Okay. So, this is an actual conversation that went on between me and a friend, over IM. Exactly what we said, except in story format. Really random, and it's definitely not the best thing I've ever written.But we thought it was amusing! The italic is me, the regular print is Teah, and bold is Jacob. Review if you crack even one smile! I have cookies…
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except for a snowboard. And a Polly Pocket.
Well, I am better than her.
Yeah, sure. I'm surprised you weren't drained of blood in the next second after you ever even looked at Edward.
Why? He seriously considered biting me. He couldn't resist me, he wanted, no needed, me for the rest of eternity, even though he hesitated so long with Bella. Because, not only do I smell better than her, I wouldn't ever ever ever kiss Jacob, I'm just as clumsy as she is, and, I'm just better than her in every way, shape, and form.
HAH.
Exactly. HAH. So HAH Miss Swan! I have come to steal him away!
What, has he fallen madly in love with you?
Oh, yes. Just like everybody else.
Where did he see you again?
Well, duh. You were with me…
Oh, yeah. Snowboarding!
And I was like, hmm… which imaginary guy… you or Harry…? YOU! After I accidentally ran him over of course. And he was like, "Hi." And I just sat there silently, wondering what the heck I did to deserve this piece of holiness. And he was like, "Are you okay?" And I just sat there, with my mouth open, staring at him.
And then, he saw me killing trees, and he actually shook his head at me!
And, brilliantly, I said, "I don't even know her. I am very against the tree killing in the USA. I think our rates are waaay to high. Something needs to be done to protect the trees". And then you lost your temper.
Did not! I just said, "Oh really? She's just the one that kills poor, innocent squigglies on her own will! I for one am trying to save my life and not catch hypothermia from being stuck in this stupid powder!"
Well you know what? That squiggly deserved it. He gave me the evil eye, and then, to top it all off, he was eyeballing me. How horrible is that? A little creature trying to hit on me. I'm sorry, but that is just unacceptable.
Jeez, calm down. It was all a hoax for Eddy, remember?
Oh, yeah.
And then came my brilliant plan to get him back… which didn't work so well.
Oh, yes the whole werewolf scene.
You must admit, that was pretty amazing. "Don't listen to her! She loves werewolves! She is just stabbing you in the back and getting secret information for Jacob to come and defeat you! On top of that, she uses my perfume, so I am the one who really smells good! Oh, crap, he can read minds, like he'll ever buy that load..."
No, the best part was definitely when I was like "HAH, what now?! Oh, Edward, my perfume is freesia, because you said Bella smelled like that, and I wanted you to like me. And, I really don't like Werewolves. Except for Quil... he's just sooo cute! But don't worry. He's imprinted, so there's no way I'd even have a chance with him."
Yes, and he would carry you down the mountain, leaving me in the freezing cold snow to fend for myself, all alone, while I convince random scary guys that I don't need help.
Hey, why weren't you at our wedding? I mailed you an invitation.
Your wedding?! You got carried off the mountain and left me up here for the werewolves to eat Miss Priss! I was here for three weeks! Why don't you think I was there?! I'm still thawing! Stupid squiggly killer...
Oh. Oops. Guess I forgot about that.
AHH! That's it! JACOB! SHE'S BEING MEAN TO... I mean uhhhh, Joseph, yeah, that's it, Joseph is what I said! I don't even know a Jacob…
HAH I knew it! You were team Jacob after all! You lied to me... how could you?
What are you talking about? I said I never even knew a Jacob! I meant Joseph! He's my long lost great aunt's son removed twice and...
Teah! Is that blood sucker bothering you again?
Joseph what on Earth are you talking about? Ha, funny story…
Oh wow. She sure can run fast.
Where is he? I'll rip him limb from limb…
Jacob? Is that you? Hey, Teah, get back here! I give up! Screw you Edward, Teah can have you. Do you see how hot this guy is? Hey Jake, you want a hug?
Sure. How you doin'?
Jacob? What about us? What about what you promised me? JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the Twilight version of Days of Our Lives. A little view into my actual life. Believe it or not, I usually don't write things this insane. But, my serious things haven't been starting to well, so, I figured, what the heck? Anywho, about those cookies… they're gone. But you can pretend to have some if you review!