The Konoha Gazette
By: VD
A/N: OMG. Like, I don't know how to write an author's note! This is my first one! Well, hmm, let's see… Okay, so I just made this out of pure curiosity. Reading newspapers can do wonders!!
Oh well, let's just start!
i.
GODAIME HOKAGE TO RETIRE IN 2 YEARS! UZUMAKI NARUTO CHOSEN AS SUCCESSOR!
Article by: Shizune
It has been announced yesterday that Tsunade-sama, our beloved 5th Hokage will be retiring after two years. It has been publicly stated that Uzumaki Naruto will be the successor.
"I think Naruto will make a fine Hokage," the sake-loving medic-nin said. Well, we all have to agree with that! "But just in case, I want to make a public warning to Naruto," she continued. Here is the warning that Tsunade-sama wishes for Naruto to see:
Good day, Naruto. I, Tsunade, have obliged to hand over the title of 6th Hokage to you! As 5th Hokage, I wish you the best of luck. You have 2 years to prepare for it. Because Uzumaki Naruto, if the whole of Konoha falls down into a pile of rubble under your name, I will beat the CRAP out of you, you hear me?! I will crush your bones, rip out your hair, and castrate you in the open public! So, Uzumaki Naruto, please take good care of our village! I'm sure all the villagers will appreciate you!
Much Love, Tsunade: 5th Hokage
And there you have it. A public warning to Uzumaki Naruto, upcoming Hokage!
ii.
HYUUGA HEIRESS TO GIVE BIRTH TO TWINS! FLOWER GIRL 'INO' FINALLY PREGNANT!
Article by: pinkkunoichi2823 (A/N: It's pretty obvious who this is, right?)
Well, Konoha is bustling with pregnant women now, and no doubt that these famous kunoichi are too! We start off with mother-to-be Hinata Hyuuga-Uzumaki, who is expecting twins in 2 months!
"Well, me and Naruto-kun… Uhm… We're just really excited! When I had my ultrasound, I found out that I was bearing twins! And a boy and a girl to be exact!" says Hinata.
"Hopefully, my children will like ramen and possess my wife's lovely Byakugan! It's cute that way," father-to-be Uzumaki Naruto exclaims.
Aww! Ain't that sweet? Moving on, we have Nara Ino, the pretty face of the Yamanaka Flower Shops!
"Okay, so I really wanted a baby with my Shika-kun, since he was always lazy around the house. He didn't even want to hug me, let alone kiss me! But, well, I am THE Ino Yamanaka-Nara we're talking about here so, yeah, I seduced him, and he gave in, and well, we had the greatest night ever! It so happens to be that I was fertile that day and then after a few weeks, I realized I was pregnant! Oh, I just jumped up and down and I can't recall how many times I kissed and hugged my Shika-kun! But well, I'm pregnant, and that's that!" proud wife Nara Ino says.
"Ino was annoying. I simply gave in to her because it would be too troublesome if we had another quarrel. Then she got pregnant and began jumping like crazy. Seriously, jumping? Like crazy? That was so like her. Well, I thought about having a baby around would be troublesome, but yeah, that's fine I guess," Chuunin Exam Proctor Nara Shikamaru adds.
Well things will get better soon! We're going to have a lot of additions to the Konoha family! Babies will be keeping their shinobi parents in tiptop shape now! And before anything else, to every parent-to-be there, go to the General Store on Sunday, May 18. They are having a sale for baby stuff and all that!
I'll keep you updated, Konoha!
-Wink, wink!-
iii.
UCHIHA GETS PREGNANT… AGAIN! 2nd SHARINGAN USER DUE IN WEEKS!
Article by: Uzumaki Naruto A.K.A. Future Rokudaime Hokage
Okay, so after giving birth 2 years ago, Uchiha Sakura is pregnant… again. And whose fault is it? The father Uchiha Sasuke of course! 2 years ago, at the 23rd of September, they had their firstborn child, a gorgeous boy named Uchiha Syuusuke. The baby had his father's stuck-up chicken ass hair and had his mother's mesmerizing emerald eyes.
Uchiha Sakura is going to give birth to another boy 2 and a half weeks from now! The baby is expected to be as intelligent as his mother and as… well, uhm… cool as his father!
"Oh, I'm so happy! It's our second one, and we still want 18 more! Hahaha! I don't know, I'm just so excited! Syuusuke going to have a new playmate and brother at the same time! Sasuke-kun hopes that the new baby doesn't have pink hair. Mou, my hair is cute anyway! But we're really both ecstatic, you know," Sakura states.
"Seriously, I don't get it when people interview us just because my wife's giving birth again. Why would the whole of Konoha want to hear about that? Well anyway, yeah, it's a boy. Sakura's going to name him, I don't know what. I'm expecting my new son to be a genius, and yeah, to have a gentle heart like his mother. Tch, why am I even saying all these things?! Whatever, I just, I just feel happy, that's all," father Uchiha Sasuke says.
And so ends the interview of one of Konoha's hottest couple!
And just so you know, Syuusuke had actually activated his level-one Sharingan at the tender age of 2! That's a real record for the Uchiha Clan! Now that's to be expected of the son of the Top 2 Geniuses of our age batch (although we've got to count in Nara Shikamaru… But, let's just forget it).
We wish you guys the best luck!
iv.
KONOHA GREEN BEAST ROCK LEE ACCUSED AS THIEF!!
Article by: Hyuuga Neji
It might be really weird, but yes, Konoha's famous Green Beast Rock Lee has been accused by the Sand Village's Council. We all know that Godaime Kazekage, Gaara of the Sand, has clearly no eyebrows. And don't laugh, because he really doesn't have any! (A/N: I can't help but laugh… I ain't criticizing Gaara! I like him!)
Normally, a person would have eyebrows, but in the case of Gaara, that's highly abnormal. Elders of the Sand Village Council have accused our own Rock Lee as the thief of the current Kazekage's eyebrows.
"Seriously, I don't care about eyebrows. I was born without them. I really couldn't care less," says Gaara. His wife, Matsuri, said, "I agree with Gaara-kun! We really don't care about that matter at all. We, my daughter and I that is, love him anyway!"
The Council admitted that they didn't consult the Kazekage about this matter. Kankurou and Temari, Gaara's siblings actually agreed with the idea! As of now, Rock Lee is in Sand Village, probably being questioned by the Council.
Seriously, is there a law that says it's illegal to 'kidnap' eyebrows?! No offense, but, what were the Sand Village Elders thinking?!
We'll just keep you updated, 'kay?
v.
HYUUGA CLAN ECSTATIC! THIRD CHILD OF PRODIGY BORN LAST NIGHT!
Article by: Hyuuga Hinata
While me and my Naruto-kun are still expecting twins, my cousin, Hyuuga Neji, had his 3rd child last night! Everyone in the clan was practically jumping for joy! Heck, my father even did a little dance!
The newborn baby was a female, and the couple has decided to name her Miyuki! Mother Tenten Hyuuga chose the name but she doesn't plan on telling us the reason… Yet. "Isn't Miyuki a cute name? Neji-kun also agreed to that! Anyways, yes, I'm SO happy right now! This is our 3rd child, dammit! And I'm afraid I want more to fill up the whole Hyuuga Manor!"
I swear, my father nearly fainted after hearing Tenten-san say that! Of course, this article would be useless without a say from the Hyuuga prodigy, my cousin, Neji-nii-san. "Okay, so I'm supposed to say what I feel now? Hm, I guess you could say that I'm a bit enthused and happy. Another addition to the Hyuuga family would not be a problem anymore. I already have two kids here."
Hooray for the latest addition to Konohagakure AND the Hyuuga family, Miyuki-chan!
Okay, people. In case you did NOT know about Neji-nii-san's other two children, I'm giving a bonus part here to introduce them to you! Their firstborn was a girl named Kasumi. Kasumi-chan has long chocolate-brown hair which she likes wearing in two-buns. But apparently, she lives up to her father's name. Kasumi has already mastered Kaiten at the tender age of 5, and she's the quiet, stoic, genius one. Currently, she's number one in the Village Academy. Now, she's 7 years of age, and I believe she already knows how to locate the tenketsu!
Their next child was a boy named Ren. He is the spitting image of his father, although he acts like his caring and cheerful mother. He is about, um, 4 years old now! And he's beginning at the Ninja Academy.
Luckily, we got a word with Hyuuga Kasumi!
"I'll make a quick statement because I still have to train with Otou-san. Yes, I'm ecstatic because I have a new baby sister. I'm going to do my BEST to protect her and Ren-kun. That's it. Now go away before I lose my concentration," she coolly said.
Whoa, people! She really lives to the name of her father! Anyway Konoha, this is Hyuuga Hinata, saying goodbye and good day… In the name of Hyuuga! XD.
vi.
AUTHOR'S LAST NOTE:
Uhm, I just want to know if I'm to write a sequel about this. This was just an experiment, you know. Please review if you want me to update with a new chapter! Flames are accepted, but not too harsh, okay?