Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine, as you can probably tell by my writing.

A/N: This is just a little piece of bullshit I thought up in my spare time.

It was today. Just another day. But not any ordinary just-another-day day. It was today. Sasuke sighed and looked up at the clock. 9:02 am. Crap. Only 14 hours, 58 minutes, and 46 seconds left of this. He sighed again and rested his chin on his hands. Only 14 hours, 58 minutes, and 44 seconds left to reminisce about That Day. That not-ordinary-just-any-other-day day. He cringed as wave after wave of flashback struck his brain like a frying pan. The blood. The sharingan gone wrong. His loved ones, dead. And to think, only 14 hours, 58 minutes, and 32 seconds left to recall such oh so very pleasant memories.

Without warning, the door to his room suddenly flew open, unimaginable enthusiasm flooding in.

"Sure, come in. No need to knock," Said an obviously ecstatic Sasuke to his intruder.

"What's that Sasuke-kun?" Yuck. His voice sounded like wet globs of playdo smushing together. He sounded like diarrhea, and had a personality to match.

"Nothing, nothing. What do you want, Snake Bitch?" 14 hours, 58 minutes, 11 seconds.

"Now, now, is that any way to talk to your superiors?"

"Yes. Now what do you want?" The sannin smirked. My little Sasuke-kun is cute when he's pissed.

"Well. I know you must be having a bad day . . . so . . ." Orochimaru walked towards his favorite little emo student. Standing behind his chair, the snake sannin placed both of his scaly hands on the Uchiha's shoulders. Sasuke could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Oh shit, Diarrhea-sama is touching me! " so. . . I thought perhaps . . . I could . . ." Orochimaru leaned in close so that his cheek brushed up against Sasuke's. Even his breath smells like diarrhea. " . . . Make the day go by a little faster for you. What do you say, Sasuke-kun?"

Kabuto walked through the halls of the mansion, carrying in his arms the huge pile of shurikens, kunai, and unsheathed katanas that Orochimaru absolutely had to have immediately. Crap. Why ninja weapons? Why not fluffy pillows, or bottles of anesthetics and painkillers? He winced as another weapon lodged itself in his already shredded arms.

Out of the blue, a shrieking figure went zooming past him so fast that Kabuto lost his balance, sending dangerously sharp, pointy objects flying everywhere. The sound nin fell flat on his ass and stayed there for a couple seconds. Once he got his sanity back, he stood up and went to the door for whence the figure had zoomed. It was Sasuke's room. The shrieking person, whoever it was (it zoomed by too fast for him to see), must have done something to anger the Uchiha and invoke the Sharingan. But upon opening the door, he found a very disappointed looking Orochimaru standing in the middle of the room.

"Who was that screamed like a girl?"

"Sasuke-kun." Kabuto scratched the back of his head in confusion. Sasuke was not one to shriek and run. He usually caused the shrieking and running.

"What the hell happened?"

"Well, Sasuke-kun was having a bad day, so I decided to cheer him up. I came in and—"

"Oh God!" Kabuto threw up his hands and backed up against the wall. "You know what, I REALLY don't want to know anymore."

"What? I just kissed him on the cheek, that's all."

"Oh thank God, I thought for a second that –"

"Then I reached over and touched his appendage," the Snake master said with a devilish grin.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! HELL NO! Do you have to tell me about ALL your 'exploits'? You know what, I'm leaving!"

"I just don't get it. I mean, I gave him power, so why should he refuse me?"

Kabuto had his hand on the doorknob when he remembered why he came here in the first place.

"Orochimaru-sama, I brought the weapons you asked for."

"I asked for those? Oh, well I don't need them. Put them back where you found them."

A vein on Kabuto's head nearly popped. Crap. He shredded his arms for no reason to bring that load of shit here for no reason, and now he had to take it back. Damn it. The sound nin step out into the hall and started collecting the fallen weapons when the ghost of Kimimaru materialized before.

"Hey, what was all that screaming I heard before?"

"Orochimaru's cheating on you."

"Nani? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Sasuke sat on the edge of a lake contemplating suicide. But as long as Itachi was still at large, he had to take his revenge somehow. No, he'd spare his own life for now. Crap. 14 hours, 39 minutes, 02 seconds left. He could never forgive Itachi for what he did. Never. 14 hours, 39 minutes, 01 seconds left. This was going to be a very long no-ordinary-just-any-other-day day.

What did ya think? Please comment on my insanity. Flames, criticism, w/e floats your boat.