Disclaimer - I don't own Glee obviously. Hearing they added a Puck Jr. reminded me of something I always wondered about.
Jacob Puckerman looked at the girl sitting at the bar. No way was she 21, 19 maybe but 21? Never. If he had to guess, and he was good at this, 17 max. The old guy chatting her up went to the bathroom and Jacob made his move.
"Hey!"
"Hay's for horses." She giggled at the light-skinned black boy. Either she's younger than he guessed or she's smashed. Either way worked for him.
"I have to keep that in mind." He flashed his sexiest smile.
"That's nice." She leered back, her dark eyes reflecting the bar's lights. Sitting next to her he confirmed his first impression. She was gorgeous, coal black hair cascaded over her shoulders. She had dark exotic features. He was sure she wasn't black/white biracial like he was but she didn't look like a typical white person either. Maybe middle-eastern?
"Jacob." He handed her a beer.
"Rachel or Leah?" She laughed again at his puzzled expression. "Where the hell were you in Sunday school? Jacob had two wives, Rachel and Leah. A couple of concubines too but lets not go there. Rachel or Leah? Take your pick."
"Leah?"
"That'll work." She stood up. "Ready to go?"
"Go where?" Jacob was used to girls putting up more of a front than this one did.
"I thought you came over here for a specific reason and I wanted to get out before gramps gets back." She sat down again and made a show of looking around the bar. "My bad. I guess you were just attracted to my sparkling personality."
"No, you were right the first time." He said quickly. Too quickly.
"So you're not interested in my conversational skills?" She pouted, sticking out her lower lip seductively. Jacob was totally confused.
"That too." He said confidently. He learned over and pulled her lower lip between his teeth and kissed her.
"Nice save!" She stood up and pulled him towards the door. "Well then come on. I don't have all night."
Ten minutes later there were in the back seat of her car she had pulled off the flimsy dress she was wearing. There was nothing underneath it.
"First things first." she took his hand, which was shaking slightly, and kissed his fingers. Then she gently glided them into her vagina. She worked his fingers against herself for a few seconds and then pulled this wet fingers out. "Taste." She demanded.
"No!" He'd never done that before and wasn't going to start now.
She held his fingers lightly against her lips and then pressed them to his lips. "Taste!"
He pulled back and she laughed. "Then get out! Here I was, thinking I was dealing with a man! I've seen you at McKinley. Jake the snake prowling the halls, looking for prey. I've heard half the freshman class crying in the bathroom. Boo hoo hoo. I sucked his dick and he never called me again. Waa, waa, waa. But now it's different, huh?" She sat up and reached for her dress. "Those are my conditions. Take it or leave it."
He considered leaving it, for about two seconds. "You won't tell?" Oh, the humiliation. Could he just get this part over with and nail this girl?
"Gonna tell who what?" She said angrily. "Get out of my car!"
He licked his fingers. He expected them to taste fishy. Going to the fish market his friends called it. But no, it wasn't fishy at all. He couldn't describe her taste but it wasn't bad at all. She laughed and let the dress drop.
A minute later Jacob's head was buried between her thighs, tasting her. He could get to like this, maybe not this exactly and preferably not in a car, but definitely the effect it was having on her, when her cell phone rang.
It took her a minute or two to stop moaning long enough to hear the phone. "Shit! Sorry babe but I gotta take this."
"Now?"
"If I don't there'll be hell to pay. Two minutes! You can hold that for two minutes can't you?" She looked at the truly magnificent erection Jacob developed and gave it a firm squeeze. "Oh yeah, two minutes and it's showtime!"
Jacob pulled a condom from his pocket while she answered the phone.
"What the fuck do you want?" She listened for a minute. "I don't give a shit what you tell her. Did you worry those times I covered for you?" She laughed. "I thought not. Tell her I'm at the library or some shit. I'll be home in half a hour." She reached over to stroke Jacob's penis again. "Make that an hour." She laughed at something being said on the other end of the phone. "Damn you're a fucking nag. Your car is fine, fine as frog's hair." She laughed again. "Split three ways, bro. Three ways." She disconnected and turned off the phone.
"So where were we?" She straddled Jacob's lap and noticed a definite limpness. "Jesus, what happened? You always like that?"
"What did you just say?" He tried to push her naked body aside.
"What are you? 16, 17? From a biological point of view you're as good as you're ever going to be and it's over that quickly? You really oughtta..."
"About the frogs. What did you just say about the frogs?"
"That? That's just shit my dad says. Some Appalachian hillbilly thing. Ask him how he is and he says 'fine as frog's hair – split three ways'. See that's damn fine cause frogs don't have hair. Kind of the definition of an amphibian." She looked at Jacob's stricken expression. "Which I guess is irrelevant now." Still sitting on his lap she leaned backwards, arching her back to show off her firm breasts. No reaction from Jacob so she picked up her dress again. "You got something against hillbillies or is this some kind of frog phobia? Batrachophobia is what that's called. You're gonna need that for the SATs."
"No. It's just, my dad used to say that."
"Your dad's a hillbilly? Shit, I didn't know there were black hillbillies. Learn something never every day. Or so they say." She slid off his lap and pulled on her dress. "So I'm guessing we're done here? If so, I need to return this car to get my brother off my ass. You could be the Lima strangler for all he cares, just as long as you're not the Lima axe murderer. Get blood in his car and you're dead meat. You want a ride somewhere or am I saying goodbye here?" She got out of the back seat to sit behind the wheel.
"What's your name?" Jacob asked urgently. "Your real name?"
"Damn, you're a nosy bastard. Scheherazade Scherr. That good enough for ya?"
"Yeah. That's great." It was all a big coincidence. "Now come on back, I was just getting started."
- a couple of weeks later -
Jacob saw Sherry a couple of times later that week, always starting at the bar. He looked for her at McKinley but no luck. McKinley's a huge school and Jacob's, although a sophomore, is mostly in classes with freshmen, trying to catch up. Maybe she's a junior or something or maybe she lied about McKinley. Jacob finds it to impossible to tell when she's lying. He's not even sure her name is Sherry, or whatever that long name she said was. He thinks she must be a junior or senior, she's forever rambling on about SATs and scholarship applications. Once she helped him with his algebra homework, did it for him actually so they could get to 'the hookup part' as she put it and what he'd been struggling with for two hours took her 15 minutes. She promised to explain how she did it later and sure enough, there was an email with step by step directions in his mailbox. The one odd thing about Sherry was she didn't want to date him, didn't care that he was kinda sorta dating Marley. The only difference Marley made was Sherry only saw for a couple of hours around 5pm on Saturdays. Even that worked out because Marley worked on Saturdays. So except for that standing Saturday afternoon hookup he didn't think much about Sherry, or about frogs.
Jake and Marley sat in the back row, struggling with algebra homework. Neither of one understood this assignment and Jake was thinking this would take Sherry all of ten minutes. Unfortunately this was due tomorrow and he wouldn't see her until Saturday. He debated sending her a text, something he'd never done during the week, and suddenly there she was.
"Mr. Schuester." Blaine Anderson was walking in, followed by Sherry. "We're still a little low on members and Tamar from a couple of my classes volunteer to help us out for Sectionals."
Tamar, Jacob thought. Her real name is really Tamar?
Schuester looked up from the paper in front of him. "TAY-Mar?"
"Ta-MAR." The girl said with a smile. "Tamar Tomorrow's going to be my stage name. What do you think?"
"Oh, yes." He didn't mention it sounded like a stripper name. "So what would you like to sing for us?"
She borrowed a guitar from a band kid and starting playing, quite well Jacob noticed.
Midnight at the oasis
Send your camel to bed
Shadows paintin' our faces
Traces of romance in our heads
Heaven's holdin' a half-moon
Shinin' just for us
Let's slip off to a sand dune, real soon
And kick up a little dust
You don't have to answer
There's no need to speak
I'll be your belly dancer, prancer
And you can be my sheik
I know your Daddy's a sultan
A nomad known to all
With fifty girls to attend him, they all send him
Jump at his beck and call
But you won't need no harem, honey
When I'm by your side
And you won't need no camel, no no
When I take you for a ride
Midnight at the Oasis - Maria Muldaur
"Tamar!" Artie wheeled himself over to her when she finished. "When did you get back?"
She leaned over to kiss the boy in the wheelchair and Jacob got a nice shot of her leopard print throng underwear.
"I'm been back for a couple of weeks. Hiding out in AP classes. That's how I know Blaine, AP Chemistry and Calculus."
"Calculus! Aren't you a freshman?"
"Technicality." She waved her hand in the air. "You singing lead this year?"
"Later." He glanced at Blaine. "We can discuss that later. How you fixed for dinner?"
"I'm on baby duty. We've had another addition to the tribe. Come on over, I could use some non-drooling company. I'm making kugel." She offered as additional enticement.
"With raisins?" Baby sitting with this sexy girl and raisin kugel, too?
"Any other kind?" She winked.
"Artie," Mr. Schuester interrupted. "You know Tamar too?"
"Of course I do." Artie answered. "She's Puck's little sister."
Jacob's math book slammed against the choir room floor.
- later -
"Why didn't you tell me who you are?" Jacob whispered when he cornered her in hallway after practice.
"What the fuck. I told you everything you needed to know." She leaned against the lockers.
"I'm a Puckerman! We're related."
She leaned forward like she was going to kiss him. Seeing the expression on his face she hugged him instead. "Hey bro! Welcome to the family."
"Sherry, I mean Tamar, this is terrible."
"You know how you dad spread biological material all over this town. You oughta get DNA test results back first if this kind of thing disturbs you." She laughed. "Poor baby."
He frowned. "You're having sex with your brother and it doesn't even bother you?"
"That's not a problem cause I''m dumping your ass. Sorry, did I forget to tell you that? I always liked Artie and I never screwed a guy in a wheelchair. That's the only reason I came to this club. And anyway, you and Mary Sue..."
"Marley Rose." he corrected her.
"Whatever. You two looked so freaking cute there in the back row. Maybe you don't give a shit but I feel bad for her, now that I've seen her. But, just in case Artie and I don't work out, are you really freaked out about the sex thing?"
"Of course!"
"Even if..." she paused dramatically. "even if you aren't my brother?"
"We have the same father!"
"Momma's baby, poppa's maybe." Jacob looked at her with a blank stare. "Is every Puckerman male as dense as a pile of bricks? Thank god I'm not carrying that DNA." She casually applied some lip-gloss before continuing. "I was about two when they got divorced. He was paying child support, when mom could track him down and force it out of him, but it took him 4 years to stop by for a visit. When he finally did he noticed I look a lot like my younger brother, Caleb, and nothing like Noah. Thank god for that! By the time he got suspicious it was too late to do anything about it and he was still on the hook for child support. You only get two years to contest paternity. Something to keep in mind, just in case."
"You mom cheated on my dad?"
"Jesus! My mom and your dad were married when you got planted in some random woman's womb. He's the one that set the rules. What's she's supposed to do when he's out god knows where doing whoever he can talk into it?" She grinned at Jacob. "Maybe you should have Mary Sue checked out."
"No, he wouldn't have slept with her mom."
"Why not?"
"She's that fat cafeteria lady. Not his type."
"From what I can tell anything with female genitalia is his type. And she wasn't always an obese purveyor of foodstuffs. She was probably as pretty as Mary back in the day. Maybe the weight is a stress reaction to the trauma of..." She went off on some psychobabble and he tuned back in just in time to hear "Or maybe that's Mary's genetic destiny."
"Marley!" He snapped. "Her name is Marley!"
"Jesus. Don't get so upset with the one girl you've nailed that you know for a fact you're not related to." She smiled sweetly. "Does this mean you're not coming over for Thanksgiving dinner? You can bring Mary, um Marley to meet the family."
So evidently Puck and Puck Jr. have issues with women because their father was a cheater and their mothers were the type of woman who puts up with that kind of BS. I wondered what a girl raised under those conditions would be like, a total doormat or a female version of the brothers. This is my guess.