A/N: Ok so I wanted to get this out quickly so it's not been beta'd yet, it might change, reviews might help me decide if it actually needs doing. I wrote it very very late after watching Kill Ari 1 & 2 and got bitten by a plot bunny. Its been rated for a little bit of mild swearing but nothing you've not heard in the show.
None of the characters belong to me, oh how I wish, then Sasha Alexander would have stayed!
The poem is Remember by Christina Georgina Rossetti.
Remember Me.
The rain was pouring as he walked down the street, his body craving caffeine but his mind shutting down. It had only been a matter of hours since the shootout on the roof and the weather couldn't have been more different now then it had been then, almost like Mother Nature herself was mourning the loss of her child. As he walked alone he allowed himself to succumb to his own grief, no one else would be allowed to see this, his weakness, he would do this alone as if letting anyone else see him in this state would make them think less of the old hard-ass former marine who'd let a woman get under his skin. It had happened before and back then he had vowed never to let it happen again, but it had and now here he was, walking the streets in the dark and pouring rain, tears running down his face as he thought back to that scene on the rooftop where he'd lost someone else he'd loved.
He would remember her.
REMEMBER me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
As ethereal as Kate was now she watched over him, vowing that she would from now until he joined her in this place, how she had wished for more time, time to tell him, time to show him, but that would never happen now. She watched as he sat at his desk, the grief so evident in his eyes as he blamed himself for what had happened, not knowing what to say to her as he imagined her angry and holding him responsible for her untimely demise, oh how she wished she could do something, anything to show that she didn't hate him. Far from hating him, she had loved him so much and yet she had never plucked up the courage to tell him this preferring instead to love from afar, and when it came down to it, protect him with her life. She simply wished that she had had the chance to let him know how much he meant to her before this had happened.
She watched him walk the streets in the pouring rain on autopilot and knew where he was going, hoping that coffee would kick start his brain into something other then the numb state it was currently in. She knew he would not rest until the bastard that had done this to her was on Ducky's slab, just as she was now, she didn't want to think about that even though she knew she was in good hands with her former colleague.
Seeing the look of total loss and devastation on his face at that moment made her think he knew, was it possible that he had felt the same way too, loved her as she had loved him, deeply and wholeheartedly and from afar. Was it possible that had she the courage in her convictions to tell him the deepest secrets of her heart that they would have had a future together? She felt she would never know the answer to that question, would he remember her?
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Gibbs had a feeling, a gut feeling that he couldn't shake; it was the feeling that he was being watched but rather then a feeling of trepidation, it was one of serenity, he was in no danger; rather he felt that he was being watched over. Was she here at this time, was she watching over him now as he sat in the rain? Did he even believe in such things? The feeling was real, she had to be there, even though physically she was gone her spirit was still with him and he knew at that time her spirit would never leave him. Did she know just how much he had loved her, and was it possible that she had felt the same in return?
It was at that point that he knew he would catch the bastard that had done this to her, that had taken her away before he had the chance to tell her what she meant to him. He would remember her, even though she was not longer in this world and he was unable to hold her or tell her to her face that he loved her. He would avenge her death and he would remember the good times and the bad, he would wish she was still here and one day he would no longer grieve for her. Maybe even one day he would be able to move on from her but he didn't want to think about that right now, didn't ever want to forget about the brilliant beautiful brunette that had come into his life and taken over his mind and his heart.
For her part Kate could see the shift in his persona, she could sense that he was slowly coming to terms with everything that had happened as he sat in yet another downpour. Oh how she wanted to be there physically with him, but this would have to do however. She knew that while he remembered her now, one day he would forget, and while she wished he would never forget her, she would rather he forget her and be happy in his life then remember her and be sad.
They would be together again some day.
"I loved you Kate" She heard him say
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
Gibbs smiled to himself, it was the first truly genuine smile he had had since he'd lost her. Yes she was definitely here with him and some day they would be together again.
"I loved you Kate."