "I... I guess... not. Geez... I didn't even think about that."
"Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
"Nah, it's cool. I've been ranting for way too long anyway." Alfred chuckled.
"Er... I actually want to hear the rest... Is that okay, Mr. America?"
"Oh, um, yeah. I'll totally tell you more about my epic fight! Let's skip ahead a few years. So, like, in 1770, in Boston, there was this whole Boston Massacre thing. Basically, it was this street fight between some colonists and some British soldiers. It was so unfair, 'cause my colonist badasses had nothing, and the British dudes had guns. The killed a few of my dudes, it totally sucked. And, you know, I really took the hit. I was in bed for days. Not only was my ego bruised, but since it was a really big thing around there, I actually got sick and was in a lot of pain. I think that was one of the first times I actually saw Arthur regret it. He was with me every second, he took care of me. I think I really opened up to him again. I remember... I was supposed to be asleep, and he came in after going to the bathroom, and he walked over and he pushed all my hair outta my face and something wet hit my cheek, 'cause he was crying and stuff. And he said he was sorry. I was awake, but I pretended I wasn't so he wouldn't be embarrassed. It really shocked me that he apologized, you have no idea."
"When I woke up like, three days later and I felt better, he was so happy. He was always mad at me around then, and it was the same for me, but... When I told him how much better I felt and I stood up without falling a second later, he hugged me so tight I couldn't breathe. And he was all teary-eyed and pretending he wasn't, and he kissed my forehead and told me how glad he was that I was feeling better, and he joked that I could finally get out in the fields and do all the work I'd been skipping while I was sick." They both laughed, though Alfred's fell short and he let out a heavy sigh. "I forgot how much I loved him until then. I forgot how much he loved me, too. But he cried. He didn't want what was going at my place to affect me. I thought about that all the time. That he cared about me, even though he did some bad stuff. He loved me. Maybe my people and his people didn't love each other and sure, we got angry, but... Arthur and I, we loved each other."
Arthur felt his eyes burning at the words. He had never known America had been awake during that; he hadn't known America even cared about those few days. Arthur had treasured them, kept them close with him. Moments like that between him and his golden boy had been scarce for a long time, and when he finally had one he clung to it. He had no idea Alfred had clung to it as well, had thought about it long after and still carried the memory with him today. He was sincerely touched in that moment. He had never known America to be so sentimental; at least not when it came to him. Arthur had tried to bury those memories, still was, and would never talk to anyone about them; but here Alfred was, telling Lithuania some of his most private moments in the war.
"Was it over then?" Asked Lithuania, breaking Arthur from a daze.
Alfred laughed. "It as just beginning! Another few years after, there was the Boston Tea Party. Basically, all my dudes were so pissed off about all this taxation and stuff, yanno? 'Cause Arthur's taxing the hell out of sugar and tea, and we're like, 'fuck that shit!' So some really cool people got together and they basically just started throwing all the tea from some ships into the harbor. Arthur was so mad, man. When we heard about it, we were together. That was one of the first times I think I saw something other than disappointment before then. But I was really happy when I saw that paper, man. So he was all royally pissed and shit, and he was like 'America, don't you fuckin' dare pull something like that again. I'm gonna do some mad stupid shit to you now.' Just like that. Like, exact words."
"Ah... Really? That doesn't sound like Mr. Britain..."
"Okay, so maybe it wasn't EXACTLY like that, but... I mean, that was the gist of it. And then he pulled these Intolerable Acts out of his ass."
Arthur sputtered indignantly. He had done no such thing! They were the Coercive Acts, not the Intolerable Acts, for starters! And they were meant to keep HIS people in line. They were his colonies and his settlers. Didn't they appreciate where they had came from, who had made everything they'd done possible? Didn't they care at all for the one who had brought them up from the ground?
...Didn't America love him anymore?
"Why were they intolerable?"
"Well, 'cause they were, like, really restricting and stuff. America's entire thing is freedom, but England... I dunno. I was still just a baby to him. He wanted to keep me holed up in Britain with him and just depend on him for everything, I guess. So he did this thing where the ports in Boston got shut down, and he also did one where punishing suspected rebels was legal and stuff, and then this one where they picked all the government officials, and THEN he pulled another Quartering Act out, and finally there was the Quebec Act. This all went down in 1774, and my dudes were like, ready to raise Hell. So they did this awesome thing, the Articles of Association. Which means we totally backhanded England by stopping all trade with him."
"Oh, man, I remember the day he found out. I laughed in his face for like, a minute before he actually stopped stuttering. His face was so red, I thought he was going to explode. And I seriously thought he was going to kill me for a second there, so I stopped laughing and then he started laughing that was really funny or something, 'cause he realized that even though my people weren't afraid of him, I was. So he decided I wasn't allowed to hear any more news about the Revolution until it was over. I was so angry at him, I threw a vase at his head."
Lithuania gasped. "What did he do?!"
America chuckled on the other end, though Arthur could tell he wasn't amused with what he was about to say, he was amused with Lithuania's reaction.
Arthur was glad Alfred hadn't left out the part where he had started the fight that came next, even though he always hated to think about this. God, he would always regret that...
"He turned around and he laughed right back in my face. 'Cause, you know, he was Great Britain. He was probably stronger than I am today. You could've thrown a car at him and he would've been fine. But the thing was, I didn't stop there. I got even angrier because he was laughing at me, so I did something that I regret a lot. He had this old relic from Francis sitting on the table in a glass case, a hairbrush, one from when they were both really small. This was like, way, way long ago. And he really treasured it. So I opened up the glass case and I chucked the brush right at him. It hit him in the chest and fell on the ground, and it broke. He wasn't laughing anymore."
"So what happened?! Did he throw something back?!" Lithuania asked. Arthur and Alfred both chuckled, amused at how engrossed the man was in the story. "
"Well, see, being the little asshat I was, I didn't even stop after that. I started taking book after book off his shelves and I was chucking them at him like crazy. He just kinda stood there and looked at the hairbrush for a long time, and then he turned around lightning fast and snatched a painting off the wall. See, when I was a real little kid, like ten, he used to give me allowance. And I hired this painter to paint us together. And he took this knife in his pocket and he cut an 'x' right on my face. I don't think I'll ever forget what he said."
"What did he say?"
"'This picture is useless, because you're not a sweet, caring little boy anymore. You're a dirty, weak, collection of colonies that will never become anything.'"
Arthur winced. Those had, more or less, been his exact words. Lithuania gasped.
"I don't think he meant it, but dude, by that point we were both so angry, we didn't care. I was screaming at him about how much I hated him and throwing things at him like crazy, and he threw the painting somewhere, I dunno. I don't have it. He probably got rid of it."
Arthur frowned. "No I didn't, you idiot. I treasured that painting. I had it restored. How could you think I would throw that away?" Arthur turned on his side and put his face in a pillow, but continued to listen while he sniffled.
"The whole fight was my fault. But finally, I ran over and went to grab something from a high shelf, and I ended up climbing it. He was just standing there, looking at the brush and the painting next to to each other on the floor. His hair was all in his face. You know, England had long hair then. Actually, we both did. He'd always tie it back and stuff, but it was night so his wasn't. I was climbing the shelf and I got to the top where this old toy solider was, one of the ones he made for me, and I threw that at him and said I hated his soldiers. He caught it and he looked at me and he was like 'America, this isn't my soldier but yours!', and he broke it in half."
"So then, I was really, really angry, and I was crying, but I guess I stopped throwing things at him and instead I just kind of curled up on top of his giant shelf and laid there. I thought he was going to yell at me or something, but he didn't, 'cause the shelf had started to tip and he didn't care about the fight anymore. Even though he was so angry and I was pretty sure he hated me, when I started to fall, he caught me and made sure I was okay. And I was still crying when he set me down, and he checked me over to make sure I was fine, and he left. Man, I think about that all the time. How I tore apart that entire room, full of all his memories and stuff, and I was trying to hurt him physically, but this entire time he didn't even try to hurt me like that. He saved me when I was in danger. He was better than me. I don't understand it, but he was still looking out for me."
"Well, what happened then?"
"Um, like, way too much to retell. But what's important is that on the fourth of July in 1776, my Congress adopted the Declaration of Independence. Also, Betsy Ross, she sewed the first American Flag. Dude, I still have the exact flag. It's so cool, right?" Arthur could hear shifting and knew Alfred was displaying the flag.
Oh, how much he had despised it; Arthur hated everything about it. When he had received word of a new flag, and had held one in his hands, he had been shaking and he ripped into shreds before America's eyes. He had tried to stop him, but America was weak and small. He was easily shoved off. Arthur burned all the other copies America had.
"It's lovely, Mr. America." Lithuania said.
"Yeah... Do you want to hear more? God, I must be boring you so much."
"N-No! I want to know how you won!"
"Well, I had some help. In 1778, France started helping me out. He hated England so much, he wanted to spite him. And, well, maybe he saw something in me... I can't say for sure. Either way, he did a lot for me. I'll always love him for that, y'know. He actually invested time and money into me..."
"That's wonderful, Mr. America."
"Yeah..."
"So, what happened? When did you win?"
"Well, the Constitution was signed in 1787, but I was with Arthur until 1788."
"S-So... Why...?"
"Well, I didn't have a choice. I was his until 1787. And then, it was just that I didn't have a ship util 1788. But... Before that, I dunno. Even if I wanted to go, I couldn't. I belonged to him. I had no choice. But... We did have that big battle, when my troops were moving in. It was all rainy and we were both uniformed, and he could have shot me. We would have lost if he did that; my troops would have had to ask him for medical attention because we were getting so low on supplies. And I knew his plan was to force surrender on me; because the French troops Francis and I had, well, they wouldn't do well with their leader behind enemy lines. But... He couldn't. He couldn't shoot me. So we left, and we won. It was awkward the next week when I came back to the house, but he didn't even get out of bed. I saw him all but twice for the rest of that year, and when I finally left we had had three conversations, all of them about who was going to get some more food. It was always him. He always wanted to leave me after that. He couldn't stand to look at me anymore, I guess. It hurt, but obviously I get it. He hated me. He was disgusted with me after what I did to him."
Arthur shook his head. "That's not true," he sniffled, "it wasn't you I hated, it was me. I hated myself for letting you go. I loved you! You meant everything to me, damn it! Couldn't you see that I did everything not because I wanted to confine you and control you, but because I wanted to be with you? I needed you in my life... You were my precious colony! Why was that so hard to understand?! Why couldn't you open your bloody eyes and see that I only kept making more and more rules because you kept breaking them all and leaving me behind?"
Alfred had already begun talking again by then. "-and when I finally left, all I had from him was a note that said 'goodbye.'"
"Wow..."
"Yeah... But he got revenge in 1812. He joined up with Canada and burnt my capital to the ground."
"That's terrible!"
"Yeah. I fucking hated him for that. I was in bed for two months in like, terrible pain."
"That's very tragic..."
"Yeah. It was. But that's our story."
"There's nothing else?"
"Well, I saw him once, when—" There was the noise of a button and Alfred yelped. Arthur jolted.
"Whoa, what the fuck? I'm on a call. Wait... Arthur?!"
Arthur's eyes widened as he rolled over. Shit! He should've hung up sooner! He un-muted his speaker and gulped.
"Erm... Hello, America."
"Dude, what happened? Did I dial you by accident or something?"
"It appears that way. You must learn to—"
"Woah, what the hell? We've been on a call for, like, twenty minutes! Hold up... Have you been listening to all this?!" Alfred cried.
"Well... Yes. But don't be angry! America, the things you said about us were—"
"Seriously, England? I can't believe this! I said all that thinking I was only talking to Lithuania! You're a freakin' asshole, yanno that?!"
"America, please! I've never heard you speak of the revolution so honestly and I just wanted to—"
"No! Fuck you!"
"Mr. America, calm down!" Lithuania suddenly cried.
There was a clattering and Arthur frowned. He heard loud footsteps fading out. "America?" He asked hesitantly.
"Mr. America went upstairs." Said Lithuania's soft voice. "I should go make sure he doesn't break anything else... Goodbye."
"No, wait!" Arthur cried hurriedly. "Will you talk to him for me? Please, I... I know it sounds completely idiotic, but I really am grateful for what he said! It was—for the most part—a very thoughtful, honest retelling of our history and... He should know that I remember it just as well as he does, that every memory he treasured of me I hold just as close to my heart."
Lithuania sighed. "Well... I could try. But you have to be honest, Mr. England."
"Of course." Arthur promised.
"I will encourage him to speak to you at next week's World Meeting."
"Thank you, Lithuania."
"Goodbye." Said the man on the other end.
Arthur watched as the call ended and sighed, looking at the time. It was a little past one in the morning. He exhaled heavily and snatched a blanket off the arm of the chair, pushing his phone off the couch and onto the carpeted floor. America's words still swimming in his head, he turned off the lamp and laid down to rest.
Walking into the World Meeting on Monday was Hell. He'd gotten little sleep since he'd heard the phone call, and despite numerous attempts to contact America, the boy had completely ignored him. This guilt was exhausting! Damn Alfred and his ability to twist Arthur's emotions like this! It was incredible that Arthur still felt so deeply about their past, but for Alfred to have such a strong grip on his heart even after all these years! How dare the American still have so much power over him?
The Brit gulped, clutching his briefcase tightly in a pale hand as he made his way over to his usual assigned seat beside Alfred. He sat down, trying his best not to look hurt when the American pointedly turned his head away. Arthur could practically feel Alfred's hand clenched around his heart, twisting it mercilessly.
Despite Arthur's inner turmoil, the meeting progressed smoothly. Everything was exactly the same as usual; everyone ended up fighting, though Arthur refrained from engaging in any fight with Francis, no matter how bloody obnoxious he was being. He had to save his energy for his talk with America. If he knew one thing about the man, it was that he could never talk calmly when he was upset about something. He either didn't speak at all, or he went on an enraged rant.
Finally, the meeting was adjourned for the day after Turkey had sustained his second black eye and Greece had been dabbing at a bloody nose for ten minutes, the two still being physically restrained by the German brothers. Nations filed out in various states of disarray, but Arthur stayed firmly planted in his seat. When Alfred made a move to stand, Arthur grabbed his shoulder and pushed him back down into his chair. He wasn't as strong as Alfred, but he did possess a bit of superhuman strength as did all the nations, and he hoped Alfred would at least stay and attempt to listen.
The American gritted his teeth, turning his head just enough to glare at Arthur. "What?" He growled in a tone that made the Brit shudder. He hadn't seen Alfred so angry in a long time.
The last two nations filed out, leaving them alone. Arthur gulped.
"Listen to me," he began calmly, but couldn't get anymore out before Alfred had interrupted him.
"Fuck off. Don't touch me, don't talk to me." Alfred shoved his hand away and stood up, but Arthur grabbed his arm and wrenched him back into his seat again.
"I'm going to talk to you, damn it! You need to hear this!"
"I don't need to hear anything from you, okay?! And you don't need to hear anything from me, either!" Alfred shouted, his temper rising even quicker than Arthur had expected.
"Yes I do!" Arthur insisted.
"You heard enough from me the other night! I'm sure you got everything you needed; you finally know how I really felt! I finally admitted it wasn't all your fault! I don't want to stay here and listen to you gloat about it, so fuck off!"
"I'm not going to gloat about it, you absolute plonker!" Arthur shouted.
"Then what do you want?!"
"I want to apologize, so shut up and listen!"
Alfred stopped for a moment, gazing at him with wide-eyes. Then, he shook his head, a humorless laugh bubbling up. "Whatever. I knew you just came to make fun of me."
"I'm serious!" The Brit cried. "Alfred—I've never heard you speak so openly and so truthfully about the war! I've never heard you address how you really felt about it like that! I only eavesdropped because I needed to know how you really felt about it!"
"Why now?! You wait two hundred and some years and all of a sudden you want to know how I felt? I tried to tell you how I fucking felt and you didn't care! You still don't care! I could tell you how I really feel, but I know you'll just laugh at me! You don't really want to know, you just want to make fun of me!"
"I've always cared! I know that what happened between us was awful, but don't you dare try to tell me that I didn't care about you! Every waking minute of my day for years was taking care of you, and when you started to break away, I couldn't handle it! All of those Acts—everything I did—I was just trying to keep you with me longer." Arthur had rehearsed this fight in his mind a dozen times, working to control his emotions, but in the heat of the moment his throat constricted with sorrow and, damn it all to hell, his eyes were stinging.
Despite his embarrassment, Arthur was relieved to find that Alfred was similarly affected.
"I don't want to talk about it, okay?" Alfred began, taking a deep breath before he continued. When he started again, his voice was much calmer and Arthur marveled at his ability to hold himself together. It had truly been such a long time since they had last talked about their feelings, and he hadn't realized how good the younger had gotten at controlling himself. "You know how I feel now. You know why I did what I did, and even though I know it doesn't seem like it, I get it, okay? I get why you listened in on me and Toris. But that doesn't mean I think it was right, and I don't forgive you for it. You could have just asked me if you really wanted to know."
Arthur looked down. "I know what I did was wrong and I really am sorry! I-I know what I should have done but... I-I was scared." He admitted, looking up. He let his eyes meet Alfred's, even as the stinging began to create tears that welled up at the rims of his eyes.
"Scared of what?" Alfred tried to bite, but most of the fire had been drowned out by the watery quality of his voice.
"That you wouldn't want to! That you would laugh in my face! Or that you would tell me it was too late to try and be a family once more, to have that kind of bond! I didn't want to face rejection!"
At this, Alfred let out a little laugh and ran a hand through his hair. "You always shove your emotions down, dude." He seemed more relaxed now, and Arthur's large brows furrowed in confusion.
"Why are you laughing, you git?!" The Brit huffed, frustrated. He hated to be left in the dark, unaware of what other's thought.
"It just seems so obvious." Alfred said with a smile.
Arthur didn't return the favor, instead fixing his former colony with a harsh glare that Alfred knew meant 'tell me what the hell is going on.'
"It's so obvious that I miss our relationship too. I thought you were the one rejecting me! Come to find all this time we've just been playing footsie! I'll always think of you as my... My..." Alfred flushed and looked down then, unable to get the word out of his mouth.
"Father?" Arthur finished in a whisper, afraid to say the word for fear that Alfred would immediately deny it.
Instead, the pair of beautiful blue eyes he adored so much looked down at him, his brows knit together and his shoulders half shrugged, an awkward half-smile stuck upon his face.
"Yeah," the American responded softly.
At this, Arthur let out a huge sigh of relief. "And I'll always think of you as my son." He said with a joyous smile, opening his arms embracing the American.
Alfred chuckled a little, patting his back. "Thanks, old man." He replied contentedly.
Arthur grunted and rolled his eyes, pulling back after a moment. "Now, let's talk, shall we?" He asked as he straightened out his uniform green jacket.
Alfred nodded. "Yeah, man. Let's talk."
Together they walked out of the meeting room, both hearts lightened considerably and both minds excited for the future.