When it first started, she didn't approach him. He knew she knew what happened, he saw it in her eyes every time he saw her. At first he hated her, she never once attempted to help him, never once tried to save him. But one day she came into his room after it happened with a basin of water. She gently washed away the blood and helped him into a new set of clothes.
"It's ok sweet boy," she whispered as she ran her fingers through his hair and held him close. He inhaled her sent, the light fragrance of spice and fire lilies. He let her cradle him in her arms and place soft kisses on his head because he missed it; he missed the feeling of a mother's love. She's not his mother, it'd been made painfully clear to him by his father, but his father hasn't killed her or sent her away, so that must mean he cares for his child on some level… right?
She's not much older then him, maybe six years older? She's a half breed, that much he can see, because even though she has the pale skin and black hair of the fire nation people her eyes are a beautiful ocean blue. He loves those eyes, always filled with love and compassion for him and only him.
She comes to his room every night to sit with him and play with him and he loves it. She's like a new mom, and that scares him to no end. He has to remind himself that she isn't his mother, that his mother is gone and he'll likely never see her again; but it's hard not to get lost in her touch and her love. As the fire crackles in the fireplace to their left he can't help but feel a rare moment of happiness, she's sitting behind him, her long fingers running through his hair as she pulls it up away from his face into a bun so it doesn't tangle in the night. They aren't talking, they rarely do, but she's humming and singing a sweet lullaby that is centuries old. He wants nothing more then to close his eyes and allow her warmth to consume him, but he knows if he does he will be all the more heartbroken when the inevitable happens and his father takes her away.
He's delighted when a week goes by and his father has not visited. It was the happiest he'd felt in a long time. His sister was to busy with her friends and traveling to bother him and his father had yet to take the girl he'd come to refer as mom in his head, away from him. She sits across from him, a loving smile on her face as she twirls his fingers with her own. They sit in front of the fire place on the plush carpet, her eyes glittering in the fire light. Fear suddenly wells inside him when the doors to his chamber open, because only two people ever enter his room after the sun is set and the one whose company he enjoys is already with him. He feels the tears well in his eyes when he sees his father step into view, but he refuses to let them fall.
His father is gazing upon them, his face schooled to show no emotion as he steps towards him. He's scared, because even though he knows that his father knows about her nightly presence, his father has never visited while she was there; but the words that escape his father's mouth shock him. His father tells her to stand and all he wants to do is reach out and throw himself into her warm embrace. He shakes with fear as his father gives her a pointed look. His fear turns to confusion and awe when his father tells her that she is relieved of her servant duties and will instead be the caregiver of his son. His father tells her that she will also be granted limited control over his sister and that his father will make his sister aware of these changes. When his father leaves she pulls him into her arms and strokes his hair, whispering words of love and comfort.
As the years go by she grows older and so does he, but when together she is still the doting mother and he is still the loving little boy that adores her. He's not with her as often because his Uncle takes him on long trips, but every time he returns to her she pulls him into her arms and whispers love into his ear. When he's home she still visits every night, never late or tardy. She still holds him in her arms and kisses away the tears after his father's visits. He relishes in her comfort and love and he watches her blossom into a young woman, though he could never look upon her with intentions any different from those of a child. She looks healthier every time he returns from a trip. One time he is shocked to find her usual fire nation dress replaced with a light green earth kingdom one with a pink rose in her hair. She pulls him into her arms again with joy and asks him all about his journey.
When he turns thirteen he introduces her to his first girlfriend, the daughter of one of his father's generals. They don't have much in common but they both try for his sake. They don't meet more then twice.
He comes to her one morning; she's sitting against a tree by the pond, holding a book with one hand and petting a turtle duck with the other. He runs to her, falling before her with a large goofy grin on his face as he tells her all about how his Uncle is going to take him to a war meeting. He sees the fear in her eyes, but she pulls him into her arms and congratulates him. When she pulls away she cups his face in her hands and presses her lips against his forehead. She tells him she loves him, her sweet boy, and he smiles at her. He leans against her and her green clad arm encases him as she returns to reading her book. He doesn't mind, he loves her and he loves spending time with her. He didn't know that it was the last time he would ever be in her arms.
Later at the meeting he speaks out against a general and almost instantly regrets it, almost. She taught him better then to sit back and allow a bunch of innocent men to be slaughtered for no good reason. When his father insists on a dual, he accepts, because he's not going to back down, not when he knows he's in the right.
They waste no time in getting everything ready. They're surrounded by people, so many people. He doesn't feel afraid, he knows he should but he doesn't. He turns, expecting to see the general but is instead shocked to see his father. He stalls, horror covering his face when he realizes what's expected of him. He turns his head, feeling her more then seeing her. She's sitting in the second row, horror and desperation in her eyes with her hands covering her mouth and her shoulders trembling. For a moment a feeling of calm and something else he can't describe wash over him, because someone is scared for him, loves him enough to worry. He does the only thing he can think of; he falls to his knees and begs his father's forgiveness. His father is unmerciful and all he remembers is the white hot pain on the left side of his face and hearing his own screams of agony. As his father speaks the words of banishment he turns and gazes upon her with his good eye. She's sobbing, fighting the guards to run to his side but they hold her back.
Years pass before he sees her again. He returns to the palace with his sister as she lies to their father. The minute he stepped off the ship he expected to be pulled into her embrace again, but she wasn't there. He doesn't ask his sister where she is, his sister would just taunt him. He goes to his room and waits, but she doesn't come. When his father visits him that night and leaves him once again broken and bleeding, he expects her to come through the door with a basin of water, but she doesn't.
He sees her on the third night, he's walking through the halls, unable to sleep but able to walk do to his father being called away. He walks past his father's room and peaks in. He is about to leave when a flash of familiar green catches his eye. He pushes open the door to see her asleep in his father's bed, shackles imprisoning her wrists and ankles. He wants to run to her, but he knows he can't. He forever regrets walking away.
On the night of the eclipse he confronts his father, tells him he's leaving to join the very ones that wanted his father dead. When he leaves his father, he leaves her too.
After joining the group of nomadic teenagers, he feels a shift within him, guilt that's eating away at him. Every time he looks into the eyes of the water tribe girl and her brother he sees her ocean blues eyes and he can't stand it. He tosses and turns and he wakes up in the middle of the night in tears.
On the night of the comet, after fighting alongside the water tribe girl against his sister, he goes to his father's room. He's the new leader, it's his now. His father is as good as dead to him. He expected to see her shackled to the bed like last time, but she isn't. His blood runs cold when he sees her. She's on the floor, on her side facing away from him, one arm outstretched under her head and the other laying across her stomach. He runs to her to see her eyes still open, staring blankly at nothing. There was no life in her, her body was cold. There was blood on her legs and not far there is a pool of blood along with a clear liquid and a bundle of tissue. He feels sick when he realizes what it is, who it was. He would have had a baby brother or sister, but his father had killed it along with it's mother. He cradled the woman that was only 23 in his arms and sobbed. He sobbed for her, himself, and the unborn baby that would never have a chance to see the world and breathe it's breath.
He didn't tell the others who she was, he didn't see a point. He simply buried her and the bundle of tissue that would have been his sibling. He'd not only lost a mom for the second time, but he'd lost her sweet precious baby, and it was all his fault. He shouldn't have been so foolish to think his father wouldn't kill her. He should have taken her with him. He felt his blood boil with anger. His father wasn't going to take everything away from him, he wasn't going to let him. With angry strides he descended the stairs that led to the prison. He walked as far back as the cave allowed and opened the door that held his childhood tormenter. Since he was a small boy this man had raped him and molested him. It took a long time but he'd finally learned that his father never loved him.
"Zuko," his father greets him. He has to bite back a remark as he leans in as close to his father as the bars would allow. His father had taken so much from him, it was time he take it back.
"Where is my mother?" he demands. He's not sure which one he's referring to, the one that loved him and treasured him over Azula, or the one that loved him and protected him the best she could even though she could have easily been disposed of.
His father chuckles lightly before reaching through the bar and grasping his hand.
"I'll never tell," the evil man laughs.