Summary: After a certain openly perverted ninja irritates Umino Iruka not one, not two but three times, Iruka makes it his goal to get back at the man.
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.
Strike One
"Heh, just wait till Hanai-sensei sees this report. I'll show him for calling me a slacker, that ole' bastard." Umino Iruka laughed as he departed from his home that no longer held three loving family members but one child who never forgot but was moving on. "Umino Iruka may be a lazy brat but he is not a slacker." the boy growled as he bustled down the streets of Konoha towards the Ninja Academy.
"There's the pervert! Get him!"
The Academy student stopped his cheerful skip and gazed at the commotion. A group of tired looking but mostly angry women carrying spatulas, brooms, mops, pans, and whatever they could grab chased a man with long spiky white hair, the same snowy colour as Iruka's shirt and shorts.
Time seemed to have slowed for the brown skinned boy as he observed the harried man; the youth could even see the small wart on the side of the man's nose. Iruka suspected he was a ninja with the calculating grace in his steps as he avoided attacks. "Out of the way, brat!" the man laughed as a frying pan sailed by his head. The white haired ninja barrelled past the child, knocking the kid off balance.
"Whoa!" Iruka cried as he landed harshly on his side and rolled out of the way as the herd of hissing women stormed after the laughing ninja. The Umino brat narrowed his brown eyes as he saw the man round a corner and was finally gone from his sight. "Jerk." the boy muttered and shifted to get up, cringing when he heard a spluch! and registered the damp feeling against his chest.
"Oh no... my report!" the Academy student wailed getting the attention of a few early risers of the village of Konoha. The twelve year old surveyed the damage dealt to the sheets of paper. They were rumpled and covered in mud and there was even a tear on the tip. "May--maybe Hanai-sensei won't notice."
:p:
Hanai-sensei called Iruka slacker for the rest of the year and Umino Iruka declared strike one.
:p:
The Umino child had decided to spend a relaxing evening at a public bath house; the water system in his apartment complex was on the frits again. However when he arrived at the bath house he was pleased to notice that he was alone and could stretch and relax to deal with his own desires. Iruka reclined quite lazily against the rim of the heated pool, his brown hair tickling his shoulders as his whole body slowly began to submerge into the depths. With a soft sigh Iruka allowed his mind to drift.
After a man-to-man(no crying from him) talk with Third Hokage no less, Umino Iruka did not feel the need to prank, trick and entertain the many villagers of Konoha... well not as much. However there were times when certain people asked for it: a nosy and gossiping neighbour, a mean ole' teacher, the stuck-up genin who wandered around the academy. The list could go on and on, so a personal strike system was put into effect to deal with unsavoury characters. And as the saying goes 'Three strikes and you're out' and Iruka believed that was explanatory enough for his actions.
Iruka sunk completely into the water, his brown eyes closing. With the sting of being called a slacker daily by his teacher and by his cheeky classmates who seemed to have lost a bit of respect for him after his cocky announcement of handing in the "best" report, Iruka did not expect to see his current bane of existence so soon after issuing the first strike.
"I wanna go to a hot spring; the ones in Grass Country are the best." Iruka burbled as a trail of bubbles floated upwards and with a huff the boy broke surface and collided into the naked bottom of someone beginning to sit down. "Ahhhhh!" The boy shrieked as he dove forward nearly smashing his head on the rim until a hand quickly gripped his shoulder and hauled him out of the way.
"Hmm, what's this… damn, and here I thought you were a naughty young thing trying to check out the men's section... just another runt." the ninja muttered as hew dumped a very startled Iruka back into the water and swam off.
...blub. "It's him." The Academy student thought frantically as he shot out of the water and stuck out his arm, his index finger extended. "You--." the brown skinned boy ceased his rant as he realized the man was no longer in the same spot and seemed to have swum over towards the wooden divider between the male and female baths. Iruka sloshed after him, taking in the older man's slightly bent over posture as he pressed his face into the divider. "Hey!"
The boy huffed; the perverted man sure was acting odd as he hopped from side to side muttering about seeing some D-cups and some other nonsense as he pressed his face deeper into the wood. With a groan the man began to scale the divider, tiny moulds of chakra gathering into his fingertips and toes.
"Yo-- you pervert! What do you think you're doing?" Iruka hissed as he latched onto the white haired ninja's leg trying to pull him down and flinched whenever he caught a glimpse up the man's towel that was wrapped around his waist.
"Oi, boy, you stop pulling and I'll show you the true meaning of heaven... hehehe." the pervert chuckled quite lecherously ignoring the nuisances that was tugging determinedly at his leg. With a grunt and wiggle of the hips the older of two males managed to curl his fingers against the top of the wooden fence while the younger was now a few inches of the ground tugging away. "Big butts... big breasts." the man panted as a trickle of blood ran from his nose.
"Sto--stop it you pervert!" Iruka snarled as he curled his back and slammed his feet on the divider tugging powerfully on the man's leg. And with a creak! the white haired ninja and Iruka tumbled into the water as well as the fence. With another narrow miss to the head Iruka shot out of the water with a growl. "Where'd you go you... you per--" Iruka was cut off by a shrill scream.
"Pervert!"
The boy stiffened at the title as he tried to sink deeper into the water.
"Look, its some kid!"
Iruka blushed not only did he get an eyeful of many women; they were also examining him, before they tore his ass to pieces, of course.
"Iruka..?"
Umino could see the familiar and very red face of his classmate Ukiyo and probably her mother who was pushing the girl out of the way. By now Iruka madly shook his head at the insults and decided to solve the mess. "No, no, I wasn't pee--peeping, it was that ole' bastard's." Iruka exclaimed and pointed behind him where he saw the white haired ninja fall but saw nothing but rippling water. The Academy student held back the urge to scream and shuddered with the numb feeling of murderous glares concentrated on him, coming from the horde of women who were ready to tear him apart, child or not.
Iruka sighed, straightened his shoulders and sloshed his way out of the bath heading towards the changing room.
"After him!"
:p:
Umino Iruka was now labelled a pervert and was treated like a very hairy spider towards the female populace, but who cared really, strike TWO had been declared.
:p:
Iruka patted his stomach as it rumbled for the third time that day. 'I wish I could buy some ramen.' the boy pouted as he walked the streets of his village. Money has been tight and it would be best if he saved every penny he had which wasn't much and was beginning to dwindle.
A familiar gurgle! but louder this time had Iruka's mouth hiss a small 'shut up' to his stomach but realized it wasn't his tummy grumbling as he looked behind him. Iruka frowned, "You!" he shouted, his eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared.
The white haired ninja grinned and waved at the fuming boy in front of him. "Yo, you know I've been looking for you for the past couple of days." the man smiled as the Academy student rushed at him, fists flying. The man smirked and placed his hand gently on the boy's head, keeping the child's weak attacks at bay and then held the youth back at arm's length. "Oh, don't tell me you're still upset about that bathhouse incident? Hey, how about I teach you a secret technique that'll make you sp-- Ouch, you little runt!" the man growled as Iruka buried his teeth in the man's hand.
The Umino child skittered backwards as the older man lashed out at him, "You shut up, spying on women, what's the matter with you and because of your stunt I still have scratch marks down my-- gurgle!" the scarred nose boy flushed and looked at his stomach. The lecher smiled down at the twelve year old, perhaps a bit too broadly as he patted the boy on his head.
"Alright, kid, how about we get something to eat," the white haired man offered as he ruffled the boy's brown hair, almost tugging off his hair band. The brown skinned youth sniffed; he really wanted to yell some more but the offer of food was too good to pass up. Iruka nodded his head and the man ushered him along down the street. "Okay, how abo--"
"Ramen!" Iruka shouted, causing the older man to blink curiously at him. The Academy student pointed to a nicely sized stand a few blocks away. "Ichiraku Ramen!" the boy insisted as he frowned up at the older man.
The man shrugged and wondered how expensive the food was... not that it mattered, he wouldn't be footing the bill.
"Ramen it is."
:p:
"So you got a name?" the ninja inquired as he chewed on a very grisly piece of pork. The man concluded that the boy had good taste or at least knew where to eat a decent bowl of ramen; he was already on his third bowl.
The twelve year old slurped a long piece of noodle into his mouth and stopped making funny faces at the shopkeeper's cute little toddler, Ayame. "Iruka. Umino Iruka." the boy stated and stared at the man to get him to reciprocate.
The white haired man slurped the broth from his bowl and stood up tall and proud. "I am Konoha's number one!" he declared and braced out his arms. He shimmied from one foot to the other, his sandals clapping on the ground. "The rising star in the ninja world and God's gift to women." he gave a wink to Iruka, who merely rolled his eyes. The man twirled his long hair, a few strays landing in Iruka's meal, much to the boy's disgust. "Uh! JIRAIYA!" the man thundered as he offered Iruka another grin and was a bit miffed when he saw the boy glaring at his meal, picking the hairs out his broth.
The scarred nose youth frowned at the white strand of hair in his ramen and flicked it to the side. He hailed over the chef for another bowl.
Jiraiya wrinkled his nose; he was getting tired of balancing in his ridiculous pose and he could feel the sweat of embarrassment drift down his cheek. With a cough he smoothly sat in his seat beside the boy and ordered another bowl.
The two fell into a pleasant silence and Iruka found himself enjoying the gentle hum of the older man's presence. He was even more pleased when Jiraiya ordered a plate of dumplings for him, even though it was a bit pricy. The Umino child was about to open his mouth to thank the man for the food when the pervert ninja smoothly cut in.
Scratching his nose, Jiraiya stole a glance at the grinning boy. "So, Iruka, are you full?" he asked and the boy nodded. Pleased, the man went on, "Are you happy?" he inquired and again the boy nodded his head but a bit stiffly this time. Iruka frowned; something felt off, it was the same nervous feeling that morphed into dread he got whenever Hanai-sensei announced a pop quiz. The white haired ninja smiled and ruffled the boy's hair. "Good, I hope you will continue to feel that way for the remainder of the day." And with a poof! of smoke Jiraiya had vanished before his very eyes.
The brown skinned boy choked on his dumpling. He looked left and right for the older man but saw not a trace of him. Iruka hopped onto his feet, as he twisted his head round and round. "Hey, this isn't funny!" the Academy student shouted as he finally managed to swallow the lump in his throat. "Hey, Jiraiya!" the twelve year old called as he prepped to find the man only to be wrenched back into his seat.
"Iruka, just where do you think you're going?" the shopkeeper asked, the usual cheerful smile on his face was gone and in its place was a pinched frown. The boy opened his mouth to speak. "You're not planning to run away without paying are you?" the man questioned with a bitter edge on the tip of his tongue while his daughter playfully shook her hand at Iruka.
"Uh, no sir, you see that man--" Iruka ceased his rant when the shopkeeper narrowed his eyes just so. The Academy student sighed and held out his hands for the apron, the article was tossed at his face. The boy sighed again.
He had dishes to wash.
:p:
Iruka smiled at the ceiling in his room. His hands were like week old prunes and he smelt like he had been bathed in ramen. He was also banned from Ichiraku... for a week; he was still one of the shopkeeper's best customers. But Iruka didn't care about any of that because of STRIKE THREE!
:p:
For the past two weeks Iruka had been trailing his target. He didn't want to admit it but Jiraiya was a clever and very sneaky ninja, even if he was a pervert and a thief who dines and dashed and left children to pay. The twelve year old had finally managed to find the man's apartment after asking around but that route was a dead end.
The youth fingered the cut on his cheek. "Sneaking into his home is out of the question." Umino decided as he gave a final pat to the wound. He had tried sneaking into the man's apartment but the traps proved too much of an obstacle and he high-tailed it out of their when a stray shurinken nearly nicked his jugular.
Iruka quickly dashed up a tree when he saw Jiraiya stumble out of a very seedy looking shop. Iruka giggled at the sight of him, there was a red hand print plastered on his cheek but that was the least of the man's troubles. The scarred nosed boy may not have been able to get into the man's apartment but he was able to find out something else.
The best place to set up his operation was the supermarket that was the farthest from Jiraiya's apartment. The Umino brat still didn't understand why the old lecher didn't just use the market five minutes away from his home but the boy trailed the man anyway. Not trusting his abilities to flawlessly disguise himself Iruka had steered a very attractive mother and her herd of children into Jiraiya and his shopping cart.
Moving as quickly as a cat, despite his blush and shyness, Iruka was able to flip up the woman's skirt and securely divert the white haired ninja's attention as he made the switch of shampoo and body lotion. The scarred nose youth made a quick escape, his breathe ragged. He was positive Jiraiya noticed him.
However when he saw the old lecher walking down the street a day later Jiraiya was covered in bumps and rashes all over his face, and his long hair dyed from snow white to a horrible bubble gum pink, Iruka was assured Jiraiya did not know what he was up to.
Carefully Iruka crawled out of the tree and made his way home with a sigh. He was a bit disappointed to see pervert's rashes were clearing nicely and his hair was no longer the colour of hot pink. 'What I need is something big, something to scar that pervert good.' Iruka pondered as he whirled around at the sound of a stuttering shriek and frowned.
It seemed once again Jiraiya's advances on some hapless woman had been rebuffed. And that's when it him, a slam in the head from Anko. Iruka winced, her and whole bunch of his other female schoolmates were still irritated at him for the whole bathhouse scenario. Iruka frowned and raised his hand to give her the finger when she dashed off with a teasing grin but smiled as this time an idea hit him.
'I got it. Women!' he announced as he scurried home.
:p:
Hanging in a tree that was propped by the window to a certain fist swinging medical ninja's apartment, Jiraiya narrowed his eyes as his former team-mate prepared herself for her nightly toilette. The lecher scratched a particular itchy rash on his cheek and cursed the Umino boy who had been hounding him for weeks.
He knew the little munchkin was looking for him and even attempted to break into his apartment. He had hoped the shurinken he threw at the boy would get the kid to leave him alone but the youth was a sneaky, persistent little runt. 'To think he'd get upset just because I left him with the bill... I never did say I would be the one paying.' Jiraiya defended as his mouth watered with the sight of Tsunade unhooking her bra.
'I hope he'll leave me alone after his little grocery stunt.' Jiraiya remembered the boy tampering with his bags and allowed it, hoping the kid would get off his back. He was slightly pleased when he was able to graciously eye the woman the boy flipped the skirt on. She was wearing the sexiest sky blue panties he had ever seen, really clung to her hips.
The pervert licked his lips when his former team-mate bent over to pick up something, the towel she wrapped lazily around her body did nothing to hide her naked flesh. Jiraiya scratched himself again and caught sight of his horribly dyed hair and than scratched a spot on his face; it felt as if his eyeballs were itchy. 'Damn... hope this wears off soon, never thought the kid would pull something off like this... and my hair.' the pink haired man suppressed the small impressed feelings he felt towards the boy and returned to his ogling but frowned.
"Mou, where'd she go?" Jiraiya questioned as he noticed Tsunade was no longer in her room. The man flinched as he felt a familiar and tremendous chakra signature radiate behind him. His flesh tingled at the onslaught it was about to face.
"Jiraiya!" the woman shrieked as her fist crashed into the man's jaw. Tsunade smiled gleefully when she heard a ragged crunch and then aimed to break Jiraiya's nose.
:p:
'There he is.' Iruka thought with a bit of desperation as he saw Jiraiya, face smooth and hair white, leaning against a tree in the park chatting it up with three pretty young ladies. Iruka nodded his head and was glad his plan wouldn't be delayed any further.
Jiraiya had been missing for a week and Iruka assumed he had been called out for a mission, unknown to him the pervert ninja was in the hospital recovering after being caught peeping at his former team-mate.
The Academy student exhaled and made sure to tug on the fabric of his rumpled clothing, making it tear at the seams. With a sniff, Iruka took on the posture of a beaten dog and shuffled up meekly to the group of laughing adults. The laughter seemed to stop when Iruka squeaked into their bubble and all of them looked at him with curiosity; Jiraiya raised his brow.
With a pitiful cough the twelve year old widened his eyes and pushed out his lower lip already hearing the sighs and coos coming from the women. The boy reached out his hands and curled his fingers on Jiraiya's sleeve. "Daddy." he squeaked softly.
Iruka had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling when he saw the horror on Jiraiya's face.
"Oh, Jira-kun, he's precious. You never told us you had a child." one of the women cooed as they stepped closer to pat the young boy on the head. Iruka shied away from there touch and swallowed his disgust as he buried his form into the white haired ninja's side with a sniffle.
The youth tugged on the man's clothing again. "Daddy, come home. Me and Mommy, miss you." the boy said making sure to punctuate the word 'mommy'. Iruka did not have to wait long for the information to finally sink into the women's heads and they stared accusingly at Jiraiya.
"You never told us you are in a relationship with someone-- that you even have a child!" one the girls yelled attracting the attention of passing villagers. This time Iruka had to bite his tongue to conceal his grin.
The white haired ninja seemed to finally collect his thoughts as he pushed the boy away with a snarl and looked pleadingly at the women. "He is not my kid, look at him-- and I'm not involved with anyone." Jiraiya explained desperately as the girls gathered around Iruka to comfort him.
The Umino child blinked his eyes rapidly and felt that he was successfully able to conjure up some tears. "That's not what Mommy said, besides Daddy, you said you'd take care of me and Mommy, no matter what mistakes she made in the past." the boy sniffled while still projecting his voice attracting even more people who glared quite heatedly at the pervert ninja. Iruka clutched himself as if in pain. "Don't you love us anymore... don't you love me Da--" the boy was interrupted as Jiraiya quickly grabbed onto him and hauled him in close.
"Don't you think you've taken this a little too far, you lying litt--" this time it was the older man to be interrupted as Iruka struggled in his grip, wailing wretchedly.
"Daddy, please don't leave me and Mommy... we miss you." Iruka hiccupped, the audience that gathered was growing and Jiraiya could see the smirk in the boy's eyes grow as the beads of sweat drenched his eyebrow. His mind was racing to see how he could escape the situation unscathed.
"You horrible man!" someone cried.
"You should be ashamed of yourself!" an elderly woman spat.
"Let's teach him a lesson!" the mass of people thundered.
Iruka began to feel a bit of guilt as the mob chased Jiraiya but the thought was quickly pushed out of his head as a middle aged women who smelt similar to his mother smoothed his hair and dabbed away his fake tears. The pang of confessing his trick was at the tip of his tongue but he happily squashed it when she offered him a cookie. He hummed happily when the mass of people finally swarmed Jiraiya.
:p:
"So three strikes-- you're out, I'll do my best to remember that in the future." Jiraiya muttered. He and Iruka were lounging peacefully in the Academy field grounds, a place where both were comfortable as they stepped up to the task of picking out the debris and garbage tangled in Jiraiya's hair. The mob of people tool great glee when they pelted the ninja with any waste they got their hands on.
Iruka merely nodded his head and decided to stay quiet. He was a bit nervous; word had gotten to the Third of what was going on. The leader of Konoha wasted no time in breaking up the mob and finding the culprit of the mess. After the twelve year old's chewing out he was a bit numb in the stomach to realize his target was Jiraiya-sama, a Sannin, one of Konoha's legendary three. The Academy student hunched his shoulders and continued to brood. It was the older man's snort to break the boy from his thoughts.
"You've gone suspiciously quiet," the man observed sensing the boy's tension. "Are you planning something else? I was expecting you to be crowing your head off-- it was such a fine trick after all, Iruka, look what you did to one of Konoha's finest." the man complimented and grimaced when his fingers found a wad of bubble gum in his sideburns.
"Well it was funny when those men began to rip off your cloth--" the boy was again rudely interrupted as Jiraiya grimaced; he didn't need to remember that.
"You're an interesting kid, Iruka. You know I was thinking of showing you some things." the man trailed off to let the words sink in. Iruka brightened at the idea of learning advanced techniques and Jiraiya grinned lecherously at letting the boy read one of his drafts for a risqué short story he was writing. "But first I need a little favour from you." the man smiled as his eyes swept over a slug crawling behind the shadow of a small stone to avoid the sun's ray and then a small snake slithering into the grass.
"Your tricks are very funny-- at least when they're happening to other people. I know two ninjas who are in need of a good pranking." The man laughed thinking of his two favourite people.
"Sandaime-sama, said I shouldn't prank for fun anymore and it doesn't exactly qualify into the strike system." The Academy student explained as he wiped his grimy hands on his shorts.
"Okay, how about testing the skills of the supposed high trained ninja of Konoha through acts of humiliation and being mobbed by angry villagers." Jiraiya finished as he stood up and stretched his back, waiting for the boy's reply. There was a pregnant pause but Jiraiya could see the boy's answer in his brown eyes.
"... I'm listening."
Author's Rant: Ah, finally, I've wanted to finish this story for a while but I always had to scrap a part and re-write, but now I think I wrote it so that it's read-able. Well there it is my Jiraiya/Iruka story comes to an end. How was it? Were they at least in some sort of steady character? Maybe there will be more between these two, who knows. Once again this is one of my self-beta'd stories so I hope there aren't too many grammatical errors but if there are a helpful pointing them out won't hurt. Also I still need a beta for my Iruka rare pairings stories, like my KisaIru or KabuIru or any other character I choose (mostly like a male rarely seen with Iruka) also including a piece like this. Thanks for reading my story and rant.