Controlled Chaos

A/N – This is a joint story between InLoveWithAFairytale and TheHeightOfAwesomeness. (Shameless plug to go check out our other stories!) So, read and review!

Emmett's POV

"Uncle Emmett, can you open the door, it's Jake" screeched Renesmee from upstairs. I wondered why she wasn't coming down herself – she normally hurtled herself towards the door when ever Jake came over. Alice was probably giving her yet another makeover. I shuddered; never would I let Alice anywhere near me with eyeliner again, even if Nessie begged me to. Who was I kidding? Of course I would let Nessie get her own way. She may be the physical age of 16, but boy did she know how to throw a hissy fit. My eardrums have never been the same since.

I ambled slowly over to the front door, where Jake stood outside in a pair of dark jeans.

"You could have at least put on a shirt," I said, faintly annoyed.

"Do I tempt you too much for you to handle?"

I wrinkled my nose at him. "I could do so much better than you, mutt."

"Believe that if you want," Jake smiled.

"You should try putting a top on once in a while though – not everyone enjoys looking at your 3 pack" I retorted, annoyed that he was starting to rival me in the 6 pack status.

Jake smirked, "Scared of a little competition, bloodsucker?"

"Go sniff Paul's ass, pup!"

"Go get a tan, anaemic boy!"

"Come on boys, take it down a step." Bella had walked over, placing one hand on each of us, presumably to stop us. Yeah right, like that would stop me. I backtracked. Yes, yes it would. Stupid freakish newborn strength…

I grinned at Jacobs retreating back as he waked into the kitchen where everyone else was. Bella pushed me (I would never get used to this) into the kitchen as well, when I heard Edward mutter to Bella, "I would feel a lot better about this if he wasn't half naked."

She slapped his arm. Ha! "Renesmee's 16 now, she can date if she wants to."

Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Well, technically she's 8 months old, you know."Bella gave me the evil eye, before mouthing "You're not helping," at me.

I wandered away from them to where Rosalie and Alice stood with their heads together, whispering and giggling. When I got closer they immediately stopped staring at Jacob. Jealously raged through me and Jacob noticed. "Don't beat yourself up man; girls always go for the hotter guy!"

"Exactly. Guy. So where does that leave you dog?"

"If that's the case, where does that leave you leech?"

"Don't even start this, 'cos you know that you're going to lose."

"Oh yeah? And how are you going to win?"

"Easy! Vamp, super strong, six pack. Oh, and hot!" Emmett checked each one off with his fingers.

"Don't forget totally Gay. I mean come on man, eyeliner?" Jake added.

I wiped my face and grumbled dejectedly, "Nessie made me."

"You're more in touch with your feminine side than I thought!" Jasper sniggered, appearing from nowhere.

"Yeah, I guess Rose hates that!" Edward laughed. I growled at them, about to lash out, when Rosalie leaned over and whispered, "You still rock my socks, babe."

That's my Rose.

I childishly stuck my tongue out at Edward and got him rolling his eyes at me in return. What? I thought. He shook his head and left the room, probably to find Bella.

I turned back to Jake, and said, "You, me, outside now." The only reason I wasn't staying inside is because Esme would kill me. Or make my life hell for the next half a century if I broke anything.

"Sorry, but you're not really my type."

I growled at him, before Nessie came running into the room and stood protectively in front of Jake.

"No! Uncle Emmett!"

"Nessie, hun, move out of the way. Jake and I just have to sort a few things out."

"No!" she screamed, pouting.

Edward and Bella came rushing into the room. "What's going on?" Bella asked, worried.

Their presence didn't stop me. "This is war, Chihuahua. Woof woof!"

"Chihuahua? And you did NOT just bark at me," Jacob snarled.

"Well, it's a hell of a lot better than licking you!" I chuckled.

"This is so much more than a war, Dracula, this is a massacre!"

"Oh my god, I know that look" Alice whined, taking one look at my face. Her own face became vacant as she saw flashes of what I was planning.

"Emmett, what are you thinking?" Rosalie moaned, annoyed to be left out the loop.

"A huge, explosive, mind blowing idea!" I beamed.

"Which is ...?" Jacob asked, also looking annoyed.

"Can you not take a hint, mongrel? Explosive!"

"We are not blowing anything up. Do you not remember what happened last time?" Edward winced.

"What happened last time?" Bella asked, looking unnaturally interested.

"I accidentally blew off Edwards eyebrows!"

"Wha-t?" Bella choked, while Jacob barely managed to stifle a laugh.

I could see Nessie looking over at Jasper, her eyes pleading with him. Just like always she won her battle, even though I was pretty sure Jasper would have intervened with Bella's temper anyway.

"Uncle Em and I were helping Rose out with the Jeep, but I got bored so Emmett decided to do some chemistry experiments, but it sort of went completely wrong…" Renesmee trailed off, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

"Jasper reattached them" Rosalie chuckled.

Bella looked incredulously over at him.

"I've encountered a lot of strange injuries in my time." At this Bella looked stricken.

"What do you mean?" she asked, her face still a picture. Where was my camera when I needed it?

"Let's just say that some things are better left unsaid." He hastily concluded, taking one look at Edward frantically shaking his head.

Bella still looked a bit annoyed, then all of a sudden, her anger came raging back.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU LET AN 8 MONTH OLD NEAR EXPLOSIVES?" Bella shrieked, loud enough to make everyone wince, and to make Jake stop laughing.

"I thought she was 16?" Not even I could resist the temptation of a chance to make her eat her own words.

Bella's murderous glare broke as Nessie finally looked up, "It was my idea, and I begged them not to tell you. Sorry mommy."

"It's okay baby, just don't lie to me again," Bella marched over to give her a hug.

"Right, back to this mind blowing idea?" Jacob said in-between hiccups.

"You had to remind him didn't you?" Rosalie sighed.

"Paintballing!" I grinned mischievously.

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