The Best of Everything – Epilogue part 1

Mending a Broken Man

When pain and suffering end, so then ends life – author unknown

Spencer looked in on Aaron. He was still asleep, but he was shaking and whimpering in his sleep. Spencer slipped into the bed beside him. It had been three months now since the horrific case with the UnSub now dubbed 'The Collector'. Aaron was slowly recovering under Spencer's care, but he suffered from dreadful nightmares, and needed to have Spencer with him when he woke. Spencer curled around him, pressing himself against his lover. He felt Aaron tremble.

Spencer understood nightmares. He'd had his own terrifying dreams that ripped into his life. But it was new to Aaron. And the visions cut into his waking hours too.

Aaron clutched at Spencer's hands and pulled them against his chest. Spencer knew he was crying again, his body shaking. Spencer nuzzled his face into Aaron's neck, kissing him gently.

"It's ok, Babe. You're safe now. Wake up Babe..."

Aaron woke with a cry. Spencer hugged him tight as the shaking subsided.

"It's over, Babe. I'm here for you."

Aaron turned over to look at Spencer. His face was tear stained and pale. His dark eyes bright with tears.

The doctors all said he was suffering from PTSD. That awful case, coupled with Haley's trial seemed to have drained the life out of him.

Spencer took Aaron's face in his hands and kissed his trembling lips.

"You're safe. It's ok."

For a moment he looked deep into the clear pools of Spencer's eyes, wishing he could escape the anguish that hung around him like some awful creature, sucking all the good things out of his life.

His fear was now that he would lose Spencer too. He would not survive without him by his side.

Spencer was the only thing that gave him a connection with reality.

Aaron put his arms around Spencer and held him tight. "I don't know what I would do without you, Spence." He nuzzled into his auburn hair and breathed his scent. It made him think of summer days and happy times. He wasn't sure if they were real memories or just imaginings. All he knew was it had been a long time since he had felt like that.

"Spencer," Aaron said without moving away, "Can we go somewhere, just us two, where there are no people, where nothing can hurt us or separate us"

Spencer pulled back just enough so he could see Aaron's face. It wasn't the first time Aaron had said this.

"Babe, nothing will separate me from you. I will not move away from beside you. You are safe here; I promise I won't let anything hurt you."

Spencer could see tears once again well up in those lovely dark eyes. He felt a pang of deep distress and sadness as he remembered how the team used to rely on this man for his strength. Now he was enwrapped in the darkness of the terrible memory of what that man did to him, and how close he had come to a dreadful death. Each time he closed his eyes he relived it, when he slept, he dreamed it.

Spencer knew what that was like, but somehow, people had understood when it was him, and had allowed him healing time. With Aaron it was different. The team were finding it hard to come to terms with the knowledge that Aaron had been broken by this experience. A broken Aaron Hotchner wasn't in their range of understanding.

Not for the first time, Spencer wished he could find Gideon. He would understand. He would know what to do.

"Aaron, lay down for a little while. I'll go downstairs and get us a drink and your meds." Spencer watched as Aaron lay back on the pillows. He kissed him lightly, and brushed his fringe to one side. His hair was getting long, and Spencer loved to push his fingers through it. He smiled at his best friend in the world, and Aaron flickered a smile back, but it never reached his eyes.

Downstairs in the kitchen, Spencer switched on the espresso machine. While it made the coffee, Spencer called Garcia.

There wasn't any tension between them any more. They both had recovered from their short love affaire, and moved on. Spencer was relieved.

"Hey Sweet Cheeks! Lovely to hear that unique voice of yours again! How are my favourite pretty boys today?"

Spencer considered briefly how much he could tell Garcia. Out of the team members, she had the most understanding nature. But he didn't want to alter her perception of Aaron as the stoical strong team leader. Of course she knew he was ill, but he didn't see the need to say anything that could undermine him. It was going to be hard enough anyway.

"Garcia, I need you to something for us. But I need it to be between us, if possible. Obviously, if you are asked what you are doing, or if you are putting your job on the line, of if ques..."

"Baby Cakes, you're rambling!"

"Uh yes, sorry." Spencer pulled himself together. "Garcia, I need you to find Jason for me. Can you do that?"

"If he's on the planet, Pretty Boy, I will find him. Auf weidersein!" and she was gone.

Spencer hoped he was doing the right thing as he poured the coffee. He took a Harvest Bar form the cupboard for Aaron, and tipped out his medication onto his hand.

Two pills. Aaron hated having to take them. Spencer sighed.

It's not forever, Babe, only until you are better.

But Aaron had no patience with himself. It was taking too long for him...

He thought he had been away from Aaron for long enough. He poured sugar into his coffee, stirred it so that there was a minimum of grit at the bottom, and took the cups upstairs.

Aaron was lying on his front, hugging the pillow. As Spencer got close, he saw that he was crying. Aaron hadn't seen Spencer come back in. He had become good at crying silently, Spencer had found him doing that a lot recently. He put the cups down and sat on the bed. He turned Aaron to face him, and Aaron threw his arms around Spencer and buried his face in Spencer's hair.

"I'm s-so s-so-ry Spence. I'm so s-sorry!" He sobbed and cried, his body shaking with grief. "I've le-t you d-down..."

Spencer held him close, feeling the dampness of his tears in his hair, and the desolate heaving sobs, wishing he could make the hurt go away. As the tears abated, and shaking became less, Spencer pulled away and brushed the tears from Aaron's face.

"Aaron, Babe, you have never ever let me down. You have nothing to be sorry for." He kissed Aaron's salty cheeks, and ran his fingers through his damp hair.

He hoped that Garcia would come through for him. He needed help.

Holding Aaron close to him, he could feel his heart beating as if it were his own.

"We will get through this, Babe. Together, we will get through this." And he rocked Aaron in his arms until he fell into an exhausted sleep.

Confucius said, "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."