After Afghanistan, he thought quite a bit about death—how he wanted to avoid it, but more importantly, how, if he had never been alive to begin with, no one would have died because of him. Sure, this was in part because of the physicist that gave his life so he could escape his captors, but it was also because he had been the merchant of death. He hadn't directly killed anyone, but people had died because of his products. There was so much blood on his hands that he had a hard time thinking of himself as a "hero".

While arguing with Capsicle, he had what he always thought thrown in his face. He wasn't worth it, there were people who had died that deserved to live more than he did. Not to mention it was pointed out by the man his father liked more than him. There was that front he put on—that he wasn't affected by such a thing or that he thought he did deserve everything he had, but it was just that: a front. He drowned his own self-hatred with a drink every time he felt it start to bubble up. Right now, there was no drink to be had. There was just the knowledge that he was more than likely going to die.

Sir, shall I try Ms. Potts?

"Might as well," he answers as he hangs onto the nuke that is headed towards Manhattan.

He had never given a thought as to what his last words to Pepper would be. At some point, he thought he knew what he would tell her, on the day he made her a half-burnt omelet on their way back from Monaco. He was being slowly killed by the palladium in his chest piece, but that moment had happened a while back. They were now in a different stage, and he loved her even more. How was he supposed to say goodbye to her, the one person who despite seeing his flaws still loved him and supported him?

It wasn't only Pepper he wanted to say goodbye to. He wanted to perhaps talk to Rhodey and ask him to look after his Pepper. She wouldn't be in danger, and he had a feeling the remaining Avengers would do anything in their power to make sure no harm ever came to her. What he wanted, though, was someone who would sit with her and hold her while she cried. Someone who would tell her that for once in his life, Tony had done the right thing. Rhodey would never tell her what Tony himself thought, and that was that for once in his life. He had done the right thing. For once, he wasn't pretending to be a hero, but he actually was a hero.

This was it. He was going to die. He flew with the nuke towards the portal.

Sir…

The rest was static before complete silence.

They say your life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die. For him, it didn't. He kept his eyes open long enough to see the nuke detonate, and then he closed them. Only Pepper came to mind. Their first dance after Afghanistan, and the way she blushed as he spoke to her. Their kiss on top of the building after he had defeated Vanko and the droids—right after she had found out that he was dying, but not anymore. The way she laughed and smiled at silly things he did while they worked on building plans. The smell of her hair as she lay down next to him at night and the soft caress of her skin against his. He would never feel any of that again. It was worth it though; it was all worth it, as long as she lived. This was a sacrifice to save the world, but in his mind, it was a sacrifice to save her.

There would be no alien invasion. She would cry but then go on with her life. She would get married and have children. She would have the life he had wanted her to have with him.

Inspired by a gifset of the scene where his suit turns off after he flies through the porthole. I had so many Pepperony feels.