Jess leaned against the side of the diner, a cigarette pressed between his lips waiting anxiously to be lit and smoked. He had taken up the nasty habit for a year now, and while it started out as a ploy to anger his mother, it had become something he depended on. Damn that nicotine.
Before he had only smoked every now and then, only when he could. Now he found himself needing a break, needing to smoke more. He hadn't been able to erase the image of Rory pulling him into a kiss from his mind. No amount of cigarettes, no books, no loud music even scratched at the surface.
Everything was reminding him of her. Every time he heard someone order coffee, which was quiet often. Every time the sky was just the right color that matched her eyes. He hated it, every damn second of wallowing for a girl who couldn't even be bothered to say more then, "Don't say a word!"
Jess stood at the edge of the lake, just out of view of the party, of the gathering of towns folk that only saw the bad in him. He sighed, how long would he wait here before giving up on Rory spotting him? It's not like she knew he was going to be here, and she was here with Dean. But when he saw her walking arm and arm with her father his heart couldn't help but flutter. This was his chance; this was his moment. She would surely see him now.
She gave the older man a loose hug and turned, eyes locking on Jess. He stood, his hand locked behind his back in fear of the nervous twitching they would commence had he let them loosely hang at his side. The dress, god he couldn't take his eyes off that dress. It brought out the color of her eyes so that even from the far off distance in which he stood, he could see them.
She hesitated a moment, her own nerves getting the best of her. Last she saw, Jess was in the big apple, reading on park benches and content with his life. He made no remark of wanting to come back to Stars Hollow, made no little quips that he would once again see her as she shuffled onto the bus after she skipped school for a final goodbye. She had thought that was it, at least for a while. Luke was his family after all. She was bound to see him at some silly holiday gathering, but she would have been prepared, would have been able to handle the meeting. Not like this, not like now where she was caught completely off guard.
He cursed under his breath and closed his eyes. Letting the quietness of the night wash over him. It had been a week now, a week of painstakingly waiting for any response from her. He told himself over and over again that he wouldn't wait for her. But deep down he knew that that was the biggest lie he could tell himself right now.
"Don't say a word." Rang through his mind over and over again. He knew she meant it so that Dean wouldn't get hurt, wouldn't be mad. She was saving both of them by keeping it a secret. But did she really have to keep it a secret from him as well? Was it so much to ask for a letter, a phone call, anything to set his mind at ease?
Lane and Dean had met up in the middle of time square a few times and read letters. The pain of knowing she had the time to write them and not him sent quick a stabbing to his heart every time he thought about it. He filled his mind with reassuring thoughts, trying to not think about why she chose to ignore him.
"What are you doing here?" She asked, closer to him now. He kept his arms behind him, still weary of the movements that might take over them. That damned dress was making them itch in need.
"Hello to you too." Jess quipped back, though he knew her question was sincere. He couldn't help it, years of sarcasm and quick little snap backs had become who he was. And she had caught him off guard. He stood there thinking she would be more then elated to see her, excited to have him back, but instead she asked why he was there.
"Is everything okay?" She asked, suddenly worried that his presence might not be for a good cause. Her mind raced with the possibilities of hurt family members, and even faintly that he was running from the law.
"You look nice." His eyes combed over her body, drinking in the memory of her. He liked her like this. Sure he enjoyed her Chilton uniform, and even her casually dressed Saturday attire. But seeing her dressed up, seeing that dress fitting to every curve of her body, really made a young man's mind wander.
Rory blushed, "Thank you." As if she wasn't already nervous, she had become even more with his compliment. It didn't matter that moments before Dean had told her the same thing, that memory was already growing fuzzy the longer she stood this close to Jess. "What are you doing here?" Now it was her turn to put her arms behind her. Now it was her turn to feel just as nervous as he was, if not more.
Jess shrugged his shoulders, his hands now in his pockets. Slowly moving closer to her, slowly wanting to pull her so she wasn't standing a safe three feet away from him. "I moved back." He said simply. As if it were something that didn't require more of an explanation.
"What?" Rory asked, her voice growing shaky. He was back? For good? For how long? Until something happened and he would take off just like he had last time?
"I moved back." He said again, still not giving her the information he knew she was searching for. Nothing came easy, and he wasn't about to go about spilling his guts to the girl who couldn't even leave Dean for him.
She grew flustered, unable to process the information "But, what? Why?" She asked. She couldn't hide her nervousness. Couldn't hide the sudden worry in her voice. Dean popped into her mind and she knew that he was going to have a field day with this information. He was just starting to calm down about the whole Jess situation and now…
"Just…" He felt the need to explain. Tell her he tried to go back home but that it no longer felt like home. He wanted to tell her that he came back because it was driving him insane to be away from her. But he couldn't. He couldn't form words like the ones he read. "Wanted to." Short and simple, that was the Jess way.
And then it happened. She lunged forward, her arms pulling his chest to hers. His hand reaching up to cup her face, their lips locking and melting and fitting like they were molded for one another. He pushed her waist into his, trying despite everything to get closer to her. Until she pulled away. Until her lips left his and her warmth was now creating a safe gap between them once again.
"Oh my god." She said, thinking of her actions. It was her, she had been the one to kiss him. She had known for how long now that Jess liked her, but that didn't matter, he was smart enough not to make any real moves on her because she had Dean. Dean, "Oh my god!" She turned her back to him, only thinking of the hurt, the pain, the way she was going to mess up the best, the only, relationship she had been in.
"Rory." Jess pleaded. God he didn't want that to stop, but he knew better then to force himself on her now.
"Don't say a word." She practically barked at him. the fear, the worry, the anger seeping into her words.
Jess nodded, "Okay." Again, knowing better then to ruin anything for her. He had always been sitting on the sideline, always waiting for her. He knew, he knew their relationship was one for the books, knew that with time it would happen.
"I have to go." She turned again, running back towards the party. "Oh welcome home!" She called back before disappearing into the thick of it all and leaving him with tingling lips and wanting her more than ever to be back in his arms.
Before he knew it his smoke was out and he was contemplating lighting another or going upstairs to throw himself into another book. Though books only helped aid him in remembering her. Even the fictitious worlds he tried to envelop himself into weren't enough. He hated this. This wasn't him. he didn't sit around and wait for a girl, any girl, to come to him. He was Jess Mariano for fucks sake.
Rory was the first girl who didn't swoon for him upon meeting him, but that only aided in the deep seeded need to be closer to her. Something about wanting what you can't have. But even he knew something was going on between them. Even he could feel the connection they had. After all, that was a huge reason he even came back to this silly town.
He pried himself from the wall and forced his heavy feet back into the diner. Luke was already in bed by the time he finally made it into the renovated room they shared. Jess tried to be as quiet as he could as he found a book and threw himself on the bed designated as his. Thankfully his bed side lamp didn't bother Luke, meaning that while Jess was going to have yet another sleepless night, Luke wouldn't have to suffer and be a grump the next day.