Title: Confessions of a Traitor

Genre: Harry Potter, Marauder's Era

Rating: PG14

Main Character: Peter Pettigrew

Pairings: James/Lily, Remus/Sirius, others

Summary: "Maybe that was when it had started. Or maybe it had always been there—the capacity to betray his best friends, to perform the Unforgivable Curses, to murder those he had thought he loved most."

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Part One: Being Worthy of James's Shadow

There was a time when James Potter meant more to Peter Pettigrew then air.

It wasn't anything like love, but regardless, Peter needed James. He needed someone to look up to, to worship, to guide him, to make him a better person.

Peter had never felt right in Gryffindor, House of the brave and good of heart. True enough, he had argued long and hard to be put there after James had told him it was his family House.

From that first meeting on the train, James was his life. He studied everything James did in hopes of one day being able to do it himself. He pursued the same ideals James did, even if he wasn't as successful.

It didn't matter much to him at the beginning that James often went off with Sirius and left him with Remus.

Peter knew he was boring. So he tried to become more interesting, in hopes that one day he would be worthy of James's shadow.

He didn't mind Remus. Remus was quiet and left him alone. He wasn't much fun though. Except for the werewolf part, but that had always freaked Peter out slightly. James had been accepting enough of it, so Peter had followed suit.

James has also decided that becoming Animagi was the best way to make sure that Remus knew he was part of the group, and that they cared about him. Peter nodded enthusiastically, regardless of the little voice in his mind asking where was his way to know he was part of the group? He ignored the voice and worked along side James and Sirius on the hardest project he had ever willingly accepted.

But… he was a rat. Nothing as cool as James as a stag, or Sirius as a dog, nope, he had the worst inner animal EVER.

Why couldn't he be a dragon, or a bull, or anything cooler then a measly rat? Even a cat would have been better—and he hated cats.

But, James, as wise as ever, told him that it was good he was a rat. They needed someone with stealth and speed to calm the Willow—they couldn't use a stick with paws or hooves after all. And plus, as a rat, he could sneak into all sorts of wonderful places—like the girl's bath!

James always knew the right thing to say.

That didn't stop Sirius from being an arse about it. He had decided they needed nicknames for their forms, like Remus had for his Wolf—Moony.

So he was dubbed Wormtail. Not as bad as the first few Sirius had suggested, but nothing as completely awesome like Prongs.

Finding the rat was hard—becoming the rat was harder.

James of course, mastered the change long before he did. His stag form was as elegant as it was formidable. Sirius wasn't far behind, and that only left Peter to lag as he always did.

At least this time he didn't need to compete with Remus to see who would be the worst loser. James and Sirius had known he would be last. There was none of the normal teasing and boyish competition when it came to Peter now that Remus was the only one left out of the task of becoming an Animagus. It was a breath of fresh air to the sole lagger of the group for once—although Peter would never say such a thing—this all was 'for Remus' after all.

With a lot of help, and a bit of luck, he managed to join the ranks of the youngest and most illegal Animagi ever.

Looking back on it, that task was certainly the one thing that he was actually completely proud of. There was no one else who could boast that even though they were awful at Transfiguration, they had managed a complete Animagi transformation—something even skilled wizards and witches struggled with for decades—something he had managed in a few mere years.

So they became the Marauders—Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs: youngest illegal Animagi ever in any history, anywhere, and creators of the Marauder's Map—a tool which Peter had finally put in his time and become useful to create.

After all, it had been Peter who had the ideal form to scope out secret passage ways and dormitories where any young Gryffindor boys would never be allowed.

What they didn't know was that he had kept the best secrets to himself. He never told them about the secret room that catered to your every need if you wanted it enough. He never told them about a funny tunnel he had found in the piping that led to snake covered statues. He never told them about the tiny tunnel that led straight from the Gryffindor common room to the outside.

Maybe that was when it had started. Or maybe it had always been there—the capacity to betray his best friends, to perform the Unforgivable Curses, to murder those he had thought he loved most.

Maybe it had started with that little voice in his head that always told him that he was never going to be good enough. Maybe it had started when the Sorting Hat had tried to put him in Slytherin or Hufflepuff (You're not fit for Gryffindor, but if you're sure that's where you want to go…). Maybe it had started when he found out his inner animal was one of the most detested creatures. Maybe it had been when he begun keeping secrets from those closet to him, hiding away little bits of information for use later. Maybe it had started when James—the one he worshiped, the one whose presence was like air to him—had fallen in love and inconsequence left Peter all alone with nothing and no one.

Maybe, just maybe, it had always just been his destiny to become the Traitor, to become the Betrayer, to become the True Murderer of James and Lily.