A Pokemon/Homestar Runner Fan Fic(tion)
"And then I said to her, "No WAY, man. I'm keepin' this breadstick for later." And I stuck it in my fannybag," Homestar addressed the empty booth across from him, pausing as though awaiting some response to come from the empty air.
"I know, right," he agreed with the nobody he wasn't talking to. He glanced at a nonexistent watch before getting up with a sigh. "I guess I better get goin' to Strong Bad's house. He always needs help with his emails about this time o' day. You know how it is. Seeya later, booth."
Homestar casually trotted out of the quirky little diner that was Marshmallow's Last Stand and sure enough turned up at Strong Bad's doorstep a moment later- and by doorstep, I mean beside his computer desk. Homestar's ability to enter houses unwanted was impeccable as always.
However, Strong Bad was not present to appreciate his skills of intrusion.
"Hmmm…" Homestar surveyed the vacant room before plopping down on the stool and typing away at the keyboard. Heck, if Strong Bad wasn't gonna check emails, he could do it, and do it better!
"Hey, what- Homestar!" Strong Bad had appeared in the doorway with a blender in hand.
"Oh hi, Rondlebad. How was your…" Homestar tilted his head and read a sticky note on the wall dated for several weeks ago. "…dentist appt?" he inquired casually, pronouncing "appt" phonetically.
"Get off the Lappy, dipwit."
"No can do. You got a really big inbox so this'll probably take a while." Homestar Runner responded, typing away some more. Strong Bad narrowed his eyes and stowed the blender under an arm, freeing up the other to shove Homestar off the stool.
Homestar yelped, hitting the floor with a dull thud. Strong Bad stepped over him and set up the blender on the table. He dropped the cord on Homestar's face.
"Here, plug that in while you're down there."
"Check," Homestar grunted. He popped up to his feet a moment later. "Whatcha doon with that blender, anyways?"
"I'm using it to pay a visit to none-of-your-freakin-business," Strong Bad replied.
"Aw," Homestar muttered with disappointment. He'd been hoping it somehow involved food. Well, alternate universes might be fun and somehow involve food. "Can I come?"
"What do you think I'm gonna say?" Strong Bad snorted.
Homestar cleared his throat and took a step back. Pulling off a poor voice impression of Strong Bad, he said gruffly, "No way, Homestar. You can stay here and practice staying away from the blender and my Lappy while I'm gone."
Strong Bad stared at him for a minute. "Actually that-"
But Homestar kept going. He took a step forward, parodying his own voice this time. "Aww, come on Strong Bad."
He stepped back again and, as badly impersonated Strong Bad, he replied. "I said no. Now get lost before I punch you in the face."
"Oh yeah? Bring it on, man. Let's see what you got!" Homestar retorted as himself again, taking a fighting stance.
The real Strong Bad blinked. "Wow. Tell you what, how about you take the fight outside so you aren't breaking any of my highly expensive technologically sensitive equipment."
"Okay," Homestar obliged cheerfully.
"That guy has problems," Strong Bad muttered. He pulled a yellow dog whistle out of an unseen pocket. "Now let's see how much Bubs ripped me off on this The Cheat whistle." He gave it a blow but it made no noise.
Strong Bad glared at it and hit it on the table a few times before trying again to the same effect. "Man, what a piece of-"
"MEEEHHHH!"
The Cheat came zipping through the door to the computer room and crashed into Strong Bad's legs. Strong Bad looked from his yellow comrade in crime to the whistle and back again.
"Whoa! It must make those hypersonic noises only animals can hear. Nice," he remarked. "All right, The Cheat, time to man your station."
The Cheat saluted and hopped onto the stool, hitting puree on the blender. A portal opened up and Strong Bad walked through. It was then that Homestar ran back into the room.
The Cheat turned and glared at him, remarking on the interruption disapprovingly.
"I heard a whistle," Homestar replied, blinking. "Oh awesome, a portal." He walked toward it.
The Cheat hopped off the stool and latched on to Homestar's shirt, holding him back with great effort.
"Hey, let go! I just had that dry cleaned!" Homestar protested. He managed to shake him off at the expense of his balance, tripping over the blender cord and falling into the portal in the process. The blender crashed to the floor, spilling out the Gameboy before getting dragged by its cord into the portal right after Homestar.
The Cheat stared wide-eyed at the portal before bursting out in a fit of yammering and running around in a panicked circle.
Only Strong Sad was around to hear the noise. Figuring his brother had gone and blown up another computer or something similarly destructive, he abandoned his paper mache project to investigate the damage.
"What are you guys doin' in here?" Strong Sad wondered upon arriving at the scene. The stool was tipped over, Strong Bad's precious computer had been knocked to the edge of the desk where it now perched, threatening to fall off at any second. Oh, and there was still a huge swirling portal in the room, but no sign of the blender that usually enabled Strong Bad's alternate universe excursions. The Cheat was panting in the middle of the room, completely out of breath.
Strong Sad stooped to pick up the Gameboy and examined it. "So that's where my game went," he sighed in annoyance. He'd be very lucky if it worked at all now. Even if it did, he'd probably have to start over from scratch again. Damn, and he'd almost caught 'em all, too. Such was life.
The Cheat had taken up his panicky yammering again at Strong Sad's feet, spilling out the recent events faster than Strong Sad could follow.
"What do you mean he's stuck?" Strong Sad pushed the Lappy back onto the table properly before it, too, broke and Strong Bad made him get tech support to fix it again.
The Cheat continued chattering urgently.
"Hmm," Strong Sad considered the situation, looking at the portal thoughtfully for a minute."I might have a few ideas we could try." As much as he knew his brother and everyone else wouldn't thank or even acknowledge him for the effort afterwards, the chance to put his ingenuity to good use excited him more than a little. "To the kitchen!" He declared. "We're gonna need a lot of tinfoil."
The haphazard rescue team ventured downstairs and returned with armfuls of essential supplies. This included string, several kinds of tape, wire, tinfoil, and a toaster. At this rate, it was surprising the Strong house had any working appliances left.
They ran wire-wrapped tinfoil from the toaster to the portal, which took about a half hour to set up. Strong Sad put on a pair of safety goggles and stood back from the jury rigged mess they'd assembled. "On my mark," Strong Sad stated.
The Cheat stood under the table with a welding mask on, holding the plug for the toaster and waiting for the signal.
"3, 2, 1, mark!" Strong Sad pointed to his temporary assistant. The Cheat flipped down his welding mask and shoved the plug in the wall. The lights flickered and sparks flew from the wall and the toaster. Strong Sad shielded his eyes until he heard an explosion and the lights stopped flickering.
When he lowered his arm there was a dark burn on the floor where the toaster was a moment ago, but still no sign of Strong Bad and the portal was gone. The Cheat still stood under the desk, teetering back and forth and looking a little singed.
"Well, I didn't really expect it to work but it was worth a try," Strong Sad concluded. A certain welding mask flew up and hit him in the head. "Ow!"
The Cheat glared and hoarsely yapped several obscenities at the big gray source of his charred discomfort.
"I didn't hear you suggesting any ideas," Strong Sad retorted, rubbing his head. "Guess there's not much we can do but hope he comes back through on his own."
The Cheat kicked aside a piece of the ex-toaster and left the room with a final disgruntled yip. Strong Sad set his safety goggles on the table beside Strong Bad's lappy and got to work on cleaning up the mess he'd made. When he was done, he sat down on the stool and took up his Gameboy. To his great surprise, the battered thing still functioned- but as he'd predicted, all his game data had been erased. It figured. At least it would help him pass the time while he waited for some sign of his brother.