Author's note: The following fic uses a new type of card called the Spell Trap. Here are the rulings:
Spell Traps are treated as both "Spell Cards" and "Trap Cards" while on the Field or in the Graveyard.
Spell Traps have a Spell Speed 4, but they can only be chained to Counter Traps.
Spell Traps must be Set on the Field through at least one End Phase before they can be activated.
Spell Traps cannot affect other cards in the chain.
Yugioh 5D's R
Yusei Fudo watched tentatively as three cockroaches crawled out of the kitchen closet, where he had meant to get some peanut butter and saltines. He was afraid of anything with six legs. Once he had seen an old movie called "The Mummy," and it gave him shivers when the bugs entered people's bodies and ate them from the inside. Perhaps that made him an entomophobe, but he couldn't be sure.
The cockroaches disappeared, and Yusei breathed a sigh of relief, though now they were loose in his apartment. He'd worry about that later. Grabbing the peanut butter and crackers, he walked over to a round table, opened the lid, and discovered that the roaches had used the peanut butter jar for a nest. He screamed, flinging the jar as far away from himself as possible.
Hurrying out of his apartment, he ran all the way to the nearest Globe Grocery store. He'd settle for fruit snacks. Once he reached the cereal aisle, he went toward the area where the fruit snacks should be, and stopped cold. There, in the middle of the shelf, was a box with a giant beetle's face on it. The snacks were labeled "Mushiking," but that didn't matter to Yusei. He went back down the cereal aisle and headed for the doughnut area, where nothing should remind him of creepy-crawlies. However, the store was advertising a new "Spider Cake," and even though Yusei knew spiders weren't insects, they still frightened him to death. He turned his back to the Spider Cake and yelled, "Is there any stupid snack in the world that has NOTHING to do with icky bugs?"
"Do thine ears deceive me, or did an eighteen-year-old just use the word 'icky'?" a girl with blond hair and wearing a purple dress asked.
"I'm not just an eighteen-year-old! I'm Yusei Fudo!"
"You say, I say, we all say you're a fool," said the girl.
"Nice play on my name, sissy. But I'm going to teach a lesson you'll never forget."
"Ooh…I'm shaking in my high heels."
"Listen, I've had enough of you. Do you know how to duel?"
"Of course I know how to duel. I'm Hontai Nurvust."
"Get out of town!" Yusei said in astonishment.
"It's true."
"You know what? I don't think I want to duel you after all."
"What's the matter? 'Fraid a girl will kick your butt?"
"But, you're not just any girl. You're the queen of dueling. Unless you're lying, of course."
"Maybe this will show you." She held up a monster card. The picture showed a panda with colors that made him look like a candy-cane.
"Tausura Panda!"
"Indeed."
"See, I can't handle that," Yusei said.
"Well, if you don't duel me now, my gang will steal your Duel Runner."
"What?"
"You heard me, bowling pin."
"I don't believe you."
"Oh, really?" Hontai held up a tubular camera. Tubular cameras require two to operate. They are a little like walkie talkies, except that you can see what's going on the other end, instead of hearing it. And Yusei could see several sixteen-year-old girls giggling and playing around his Duel Runner.
"Hey! Tell them to leave that alone!"
"I won't, unless you duel me, Yusei."
"Fine, Miss Nurvust. I'll duel you."
"One more thing. Call me Hontai."
Yusei nodded in agreement, as she called her girls on her cell, whispering so that Yusei couldn't hear.
"Well, let's get this party started," Hontai said. Both duelists pulled out their Duel Disks.
[4000/4000]
Several people in the grocery store stopped to watch the duel.
"You go first, chum."
"As you wish," Yusei said. I'll start things off by summoning Cloud Splicer (300/2100) in attack mode. Then I set three cards.'
Yusei's monster looked like a rocky road ice cream snowman with scissors instead of hands.
"Nice move, for a bowling pin," said Hontai. "I activate Giant Trunade. All your lame-o cards in your Spell/Trap Zone returned toyour hand. Then I special summon Gilasaurus, followed by another Gilasaurus! And that's not all, hot-shot. I sacrifice these two in order to summon Panda Samurai (2800/1000)!"
Yusei cringed. He crossed his fingers, hoping that Hontai didn't have her signature card in her hand.
"Panda Samurai, attack Cloud Splicer with Spotted Sword Thrust!"
If you've never seen a giant panda sit on rocky road ice cream, I hope you never do. It's a nasty business. Panda Samurai has an odd sword technique. It has to be sitting on its opponent first. Then he twists the sword around, hilt, point, hilt, point, hilt, point, till the opponent is screaming in agony. Of course, holograms don't scream in agony. But if these has been real monsters, Cloud Splicer's roar of anguish would've burst some eardrums.
[2500/2500]
"Wha…what happened?" Hontai asked. "How'd I lose Life Points?"
"It's part of Cloud Splicer's special ability," Yusei explained. ""Both players take Battle Damage when battles with him take place."
"How uncanny!" Hontai exclaimed, clearly pleased. "You may be more than a bowling pin after all. I set a face-down."
"I set a monster face-down, as well as the three cards I had face-down before. That's all for now."
"I activate the Equip Spell, Bamboo Stride! With this card, my Panda Samurai can deal the difference between his attack points and your defense points to you as Battle Damage."
"Activate Magic Drain!"
Hontai laughed. "Thank you, Yusei."
"I'm either going to negate your Spell or force you to discard a Spell, and you are thanking me?"
"Looks like you don't know much about Hontai Nurvust's method of dueling. Yusei, my favorite type of card is the Spell Trap. And I activate one now! Hister Blaster!"
Automated Female Voice: Hister Blaster is a Spell Trap that allows you to add one Nomi monster from your Deck to your Hand.
"Thanks to this, I can get one Tausura Panda from my Deck. So, that is why I thank you." Hontai smiled sweetly at Yusei. "And now I can Special Summon Tausura Panda (2800/1400) from my hand, by Tributing Panda Samurai!"
Once Hontai's monster had been summoned, Yusei said, "Yeah well, I'm sure a monster that looks like it belongs on a Christmas tree can be defeated."
"Shows what you know! I activate Foolish Barrel, to send one Gyaku-Gire Panda from my Deck to my Graveyard! And for every monster with 'Panda' in its card name in my Graveyard, Tausura Panda gains 400 ATK! I count two, so that's a boosted 800 attack points. And now, I have him attack your face-down with Body Burst Force!"
"Activate Scrap-Iron Scarecrow! This nifty card negates your attack, then returns face-down on the Field."
Hontai glared at Yusei. "Make your move, hot-shot."
"With pleasure. Now, I summon Junk Synchron, which lets me bring back Cloud Splicer from the Graveyard. Then I activate Double Summon to Normal Summon Goblin Calligrapher! And now I Flip Summon Sonic Chick. Then, prepare to be stunned and amazed as I use Junk Synchron and all of my monsters to Synchro Summon Stardust Dragon!"
A beast of shimmering light now stood on Yusei's field.
"So you summoned a monster with 2500 ATK," Hontai said. "It's not enough to defeat my Tausuran Panda."
"Stardust Dragon, attack with Cosmic Flare!"
"What are you doing?" Hontai shrieked.
"What does it look like I'm doing?"
"Losing on purpose."
"We shall see."
Stardust Dragon's attack hit Tausuran Panda dead on. But the panda pushed its weight against the dragon, causing the latter to collapse and vanish from the field.
[1400/2500]
Yusei smiled. "Now, when one of my monsters is destroyed in battle after I declared an attack, I can activate this Counter Trap, Needful Chain, which allows me to activate a Spell Trap from my Deck. And I choose Behemoth Guillotine!" The card Yusei activated showed Hintonsu-Me Giant being eaten by Handcuffs Dragon. "This card destroys one monster on the Field. So, say goodbye to your Tausuran Panda!""
"No!" Hontai shrieked. But there was nothing she could do. Her Field was as empty as her hand.
"Your move."
"Fine. I draw, and summon Frenzied Panda (1200/1000) in attack mode. Attack him directly!"
[0200/2500]
Yusei drew his card. "I summon Speed Warrior in attack mode. His ATK doubles the turn he is summoned. Speed Warrior, take out that wretched panda!"
"It's Frenzied Panda, not wretched, you nincompoop!"
"It looks like an overstuffed teddy to me. But never mind that."
Speed Warrior took out Frenzied Panda. Some people watching the duel were giving Yusei disapproving looks. They wanted him to lose.
[0200/2100]
Hontai drew her card. "I've got nothing."
Yusei drew a card. "Ha! I just drew a monster that will ensure my victory! Come out, Philaster Kid (1200/300)!"
A monster with thin arms that looked as if it were wearing a goldfish bowl on top of its head appeared on Yusei's field. Its legs were ice cubes.
"With Philaster Kid on my Field, you can't attack. And during my next Standby Phase, he goes to the Graveyard, and deals half his original ATK to your Life Points. But enough said. Speed Warrior, attack Hontai directly!"
The monster banged into the girl's duel disk, causing her to fall and the audience to groan.
"Now, Philaster Kid, do your stuff!"
Hontai was still down as Yusei's monster slammed into her.
[0200/0100]
She lay motionless, and some people thought her unconscious. Then a kid began to chant, "Hontai, Hontai, Hontai!" Others joined in, and soon she was back on her feet.
"Make your last move," Yusei said.
"I will." Hontai grinned when she drew her card. "Time to die. I summon Maji-Gire Panda!"
Yusei laughed. "That won't do you any good. You can't attack with it, thanks to Philaster Kid."
"I don't need to attack with it, bowling pin. All I need to do is activate Mass Driver. With it, I can send my monster to the Graveyard in order to deal 400 damage to your Life Points!"
A tiny cannon appeared on the Field. Maji-Gire Panda squeezed into it and was shot out at Yusei.
[0000/0100]
"I win!" Hontai said, as the crowd roared. People returned to their shopping. Yusei grimaced. He had lost a duel.
"Well, I knew you would win," Yusei said, though he hadn't. He felt sure he had it in the bag.
"Yeah, bowling bin. And I think I'll take your Duel Runner as a trophy."
"No, you can't do that!"
Hontai dialed on her cell phone. "Girls, take off with it." She hung up, gave Yusei a smirk, and walked out of the store, head held high.