A/N: Happy June Everyone! :)
I actually wrote a very long A/N for this story right after watching the finale, but it's been a month and now I don't feel the need to rant anymore lol Having said that, I owe you a fair warning that I won't be watching S7, so this is going to be my last post-finale TVD fic :]
Also, RL is being very busy right now, so please bear with me because updates may be slow ;)
Summary: Post-6x22. It's been five years of living in dreams, but when even dreams are in danger of disappearing forever, it's time to start fighting for reality to come back. Damon/Elena and the Ensemble.
Disclaimer: The Vampire Diaries belongs to L.J. Smith & CW. The credit for the title goes to... The Bible (obviously ^^) and to the song "Sun" by Sleeping At Last.
Let There Be Light
Chapter 1
It was like an immense coloring book with countless empty shapes that needed to be filled with colors, with memories of stars, roads, days and nights.
Memories of life.
"Can I open my eyes now?" Elena asked, stifling a laugh but then freezing for a second when she felt Damon's hand shudder on top of hers.
She opened her mouth to say something else to distract them both from being reminded-
As if it was possible not to be reminded, she thought with an inward grimace, squeezing her eyes shut tighter.
"Yes," Damon whispered into her ear, his voice dispersing the darkness, stopping Elena in her thoughts.
She tilted her head to the side to inhale the scent of his skin, even though she wasn't sure how much of it was just her imagination feeding off her memories, conjuring it all up to make it possible for her to keep holding on.
Damon pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth and she thought, with a twinge of pain, that perhaps it was all real, in a way, if the tone of his voice was any indication.
This tone that now always carried that perpetual hint of sadness that felt so excruciatingly unfamiliar, because there was nothing she could do to erase it.
Drawing a sharp breath, Elena opened her eyes and the tears she didn't manage to blink back quickly rolled down her face, landing on their intertwined hands like hot embers of coal, like snowflakes.
"That's beautiful," she said, choking a little, despite trying to concentrate only on the sight, on the view in front of her, on that real shred of this imaginary reality that could make her feel, during those always too brief moments of Damon's daily visits, like everything around her was real...
Like she was real...
"You are real, Elena." Damon's voice steadied her and she mustered a smile. "We are real," he whispered and she wanted to playfully chastise him for reading her thoughts, but amusement couldn't quite break through the overpowering grimness that was pulsating in her head like an endlessly ticking clock that never struck any hours.
They were standing in a bright room furnished with sand-colored furniture, decorated with countless pictures, their favorite memories locked in frames, light, lacy curtains billowing in the summer breeze and the window sills...
The entire house was filled with window sills and she marveled sometimes how it was possible that this place got engraved in her mind so well that now she barely had to make any effort to see it.
They built this house together, furnished it to the smallest detail. She knew every trinket, the color of every piece of fabric by heart and it was so hard to believe it was just an imaginary house made out of dreams.
They were standing in front of an open window, the sunlight flooding in, the sea outside looking as deeply turquoise as it did in her favorite painting.
"Hey, stop adding things! Today is my day," Damon said in mockingly scolding voice when a boat appeared on the horizon.
"Oh yeah?" Elena leaned her head against his shoulder. "What about adding pyramids to my trip to Paris?"
Smirking, Damon lowered his mouth to her neck. "I was just being practical. That way we could spend an entire day in France and in Egypt. Simultaneously!"
Elena smiled and then turned around in Damon's arms that instinctively closed around her. If it wasn't all a dream she was sure there would be bruises, visible ones instead of all those invisible, bleeding scars that were covering their hearts. She gritted her teeth.
It was so, so strange, getting used to the reality that could only exist as a dream.
Elena closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them again they were on a beach in front of the house and she could feel the warmth of the sand under her bare feet.
"Since you put the boat in there already," Damon said, trailing kissed across her lips and waiting for her eyes to brighten a little.
She raised her hands to touch his face and they were standing for a few moments in silence before Damon grasped her hand in his, pulling her into the water, heading toward a small, white, wooden boat. After a few steps he swept her into his arms and carried her across the waves, holding her gaze all the while.
The water made no sound as they were walking in it, not a splash could be heard, but there was one sound that reverberated in her ears: his heartbeat.
"Be human with me."
His heartbeat that always reminded her that one day she would be free of this non-existent place, able to return to the world so they could pick up where they had left off.
"I'm taking it."
Elena's hand closed around Damon's, almost crushing it and yet... everything here felt like she couldn't quite reach it, not completely, not fully. There always seemed to be some kind of a volatile, paper-thin barrier between her and everything she was looking at, listening to, trying to feel...
"A transparent boat would be so much better," Elena suggested, tucking her hair behind her ears.
"Would it?" Damon asked, squinting and Elena smiled when a moment later she could see the green algae on the sea bed underneath the boat.
She looked up and when her eyes met his, for a few fleeting moments, everything was real.
If she didn't focus well enough, the water surface looked like a painted layer of matte paper, the sun was cold, the sea silent and she couldn't feel the texture of anything under her fingertips but his eyes, his eyes were always real. His gaze always reminded her about the reality that was awaiting her at the end of this dream.
"So how was your day?" Elena asked, resting her head on Damon's shoulder when he pulled her into his arms, the boat beginning to rock with a delay, as if someone painted it still, but then changed his mind and made it a moving picture instead. Her own question reminded her of something, but she pushed the thought, heavy with grief and fear away.
"I made chili for Mayor Forbes' charity ball," Damon muttered, his nose buried in Elena's hair. "It was a success." Elena raised her eyebrows. "The ball, not the chili," he added with feigned reluctance and Elena chuckled. "In my defense, I used your old family recipe."
Elena lifted her head, shooting him him an amused, narrow-eyes look. "Did Jeremy send some drawings in?" She asked playing with the lapels of Damon's shirt.
"Yeah, about that. I think he dropped out of college without telling anyone."
Elena tilted her head upwards. "Why would you think that?" She asked with a small frown, worried.
"It's been five years and he's yet to ask for a graduation present, so the only logical explanation is that he didn't graduate."
Elena sighed. "You should probably ask him about it."
Damon kissed the top of her head. "I'm not going to ask him. I'm going to ambush him. He's coming home next weekend and when he leaves I'm going to follow him and see what he's up to."
Elena's fingers clutched the fabric of his shirt tighter. Home.
"That's a good plan," she said, nestling her face in Damon's neck.
"But I'll be back within a day," Damon added matter-of-factly and Elena felt a twinge of cold pierce through her as if she suddenly saw in broad daylight something that was lingering in the shadows up till then.
Sometimes, when she was able not to think about the present as much as about the happy things to come, coming up with different settings, different ideas for their imaginary days was fun. But even on such days, she still liked it even more when it was Damon's turn, because then she could feel the wind in her hair without willing herself to feel it. She could feel the sun rays on her face without deliberately planning on it. She could be caught off guard by his hand skimming across her skin without preparing herself to feel it.
It hadn't bothered her at first. At the beginning, she'd had enough energy to breathe the semblance of life into everything around her. She was trying to create the world from a scratch and live in it, but with every passing day the emptiness surrounding her would claw its way back, bit by bit, tearing down all the imaginary embellishments, making her see through the make-believe until she wasn't able to believe in anything... as long as she was alone.
She wondered if Damon knew... and she half-hoped he didn't, but it seemed very unlikely considering that she suspected he was doing something very similar. It was a secret they shared without speaking of it. It was the one secret they kept from each other.
Although perhaps it could hardly count as such if it was the same secret.
When he'd leave her consciousness and she'd leave his, Elena wouldn't stay in their apartment above a bar in New York, or in the beach house, or in a rain forest. She wouldn't continue skiing down a mountain or flying over the Grand Canyon. She wouldn't remain under a stash of blankets in front of the fireplace reading her favorite books.
Instead, she would just turn off the lights in her head and wait, wait in silence, in complete darkness, until the next time she would see him.
Because when they were together this world was a dream they were dreaming together. But when she was here alone, it was nothing more than a ruse, a lie she didn't want.
"Damon..." Elena wasn't even sure she spoke his name out loud, but when she felt his cheek lift off her head she knew he was looking at her and she gathered all her courage to continue.
"And it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you."
Her world wasn't real and it wasn't going to be real for quite some time yet. But his world was real. His world could be, should be real.
"This is wrong," Elena whispered, shivering at the sound of her own voice, strikingly loud in perfect silence that made her realize that her words distracted Damon from paying attention to keeping all the audiovisual details under control.
But he was on alert at once. "What do you mean, Elena?" He asked, his hold on her tightening.
Elena straightened up, slowly turning around in his arms and anchoring her hands on his shoulders. She tilted her head to the side, trying not to cry but somehow the tears unlike fake shooting stars and imaginary snow storms wouldn't listen to her.
"I told you to live your life, but I'm keeping you here instead," she whispered, her voice quivering. "And the worst part is, I know it's selfish. But I just can't help it."
"Elena," Damon interrupted her, his hands flying to her face to cup her cheeks. "I want to be here. It's my choice. There's no other place I'd rather be."
"I know," Elena said with a heartwrenchingly sad smile. "But here's the thing, Damon. This is not a place." Elena brushed the backs of her fingers across his face. "This place doesn't exists. This is not real," she said under her breath.
"Yes, it is," Damon said tonelessly, with determination that send shivers up her spine.
"I had so much fantasy in my life, Elena..."
"Damon-"
"Elena. This place isn't real, but that's not the point." Damon glanced around with a frown and Elena drew a breath when the sea suddenly disappeared and they found themselves in the boarding house. "The point is us. We are real. No matter where we are."
"...Enough for a hundred lifetimes..."
"I know," Elena said feverishly, grasping his hands in hers and for a moment she wondered if either of them needed to actively imagine feeling each other's touch or perhaps the sensation was stronger than anything else and no magical barrier could stop them from feeling it anyway. "And one day we'll be together in the real world. But until then... I can't keep you trapped for half a century in the world that doesn't exist."
"...I'd give it all up for one life with you..."
"Says the girl who was drugging herself to hallucinate her dead boyfriend," Damon said, squinting, trying to smirk, but only the underlying fear reached his eyes.
"...I'm ready for a little reality if you are."
Elena smiled brokenly. "That's why I know that hanging out with each other in our thoughts is not the right way to do this."
"There is no right way to do this, Elena," Damon said fervently. "But that's the only way."
Slowly, without breaking the eye contact with him, Elena freed one of her hands from his grasp and lifted it, brushing a strand of hair off his forehead.
"There's so much more you can do and see and feel-"
"Elena, stop it," Damon said warningly with a frustrated frown, trying to capture her hand, but his eyes widened when his hand went right through hers.
"See? I'm a ghost," Elena whispered in such a tearful but calm voice that it caused Damon's heart to clench so painfully he didn't think he'd be able to take another breath.
"No, you're not." He almost shouted, stopping himself short from saying "don't do this to me," because he felt the callback would only make things worse. "I don't want to live without you," he added in a lower voice that ripped through her like the warmest, most hurtful ray of light.
"I don't want to live without you either," Elena said, her voice faltering enough to renew Damon's hope that he'd be able to steer her away from the awful idea.
"Elena. Today is my day, so stop it," he said earnestly, his heart hammering in his chest and he couldn't decide if it was still from fear or perhaps from joy that he was succeeding in convincing her that quitting their imaginary encounters was not a solution.
Elena looked at him, stared at him for a longer while and he couldn't decipher what she was doing until she leaned in and kissed him.
"That's exactly what I'm going to do," she whispered against his lips, some of her tears dropping onto his face. "I love you. Be happy. I will see you soon."
Damon's arms locked around her, but before he had a chance to utter another word, Elena disappeared along with everything else surrounding them and within a split second Damon found himself in the Salvatore crypt, leaning over the coffin with Elena's motionless hand warm in his.
A gust of wind doused the candles and Elena's face faded into the shadows, leaving Damon in complete darkness, his voice growing hoarse from calling out her name over and over again.
xxxdelenaxxx
Bonnie turned the last page of the grimoire and even though there was nothing else written there, she kept staring at the yellowed paper for a longer while, her fingernails digging into the leather cover until she closed the book shut and shoved it into the fireplace with a stifled scream.
"On the bright side, Damon didn't kill you."
Bonnie turned around, so irritated she couldn't even find it in herself to be surprised by the visit.
Enzo narrowed his eyes at her and smirked fleetingly. "Yet."
"I think you should rather worry about yourself. What happened to Elena is his mother's fault and the last I heard you were Lily's favorite fake son replacement."
Enzo gave her an amused look.
"Get the hell out of here. I'm not in the mood of having pointless conversations with people I don't give a damn about," Bonnie said impatiently.
"Oh, this is not going to be a pointless conversation at all," Enzo said with a slow smile, leaning against the wall and tapping a clock that was sitting on the shelf nearby. Bonnie's eyes flickered to it and then back to Enzo. "I see you're still searching for a spell to unlink yourself from Elena."
Straightening up, Bonnie crossed her arms over her chest. "And let me guess. You happen to be in the possession of some valuable information," she said with a sardonic grimace.
Enzo turned around from the bookshelves giving Bonnie a mock-offended look. "I see you underrate both my intelligence and my loyalty."
Bonnie raised an eyebrow. "Your loyalty? Really?"
"Well, I wouldn't expect you to understand. Iwould've asked the first vampire I'd run into to turn me," Enzo whispered in a humming voice, his eyes boring in hers.
These was a moment of silence.
"Elena wouldn't want that."
Enzo laughed derisively. "Just out of curiosity, how many times you had to tell yourself that to actually believe it?"
"You don't know anything about any of us!" Bonnie shouted, glaring at him. "You don't know me or Elena or even Damon."
Enzo grimaced. "You know, you should reconsider being all rude to me, because I actually came here to relieve you of your little to die or not to die dilemma."
Something in his gaze made Bonnie suddenly realize that he was up to something, so casting a vampire headache over him she headed for the door...
Only to realize that it didn't work.
xxxdelenaxxx
Glaring with his red-rimmed eyes at the heavy doors, Damon checked all the locks, including the ones spelled by Bonnie, three more times, before he turned around-
And caused the doors to rattle loudly when he fell against them with a groan.
"I came here to see if Caroline was right and it turns out she was," Stefan said, leaning against Damon's camaro, his arms crossed over his chest . "You are the dumbest person anyone has ever met."
Damon clapped. "OK, so you've delivered your annual You're Doing It All Wrong, Damon lecture. Off you go," Damon said with a dismissive wave of his hand.
"You know our mother and her... family are back in town and you're still coming here every day. Really? How long do you think it will take them to figure out why?"
Damon rolled his eyes and pushed himself away from the crypt, heading for his car.
"The point of putting Elena in there and having a dozen of cloaking spells placed over the crypt was to make her safe. You coming here every day makes her unsafe."
"Like you said, a dozen of cloaking spells is guarding this place, so."
"So what?" Stefan snapped. "It's not like they're keeping you locked out, which I guess makes Bonnie the world's second dumbest person. And In case you forgot, Lily's friends are not just rippers but witches and there's no telling what the actual extent of their powers is. Do you really want to check if they are unable to break through all those cloaking spells?"
"Why would they do that anyway?" Damon asked impatiently, throwing his arms out and glaring at Stefan. "Do you think our mother's greatest desire is to become human again?"
Stefan averted his eyes from him, his expression suddenly turning utterly grim.
"Stefan?"
"I'm afraid the moment our mother realized we weren't going to help her break her friends free from that prison world she decided she would show us what it really meant to give someone an eternity of misery," Stefan said tonelessly, still not looking at Damon.
"What are you talking about?"
"Three hours ago Enzo turned Bonnie into a vampire," Stefan blurted out.
Damon blinked. "What?" he asked, looking around in bewilderment, trying to make sense of Stefan's words, confusion and anger clashing in his head and then rendering all of his thoughts silent. "Three hours ago," he repeated, his eyes drawn to the crypt looming in the night. "But-"
"He wanted to, I don't know, 'check' if what Lily had told him was true," Stefan said contemptuously, "that Kai didn't tie Elena's life to Bonnie's. It was just a lie meant to make it all even more cruel, eventually."
Damon's eyes flew to Stefan and the expression on Stefan's face made his blood run cold.
All the questions he could think of were flashing in his eyes but he wasn't able to voice any of them, a dreary, ominous feeling spreading through his chest.
Stefan looked at Damon half-hoping that he'd guess the rest, so he wouldn't need to be the one to tell him.
But Damon was looking at him as if he was able to understand anything but this and so it had to be said out loud because he'd never believe it otherwise.
Stefan took a breath even though he doubted there was enough air in the world to make it possible to say the words without choking on every horrible syllable.
Damon looked at him, looked at him without blinking and Stefan felt his eyes burn.
How strange, Stefan thought numbly, his fingers drumming the air, that killing hope felt so similar to killing people.
"He tied Elena's life to yours. Elena will wake up... when you die."