A/N- Hello all. So this is my first long Fanfiction that I'm posting. I'm actually quite nervous because not only is this my first real attempt at a fanfiction, but it is also my first real attempt at a lemon. Anyhoo, I just wanted to let you guys know. So if you think my writing is complete crap, please let me know (but please try and give advice if you think this is the case aswell). So, please read and relax, and let me know what you think when you're done. Thanks. oh, and I don't own Naruto, even though I wish I did.
There is a big difference between wanting a person, and desiring a person. Sasuke did not just want her, he desired her. Sasuke desired the feel of her hair between his fingers while they toughed each other intimately. He desired the feel of her body pressed against his at night while he was trying to fall asleep. He desired the smell of flowers that naturally permeated from her body. He desired the passionately desperate touches that only she could make. He desired the look in those sea foam green eyes while they were having sex that told him that she loved him.
If he had just wanted her, he would only care about her body. The incredibly beautiful should that he had fallen in love with upon his return to Konoha wouldn't be half as special to him now as it is now if he only wanted her. He would have stayed a broken man if he had only wanted her; he would never have remembered how to feel. At least, that is what be told himself.
When Sasuke had finally returned to the village, he was locked up until he could prove that he was not a threat to the people. Though the Hokage had never met him personally, she knew enough about him to be wary of his abilities.
Sasuke did not mind his cell that much because he had prepared himself for some form of punishment before he returned home. He was just thankful that he was being fed regularly and that people were at least civil towards him. Unfortunately, being in prison allowed for lots of extra time to think about his circumstances.
As Kakashi-sensei had warned him, he had nothing to live for now that he had killed his brother. He had no family to return to that would congratulate him on finally succeeding in his life long mission. The closest thing to a family he had had since the death of his real one was his team, and none of them had visited him once since his return. He had no mission left to occupy his time and his thoughts. He had no plotting to do, no teams to assemble, no people left to kill. He had no purpose anymore.
As time went on, paranoia began to set in. He had begun to feel that even if he were released, he would never be trusted enough to be allowed to be a ninja. He would have to find some other occupation to make a living, and being a ninja was really the only thing he was truly good at. And even if he could sustain himself, he wouldn't be able to rebuild his clan as he had wanted because every woman he knew in the village before he left would be too old, dead, or too afraid of him to approach him.
If was because of these thoughts that Sasuke began to fall. He very much began to resemble the state he was in before the left Konoha all those years ago, only he was older, more muscular, more knowledged, and he had no hope to bring him up from his pit of despair.
He felt worse than pond scum. He felt that he was only taking up space, as if he was a burned on the world. He was breathing other peoples' air, eating their food, drinking their water. At least pond scum has purpose.
After a few months of being in prison, he had taken up a permanent position sitting down on the ground, rarely moving. His daily exercise consisted getting up to go to the bathroom, and using his arms and moth for eating. He slowly began to eat less and less until he only ate and drank what he needed to survive. The only sleep he got was five or ten minutes he would allow himself to doze. He was used to staying awake for long periods of time while he was on missions, but he was forcing himself to stay awake simply for the fact that his brain wasn't thinking properly and couldn't tell him to go to sleep. His mind would only be used for insulting himself, and the more he degraded himself, the more he began to hunch over his knees. Pond scum does not need good posture, he would tell himself. He would be so occupied insulting himself and feeling horrible that he no longer found time to see the world around him. He might as well have been blind and deaf because he was longer using any of his five senses.
It took the anbu guarding the prison about a month to realize his decayed state. When they reported Sasuke's condition to Tsunade, she had to go and make sure he was still breathing. From their description, it was only a matter of time before he completely keeled over.
Tsunade had figured that he would have a negative reaction to the world once he had finished his life long mission, but she never expected him to trap himself inside of his mind.
"How long has he been like this," she asked the anbu who was near her.
"We're not sure Hokage-sama. But he hasn't eaten a full ration of feed in one sitting for about three or four weeks now, and he hasn't moved from that spot in a couple of days" he responded.
"I see. Has he shown any sign of violence since his incarceration?"
"No ma'am. He has always been very docile."
"Very well," she said after a pause. "Release him and take him to the hospital immediately. Tell the nurse to start and IV on him. He needs some fluids and we need to get him eating again."
"Hai, Hokage-sama," the anbu said as she left.
Once she retuned to her office, Tsunade called Sakura in and informed her that Sasuke would be coming to the hospital and that she was to be taking care of him whilst he is there.
When the news that Sasuke had finally returned to Konoha reached her, Sakura was stunned. She had refused to visit him because she didn't feel like she was strong enough to face him after all these years. She knew that if she saw him in person again, her emotions would overtake her, and she would either break his skill with a single punch for being stupid enough to leave, or she would break down and cry at finally having him home again.
Tsunade knew of Sakura's past with the prisoner, but her rationale of the situation told her to pick Sakura regardless of her feelings towards Sasuke. She was the most qualified according to the Hokage. She was a medic-nin, so she knew how to take care of him. Also, she had learned straight for the Hokage, and was strong enough to beat Sasuke down and hold him should he ever try to escape. Plus, Sakura cared about all her patients, and a familiar face would probably help Sasuke out of the trance he seemed to have placed himself in.
Sakura groaned internally when Tsunade told her that she would be taking care of her ex-teammate, but she did not argue with the Hokage's decision. Sakura knew it was a waste of breath to try to argue with the Hokage when she had that look of determination on her. Sakura left the Hokage's office and went down to see her new patient.
She was visibly taken aback by his appearance. He looked nothing like the Sasuke-kun that she had once loved, and he barely resembled the man who once stood high above her on the ridge of tat rock laden crevice. He barely resembled a man; he looked more like a corpse.
Sakura could have seen every single bone in his body if she had chosen to get close enough to him to remove his hospital gown. His cheekbones and collarbones were clearly visible from across the room, as were the dark circles and large bags that had formed under his eyes. His eyes were open, but they had gone from cold and stubborn black eyes that they once were to vacant and empty eyes.
Sakura could not stand to see him like this. It was too difficult. How could she take care of him when she could barely be in the same room as him? She felt tears brimming at the corners of her eyes and knew she needed to collect herself. It was very unprofessional of her to get worked up in front of a patient.
She left the room for a few seconds. She decided that he needed to wake Sasuke up even if that meant using physical force. To her recollection, nobody had any really physical contact with him since his return other than transporting him to the hospital and changing him into a gown, neither of which is particular painful for him.
With newfound determination, Sakura walked back into Sasuke's room. She grabbed his arm out from under the sheet and blanket the nursed had placed over his lower half, and she began twisting it the same way a child would when they wanted to give their friend an Indian sunburn. She wanted a reaction, something, anything that would tell her that he was still in there somewhere. She began twisting his arm more and more, but he had no reaction to the pain. Sakura twisted his arm so far that his bones almost broke inside of it.
"This isn't working," she thought to herself.
"Well what were you expecting," her inner voice yelled at her. "Sure, torture works great on thugs, but this is Uchiha Sasuke. He's been training his whole life, he even studied under Orochimaru and lived with on of the sanin's curses for years! Did you really expect a little arm twisting to wake him up?! I'm pretty sure he's been through way more pain in his life than that."
"Well it was worth a shot," Sakura sighed aloud as she let go of his arm and set it back down gently on the bed. She walked across the room and sat down to think. She wanted to cry again but she pushed the tears back.
"What would wake Sasuke up?" she thought. "Well pain doesn't work. Anything painful I can dish out is probably going to be 'just average' in comparison to some of the things he's probably felt throughout his life. Plus, I don't want to seriously hurt him; especially when he's like this. Maybe I need to go in the exact opposite direction. Maybe I just need to be kind to him. I'm pretty sure he hasn't had much of that since he left Konoha. But I don't think I can handle that. What happens if I can't control my emotions? I don't think I can handle that kind of pain again. But if it wakes him up, it's worth a shot."
After a few more minutes of debating with herself, she got up and walked over to him again. She was nervous about her decision this time. Her hands were shaking and her heart was beating a little faster than usual
Sakura put her hands on the rail on the side of his bed, closed her eyes, and leaned over to the side of his face. She gently placed her lips just above the arch of his eyebrow, and pulled way after a quick second.
When she reopened her eyes, she looked at his face. His eyes were blinking rapidly and there was a tear running down his cheek. Sasuke was still in there, and Sakura knew how to reach in now.
Alrighty, there's chapter one. I'm going to try and write chapter two tomorrow. But I have no idea how tomorrow's going to go, so I'm not making any promises.