Once upon a time, there lived a man. A Terrifyingly Manly Man, who's living state of Perpetual Grime inside his Manly Cave-Hole was so great, it had become a thing of pure legend in most civilised societies of its time.
This Terrifyingly Manly Man also had a son; a Super Awesome Manly Son, and the two were know far and wide as the Manliest Men who ever did dwell in the Caves. But their fame was not without its down side, and as rumours of their Manliness travelled past their borders and into lands where trees grew and animals were born with eyes, they began to get some persistent (and unwanted) guests.
"Greetingth, Terrifyingly Manly Man," a looming, black hooded rider at their cave-step hissed quietly one dark afternoon. A slow, evil menace oozed out of his very essence. "My Mathter witheth to thpeak with thou."
"Yer whatta wha'?" Terrifyingly Manly Man pronounced in angry confusion. "Speak up! I canno' unnerstan' yer hissin!"
But the looming figure could not so easily shed his speech impediment, and the Terrifyingly Manly Man could not control his temper. After a heated conversation filled with many humorous misunderstandings, Terrifyingly Manly Man finally managed to get rid of his irritating guest, and sent for his Super Awesome Manly Son.
"Commere, Super Awesome summin summin," he grumbled around a mouthful of beard and stone. "Tha' rider witha lisp is makin' me grrr again, an' I dun wanna listen ter summin an' a grottle burgle no more!"
Super Awesome Manly Son nodded gravely, a look of deep pain on his grotty little face. "I unnerstan' father," he said, fisting a crusted hand over his heart. "I shall take it on meself ter go an' do summin wit summun else who'll do summin abou' it, or summin."
"Yarg," said Terrifyingly Manly Man. "I'll come witcha." He broke off a piece of rock from the walls surrounding him, and chewed on it thoughtfully. "Dat elf guy wit dem Eyebrows, he'll know watta do."
And so they set off. Coincidentally, everyone else in the entire world also went to Dat Elf Guy Wit Dem Eyebrows' house that afternoon in search of answers. Unfortunately for everyone in the entire world, Dat Elf Guy Wit Dem Eyebrows didn't know squat. Summin and summin else, and there was a Big Flaming Pupil or summin, and it lost its ring, which it was really upset about. The details were largely ignored by everyone present.
It was eventually decided however, that this Big Flaming Pupil was somehow linked to everyone's separate problems, and that they should all do something about it. Terrifyingly Manly Man's suggestion of throwing rocks at the Flaming Pupil was dutifully ignored. Super Awesome Manly Son's suggestion of smashing his Lost Jewellery into bits was dutifully punished, with forced suicide by way of Stupid Quest.
All in all it was a pretty terrible conclusion, and no one was very much happy with it at all.
"Yarg," said Terrifyingly Manly Man forlornly, after seeing his son off for what was probably the last time ever, considering things. "I'm hungers. Where'm the rocks?"
The End.