Glee is not mine.
Prologue
Have you ever felt your heart breaking?
You're standing on a street corner, watching supposed love of your life, the person who just recently was in your arms, kissed your lips, hugged your waist and promised you an eternity, the same person standing a few steps away from you, kissing someone else's lips embracing someone else's waist, whispering in someone else's ear that you are a "nobody."
Your eyes are immediately filling with tears; your throat is closing in a sharp breath. And it seems as if your head would explode from all the questions.
How? Why? When?
You're suddenly feeling sick and nauseous.
Someone asks whether you are all right or not.
How can you ever be all right again?
Someone is just passing by, shaking his head.
And the one you need, the one you so desperately want, just stands a few feet away from you, laughing at someone else's joke, smiling in a stranger's eyes, but with your smile. The very smile which over the years has become so dear to you. The very smile that always brought you to the knees. A smile that promised fun times, once you get to your apartment. But the smile is no longer yours, you sold the apartment and "you" are no more.
But you're still on your knees.
You stand and watch them go, constantly turning to each other, whispering nonsense in each other's ears, smiling, laughing. They are in love, they are living their happy life, and they are together.
At the same time you are broken and completely alone.
He turns and breaths in her scent, burying his nose in her neck, laying track of kisses to her ear, and you start to feel like you're prying into them, breaking their rights. That's what you're doing. You don't care.
Yet everything that you can think about, all that you feel is his breath on your neck, like a tickling breeze, and in a bad habit that you need to lose you rub the place on your neck where it always falls.
They go to the street corner, turning right, and you notice that they are going to the office part of the city, but you know that he works in the opposite direction, in the children's hospital closer to the edge of the town. So you decide that he's accompanying her to work after lunch. And just like that your lunches together are flashing before your eyes, those that you spent in the back of your classroom, his office, restrooms in the restaurant.
They had already disappeared around the corner; the person that asked about your health long time ago went to his car and drove home to his wife. People left in different directions. And you're still standing there, looking into the distance, into the past, remembering.
Remembering when you lived, when you loved. When he was yours.
You're certain that solitude is your new best friend. Because the last one was his sister. Because all your life is about him.
Was about him.
"Hell."
You hear it, at the same time realizing that someone bumped into you from behind, feeling the hot liquid spilling on your white blouse. A strong smell of coffee reaches you. You are standing near Starbucks after all.
"Lady, don't stand ..."
You turn to apologize and your words stuck in your throat. You look against the sun, while the sun illuminates you for him.
He isn't like him; he's taller, sharper, brighter. But your breath freezes again, for a very different reason, not from the pain but from something else that is not yet clear. And you suddenly hope that the past slowly becoming the past. Because you look into those perfect eyes of the future, not realizing that he is doing the same thing.
And only then you realize that you know those eyes, you know that chin, you already felt that smell once. And you're scared, hurt and sick. Because of yourself. Because once you did the same thing to him that someone just did to you.
And the past is suddenly still a present. And your tears are not unexpected. But you say that one thing you forgot to say years ago, when you left into a new life.
"I'm sorry."
Please review and share your thoughts with me :)
~ Ana