Theme: Frozen (Tears)
Words: ± 2, 407 words
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters and the song. They belong to Hoshino Katsura (character) and Charlie Chaplin (song).
"Smile, though your heart is aching."
Charlie Chaplin – Smile
Allen sat in on his bed near the window. He watched as the rain droplets on his window raced each other to reach the bottom of the window.
The rain. It brought back memories. Memories of Mana. When he was still working in the circus, the rain made the ringleader upset and the audience was really hard to be satisfied. But Mana would always smile and tried his best to cheer up the audience, and also Allen.
The white haired boy remembered Mana taught him a song to sing when he was upset. Sadly he couldn't remember it know, except for one line.
'Smile, even though your heart is aching'
Not only that, he even forget the notes. Allen sighed, shook his head to dismiss the past memories.
As the white haired boy lay down, the door opened revealing an older teen with long dark blue hair followed by a golden golem. He went in then closed the door while the golden golem flied to where its master was laying, then settled down on the pillow, next to the white haired boy's head.
"Finished with the morning training, Yuu?" The younger asked, patting the golden golem.
The answer he got was a grunt, before the older boy disappeared behind the door that lead to the bathroom.
Allen rolled to his side, watching the sky from the huge window. It had rained since morning and along with the rain, the mood of the whole order seemed to fall down too. When he went to the dining hall, it was less bustling the than usual. Even Lavi didn't pester Kanda like usual, just yawning tiredly.
"Dunno. Just feeling really tired and lazy today. Probably because of the rain. It's a good thing we don't have any mission. We should enjoy it while it last though. Who knows after this we'll be busy with missions." Was Lavi's answer when Lenalee asked him what was wrong, since he was quiet today.
Lavi. Oh yeah, maybe he could asked the read head about the song, since he was a bookman. Surely he would know it.
The young boy was dozing off when he felt a weight settled down on the side of the bed. He turned to see the older boy was drying his hair, before turning back again.
Not long after that, the bed moved again before a hand settled on his waist. Allen opened his eyes and turned to see Kanda was laying next to him, his other hand supporting his head.
They did nothing, just looking at each other. It continues for a few minutes, before Kanda talked.
"Something's wrong, Moyashi?"
Allen didn't answer right away, still staring at Kanda before answering, "Nothing." Then he changed his position so his whole body was facing Kanda. The dark haired boy didn't push him, knowing that Allen would tell him if he wanted to.
There was only silence, their breathing was the only thing they could hear. They didn't say anything, just laying there next to each other. Then the younger talked.
"I just remembered about Mana, that's all." His eyes were downcast. He snuggled to Kanda's chest.
The older moved his other hand, then bringing the younger's body closer to him. He rubbed soothing circles on the younger's waist, lulling him into sleep. But before he fell asleep, he heard the older said something and along with it a soft kiss on his forehead.
"It will be fine."
The next day, the sun was shining cheerfully. Along with it, came an annoying Usagi to bother Kanda. Allen and Lenalee smiled at their antics.
After the lunch, they went back to their own activity. Lavi went to the library while Allen, Kanda, and Lenalee went to Komui's office, Lenalee to help Komui with his paperworks, and Kanda and Allen to have briefing for a new mission.
When they were heading to Komui's office, Allen remembered he wanted to ask Lavi about the song.
"Ah, I forgot something. You two go ahead, I'll catch up later." The White haired boy said hurriedly before going back the other way, leaving Lenalee and Kanda confused.
Allen jogged to the Library, easily finding the Bookman apprentice, sitting next to a heap of book while reading. As he walked closer to him, the red head noticed him.
"Hi-ya, Allen. What's up? Aren't you supposed to be in Komui's office?"
Allen scratched his neck, "Yeah. But I want to asked you something."
Lavi was interested, "Oh, what is it?"
"Do you know a song that has a line 'Smile even though your heart is aching'?"
Lavi rubbed his chin, his mind already remembering, "Hm, 'Smile, even though your heart is aching.'… " There was only silence as Lavi remembered, Allen waiting patiently.
Then the red head said, "Oh, I remember. The song is called Smile. Don't know the singer though."
"Do you know the lyrics? Can you sing it, please?" Allen said hopefully.
The red head chuckled, "Okay, but my voice is not that good, so I hope you mind."
The white haired boy just nodded. As Lavi sang, he remembered the way Mana had sang it to him.
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by
If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile when there'll be tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through
For you
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear maybe ever so need
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
His heart ached when he heard this song. Why? Well, he had no idea. But he shook away those feeling when Lavi finished singing the song.
"So that's the song. Why do you wanna know the song?" Lavi asked
Allen just shrugged, "I just remembered someone taught me the song but I forgot how the song goes. So I asked you since you probably had a strong memory. May be you knows. And you did. Thanks Lavi."
The red head grinned, "Your welcome, Moyashi-chan."
Then Allen left, heading to Komui's office.
On their way to the mission's destination, Allen hummed the song, now that Lavi refreshed his memory. Kanda heard him and asked him, "What's that song?"
Allen stopped humming, "It's a song Mana taught me. It's called Smile. Do you want to hear it?"
Without waiting for Kanda's answer the white haired boy sang.
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by
If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile when there'll be tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through
For you
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear maybe ever so need
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
When hearing that song, Kanda couldn't help but remembered Allen. Somehow it described perfectly. The way Allen smiled was always…not right. Not the way a person smiling would. Kanda knew the young boy always hide behind his smiles.
When the song was finished, Allen turned to him, "What do you think?"
Kanda hmp-ed before answering, "It's nice." 'And suites you a lot.'
Just as Kanda finished answering, the stopped in front of a door which would led them straight to their destination.*
"Hey, Lavi. Want some coffee?" Lenalee said, bringing two cups of coffe in his hand.
Lavi looked up from the book he was reading, then smiled, "Sure thing, Lenalee." He marked the page he was reading then closed it. Then he accepted the offered cup. As the red head took a sip, Lenalee seated herself next to the red head, sipping her own coffee.
"Did Allen come here?" Lenalee inquired.
"Uh-huh. He asked about a song, called Smile." Lavi answered, then sipping his coffee again.
Lenalee smile, "Oh, I know that song! Nii-san used to sing it to me when I was little. But why Allen wanted to know about it?"
The red head shrugged, "He said someone taught him the song, but he forgot. So he asked me."
Lenalee nodded, sipping her coffee. Then she smiled remembering her brother's word after he sang it for her.
Lavi looked at her, wondering what made her smile. She giggled seeing his expression.
"My brother sang this song to me when he first came to the Order. I was a wrecked that time. So he cheered me up with that song. I remembered after singing it, he told me: 'Remember Lenalee, always smile.'."
Lavi smiled, "But I think the song is sad, although I know it's supposed to cheer people."
Lenalee tilted her head, "What do you mean sad?"
"Well, sometimes people need to cry. Sometimes they don't want to smile. I think the song hold a sad meaning to it because it says 'Smile though your heart is aching'. But not all people could do that. And when they could, I think it's even sadder. Because then they would hold that sadness and pain inside themselves." Lavi explained.
Lenalee looked at the red head, then looked down at the glass of coffee in his hands. It was true that people that always smiled despite their pain was sad. Because they never shared their pain and had to go through it on their own.
Seeing Lenalee's expression, Lavi quickly said, "Ah, sorry! Did I upset you?"
The girl smiled, "It's okay, Lavi. I'm just thinking what you said is true."
Lavi decided to change the subject, "By the way, where're Allen Yuu-chan?"
"They already left half an hour ago. I hope they will be alright."
Lavi could only nod, hoping the same.
His heart ached.
Allen shook his head. Hoping the ache in his heart would go away.
Two days into the mission, they didn't find anything, not until today. They managed to the innocence, but soon as they have their hands on it, a pack of Akuma attacked them. They were overwhelmed, but managed to defeat the whole pack. But they couldn't make it in time to save the city. Half of the city's citizens were dead. The finder that became their guide was one f them.
Grief filled the young boy's heart. Yet he shed no tears.
Now they're on their way back to the order. Neither Kanda nor Allen talked, only silence.
But unknown to the young boy, Kanda was worried about him and had been watching him all the time. The boy had fallen silent after their fight with the pack of Akuma. The older knew how the young always hid behind his smiles. But now he didn't even smile.
When they were back to the Order, they returned the Innocence before retiring to their room.
Allen went to shower first, leaving Kanda with Timcanpy, not noticing the worried look the older boy was giving him.
Allen let his body relaxed as the hot water hit his body. But the ache in his chest still wouldn't disappear. He tried to shoo it away, but it stayed persistently. The younger took a deep breath as the pain become more unbearable. He almost whimpered because of it. Then Mana's face and voice appear in his mind.
Smile, even though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking.
Just with that, the ache in his chest softened, although just a bit. Allen dried himself, dressed in clean clothes, then went out of the bathroom.
When he entered the bedroom, Kanda was standing in front of the mirror, drying his hair. It appeared he had taken a shower in the common bathroom, when Allen was taking his own. The white haired boy slowly walked to the bed then sat on it. Timcanpy fluttered and landed on his lap, his hand absent-mindedly patting it. The golem looked up on its master, worried because of the way its master was acting. Then it realized someone was walking toward them. It flied away before another person kneeled in front of Allen.
The white haired boy looked up from his lap to meet Kanda's eyes. Silver locked with blue. Then Kanda spoke in a soft voice, worry thick in them, "Allen, what's wrong?"
The white haired boy could only stare. He opened his mouth to answer, but his voice wouldn't come out. Only one thing in his mind.
Smile.
Allen shook his head before smiling, although it was strained, "Nothing. Nothing's wrong, just a bit tired."
It was a lie, and Kanda wouldn't buy it. He cupped the younger's cheek, earning his attention.
"Why are you smiling, Allen?"
The question surprised Allen. Why? Why did he smile? Allen looked down trying to remember why did he smile, missing the worried look from the older.
"Is it because of the song?"
Allen looked up at Kanda, then down again. Yes, the song. Mana taught him that song. So he would smile even though he was sad.
The young boy didn't realized when he started to speak, his voice was shaky, "I-I taught if I smile, the pain would go away. Mana taught me the song, hoping I would smile when I was sad. And it became a habit. I… I…" Now he was confused.
"Shh…" Kanda silenced him with a finger on his lips. He caressed the younger's cheek. "It's okay to cry, sometimes we need to cry."
Allen looked down again. Yes, he knew that, yet he always smile even though he was sad and in pain.
"When was the last time you cry?"
He shook his head, "I-I don't know." He sounded so weak.
Kanda watched the younger. He looked confused and sad. It hurt him to know the younger had kept all the sadness and pain inside. He hugged him, rubbed soothing circles o his back.
Allen was surprised when Kanda hugged him. Then he heard Kanda spoke, "It's alright. You could let it out."
And he did. All of it, all the sadness and pain came surging at him. And he cried. Tears drops came slowly before it flowed freely. His small sobs filled the room.
Kanda just hold the younger, soothing him just with his presence.
Cry, Allen. It's alright to cry. And after that, smile.
* Yes, they're using The Ark. I'm just too lazy to write it… ==;;
A/N: Yes, I know. The theme for the first day is suppose to be Yearn. But my head goes blank when I think of that word, so I decided to choose the Alternative Theme that was provided, one of them is Frozen (Tears). When I think of this theme, it rinded me of how Allen used to smile even though he's sad, which mean he hold back his tears. When that happened so much, you could say one's tears is 'frozen', hidden under the mask of smile (This is my own speculation ;D). And it actually connects with the song Smile by Charlie Chaplin (which was a coincident. I found out when I plotting the story while listening to it). What Lavi said in the story is my own perception of the song. Hope you didn't catch it as a songfic.
Sorry, if there are mistakes. And the crappy ending ==;; Don't be shy to mention the mistakes I did. You might want to check my profile to know my writing quirks and problems.
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy it, and don't forget to review! :D