It was starting again.

Leonardo knew that he was trapped in a nightmare. He knew that this couldn't be real. He knew that he would wake up just after the worst part was over. Yet for all of his knowledge, nothing could appease the terror that welled up within him.

The smell of burnt hair stung his senses. He refused to cringe, thinking even then that he might offend. Backing away, his arms hung uselessly at his sides, mindless of the weapons sheathed upon his back. "Please," he uttered in a small, cracked voice. "Go away. Just let me sleep. For one night, just let me sleep."

The figure in front of him grinned maliciously, its jagged teeth stained with blood and decay. Leonardo shuddered, but he would not turn away. He knew all too well what would happen if he turned away. And yet… yet he also knew what he would see if he kept his focus forwards.

The being took a jerky step towards him. It had once been a hairy creature, but the fire it had been caught in had done away with its thick mane. Leonardo observed that chunks of flesh were missing, signaling the horrific decomposition that had occurred over time. As it jolted closer to where the turtle was now pressed against the wall, the smell became too much.

Leonardo looked away to his right and saw the other figures in the shadows. Shaking his head, having hoped that it would have been different this night, he broke out into a cold sweat. "No," he murmured, seeing the two silhouetted creatures take erratic steps towards him. "Wake up. Come on, Leo, wake up."

"There's no waking up." Leonardo's head whirled around to his left. There, as always, was the worst-looking apparition of the entire nightmare. Worse even than the walking corpse of his sensei that was continuing on its journey towards him. Crouched upon the ground and looking up at him was a battered and broken Donatello.

Even within the unreality of his dream, Leonardo could feel his stomach trying to squeeze itself into his throat. Choking back the nauseous feeling, it was all the trembling turtle could do to shake his head in denial. You're not dead, he spoke in his mind. You're not dead and you shouldn't be here.

As he stood slowly, the open wounds along Donatello's body oozed with what could only have been pus. Trying to press himself even deeper into the wall, Leonardo could only gape at the broken bones protruding out of his brother's flesh. They clacked against each other in a disturbingly loud and macabre way. The remnants of his bo staff could be seen still carried upon his back, but it was splintered and bloodied. Something white shone against his green skin on the side of his head, and Leonardo knew that this was his cracked skull.

Yet nothing was more terrifying than the quietly accusatory glare on Donatello's face. Leonardo found that it was the lack of vehemence on his brother's countenance that was the most appalling. Donatello seemed to simply know where blame fell, just as he had always known about chemical equations and the inner workings of machinery. It was this straightforward glance that made it difficult for Leonardo to breathe.

"You can't wake up," the strangely-normal voice of what was once one of his closest friends told him. "You can't wake up when you're in for an eternal sleep." Leonardo cringed. "I know what you're thinking," Donatello told him. "You're wondering what you're doing here, then."

"Wrong," Leonardo answered hastily, knowing full well that this was the same dialogue that transpired night after night. "This is my due. I caused one death, and so my mind is making me think I should share in that suffering. That I should wait here, in the land of the dead, until I drive myself mad and rid myself of my own pain."

Donatello shook his head slightly. "You keep making the same mistakes, Leonardo," he said almost sympathetically. "You always seem to think that you're the only one who will pay for your own errors. You should know by now that that simply isn't true. Of course, if you're that eager to suffer, you certainly won't be denied."

Just as Leonardo remembered where the dream usually took him next, he felt a thin steel grip clamp down on his wrist. Looking down, he saw a brown skeletal arm sticking out of the wall and clasping his wrist, and another snake towards his torso. He tried to escape the bony grasps, but they soon became too many and too fierce for him to fight off. They pulled him closer towards the wall, and Leonardo soon discovered that the wall was not the firm stone he had thought, but was instead moist earth. They were pulling him in. They were going to bury him alive.

His eyes went wildly to the vacant Donatello and to the evil, almost zombie version of his beloved Splinter. Suddenly, both of them, the dispassionate brother and maniacal father, grinned at him and stepped closer. Both grins were empty of mirth and only made Leonardo's skin crawl. He wondered if this reaction was actually due to maggots crawling over his body, but the strong grasp that he was in made it impossible to look down. From the corner of his eye, he saw the two still-shadowed figures edging towards him, reaching out for him. He couldn't see their faces, but he knew who they were.

They were….

"Noooooo!"

Leonardo finally pulled himself up and dug his fingers into one of the hands clutching at him. "Leo! Leo, calm down!" Startled, he squinted in the darkness and realized that he was gently being awoken by Donatello. He tried to speak, but found no words. Feeling drained and helpless, Leonardo embraced his brother and tried his best not to sob.

Donatello sympathetically held him back. These night terrors of Leonardo's had been occurring with more and more frequency as time went on. Sighing, Donatello had hoped he would be over it by now. Judging by the fury of runaway weeps, it seemed that this was not the case.

The first time had been a few days after Splinter's death. Leonardo had not let himself sleep for more than a few minutes at a time before then. Once he finally got over the guilt enough to lie down for a few hours, the nightmares began. Raphael had been the first one in the room, but was immediately pushed aside as Leonardo yelled for Donatello. Raphael and Michelangelo merely looked on, flabbergasted, as Leonardo hugged the confused Donatello and began to cry in much the same way he was currently doing. Leonardo never revealed why he needed Donatello for those first few moments after awaking, but Donatello quickly caught on to the trend and made it a point to be the first one into the room during these cases.

"Man," said a groggy voice at the door. "That was loud enough to wake up the dead." Judging by the sound of a hard slap against the back of Michelangelo's head, Donatello knew that Raphael was awake before ever hearing his voice. "Can it, Mikey. As much as I like raggin' on Leo, this is startin' to get serious."

Leonardo coughed, trying to pull himself together. "I'm fine," he choked, slowly parting from Donatello. Not making eye contact with anyone and feeling as foolishly vulnerable as he always did after one of these nightmares, he whispered, "It was just a stupid dream-"

"Like shell you're fine!" Raphael growled, turning the light switch on. Three groans sounded as the turtles shielded their eyes from the sudden light. Taking a step into the room, Raphael pointed to Leonardo accusingly as he said, "You've been flippin' a lid ever since the accident. Why don't you just tell us-"

"Raph, quit it!" Donatello's voice cut sharply into Raphael's attack. Still sitting on the bed besides Leonardo, he softly continued. "This has been a rough few weeks on all of us. Yes, Leo's nightmares are getting bad. And yes, it would probably be in his best interests to tell someone what they're about, in case some psychological interpretations can bring something to light and at least help him rest easier. But if he can't bring himself to talk about it yet, then I can't see how we can hold it against him." Dropping his voice to a bare whisper, he finished, "We all know that we've each got something we can't say out loud yet… and maybe never will."

The room was silent after Donatello's words. Leonardo looked up to see his brothers' downcast eyes. Yes, it was true. It would be foolish to think that they had not been affected by Splinter's violent demise. However, Leonardo knew that he had cause to suffer a far more passionate reaction. He had been there. He could have stopped the inevitable before it became inevitable. But he did nothing. At least, what he did was not quick enough, not direct enough,… not good enough.

Repressing another choked sob, Leonardo threw his legs out of the bed and got up. "Where are you going?" Donatello asked. Still averting eye contact, Leonardo grabbed his katanas and placed them at his back. "I'm going topside," he said lowly.

"I'm comin' with ya," Raphael said. Leonardo turned sharply towards him. "No!" Raphael merely blinked at him before repeating, "I'm comin' with ya. I don't remember sayin' that ya got a choice in the matter."

"Raph, you're staying here!" Leonardo was aware of the sudden shrill quality of his voice. He needed to be alone. He needed to be away from his brothers. His dream… he knew what it meant. He had been the reason behind Splinter's death… and Donatello would somehow be next, if he wasn't careful. And the two shadowy figures in the background… over time would clearly become the two remaining members of his family. No. He was dangerous, and if he wasn't, he was irrational. Either one was reason for him to be alone.

"Leo, I remember what happened the last time ya tried to play the emo card!" Raphael continued to argue. "Ya can't just let this eat ya up, bro. I'll let ya have your stupid dreams, but this-"

"Raph, I'm going topside, and if you try to follow me, I will hurt you." Perhaps it was the solemnity in Leonardo's voice that caused Raphael to simply gawk at him. Perhaps it was the fact that Leonardo's hand had gone up to touch the hilt of one of his swords. Perhaps it was the single threatening step forwards.

Whatever the case, no one stood in his way as he marched out of the room.