A/N at end. Spoiler Alert: TRC Volume 18 onwards.
TRC: Not mine. This idea came from one of those plot-bunnies that invaded my cob-web infested brain box after seeing Fay's (evolved, and arguably more boyish) avant-garde style. He's a bishy that way.
Feedbacks are highly appreciated.
He never really wondered what would become of him if ever he lost his sight. To begin with, part of the reason why he never even dreamed of thinking about it was his magical ability. In Celes, or even in his so-called home world in another dimension that he simply wished to forget, it was all that defined who he was— he was maltreated because of it; forgotten because of it; became corrupted because of it; and what's worse, he thought bitterly, was he was used because of it. They were used because of it.
I'm sorry... I'm so... sorry.
He didn't want to hurt anybody but, circumstances— fate, it seemed, planned otherwise.
Another part of his reason why he never really thought of blindness was he was always preoccupied by a certain thought, and yet, he never really understood what he really wanted. He never really understood, until the memory of their choice returned.
The one from below asked to release you, Fay. What is your choice now?
I don't care if Fay dies. Get Yuui out of here. You must get Yuui out of here without fail!
That was Fay's memory.
I'm sorry. It's my fault that you weren't allowed to rest even then.
It was Fay's memory that he received and he thought, all this time, that it had been him who condemned his brother to his death.
The one from below asked to release you, Fay.
Yuui asked the voice to release Fay. But Fay refused, asking instead to release Yuui without fail.
That man's voice... It was his fault. It was his fault that Fay died. But he wondered, was it really that man's fault when his curse urged him to stab Sakura-chan? The curse which prompted him to kill anybody who was more powerful than he was?
Put it away. You're not going to hurt anybody else with that sword again...
Sakura-chan...
Not even your self.
He was pathetic.
"You shouldn't feel like that at all, Fay-san."
He looked up from where he was and searched for the voice. He knew it was a dream. It couldn't be anything else— it has to be a dream because...
"Sakura-chan...?" He reached out and there she was, standing before him.
"Fay-san... I'm glad that everyone is alive... I'm glad that everyone's been taking care of you."
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." something clogged in his throat, "would you... would Sakura-chan forgive me?"
"Fay-san," she held him gently, "there's nothing to forgive..."
"But—"
"Listen to me," she gently forced their eyes to meet, "do you remember when you told me that everything will be as I wish?"
He nodded, almost meekly.
"And, I'm sure you remember when you made a promise that from now on, the thing that you will value most will be—"
"Myself..." he cast his eyes down, "I remember."
"But," she gently tilted his head, "you're not trying hard enough, are you? Fay-san...?"
"... Do you..." he hesitated, as if finding the right words was the hardest thing that he had ever done, "does my princess wish that I try harder?"
She smiled and nodded, "you should."
Something swept over him— a splurge of emotion, maybe, or even guilt; but whatever it was he couldn't take it anymore. He knelt down, took her hands in his and kissed it gently as he wept, muttering over and over again how sorry he was— for causing pain to Sakura-chan, for being so weak, for being—
"Don't be sorry..." said Sakura, pulling him closer in a warm hug because that was what Fay-san needs more than anything, "Mokona was right when he said that Fay-san was lonely, so don't be sorry."
"All I wanted was…" he quietly sobbed, "I wanted..."
"I love you, Fay-san..." she smiled at him when he froze, looking up into those sincere pools of emeralds and thought, how could such a curse cruelly made him hurt someone as pure and innocent as his princess? "Kurogane-san, Moko-chan, and even Syaoran-kun," he didn't miss the hint of sadness in her tone, "we all love Fay-san... because Fay-san—"
"—is Fay-san..." he managed a watery smile, "thank you, Sakura-chan..."
Thank you, my princess.
When he saw the first light of dawn at Nihon Country, he knew that everything would never be the same. Everything was changed since Mokona dropped them off in Tokyo. Everything changed when the "real" Syaoran took the place of the child who traveled with them before, the one whom Sakura-chan cherished, although he figured as much that they were more similar than anybody could ever comprehend. Everything changed when he had stepped in Celes once more, and emerged as a different person— not necessarily better, but different, nonetheless— with the help of his friends. Everything changed when he... had nearly killed Sakura-chan, and yet she said that there was nothing to forgive.
"... and the price?" Kurogane's gruff voice took in a warning tone.
"I received it," answered Fuuma, "from Yuuko-san, that is."
"I'm not giving anything to that witch for it, you know..." his eyes strayed briefly towards Tomoyo-hime, and then...
"I promised the witch I would pay for this one," the thing now was it wasn't really a question of what would become of him if ever he lost his sight, "while you were asleep."
It was more like he never really wondered what would become of him if ever he loses his magical ability— the very aspect of his existence that defined who he was until now. Until he met Sakura-chan, Kurogane, Mokona, and even Syaoran-kun.
It doesn't matter if you could use magic or not. Fay-san is Fay-san...
He had kissed her hand at that time, and treated it as something that would easily break. And, perhaps, he was right.
My only princess...
"Fay... your eye... Its color... It's turned gold..."
"The source of my magic comes from the blue color of my eye," then suddenly, he realized, it really doesn't matter to him anymore, "Mokona, send this to the witch."
"But—!"
"Don't worry, I can still see perfectly. This is just..." he held out the small crystal shard, "the last of my magic."
"You mustn't!" exclaimed Mokona, "If you don't have your magic... Fay...!"
"I won't die just from not having this..." because all he wanted was to be loved, "my vampire's blood... will keep me alive."
Sakura-chan... My princess... My reason to live.
"Besides, handing over my own life in exchange for something...? I would never do that," then promise me, that from now on, the thing that you will value most will be yourself, "well... not anymore."
And she had given him what he had yearned for.
Everything will be as you wish, my princess.
Author's Note:
1. This is my first Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles fiction, and as of now, I'm not planning to write anything more because, really, it's just Fay that made an impression on me. As of now. And because I love Fay-sama so much, I think, what he really needs is a big warm hug and aaaaall the love that he can handle after suffering from so much. Dedicated to my fangirl tendencies.
2. Ahaha. So it is. My bad. MoonDaemon kindly informed me that the spelling is Fay. (Scratches head) Could somebody please tell me where I could read the character guide thing online? 3. As for the OCC moments... well, I have a good guess it happened during the "dream" part of this fic. That's the only thing original here (the others, especially the dialogue, were taken from the manga itself, because you know, I think the anime is crap-loaded) and since Fay was pretty much changed since the first curse was activated (and, prolly, he really is a sweet and nice guy for all we know), I don't see any reason why he wouldn't breakdown in front of Sakura-chan after suffering a trauma, in the form of himself stabbing Sakura-hime when he promised that he'd protect her.
4. I think Sakura-hime presented what I wanted to do at the time when Fay nearly lost his mind after the chess finals, and since this thing is purely based on my overactive imagination, I guess it, pretty much, is. Those two guys with him are just not the touchy-type so someone has to do it. And I figured that I can't be on it. So I kindly asked Sakura-chan to visit Fay-sama in his dreams as she is conveniently in dreamland as well.
Yes, I'm insane.
But probably not more than those people who think that monster!Syaoran, after eating poor Fay-sama's left eye, is still cool. I think he should rot in hell. By all means.