Disclaimer: I own nothing in this wonderful franchise. Bioware/EA Games has it all.

Chapter One

"Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything."

Everything by Lifehouse

"Merrill, how is he? Please tell me Anders will be okay? Please tell me he can be healed." Parker asked desperately, her need to know he was going to be okay throbbed painfully in her chest. She knotted her hands together at her chest. She was fighting the tears from falling. Parker sat on the edge of the bed that Anders was on and gripped his hand. Her head fell to her chest. "Why, Anders? Why did you have to try and be the hero? Why?" She sobbed greatly, pulling his cold hand to her lips.

Merrill looked at her friend, a look of sadness on her face. She didn't want to upset Parker, but she was no healer and from what she saw, there was nothing she could do. He didn't have long. "Hawke," Merrill hung her head, "I'm sorry. If Justice wasn't in his body, he would make it."

"Then take him out."

Merrill's head shot up, "I can't do that, Hawke, it would kill Justice. Justice can't be taken out without a willing host to house him and even then, it could kill the host. And to even do that, it would require blood magic, very old, forbidden Elven blood magic."

"I will house Justice. Put him in me."

"Hawke, don't," Aveline said, walking up to Parker and kneeling in front of her, "You could die."

"I don't care, Aveline, I can't let Anders die!" Parker looked into her friend's eyes. "I just can't." A tear slid down Parker's cheek, falling on top of Anders' cold hand.

"Hawke, if you die in this process, all of this, all of what Anders did to protect you, will be in vain," Aveline said, resting her hand on Parker's knee.

Parker looked up at Merrill, who had a sorrowful look on her face. She turned to look in Aveline's eyes, "I'm sorry, Aveline, but I can't let Anders or Justice die." Aveline's face fell and it hurt Parker to see that she was hurting her friend, but she couldn't let the man she loved die before she ever got a chance to tell him. "Merrill, what do I need to do?"

Merrill had a look of worry on her face, "Hawke, I've never done this, it's part of the forbidden magic. What if I mess up? I've only read about it and from what I read, it sounded very complicated. And it was only performed on other mages, I don't know what will happen if it's done on rogue."

Parker's eyes locked onto Merrill's, "I trust you Merrill. I have complete confidence in you." Parker smiled.

Aveline walked back to the corner of the room, her face drawn into one of disapproval. Parker shot her a grim smile. Aveline just shook her head, "I'm going to go inform the others; they should all be here."

"Maker knows they will all disagree," Parker chuckled lightly. "I'm ready Merrill, we haven't much time."

Merrill nodded her head and walked over to Anders. She slid her finger into some of Anders' blood and walked over to Parker. "I need you to remove your armor all the way down to your breast band." Parker nodded and started about the task. Merrill pulled out her dagger and watched as Parker removed the last piece of clothing before her breast band. "You should lie down." Parker slid next to Anders and lay down. Merrill drew the finger that had Anders' blood on it down the center of Parker's chest; she then drew her dagger down the center of the line of blood. Parker looked over at Anders and smiled, another tear escaping down her cheek. Her blood mingled with Anders' blood. Merrill began chanting in Elvish and pulled out a fresh dagger and drew the blade across her wrist.

Parker's body went rigid and a light emanated from Anders' body. Merrill's chanting got faster and louder. The door to her mansion room was thrown open and all her companions stood there, worry contorted their features. A light burst from Parker's body, "Hawke, no!"

Parker looked at Fenris, tears streaming down her face, "I'm sorry, Fenris," she smiled weakly. Her back arched upwards as a light came ramming into her body. The last thing Parker saw before the light faded from her eyes was Fenris collapse to the ground. Her vision went black.

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Anders' mind stirred, 'Where am I? Why am I in so much pain?' Anders pushed some healing magic through his body to the source of the pain. He tried to open his eyes only to be assaulted by a bright light coming from the window to his left. 'Justice, where are we?' Anders received silence. 'Justice?' Still nothing spoke back to him in his head. Anders shot up from the bed, now fully awake. He opened his eyes after hearing someone move from the corner of the room.

"This is your fault, mage!" Fenris stormed over to Anders. "If you hadn't of thrown yourself into that great sword, none of this would have happened! It would have all been avoided! She wouldn't be lying in the next room fighting for her life! Why couldn't you just die?" Fenris yelled and drew his fist back to punch Anders. Varric reached up and grabbed Fenris' arm and shook his head. Fenris stormed out of the room, slamming the door in his wake.

Varric sighed, "I'm sorry about that, Blondie. How are you feeling?

Anders looked confused and scared, "What happened to me? Who is fighting for their life? The last thing I remember is jumping in front of Parker when that warrior charged her when she had her back turned. I can't hear Justice, what's happened?"

Varric hung his head and sighed, "You can't hear Justice because he's no longer a part of you."

"WHAT? How is that possible? I've looked through all kinds of books, there's no such magic." Anders looked at Varric, "What aren't you telling me?"

Varric shuffled his feet and looked Anders square in the face, tears brimming his eyes, "Anders, don't be mad. Promise me you won't lash out at her."

"Varric, just tell me," Anders said.

Varric swallowed, "Hawke took Justice into her own body." Anders' eyes about bulged out of his skull and his jaw dropped. He shook visibly with rage. He never wanted this. He only wanted her safe. What made her do something as stupid as take a spirit of justice into her body?

"Where is she? Where is Hawke? I must talk to her immediately." Anders stood, but fell back to the bed, his body too much to hold up.

"Blondie, take it easy, you need your rest. That wound of yours is still healing. Merrill can only heal so much. She's no real healer." Varric rested a hand on Anders' arm.

Anders pulled his arm away, "I can heal myself." He held his hand over his wound and generated a strong healing spell. "How long have I been unconscious?"

"Six days." Varric pulled a chair up to Anders, "She did it for you, you know. She couldn't lose another after losing Carver and then Bethany."

"How did they do it?"

"How did they do what, Blondie?"

Anders looked into Varric's eyes. Varric looked away uncomfortably. "How did they transfer Justice over?"

Varric made a fist, "Merrill used an ancient Elven blood magic spell."

Anders sighed, he had completely healed his wound. He stood on unsteady legs. Varric stood and held him to help support his weight. "Thanks, Varric." Varric nodded with a sad smile. "I'm guessing Fenris isn't the only one mad at me?"

Varric sighed as they walked to the door, "They're not mad at you as much as they're mad at themselves."

Anders and Varric walked over to the next room where Parker was. Before opening the door, Varric blocked his path, "Varric, I need to see her."

"Give me your word you won't blame yourself." Varric had a steely look on his face. Anders nodded his head in agreement. "No, Blondie, I want to hear it."

Anders looked grimly down at the dwarf, "I promise, Varric, I won't blame myself."

Varric nodded his head and opened the door slowly. He kept his head down as he walked into the room. Anders saw Varric's shoulders trembling before Varric turned and left the room with so little as a sob that had escaped his lips. Anders looked confusedly after the dwarf. He turned and slowly walked into the room. His eyes finally caught what Varric couldn't handle. Anders' hands flew to his mouth. "Maker, no. Why her?" Tears flooded to Anders' eyes. What lay before him was the withering form of the one he had longed to be loved by. Her skin was dangerously pale when it was normally richly tanned. Her normally chocolate brown hair was limp and greasy. She had lost a considerable amount of weight. He walked closer to her, his hands trembling. He reached out and gently wrapped her hand in his. 'It's so cold.' Her breathing was shallow.

Anders looked around the room when he saw Sebastian enter the room with a vase of flowers; a beautiful arrangement of orchids and hydrangeas. Sebastian walked passed Anders and set the flowers on Parker's bedside table pulling a chair up by her bed. He glanced over at Anders and gave him a small smile, "She'll be okay, friend, she's a lot stronger than any of us."

Anders felt Parker's hand grip his tightly. He looked up at her face, but nothing registered. He used his other hand and held it over her body. Anders couldn't find anything physically or internally wrong with her. He pulled a chair up to the side of her bed and just watched her.

It would be a month before Parker woke up and through that month, Anders only ever left her side to tend to his clinic.

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"Hawke?" Justice called out into the Fade. Silence answered his call. Justice continued walking through the Fade.

"It's your fault your father, Bethany, and Carver died. Nothing but death follows in your wake."

"That's not true!"

Justice rushed to the source of the voices.

"It is true, Parker. Even your mother blames you. You have done nothing but let the people around you suffer."

"I will not listen to you, Demon," Parker said as she unsheathed her dagger. "Anders would never say anything like that. He is much kinder and gentler than anyone I have ever met. You defile his name with your accusations. Now show me your true form, quit hiding in Anders' form."

Justice came to a halt when he saw Parker's injured body. The body of Anders transformed into a rage demon.

"What's one more demon to my already endless count of them?" Parker rushed the demon striking him down with her flourishes.

Parker collapsed to one knee, her breaths coming out ragged and short. She didn't know how much more of this she would be able to take. She just had to find Justice and then they could hopefully leave the Fade. She didn't know how long they had been in the Fade, but she was going to guess it had been a while.

"Hawke!" Justice rushed to Parker's side. She looked even worse up close.

Parker smiled, "I see you are unharmed, Justice. If only I had that same luck," Parker chuckled. "I've been looking for you. Did the transfer work?"

Justice sighed, "Yes, it worked."

"Great, then we can leave now." Parker went to stand when she felt Justice's hand rest on her arm. She looked at Justice confusedly, "Justice, what's wrong?"

"Why'd you do it?"

"Why'd I do what?" Parker asked quietly, looking away.

"Hawke, you know what I want to know."

"I couldn't let you both die, I couldn't let Anders die."

Justice shook his head, "This will completely change you. Are you prepared for that?"

Parker smiled, "Of course I am. If it means saving Anders, I would go to the ends of the earth to achieve it."

"That's not what I mean, Hawke." Parker's smile faltered. Justice could read the confusion on her face. "You now have magic coursing through your veins. You must harness that magic."

"So I'm now some kind of Spirit Rogue?" Parker asked.

"Yes, you can now harness the magic of the Fade and use it in your battles." Justice stared down at his new host, "I've never been in a female's body before."

Before she could stop herself, she laughed, "I'll be gentle." She winked at Justice who looked away trying to hide his blush. "It'll be fine, Justice, just don't mind my mood swings a few days out of the month."

Justice smiled and retorted, "As long as you don't mind my awkward questioning of female habits."

Parker chuckled, "Just promise me you'll call me Parker from now on." Justice nodded his head. "Good, now let's go home." Parker stood and took Justice's hand. Together they left through the Fade back to Parker's withering body.

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Parker groaned, her body felt weak and sore. The weight on the bed shifted and she felt strong arms wrap her frail body against their warm chest.

"Thank the Maker, Hawke, I thought we had lost you for good."

Parker's throat was entirely too dry, "Sebastian?" she managed to quietly question. She opened her eyes slowly and he pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"How are you feeling?" He questioned, rubbing small circles on her back.

"I feel like an ogre crushed half my body under his foot. Can I have some water?" It felt like nail were being dragged down her throat. Sebastian reached for the glass of water he had been drinking from she assumed and he tilted her head back and gently poured the soothing liquid down her throat. "Thanks," she said as he put the glass down. "How long have I been in bed for?"

Sebastian looked away, "A little over a month."

Parker's jaw dropped. "Please tell me Anders is okay? Where is he? I must see him. I must know he's alright." She pulled out of Sebastian's arms and moved to the edge of the bed. Sebastian had a look of hurt drawn across his face. Parker shrugged it off and went to stand. She immediately fell in heap on the floor. She heard her wrist snap before she felt it. She cried out in agony. Sebastian knelt next to her and held her tightly to him.

Isabela came running into the room after hearing the crash upstairs and the sight of Parker crying against Sebastian's chest, and him holding her wrist out only meant that Parker hurt herself. "Go get Anders," Sebastian said. Isabela nodded and ran out of the room at top speed. Sebastian rocked Parker back and forth, easing her body's trembling sobs. It seemed to take forever for Parker's sobs to ease. She had fallen asleep in Sebastian's arms. He ran his fingers through her hair and gently kissed the top of her head as Anders came rushing into the room. Sebastian looked up at Anders. Anders had a very hurt and upset look on his face. "She broke her wrist trying to get out of bed to find you and make sure you were all right. She's passed out again," he managed a weak smile.

"Get her back on the bed," Anders said as he went to grab some of his supplies the he had dropped outside of the door in his rush to see Parker. He came back in the room as Sebastian effortlessly lifted Parker and lay her gently on the bed. Anders walked up next to the bed and sat on the edge of it. He rested his hand on her wrist and sent healing magic through it, mending the bone and torn muscle. He looked down at her malnourished body and sighed.

"I'll give you some time with her," Sebastian said as he left the room. "I'll go let the others know that she's awake." Anders nodded his head as Sebastian left.

Anders leaned down and rested a hand on Parker's cheek. She shivered and opened her eyes as she felt the warmth of his magic graze her cheek. Anders' eyes widened as he saw her once golden eyes now a bright sky blue. "Parker?"

Parker's shot up and threw herself into Anders' arms. "Anders!" she said, tears stinging her eyes. "I thought I had lost you!"

Anders choked back a sob as he wrapped his arms gently around her small frame. "Nope, you're still stuck with me," he chuckled.

"Good," she said, nuzzling into his chest. "Justice wants me to say hi for him."

Anders smiled, "Hi, Justice." Anders felt a wetness soaking through his robes.

"I need a bath, I smell bad." Parker chuckled, trying to lighten the situation.

Anders chuckled in return. Parker relished in the feel of the low rumble that emanated from his chest, the warmth that she longed to always have holding her. She clung tighter to him. "I will have Orana prepare a bath for you."

Parker watched Anders' retreating form , "Anders?"

Anders turned to look at her, a sadness present in his eyes, "Yes Hawke?"

She smiled, "Thank you for protecting me."

He smiled, and he was about to thank her when multiple people pushed passed him and in to see Parker. Anders sighed as he walked out of the room to inform Orana of Parker's wish for a warm bath.

Parker watched Ander's leave, a sadness drew over her face but was quickly replaced as all her companions swarmed around her, tears of joy springing up in many of their eyes. She smiled up at them all as they all went around the room arguing who was around to see her the most. Apparently Sebastian had won. "That's only because Chantry Boy has nothing better to do," Isabela chimed.

"At least I'm not trying to take every man or woman that enters Kirkwall to my bed," Sebastian chided.

"It's not every man or woman," Isabela pouted.

Everyone chuckled.

Anders never came back that night.

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To Be Continued