Disclaimer: Totally not mine. I'd add myself to the endless list of people kissing Caroline if it were.
Caroline/Everyone, R (little language), humor
FML
So, my day started kinda like this: "Um, Elena?"
"-esh?"
"Are you ... kissing me?" And okay, I'm not an idiot. I know the difference between kissing and not kissing. I spent a lot of time mastering that one in the 6th grade. I got a B in social studies that year. My mom and my therapist thought it was about my dad leaving. But me? I blame kissing. So, yeah, I know kissing when it rolls over and plants its last night's lip gloss on me.
But. This is my best friend kissing me, morning breath and all. It's not like we're twelve. And God knows she doesn't need the practice. And, dammit, I'm totally kissing her back.
(*)
It was one of those rare days when we actually went to school so after some quick blood and coffee we set out in Bonnie's car wondering how we hadn't all been expelled yet. Stefan was doing that magazine model lounging thing he does against a tractor one of the FFA kids drives to school. Elena got out of the car super fast (for a human) and she exchanged this kind of dark look with Stefan. I wanted to be like, "hello, I'm not reporting to Katherine anymore" because every time they fight I swear a baby angel somewhere falls down dead.
But Elena just rushed on past him and my day proceeded like this: "Stefan! What the hell?" I shove at his chest as hard as I can but he doesn't really budge. "Why are you kissing me?"
Stefan looks deep into my eyes like he's trying to set fire to the space between us. "Oh. My. God! You are totally doing your romance novel eye thing at me. You can just stop trying to look into my freaking soul because I don't even think I have one!"
Andddd he's kissing me again.
"Gggguh," I come up sputtering. "Elena is my best friend." I punch him in the shoulder. "No means no, asshole!" I kick him in the shins for good measure."
(*)
Looking back, it's probably a good thing my day started with Elena and Stefan because after that I definitely had the good sense to avoid Matt and Tyler. Plus, Damon wasn't as big of a shock.
(*)
It was like this: "No, no, absolutely not!"
"What did I do?" Damon's innocent face is pretty much indistinguishable from his 'guilty as fuck' face.
"You were trying to kiss me." He'd totally stealth run right at me but I stealth ducked the other way and was slightly aided by a stealth trip on the sidewalk. A really stupid game of super quick back and forth followed. I'm pretty sure it should have been below our dignities as stone cold killers and creatures of the night but I'm new so maybe not.
"Was I?" And Damon's still trying for innocent. "I guess maybe ... possibly ..."
"Were you?" I demand. "It's a pregnancy kind of question, Damon. Yes or no. No 'maybe.'"
Damon casts his eyes to his feet. "Yes."
It didn't escape my notice that this was kinda the thing I used to dream about. Well, except the girls. "Hey Damon, you know how on True Blood all the vampires kind of go all S&M and bisexual? Does that really happen?"
"Why do you ask?"
"I think I might be dreaming. Everyone keeps trying to kiss me today."
"Barbie, I think that's a little exaggerated."
"Elena, Stefan, half the cheerleading squad, the entire softball team, the football team, Jheremy, the creepy guy that flashes at bus stops, Elena's aunt ..."
"Okay, okay, I get it."
"So?"
"We had a meeting last night."
"Who's 'we.'"
"The ..." Damon did this little bob and weave like he was thinking about taking off. "The town." He hurried on. "Look, sometime last night we all came to our senses and realized you're the best person in Mystic Falls."
"WHAT? The town?"
"You know, you're smart and pretty and you don't dick your friends over. And, when scary ... shit happens to you you get scary right back at it. Instead of, you know, writing about it in your diary."
"I cannot believe ... Damon. Stop kissing me!"
"But Caroline."
"Fuck."
End