Decisions
By Hardyzschic
As I sat there in the waiting room of the doctor's office, I thought back to the night that this had all begun. Everything had been perfect. We left the RAW performance a little early and decided to go get a bite to eat. It was just the two of us for once; his brother had plans of his own. The late night diner was mostly empty, so we sat there for hours talking and drinking coffee. Naturally by the time we got to the hotel we were both still a little pumped on adrenaline from the show and all the caffeine didn't help. I invited him to my room to watch some TV, even offered to pay per view a movie, since neither one of us was that sleepy and our flight didn't leave till late the next afternoon. I remember looking at him and thinking how he was still just a child at heart as he came running into my room and plopped down on my bed with a sigh, waiting for the movie to start. I had never realized how beautiful he was until then. Sure I knew that most girls screamed their lungs out whenever he and his brother hit the ramp to come bouncing down to the ring. I knew that merchandise that displayed their picture or their logo seem to sell the most of anyone in the federation. To me however he had only just been a friend. I saw him and his brother on a day-to-day basis, traveled with them, wrestled with them, heck these days there wasn't much I did without them. Something was different about him though, I couldn't quiet put my finger on it, but that night there was something different about him. I must have been lost in my thoughts and totally ignoring him, because that was when he threw a pillow and hit me in the head. "Aims," he said with a grin "are you going to stand there in your own little world or are you going to come and sit on the bed with me and watch this movie?" I smiled as he patted the spot next to where he was sprawled out on his stomach facing the TV. Tossing the pillow back I quickly went to join him on the bed. As soon as I stretched out beside him, a painful moan found its way past my lips and he looked at me with concern. "It's nothing," I said, through slightly gritted teeth as I rolled over to face him and another pain shot through my shoulder. "I just have a muscle in my shoulder that doesn't seem to like me too well after the match tonight, and it's going to be sore as heck in the morning but it will pass" I said smiling in hopes that the conversation would change. I never like to talk about injuries much; I think it makes me sound like a whine-bag, because after all it's all part of the game right? Sitting up he looked at me and said "Well I can help fix that if you want me to." "And just how do you plan to do that?" I asked with a smile. Quit that, I thought to myself, I'm actually flirting with my best friend, that can't be good. "Well" he said with a slight grin "I have been told that I give excellent massages, and it sounds like that's just what your aching shoulder needs. So sit up with your back facing me," he stated rather bluntly. I started to protest and then decided against it, due to the look in his eyes. It was a look that seemed to reach right past my heart and delve into the inner recesses of my soul. It was security and trust. I knew he would never do anything to hurt me, not knowingly anyway. That's something that's rare, that is, when you find someone that you trust completely. That you never doubt their word or fear their response, someone you know that you can count on no matter what. I wasn't willing to risk the kind of trust I had with him, simply for a one- night stand or a fling, or was I? Anyway I sat up with my back facing him and told him "it's the left one." I felt his strong hands grasp my shoulder then, and begin to knead it gently. The tension started to subside until he hit the exact spot that was causing me so much agony. I let out a small groan and he said softly "no wonder it hurts you've got a huge knot here." "That feels wonderful," I almost moaned. I heard his intake of breath and then he removed his hands. "What is it?" I asked turning to face him as he got up from the bed and stalked across the room towards the window. "Nothing" he almost growled as I got up and walked over to him. I placed my hand on his shoulder and he looked over towards me as I said, "No, really, what is it? Did I do something wrong?" He turned around then and pulled me close to him in a hug. "No Aims, its not you. I promise." He said as he pulled away slightly and looked me in the eyes. A tension filled my body then, one that I had never felt before, or at least not around him. Looking in his eyes I knew that he felt it too, it almost seemed like he felt it even more than I did. He dipped his head slowly then and captured my lips in a kiss. I gasped, but allowed his tongue entrance into my mouth. I couldn't believe that this was happening. He was my best friend, the one I came to with all my problems. He had always been there for me, but what was going on now was a complete shock. He was slow and methodical as his tongue dueled with mine and his hands started to roam over my body. We made our way across the room, removing each other's clothing as we went. When we reached the bed he pushed me lightly and I landed on the soft mattress. I was impressed with his dominance. I was totally enchanted by the whole ordeal. My mind was racing, and part of me was still in shock. I couldn't believe I was doing this, but something about it just felt right. I scooted up towards the head of the bed and waited patiently for him to join me. He knelt on the bed and crawled toward me then, an almost evil smile on his face. He quickly covered me and then looking down at me smiling he asked "We can stop this if you want. Do you want to stop Amy?" I wrapped my arms around his neck then and pulled him even closer, as I said "Sugar I don't think either of us could stop now" then I kissed him deeply. The night progressed slowly as did our continuous sensuous assaults on each other. Attraction gave way to passion and passion nailed a coffin shut. The coffin, held a once perfect friendship. "Ms. Dumas" I heard a high-pitched nasal voice say. Looking up I saw the nurse standing in the doorway with my chart in her hand. She was obviously waiting on me to come towards the exam rooms. I got up silently and followed her quickly to the exam room. She put my chart in a container on the door and after rummaging through a cabinet located in the corner of the room she held a gown in my direction. "Change into this" she said casually as she headed toward the door. "The doctor will be with you in just a few minutes" she tossed over her shoulder almost as an afterthought as she exited the room. I changed into the gown and took a seat on the cold impersonal exam table. This cant be happening I thought to myself as I waited impatiently for the doctor. My thoughts then began to drift back to the morning after that infamous night. I remembered being awakened by the sunlight streaming in from the filmy hotel curtains. Then I felt the heaviness of his arm draped across my shoulders. Instinctively I turned and snuggled close to him wanting to shield my face from the sunlight and sleep another hour or so. Then like a tidal wave, memories of the night before flooded over me. It couldn't be, no we didn't, I had to have had better sense. I opened my eyes slowly then and looked at the man lying in the bed next to me with his head resting on the pillow beside me. It was him, and we had. Oh God, how could I have been so stupid? I had probably just lost the best friend that I had ever had. I slipped carefully out of bed, hoping not to disturb him. Wrapping my robe around me I walked out to the balcony and curled up in the black wrought iron chair that was located next to the door. It was then that my emotions gave way and I could no longer hold back my tears. I propped my arms on my knees and bowed my head then and let the tears flow. My body started to shake with sobs, but I knew it couldn't change what I had done. It was then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I heard him say "Aimz". I looked up and it was as if I saw a totally different person than the one that I had had sex with the night before. Gone was the look of desire, the sensual heat that had been so prevalent in his eyes. Gone was the man who had given me one of the most incredible nights in my life, but at the same time one of the worst. The man who stood before me now wore the face of my friend. The look of concern in his eyes was evidence of this as he found another chair and pulled it up to face mine. He held out his hands and I took them, settling in a different position so I now looked him in the eyes. My tears had subsided somewhat but he let go of one of my hands long enough to wipe a few remaining ones from my eyes. "Aimz" he began but I cut him off "No, don't you dare say that this doesn't affect anything." "I wasn't going to say that Aimz" he said seriously "truthfully I know that this does affect things. It affects everything but only if we let it. Amy I know that we made some pretty stupid decisions last night. There is really no excuse for what we did, except maybe we gave into some feelings that have been pent up for quiet awhile. I don't want to loose you as a friend Amy, and I'm more than willing to put this behind us and just move on." I looked into his eyes then, and was met with a sincerity I knew that only he could have, somewhere in my heart I wanted to believe him but I knew better. There was, however, no reason to crush his hopes that we could get past this. I only nodded my response; for once in my life I was lost for words. He stood up and pulled me to my feet with him and embraced me in a hard, and what I was sure was his attempt at reassuring, hug. With that and a kiss on the cheek he got dressed and left, just like most of the men in my life before him. He swore up and down though that this would be different. The door creaked as the doctor entered the room and brought me away from my thoughts and back to reality. He put me through the routine exam and then left me to get dressed. The doctor had been extremely nice and had a wonderful bedside manner but I was left feeling more numb and empty than I had before he started the exam. When I put on my clothes and headed out the door the receptionist said "The doctor will call you within twenty four hours with the results of your tests." I ignored her and headed for the elevator. My chest was tight and I knew I needed some fresh air. Those test results could very well change my life forever, and I was scared to get the results but not knowing scared me even more. When we pulled into the arena the next day I still hadn't heard from the doctor's office and I was nothing short of a nervous wreck. I parked, got my stuff out of the trunk of our rental car and headed into the building. "I got some things I have to run through with Nora before tonight. So I'll meet you guys back at the dressing room later" I said over my shoulder to Matt and Jeff as I walked away from them. Truthfully I did have to talk to Nora, but I mainly just wanted to find a quiet corner to sit in and have some time to myself. Right as I got inside the side entrance my cell phone started going off. My heart jumped into my throat as I ducked into my dressing room and quickly dug the phone out of my bag. "Hello" I said with a shaky voice. "Miss Dumas?" a nasal voice asked. I quickly recognized it as the voice of the secretary at the doctor's office. Oh God! This is really it! I thought to myself as I replied with " Yes, have my test results come in? Is that why you have called?" I waited silently, feeling like she suddenly held my life in her hands. "Yes, but can you hold please. The doctor wanted to give them to you himself." My stomach hit my feet then and I could almost guess what he was going to say, but I waited anyway. "Amy, hi this is Doctor Thomas. I just wanted to let you know we got your test results back and I wanted to be the first to congratulate you because you are two months pregnant." Oh God! What am I going to do now? Oh please let me wake up this has to be a dream. "Amy are you still there?" the doctor asked in a concerned voice. "Yes ..I'm uh I'm still here. Thank you for letting me know." I stammered and then hung up without saying goodbye or making any arrangements for a follow up visit. I would get around to it later, but the thing that kept going through my mind at the moment was things were never going to be the same again, and the fact that this affected so many other people besides just me. What am I going to do now? An hour later I was standing behind the curtain waiting for my music to hit, for me to make my entrance. Usually I would be standing there psyching myself up for my match but tonight my mind was totally elsewhere. I ran my hand across my stomach. There was someone growing in there. How could this be happening to me? He said what happened between us that night wouldn't affect anything, and it seemingly hadn't until now. I thought we had done really well at getting past that night. Things had gone back to normal and we had just never talked about that night, but now we would have to. Man was he ever going to get the shock of his life. The production assistant tapped me on my shoulder then and I heard my music start. I took a deep breath and said a silent prayer and stepped out from behind the curtain. On the outside I was Lita as soon as I hit the ramp. I had her mannerisms her facial expressions and her movements, but Amy was still screaming inside my head. I had to focus I told myself. I had to let Lita take care of this match. Amy could sort out her twisted personal life later. Walking back up the ramp after the match I was totally embarrassed. That had to be the worst match of my life and it should have been one of my easiest. Lita was supposed to defeat Mighty Molly tonight but I screwed up so bad I couldn't even get my huricanrana straight. I ended up almost hurting both of us and the way the match was going I had to let Nora pin me to make it look real. Lita just had an awful night but I was having and even worse one. I made it to my dressing room and was seated and untying one of my shoes when I heard a knock on the door. "Come in" I said tiredly. I was expecting it to be Matt or Jeff but when Stephanie McMahon came walking in to my dressing room I was shocked. Man I thought to myself she's coming to jump my case about screwing up the match, can this night get any worse? "Amy I need to talk to you." She said in a very business like voice. My stomach hit my feet for like the millionth time that night and I stood there waiting for the bomb to drop. Then before she could say anything else I had an overwhelming urge to explain things to her myself. "Listen Stephanie, I know that the match didn't go as planned tonight and I want to take full responsibility for it." "Wait just a second Amy" Stephanie said putting up her hands as if to slow my apology. "I'm not going to lie and say the match was good. I do however think you and Nora were able to salvage it and make it worth watching, but my main concern right now is you. Where is your head tonight? Are you ok? Are you going to be able to go out and accompany the Hardys to the ring tonight or do we need to let them go out by themselves?" she asked in a very concerned but serious voice. "I am so sorry Stephanie. I mean what happened out there was totally my fault. Nora and I had everything worked out but I just couldn't stay focused. I mean I could stay focused its just it was I mean" I was stumbling over my words really bad so I finally just gave up trying to make excuses and took a deep breath and blurted out the truth. "Stephanie the truth is I just found out today that I'm..I'm pregnant." There I had said it. It was real now. Someone else knew besides me. Oh God..and I still had to tell him. I could feel the tears welling up inside my eyes as I finally met her gaze. There was a look of surprise on her face and she smiled quickly. "Well Amy I guess congratulations are in order. That's a very big step in life. May I ask if it is a planned thing?" That was it, I broke down, and I just couldn't hide the tears anymore. My shoulders started shaking and I started to cry. Stephanie's smile faded and she came over and put her hand on my shoulder. "No wonder you were so out of it Amy. I guess this was not a planned thing at all and from the look on your face I guess it's not very wanted right now?" I shook my head and reached up to wipe my tears with my hand. "I had a one night stand" I said by way of explanation " and now if I tell him I am afraid I'm going to loose one of the best friends I've ever had." "Well," she said shaking her head sadly "that certainly complicates things. It's really not any of my business but may I ask who the father is?" I looked down at my feet and wiped my face again with my hand and said " Jeff.Jeff Hardy." "No wonder you were so out of it tonight. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. Don't worry about going to the ring with the Hardys tonight. Is there anything else that I can help you with? I mean why don't you go home a day early so you can have a while to sort this out? And you'll have to come off the road before you start to show so I'll talk to the writers about it so we can work an injury into your story line and give you time off. Wait a minute ." she said stopping suddenly "I am just assuming that you decided to keep the baby. Well either way, Amy, I'm not trying to overwhelm you with details. Just take the extra day off and then come back to me and tell me what you've decided and we can work things out from there. I am sorry things are so messed up for you right now, please don't hesitate to call if I can help you." She patted me on the shoulder sincerely and then headed for the door. "Thanks Stephanie" I said as she shut the door behind her. She had sure left me with a lot to think about. I hadn't even thought about it yet, but she brought up a good point. I didn't have to keep the baby. I had other options to consider. There was a quick knock on the door then and before I could say come in Jeff had poked his head in the door. "Steph said you weren't coming with us to the ring tonight. You ok Aimz?" "I'm just not feeling very well right now," I answered and it wasn't a complete lie. "I think I'm going to head back to the hotel and try to find an early flight home. Steph told me to take it easy and go home a day early." He looked at me funny then and said "Are you sure you're ok? Did you get hurt in the match or are you just feeling yucky?" He said making his way inside my dressing room and sitting across from me in a folding chair. "I think I have a bug. I just feel crappy" I lied and looked away so he couldn't see the truth in my eyes. "I think I'm going to fly home a day early. So I will see you guys when you get back to North Carolina. Good luck in your matches this weekend. Be careful out there." He looked at the clock on the wall and got to his feet quickly. "I told Matt Id meet him at the curtain 5 minutes ago. Crap I gotta go." He reached over and pulled me close for a hug then. "I hope you feel better soon Amy. We will see you when we get home. You take it easy and take care of yourself. I'll tell Matt you said goodbye and explain to him what's going on. Love ya but I gotta run." He said and swiftly planted a kiss on my cheek as he let me go and headed for the door. "I love you too Jeff. I'll see you when you get back." I said as I heard the door swing shut. I put my hand over my stomach and stood there for a minute thinking of what I would soon look like if I decided to keep the baby. I shook my head slowly and headed for the shower so I could get through and get out of here and head home. When I unlocked the door to my house the next day, I dropped my bag in the hall and headed up the stairs to my room. All I wanted to do was get some sleep and get my mind off the mess my life had become. When I reached my room I sat down on my bed with a plop and stretched out. I was tired but I quickly realized I was too stressed to sleep. I rolled on my side pulling my pillow close and tucking it beside me. I flipped on the radio beside my bed and started to look around my room. I wasn't really the best housekeeper but I had been on the road a lot lately and hadn't really had a chance to get things messy. There was various wrestling related things strewn here and there, but as far as mess went that was about it. My eyes roamed until they came to my nightstand. My gaze focused on the jumble of pictures that lay strewn there, waiting to be put in albums. I reached over and grabbed a pile and pulled them too me, flipping through them slowly. I discarded them slowly till one finally surfaced to the top. It was a picture taken the very day that this all started. The picture was taken on the day this baby was conceived. Matt had a bad habit of trying to document just about every trip we took, in pictures. His developing bills alone must keep KODAK in business. He had pulled our rental car over on the side of the road at some landmark or the other, the exact thing that we stopped to see escaped me at the moment, but it had excited him. He had heard some of the locals talking about it back stage and was determined to see it. He parked the car and we got out. He came around to the passenger's side, opening the back passenger door and poking Jeff, who was curled up asleep in the back seat; he said, "Come on guys.time for another picture break." I smiled when Jeff muttered something in his brother's direction and then curled up more. I couldn't help but giggle when Matt proceeded to grab his foot and start to drag him from his prone position. "OK Matt, I give. I'm up..take the friggin picture so I can get back to sleep." Jeff grumbled as he stood up and scowled at his older brother. "Ok Ok" Matt said and I could tell he was trying his best to suppress a grin. I think he gets his kicks out of tormenting his baby brother, but I guess that's normal. "Ok Sleeping Beauty you go and stand over there by Amy and I'll snap the picture and we can be on our way." Matt said, motioning for Jeff to come over by me while he hurriedly grabbed his camera from the dashboard of the car. "Are you getting as annoyed as I am with these little picture breaks" Jeff mumbled as he came closer and casually swung his arm around my shoulder, using me as a prop and striking a pose for the picture at the same time. "Oh come on Jeff," I said with a smile "don't be a whiner." He smiled at me and then laughing he pulled me into his arms for a hug. We were both smiling when Matt snapped the picture. Is it ever going to be like that again? I questioned myself sadly, as my dog Cody came in and jumped on the bed with me. Looking at the smiles on our faces one last time, I let the picture fall with the rest and I reached over and pulled Cody closer to me hugging him around the neck I felt the tears brimming over my eyelids. I just let them fall this time, crying into Cody's fur. I just couldn't help but wonder if things would ever be the same again. I knew that no matter what, the decision I had to make would effect me for the rest of my life. It would ultimately change Jeff's life forever too, but how would it affect our relationship? Would I loose one of the most important people in my life? Would I loose one of my best friends? Was I ready to be a mother? Should I even keep the baby? And if I didn't, should I consider adoption or abortion? So many questions.too many questions were running through my head and the tears just wouldn't seem to stop. I stretched out on my bed patting the spot beside me as Cody came and plopped down. I propped my hands behind my head and he shifted till he was comfortable. Ironically comfortable for him was lying by my left side with his head propped on my stomach, looking up at me. He knew something was wrong, I could feel it in his questioning gaze. Moving one arm from behind my head, I used it to wipe tears from my face and then I let it rest on the top of his head. "I don't know how its all going to work out Cody, but I know I have a lot of decisions to make and I have to make them fast, because Jeff and Matt get home tomorrow." With that said, I wiped my face again. The tears had just about stopped now. I had to work through this and I had to work through it soon, but I needed some sleep first. I curled on my side then pulling Cody close and hugging him like a teddy bear. I felt my tears subside completely and my eyelids getting heavy as I gave into the sleep that was slowly overcoming me but for the first time I could ever remember I was seriously afraid of waking up, and afraid of what tomorrow might bring.
As I sat there in the waiting room of the doctor's office, I thought back to the night that this had all begun. Everything had been perfect. We left the RAW performance a little early and decided to go get a bite to eat. It was just the two of us for once; his brother had plans of his own. The late night diner was mostly empty, so we sat there for hours talking and drinking coffee. Naturally by the time we got to the hotel we were both still a little pumped on adrenaline from the show and all the caffeine didn't help. I invited him to my room to watch some TV, even offered to pay per view a movie, since neither one of us was that sleepy and our flight didn't leave till late the next afternoon. I remember looking at him and thinking how he was still just a child at heart as he came running into my room and plopped down on my bed with a sigh, waiting for the movie to start. I had never realized how beautiful he was until then. Sure I knew that most girls screamed their lungs out whenever he and his brother hit the ramp to come bouncing down to the ring. I knew that merchandise that displayed their picture or their logo seem to sell the most of anyone in the federation. To me however he had only just been a friend. I saw him and his brother on a day-to-day basis, traveled with them, wrestled with them, heck these days there wasn't much I did without them. Something was different about him though, I couldn't quiet put my finger on it, but that night there was something different about him. I must have been lost in my thoughts and totally ignoring him, because that was when he threw a pillow and hit me in the head. "Aims," he said with a grin "are you going to stand there in your own little world or are you going to come and sit on the bed with me and watch this movie?" I smiled as he patted the spot next to where he was sprawled out on his stomach facing the TV. Tossing the pillow back I quickly went to join him on the bed. As soon as I stretched out beside him, a painful moan found its way past my lips and he looked at me with concern. "It's nothing," I said, through slightly gritted teeth as I rolled over to face him and another pain shot through my shoulder. "I just have a muscle in my shoulder that doesn't seem to like me too well after the match tonight, and it's going to be sore as heck in the morning but it will pass" I said smiling in hopes that the conversation would change. I never like to talk about injuries much; I think it makes me sound like a whine-bag, because after all it's all part of the game right? Sitting up he looked at me and said "Well I can help fix that if you want me to." "And just how do you plan to do that?" I asked with a smile. Quit that, I thought to myself, I'm actually flirting with my best friend, that can't be good. "Well" he said with a slight grin "I have been told that I give excellent massages, and it sounds like that's just what your aching shoulder needs. So sit up with your back facing me," he stated rather bluntly. I started to protest and then decided against it, due to the look in his eyes. It was a look that seemed to reach right past my heart and delve into the inner recesses of my soul. It was security and trust. I knew he would never do anything to hurt me, not knowingly anyway. That's something that's rare, that is, when you find someone that you trust completely. That you never doubt their word or fear their response, someone you know that you can count on no matter what. I wasn't willing to risk the kind of trust I had with him, simply for a one- night stand or a fling, or was I? Anyway I sat up with my back facing him and told him "it's the left one." I felt his strong hands grasp my shoulder then, and begin to knead it gently. The tension started to subside until he hit the exact spot that was causing me so much agony. I let out a small groan and he said softly "no wonder it hurts you've got a huge knot here." "That feels wonderful," I almost moaned. I heard his intake of breath and then he removed his hands. "What is it?" I asked turning to face him as he got up from the bed and stalked across the room towards the window. "Nothing" he almost growled as I got up and walked over to him. I placed my hand on his shoulder and he looked over towards me as I said, "No, really, what is it? Did I do something wrong?" He turned around then and pulled me close to him in a hug. "No Aims, its not you. I promise." He said as he pulled away slightly and looked me in the eyes. A tension filled my body then, one that I had never felt before, or at least not around him. Looking in his eyes I knew that he felt it too, it almost seemed like he felt it even more than I did. He dipped his head slowly then and captured my lips in a kiss. I gasped, but allowed his tongue entrance into my mouth. I couldn't believe that this was happening. He was my best friend, the one I came to with all my problems. He had always been there for me, but what was going on now was a complete shock. He was slow and methodical as his tongue dueled with mine and his hands started to roam over my body. We made our way across the room, removing each other's clothing as we went. When we reached the bed he pushed me lightly and I landed on the soft mattress. I was impressed with his dominance. I was totally enchanted by the whole ordeal. My mind was racing, and part of me was still in shock. I couldn't believe I was doing this, but something about it just felt right. I scooted up towards the head of the bed and waited patiently for him to join me. He knelt on the bed and crawled toward me then, an almost evil smile on his face. He quickly covered me and then looking down at me smiling he asked "We can stop this if you want. Do you want to stop Amy?" I wrapped my arms around his neck then and pulled him even closer, as I said "Sugar I don't think either of us could stop now" then I kissed him deeply. The night progressed slowly as did our continuous sensuous assaults on each other. Attraction gave way to passion and passion nailed a coffin shut. The coffin, held a once perfect friendship. "Ms. Dumas" I heard a high-pitched nasal voice say. Looking up I saw the nurse standing in the doorway with my chart in her hand. She was obviously waiting on me to come towards the exam rooms. I got up silently and followed her quickly to the exam room. She put my chart in a container on the door and after rummaging through a cabinet located in the corner of the room she held a gown in my direction. "Change into this" she said casually as she headed toward the door. "The doctor will be with you in just a few minutes" she tossed over her shoulder almost as an afterthought as she exited the room. I changed into the gown and took a seat on the cold impersonal exam table. This cant be happening I thought to myself as I waited impatiently for the doctor. My thoughts then began to drift back to the morning after that infamous night. I remembered being awakened by the sunlight streaming in from the filmy hotel curtains. Then I felt the heaviness of his arm draped across my shoulders. Instinctively I turned and snuggled close to him wanting to shield my face from the sunlight and sleep another hour or so. Then like a tidal wave, memories of the night before flooded over me. It couldn't be, no we didn't, I had to have had better sense. I opened my eyes slowly then and looked at the man lying in the bed next to me with his head resting on the pillow beside me. It was him, and we had. Oh God, how could I have been so stupid? I had probably just lost the best friend that I had ever had. I slipped carefully out of bed, hoping not to disturb him. Wrapping my robe around me I walked out to the balcony and curled up in the black wrought iron chair that was located next to the door. It was then that my emotions gave way and I could no longer hold back my tears. I propped my arms on my knees and bowed my head then and let the tears flow. My body started to shake with sobs, but I knew it couldn't change what I had done. It was then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I heard him say "Aimz". I looked up and it was as if I saw a totally different person than the one that I had had sex with the night before. Gone was the look of desire, the sensual heat that had been so prevalent in his eyes. Gone was the man who had given me one of the most incredible nights in my life, but at the same time one of the worst. The man who stood before me now wore the face of my friend. The look of concern in his eyes was evidence of this as he found another chair and pulled it up to face mine. He held out his hands and I took them, settling in a different position so I now looked him in the eyes. My tears had subsided somewhat but he let go of one of my hands long enough to wipe a few remaining ones from my eyes. "Aimz" he began but I cut him off "No, don't you dare say that this doesn't affect anything." "I wasn't going to say that Aimz" he said seriously "truthfully I know that this does affect things. It affects everything but only if we let it. Amy I know that we made some pretty stupid decisions last night. There is really no excuse for what we did, except maybe we gave into some feelings that have been pent up for quiet awhile. I don't want to loose you as a friend Amy, and I'm more than willing to put this behind us and just move on." I looked into his eyes then, and was met with a sincerity I knew that only he could have, somewhere in my heart I wanted to believe him but I knew better. There was, however, no reason to crush his hopes that we could get past this. I only nodded my response; for once in my life I was lost for words. He stood up and pulled me to my feet with him and embraced me in a hard, and what I was sure was his attempt at reassuring, hug. With that and a kiss on the cheek he got dressed and left, just like most of the men in my life before him. He swore up and down though that this would be different. The door creaked as the doctor entered the room and brought me away from my thoughts and back to reality. He put me through the routine exam and then left me to get dressed. The doctor had been extremely nice and had a wonderful bedside manner but I was left feeling more numb and empty than I had before he started the exam. When I put on my clothes and headed out the door the receptionist said "The doctor will call you within twenty four hours with the results of your tests." I ignored her and headed for the elevator. My chest was tight and I knew I needed some fresh air. Those test results could very well change my life forever, and I was scared to get the results but not knowing scared me even more. When we pulled into the arena the next day I still hadn't heard from the doctor's office and I was nothing short of a nervous wreck. I parked, got my stuff out of the trunk of our rental car and headed into the building. "I got some things I have to run through with Nora before tonight. So I'll meet you guys back at the dressing room later" I said over my shoulder to Matt and Jeff as I walked away from them. Truthfully I did have to talk to Nora, but I mainly just wanted to find a quiet corner to sit in and have some time to myself. Right as I got inside the side entrance my cell phone started going off. My heart jumped into my throat as I ducked into my dressing room and quickly dug the phone out of my bag. "Hello" I said with a shaky voice. "Miss Dumas?" a nasal voice asked. I quickly recognized it as the voice of the secretary at the doctor's office. Oh God! This is really it! I thought to myself as I replied with " Yes, have my test results come in? Is that why you have called?" I waited silently, feeling like she suddenly held my life in her hands. "Yes, but can you hold please. The doctor wanted to give them to you himself." My stomach hit my feet then and I could almost guess what he was going to say, but I waited anyway. "Amy, hi this is Doctor Thomas. I just wanted to let you know we got your test results back and I wanted to be the first to congratulate you because you are two months pregnant." Oh God! What am I going to do now? Oh please let me wake up this has to be a dream. "Amy are you still there?" the doctor asked in a concerned voice. "Yes ..I'm uh I'm still here. Thank you for letting me know." I stammered and then hung up without saying goodbye or making any arrangements for a follow up visit. I would get around to it later, but the thing that kept going through my mind at the moment was things were never going to be the same again, and the fact that this affected so many other people besides just me. What am I going to do now? An hour later I was standing behind the curtain waiting for my music to hit, for me to make my entrance. Usually I would be standing there psyching myself up for my match but tonight my mind was totally elsewhere. I ran my hand across my stomach. There was someone growing in there. How could this be happening to me? He said what happened between us that night wouldn't affect anything, and it seemingly hadn't until now. I thought we had done really well at getting past that night. Things had gone back to normal and we had just never talked about that night, but now we would have to. Man was he ever going to get the shock of his life. The production assistant tapped me on my shoulder then and I heard my music start. I took a deep breath and said a silent prayer and stepped out from behind the curtain. On the outside I was Lita as soon as I hit the ramp. I had her mannerisms her facial expressions and her movements, but Amy was still screaming inside my head. I had to focus I told myself. I had to let Lita take care of this match. Amy could sort out her twisted personal life later. Walking back up the ramp after the match I was totally embarrassed. That had to be the worst match of my life and it should have been one of my easiest. Lita was supposed to defeat Mighty Molly tonight but I screwed up so bad I couldn't even get my huricanrana straight. I ended up almost hurting both of us and the way the match was going I had to let Nora pin me to make it look real. Lita just had an awful night but I was having and even worse one. I made it to my dressing room and was seated and untying one of my shoes when I heard a knock on the door. "Come in" I said tiredly. I was expecting it to be Matt or Jeff but when Stephanie McMahon came walking in to my dressing room I was shocked. Man I thought to myself she's coming to jump my case about screwing up the match, can this night get any worse? "Amy I need to talk to you." She said in a very business like voice. My stomach hit my feet for like the millionth time that night and I stood there waiting for the bomb to drop. Then before she could say anything else I had an overwhelming urge to explain things to her myself. "Listen Stephanie, I know that the match didn't go as planned tonight and I want to take full responsibility for it." "Wait just a second Amy" Stephanie said putting up her hands as if to slow my apology. "I'm not going to lie and say the match was good. I do however think you and Nora were able to salvage it and make it worth watching, but my main concern right now is you. Where is your head tonight? Are you ok? Are you going to be able to go out and accompany the Hardys to the ring tonight or do we need to let them go out by themselves?" she asked in a very concerned but serious voice. "I am so sorry Stephanie. I mean what happened out there was totally my fault. Nora and I had everything worked out but I just couldn't stay focused. I mean I could stay focused its just it was I mean" I was stumbling over my words really bad so I finally just gave up trying to make excuses and took a deep breath and blurted out the truth. "Stephanie the truth is I just found out today that I'm..I'm pregnant." There I had said it. It was real now. Someone else knew besides me. Oh God..and I still had to tell him. I could feel the tears welling up inside my eyes as I finally met her gaze. There was a look of surprise on her face and she smiled quickly. "Well Amy I guess congratulations are in order. That's a very big step in life. May I ask if it is a planned thing?" That was it, I broke down, and I just couldn't hide the tears anymore. My shoulders started shaking and I started to cry. Stephanie's smile faded and she came over and put her hand on my shoulder. "No wonder you were so out of it Amy. I guess this was not a planned thing at all and from the look on your face I guess it's not very wanted right now?" I shook my head and reached up to wipe my tears with my hand. "I had a one night stand" I said by way of explanation " and now if I tell him I am afraid I'm going to loose one of the best friends I've ever had." "Well," she said shaking her head sadly "that certainly complicates things. It's really not any of my business but may I ask who the father is?" I looked down at my feet and wiped my face again with my hand and said " Jeff.Jeff Hardy." "No wonder you were so out of it tonight. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. Don't worry about going to the ring with the Hardys tonight. Is there anything else that I can help you with? I mean why don't you go home a day early so you can have a while to sort this out? And you'll have to come off the road before you start to show so I'll talk to the writers about it so we can work an injury into your story line and give you time off. Wait a minute ." she said stopping suddenly "I am just assuming that you decided to keep the baby. Well either way, Amy, I'm not trying to overwhelm you with details. Just take the extra day off and then come back to me and tell me what you've decided and we can work things out from there. I am sorry things are so messed up for you right now, please don't hesitate to call if I can help you." She patted me on the shoulder sincerely and then headed for the door. "Thanks Stephanie" I said as she shut the door behind her. She had sure left me with a lot to think about. I hadn't even thought about it yet, but she brought up a good point. I didn't have to keep the baby. I had other options to consider. There was a quick knock on the door then and before I could say come in Jeff had poked his head in the door. "Steph said you weren't coming with us to the ring tonight. You ok Aimz?" "I'm just not feeling very well right now," I answered and it wasn't a complete lie. "I think I'm going to head back to the hotel and try to find an early flight home. Steph told me to take it easy and go home a day early." He looked at me funny then and said "Are you sure you're ok? Did you get hurt in the match or are you just feeling yucky?" He said making his way inside my dressing room and sitting across from me in a folding chair. "I think I have a bug. I just feel crappy" I lied and looked away so he couldn't see the truth in my eyes. "I think I'm going to fly home a day early. So I will see you guys when you get back to North Carolina. Good luck in your matches this weekend. Be careful out there." He looked at the clock on the wall and got to his feet quickly. "I told Matt Id meet him at the curtain 5 minutes ago. Crap I gotta go." He reached over and pulled me close for a hug then. "I hope you feel better soon Amy. We will see you when we get home. You take it easy and take care of yourself. I'll tell Matt you said goodbye and explain to him what's going on. Love ya but I gotta run." He said and swiftly planted a kiss on my cheek as he let me go and headed for the door. "I love you too Jeff. I'll see you when you get back." I said as I heard the door swing shut. I put my hand over my stomach and stood there for a minute thinking of what I would soon look like if I decided to keep the baby. I shook my head slowly and headed for the shower so I could get through and get out of here and head home. When I unlocked the door to my house the next day, I dropped my bag in the hall and headed up the stairs to my room. All I wanted to do was get some sleep and get my mind off the mess my life had become. When I reached my room I sat down on my bed with a plop and stretched out. I was tired but I quickly realized I was too stressed to sleep. I rolled on my side pulling my pillow close and tucking it beside me. I flipped on the radio beside my bed and started to look around my room. I wasn't really the best housekeeper but I had been on the road a lot lately and hadn't really had a chance to get things messy. There was various wrestling related things strewn here and there, but as far as mess went that was about it. My eyes roamed until they came to my nightstand. My gaze focused on the jumble of pictures that lay strewn there, waiting to be put in albums. I reached over and grabbed a pile and pulled them too me, flipping through them slowly. I discarded them slowly till one finally surfaced to the top. It was a picture taken the very day that this all started. The picture was taken on the day this baby was conceived. Matt had a bad habit of trying to document just about every trip we took, in pictures. His developing bills alone must keep KODAK in business. He had pulled our rental car over on the side of the road at some landmark or the other, the exact thing that we stopped to see escaped me at the moment, but it had excited him. He had heard some of the locals talking about it back stage and was determined to see it. He parked the car and we got out. He came around to the passenger's side, opening the back passenger door and poking Jeff, who was curled up asleep in the back seat; he said, "Come on guys.time for another picture break." I smiled when Jeff muttered something in his brother's direction and then curled up more. I couldn't help but giggle when Matt proceeded to grab his foot and start to drag him from his prone position. "OK Matt, I give. I'm up..take the friggin picture so I can get back to sleep." Jeff grumbled as he stood up and scowled at his older brother. "Ok Ok" Matt said and I could tell he was trying his best to suppress a grin. I think he gets his kicks out of tormenting his baby brother, but I guess that's normal. "Ok Sleeping Beauty you go and stand over there by Amy and I'll snap the picture and we can be on our way." Matt said, motioning for Jeff to come over by me while he hurriedly grabbed his camera from the dashboard of the car. "Are you getting as annoyed as I am with these little picture breaks" Jeff mumbled as he came closer and casually swung his arm around my shoulder, using me as a prop and striking a pose for the picture at the same time. "Oh come on Jeff," I said with a smile "don't be a whiner." He smiled at me and then laughing he pulled me into his arms for a hug. We were both smiling when Matt snapped the picture. Is it ever going to be like that again? I questioned myself sadly, as my dog Cody came in and jumped on the bed with me. Looking at the smiles on our faces one last time, I let the picture fall with the rest and I reached over and pulled Cody closer to me hugging him around the neck I felt the tears brimming over my eyelids. I just let them fall this time, crying into Cody's fur. I just couldn't help but wonder if things would ever be the same again. I knew that no matter what, the decision I had to make would effect me for the rest of my life. It would ultimately change Jeff's life forever too, but how would it affect our relationship? Would I loose one of the most important people in my life? Would I loose one of my best friends? Was I ready to be a mother? Should I even keep the baby? And if I didn't, should I consider adoption or abortion? So many questions.too many questions were running through my head and the tears just wouldn't seem to stop. I stretched out on my bed patting the spot beside me as Cody came and plopped down. I propped my hands behind my head and he shifted till he was comfortable. Ironically comfortable for him was lying by my left side with his head propped on my stomach, looking up at me. He knew something was wrong, I could feel it in his questioning gaze. Moving one arm from behind my head, I used it to wipe tears from my face and then I let it rest on the top of his head. "I don't know how its all going to work out Cody, but I know I have a lot of decisions to make and I have to make them fast, because Jeff and Matt get home tomorrow." With that said, I wiped my face again. The tears had just about stopped now. I had to work through this and I had to work through it soon, but I needed some sleep first. I curled on my side then pulling Cody close and hugging him like a teddy bear. I felt my tears subside completely and my eyelids getting heavy as I gave into the sleep that was slowly overcoming me but for the first time I could ever remember I was seriously afraid of waking up, and afraid of what tomorrow might bring.