Written for March Naruto flashfic
Title: It'll Be Fun
For: oceanica
By: Neonn (ayeir on lj)
Request: Sannin-centric
Genres: Humor
Rating: K+
Wordcount: 1175
Summary: Jiraiya does what he does best and drags an unwilling Orochimaru along.
Notes: Never written the Sannin, and as soon as I started, all hopes of seriousness flew out the window.
FYI, the Sannin have just completed a mission and are returning to Konoha, stopping in a quiet, small village on the way.. They're probably in their twenties?
Disclaimer: Naruto © Kishimoto.
xXx
"Come on, Orochimaru! It'll be fun!" exclaimed Jiraiya, prodding his teammate with a finger. "You need to get out more, really."
"Jiraiya, I am not going to go peeping with you."
"Please?"
"I have better things to do than waste my time staring at naked women," Orochimaru gestured pointedly to the scroll he was reading. Jiraiya gasped.
"Better things to do...? How can you say that? Now I'm sure; you have been cooped up far too long. You're coming with me," Jiraiya reached for the scroll. Orochimaru easily slapped his teammates hand away. "Stop it."
The toad summoner stared at his studious companion for a moment, before seemingly reaching a decision. "If you don't come, I will summon Ma and Pop." Orochimaru didn't acknowledge him.
"There will be singing involved. By toads. And me. And did I mention we will be singing? That's right. Singing. Me. Ma. And Pop. Together, making beautiful swamp music-"
"Up until I summon Manda." Jiraiya shook his head. "Nah, you wouldn't do that. He'd want to eat more than just us three."
"One of his subordinates, then." Jiraiya suddenly frowned. "Dammit, Orochimaru, you're coming with me! Or next time I'm bringing the girls to our room!" Orochimaru slowly rolled his scroll up. Jiraiya smirked in triumph as Orochimaru stood. Smug dark eyes met unnatural gold. "I don't think you could get a girl to come with you if you were the last living male creature in existence. But if I come, will you leave me alone?"
"Probably not." Orochimaru knew that was as much as he was going to get.
xXx
"Look, Orochimaru!"
"I'd rather not. I'm not a pervert." They had made their way to the hot springs, and Jiraiya had used his amazing abilities of perversion to find the perfect place to make a whole in the fence to do what he did best. Orochimaru was sitting down next to him, back against the fence, scroll out.
"Sarutobi-sensei says everyone's a pervert and rather than waste your time fighting it, you might as well save yourself the trouble and get a telescope," Jiraiya said this absentmindedly, as a particularly perfect specimen of womanhood entered the baths.
Orochimaru let out a soft snort of disgust at that thought. "Well, I'm not. And why do you insist on calling him that? We're jounin now. We left that period of our lives behind long ago."
The statement seemed so ludicrous to Jiraiya that he actually looked away from the women. For a brief second, anyway. "Long ago? How could you say that? We haven't been jounin that long. And it's a respect thing."
"Sometimes I think the only reason you respect him is because he'll go with you on your expeditions and because--" Jiraiya suddenly grabbed his partner's shoulder.
"Lookit this! Lookit this! Can you not see the perfection inherent in this, the beauty of a woman?" Orochimaru stared at Jiraiya, eyes narrowed as he scrutinized the toad summoner.
"Perhaps you were dropped on the head as a baby?" he asked mildly. "Or perhaps Tsunade's beatings-" with a frustrated growl, Jiraiya forced Orochimaru's face to the peep hole. "Just shaddup and look!"
"I still don't see what the big deal is," Orochimaru lied smoothly. He was not a pervert. He was just admiring them for...for...he'd think of some reason later.
"Don't see...? How can you not—what's wrong with you!?" demanded Jiraiya. Unfortunately his shouting had attracted some attention.
xXx
Tsunade stood akimbo, gazing in amusement at the sight of both her teammates sharing the small jail cell.
"Honestly, Jiraiya, I expected this from you," she told the sulking white-haired man. " But Orochimaru?"
He glared at her. "It's not what it looks like," he hissed, golden eyes narrowed in frustration.
Tsunade merely grinned. "Uh-huh."
"It's not," the snake sannin protested.
"Don't listen to Orochi-teme. It's exactly what it looks like!" Jiraiya yelled loudly, breaking out of his sulking to indulge in one of his favorite pastimes: goading his teammates.
"Hn." It was now Orochimaru's turn to sulk. Tsunade shifted her weight and tapped her bottom lip thoughtfully. "This may be a problem."
"Problem? There's no problem! We're the Legendary Sannin! I'm the Amazing Jiraiya! We'll be out of here in no time!" said the man, striking a pose.
"No time? Do you realize what the penalty is for peeping?" asked Tsunade.
"Penalty? Why should I be penalized? I'm--"
"Yes, yes, the amazing Jiraiya,"snapped Orochimaru irritably. "And the penalty for peeping is a fine of 5000 ryou or up to one year in jail."
"Fines? Jail time? Why don't we just bust out of here? Tsunade-hime can just use her freakish strength and get us out," reasoned Jiraiya. His teammates stared at him incredulously.
"Do you ever bother to listen during the debriefing?" asked Orochimaru. Jiraiya looked mildly confused. "No. I have you two, of course."
Tsunade took a deep breath, reminding herself that she couldn't kill Jiraiya just yet. They might need him later. Perhaps as a human shield or something. She had to content herself with yelling. "Jiraiya, you idiot! You honestly didn't pay attention? We are here undercover. You do understand what undercover means, don't you? It means we can't reveal ourselves by breaking your sorry asses out!"
"Then can't we just pay the fine?" asked Jiraiya sulkily. Tsunade shook her head. "No, where are we supposed to get 10,000 ryou?"
"...Tsunade-hime," whispered Orochimaru in a way that his teammates had learned to recognize as impending danger, "we should have enough. Only 5,000 of our alloted 20,000 was spent on supplies and rooms."
Tsunade's face flushed red in embarrassment. "Don't call me that!" she snapped at him. He stared at her coolly, never blinking. A shiver ran up her spine.
"Yeah, it's not really appropriate for such a flat-chested girl!" teased Jiraiya, eying Tsunade's ample chest.
"And you can shut up, too!" she snapped at him, but still feeling eerily cold. She couldn't take that creepy stare for long. No one could. "Alright! I came back to the room after scouting around, only to find you two gone...so..."
Orochimaru's eyes widened. "Oh, Tsunade, you didn't..."
"You blew all of it?" demanded Jiraiya unhappily. Tsunade didn't look at them as she retorted. "Well, sorry, I didn't think I would need to post bail for a couple of peeping toms."
"Hey, don't try to stick this all on me!"
"Who else should I pin it on? Orochimaru? I'm pretty sure it wasn't his idea!"
"Well, he should've stopped me!"
"Stopped you? Stopped you? You're a stubborn idiot with a one track mind!"
As the shouting match degraded into insults, Orochimaru debated the pros and cons of leaving the two and making his way back to Konoha himself. The thought was quickly abandoned, as he realized that abandoning the team was something that could go on his permanent record, and make it more difficult to get the more interesting missions. He sighed and took out his scroll again, determined to finish it.
-End-