Time seemed to be passing by too slowly for Spencer. How long had it been? Five mintues? Five hours? Five days? She couldn't even tell anymore, nor did she even really care. She just kept waiting. It felt like she had spent her whole life waiting. For him, for the truth, for everything. And yet no matter how long she waited, no matter how much she tried, it always ended up in this same situation. With someone getting hurt, and her blaming herself for it. But, to be honest, she didn't really care. She didn't care if she got hurt, or if she was to blame, cause hell, she was already used to that by now. She felt like a huge crack just split in her heart when she heard the news. The news that shifted and quaked her whole world. The news that broke her heart in two, that made her want to take back all the arguments, all the screaming between them... The news that could take her love away from her.
He was in a coma. He was in a coma. He. Was. In. A. Coma.
It could've been anything else, hell, maybe even just that he broke all the bones in his body. Even though that would hurt her to know that, at least those bones could heal, and he could smiled at her like he always had again. But he was in a coma, a coma that took all of his life away. She'd rather be the one in his position, cause at least then, she wouldn't have to witness him slowly slipping away. Sitting there, next to him, the only sound was of his heavy breathing that was supported by a blue tube in his throat. He seemed like he was in so much pain, but she couldn't imagine he was in as much pain as she was... but hell, she knew he was hurting. Tears wouldn't stop rolling down her cheeks, they were first just small tears, but then she would sob. She felt like straight up giving up on trying to stay strong. But she had to stay strong. For him. Cause he was all she had. If she lost him, if... if he didn't make it... she was sure she'd lose herself, lose her sanity, lose all hope for a happy life, because if she lost him, if she lost her boyfriend, if she lost Toby Cavanaugh, she'd be nothing.
She stared at her boyfriend now, closely. At his closed eyes, his pale face, his messy hair that she always loved to run her finger tips through. She longed just to hear him say her name. She felt a sob rip through her chest, aching for him, aching just for him to open his eyes, just so she could see his rare and beautiful sea blue eyes. Was that too much to ask for? Just for him to open his eyes, just for him to smile, just for him to hold her...
"Please, please, wake up Toby..." Spencer cried silently to him. She pulled her chair closer to his bed side, and she shakily took his cold hand in hers. She stroked her thumb over his knucle, feeling each bone under her touch. She let out a small whimper. He was so cold... he had always been the warmth of her cold days, but now... he was the one who was cold. He wasn't warm. She hated it, she hated not knowing is would even remember who she was when he woke up...
She felt her sobs grow louder, overwhelming the steady sound of Toby's heart rate beath through the heart moniter. "I'm so sorry Toby... this is all my fault... It's all my fault." She leaned over Toby's hand, kissing his knuckle, feeling her tears roll off her cheeks, and onto his hand. "Please, I'd give anything just to hear your voice. Or, hear you laugh, or see you open your eyes..."
Silence. Again. Still, he was unresponsive. Which was even more bad news by the second. She rose her eyes to meet his face, and saw no change at all. His eyes were still closed, his hair was still slightly brushing against his forehead. His lips were still blue, he was still cold as ice.
"No. You're not going to... die, Toby, do you hear me? I won't give up on you, please, please, don't give up babe, you can do this, we've accomplished so much, so much... I just can't imagine being without you, I can't, it's too hard." Her vision grew blurry as more tears replaced the missing old ones. "I can't... I can't... Please, Toby... please..."
It hurt so much. It hurt, and the hurt wouldn't go away, no matter what she told herself, no matter how much time she spent by his bedside, it still hurt just as much. Not even her friends could help her now, not after this, not after the accident that changed their lives...
"Where do you think you're going?" Spencer called after him, as he stormed out of her house. Spencer hated to have them fight, especially when she needed him most. She didn't want him to leave, not now. Not ever.
"Out." Toby called back to her, not turning around. His voice sounded hurt, and Spencer raced after him as he walked out of her doorway, into the depths of the pouring rain. "Toby! Please, listen to me!"
Toby turned around, his hair weighed down by rain, his leather jacket covered in huge drops of rain, which rolled down his sleeves. He didn't turn to look at her, as he said, "No, Spence. I'm done listening right now, I have to go." With that, he jogged over to his truck, opening the door, and closing it as he jumped inside. "Please, Toby, don't go!" Spencer reached the truck, and she pounded her fists on the window, not caring that she was drenched in freezing rain.
"Toby, open the god damn door!" Put the truck stuttered and stirred to life with a loud wheezing sound, and he pulled the truck forward, and it sped away from her. Toby looked back at his girlfriend standing there in the middle of the road, drenched, shaking, and crying.
"I'm such an asshole." Toby hissed at himself. He hated doing this, but he had to go. He had to protect her, no matter at what cost. Even if it meant never talking to her again, or seeing her again. It was all his fault that this happened. He promised Spencer forever with him, but after she was arrested, and Mona was killed... He couldn't risk it after the cryptic message -A had sent him.
Leave Spencer out, or I'm going to knock her out... and begin digging her grave. -A
Settling... When he got that message, his first instinct was to protect her. Toby was pissed off that -A would dare make him leave his angel. But he had to protect her now, or she'd get hurt. So, that afternoon, he drove to Spencer's house, and she looked gorgeous as always. He felt his heart sink as he told her that he couldn't do this anymore, and that he was done. He hated seeing her expression as he told her this, and as she began to cry and yell that she didn't want to lose him. He told her she already had, and then he had stormed out of her house.
Now, he was driving farther and farther away from her, feeling shittier then ever. "I can't... I can't do this!" He yelled amongst himself, slamming on the brakes of his truck, and turning the wheel to a full u-turn, and then slamming on the gas pedal to swerve the truck around. He didn't care, he was going to go back to her, no matter what. He wasn't going to break her ever again, no matter what -A said. The truck screeched as it spung, and Toby controlled the wheel back to speed back towards Spencer. As he began to drive towards her house, he thought of a million ways he could apoligize, to gather her in his arms and not let her go...
BEEP! BEEP! A black car came out of no where, and slammed into Toby's side of the truck. Loud sounds of crashing metal and glass blared in his ears. He didn't even have time to react before he felt something hard and metal strike down on his head, and darkness overcame him. The last memory he had was when he was thinking about how it's feel to hold Spencer in his arms again...
Spencer couldn't gather herself. She couldn't. Knowing that he had turned around to see her again. She remembered hearing the screech of tires, and she remembered running. Running like hell through the rain towards the sound of two cars clashing into each other...
"Toby!" She screamed past the rain. The rain was lifting up, only small specks now. But she could see that his truck was rammed against a tree near the outside of her house, and she sobbed. Seeing the truck she had bought for him crushed in ruins against an old elm tree. She rushed to Toby's side of the truck. She saw blood on the window shield, and she sobbed, tears raining down her face, as she clutched her stomach with both hands a the sight of the love of her life, crushed in his seat, his head bleeding, his eyes closed, and then she saw he opened his eyes slightly. "Oh, god! Toby!" She rushed next to the truck, she wanted to help him, but she was scared that if she tried to help him, she'd only hurt him even worse. "I love you, oh my god, oh my god..." Spencer was hysterical, sobbing out all of her words as she touched the truck, then she pulled out her phone, dialing 911. One ring, and they answered. "911, what is your emergency?" She sobbed out her address, and said there had been an accident. She was lucky that they understood a single word she said. She hung up, and she felt her knees growing weak beneath her. "Toby..." She sobbed, leaning over the truck, and she saw him reach his bloody hand out of the window, and he touched the top of her hand. "I..." He began, his voice clogged with his own blood. "No, Toby, don't speak..." She cried, touching his hand with hers, squeezing his hand. Sirens wailed from a distant. Toby closed his eyes, and then he opened them again, the glass around him falling gently onto his shoulder. "I... love you..."
Her heart broke into a million, million, billion, pieces at that moment. She couldn't control her sobs as she felt the ambulance rip her hand away from Toby's, and he closed his eyes as the ambulance had a axe to cut the door away from him. But she didn't listen to the ambulance as they told her to stay back. Cause as soon as they let her go, she ran back to him, he was on the ground on a splint they were going to carry him on. He had a neck brace on, and she leaned over him, kissing his forehead. But he was unconscious. He couldn't even feel her kiss him, and maybe never again. They carried him away, and she remembered falling onto the ground, as ambulance tried to help her up. She couldn't do anything but cry. "Toby... Toby...Toby..." She kept saying his name outloud, as if it would somehow revive him. "Toby..."
The police said the tire tracks on the road showed that he had decided to turn back around, and Spencer knew he was going to go back to see her... but he never got the chance. He was in a coma. There was nothing she could do, she couldn't take away any pain he was in, no matter how long she held his hand, no matter how many times she whispered she loved him, no matter how many tears she shed over his lifeless body on the bed next to her.
Spencer turned her glance at her face, and she slowly sat up, and she pressed her weight onto the bed, and she leaned over him, and kissed his clammy forehead lightly, afraid touching him would hurt him. But she hoped this helped. In some way, it helped her. Just for her to kiss him, to know that maybe, possibly he did feel it, know that she was there. But at the same time, she feard he'd never feel anything ever again. Even if he did wake up, the doctors had told her there were risks of brain damage and him to loose his memory of her, or he would wake up paralyzed, or worse, he wouldn't ever wake up at all. She could live with him forgetting about her. At least he'd be okay, at least he could get a normal life again, and she knew, if they fell in love once, they could do it again.
But that was if he did wake up. If. He. Did.