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Polar Opposites
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Wanted: A fun, friendly, clean, roommate to share 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment, and who likes living with a bubbly and sociable roommate. Preferably employed, with normal working hours. No pets. Non-smoker. 50/50 split on bills – rent $800 p/m. First and last month's rent deposit required upfront.
"You can't put that up-" LaFontaine said, shaking her head, and Laura groaned, dropping her head onto the desk.
The two of them were camped around Laura's computer with snacks and glasses around them, and LaFontaine's books abandoned on Laura's coffee table behind them. They had been hanging out, with LaFontaine using Laura's place to study for the night, while Laura busied herself. But somewhere along the way, they got pulled into this mess of writing an online ad for a roommate Laura desperately needed.
Slowly, but surely, they were both losing the will to live.
"Why not? What's wrong with it?" This had to be the tenth one of these Laura had written, and each one felt worse than the last.
"For starters, fun? You're basically asking for a party chick. Remember what it was like living with Betty in college? You hated that." Not true, Laura mused.
"I didn't hate it. I just thought that we could have spent more hours studying than partying." Her Friday night study schedule had gone out the window for mixers and parties. It had been fun, but her grades had suffered a little. And then a lot.
"Exactly," LaFontaine nodded, looking back at the advert for Laura to change.
"Okay, so I'll take out fun," she agreed, reading the rest of it.
"And friendly?" LaFontaine asked, this time making Laura look at them like she had three heads.
"What's wrong with friendly? I want them to be nice! I don't want to live with a complete monster." That would be the worst.
"Yeah, but do you want them to be friendly?" LaFontaine's eyes said it all, the crazy within, but Laura sat there completely lost.
"Why are you saying it that way?" she frowned, to which LaFontaine's face dropped.
"Friendly is 'oh hey, how are you?' which is normal, but the kind of folks that are going to be looking for a roommate at this price range are going to be the more 'oh, hey, don't mind me standing over your bed watching you sleep, it's what friends do' friendly type of people."
"You're...right. Okay, so I should take that out, too." Gosh, this ad was getting smaller and smaller by the minute. "What about clean? That can stay, right? I don't want a slob living here." Laura asked, a second later, wondering if LaFontaine was going to comment on that, too.
"Oh yeah, clean should be a requirement, but maybe not specify it? You didn't exactly do well with Perry."
"I loved staying with Perry," Laura argued back, although occasionally she did have flashbacks to that month and now she can't even look at a dustpan in the same light again.
"Laura, she hovered the crumbs off your plate while you were eating." As if Laura needed that reminder.
"Okay, yes, that was excessive, but that's Perry. I'm not going to get a roommate like Perry."
"You wouldn't be so lucky," LaFontaine grinned, and ugh, Laura's friends were too adorable for their own good. Rolling her eyes at that, Laura pursed her lips and went back to what she had previously written.
"Alright, so the first part is useless, but what about the second bit?"
"You really want to tell them you're bubbly and sociable? That might attract the wrong type of people."
"How?"
"Bubbly can mean intense, like, hyper, and yeah, you can be like that at times, but then you might end up living with someone just like you, how awful would that be?" Thinking over that scenario, Laura's face turned into a grimace, and she shook her head.
"Okay, so I need to change that, too. Why is this so hard?" she groaned once again.
"Because you had the best roommate ever," LaFontaine reminder her, and that was so not necessary.
"Shush, we agreed not to talk about Danny."
"You have to talk about her eventually."
"Not any time soon. Now, help me." Pushing the keyboard LaFontaine's way, Laura sat back and watched LaFontaine type.
Wanted: an older, unsociable, messy roommate, who is willing to live with the energizer bunny on speed in a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment. Preferably unemployed. Pets welcome. Smoking acceptable. 50/50 split on bills – rent $800 p/m. First and last month's rent deposit required upfront.
"There," LaFontaine grinned, and Laura glanced back at the words on screen.
"Oh, that's great, that's exactly the opposite of what I want – and the energizer bunny on speed? Really?" Laura's face was definitely worth writing that, and LaFontaine laughed as they waved their hands in surrender. "You're meant to be helping me!" Laura cried out, feeling useless.
"I am, but you're going round in circles, and I have to go." There was a distinct whimper from Laura, which LaFontaine ignored before gathering their belongings. "Perry wants to reorganise the chore schedule before we go to bed, and last time I got stuck on dusting duty - safe to say, I spent a week on the couch because I didn't get all the dust off the fireplace. So, I'm going to save myself this time round and go help her. I'm sure you'll think of something."
LaFontaine's reassuring smile wasn't enough to convince Laura of anything. However, she needed to crack on.
Bidding LaFontaine goodbye at the door, Laura found her way back to her desk, flouncing down in the chair and once again thinking over her predicament.
Rent was due soon, and she did not have enough money to cover it. She needed a roommate, like yesterday. It was one of those necessary facts of life, and while she was willing to pretend it wasn't a big deal, now it was turning into one. Okay, it wasn't the worst situation in the world, because if she called her dad, he would help her out. But still.
He would send her money for rent, and for groceries, and for dry-cleaning, and for emergencies, and then she would be back into that bubble. She needed to be away from it. She loved her dad, she really did, but she wanted to do things for herself for a change. College had been a big step forward, but living on her own, that was meant to be the next big step.
What Laura hadn't expected was her highly attractive and wonderful Lit TA, Danny. She was unforeseen, and then they were dating, and wow, moving in together sounded like such a smart idea. Until it became clear that Laura had swapped one parent for another, and Danny wanted to look out for her almost as much as her father did. It was sweet, at first, but it wasn't healthy to their relationship.
So that went up in flames, and Danny moved out.
That was two months ago, and Laura had been using some of her savings to keep things together, but she couldn't afford to keep doing that. She needed a roommate. She needed to make the spare bedroom into a source of income. It was the only way she was going to be able to stay in her apartment, which she loved.
Yes, it had been her and Danny's, but for those two months Danny wasn't there, it was hers, and she loved it, and she did not want to move out. Laura had personalised it, made it her own, and to give all that up, to move across town to the more affordable places, it would be gutting. Her whole life was on this side of town.
So, to stop that form happening, hello strangers on the internet, she needed one of them to want to live with her. That couldn't be so hard, right?
Opting to just write something basic before this molehill turned into a mountain, Laura moved back to type on her keyboard. Except, somehow, and the fatigue must really be getting to her because her hand wasn't even on that side of the keyboard, she hit enter, and it was gone. LaFontaine's joke advert was away, into the Ethernet, and suddenly it was out there on the web.
"Why do bad things happen to good people?" Laura whined, pouting a little, before sighing. "I'm leaving it," she spoke aloud, looking at the screen helplessly. "It'll still be there in the morning, when I'm not feeling this exhausted, and I can fix it then. Plus, it's not like anyone is going to reply to that."
With her decision made, Laura closed everything down, shut off the lights, and headed into her bedroom to get some much needed sleep.
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Karnstein-C has replied to your ad!
Everything sounds satisfactory; and I can have first month and last month's rent paid within 24 hours. Interested?
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"You what? Laura, you can't just invite strangers to live with you," Perry said several days later, having heard the story from LaFontaine.
They were all sitting around Laura's living room, debating the current drama in Laura's life. Of course.
"I know, but I need to. We don't know anyone who needs a place to stay and I can't move from here," she reasoned. "Plus, I think I've found someone. Well, I mean, I have found someone."
"You did? How?" LaFontaine asked, frowning.
"I accidentally used your joke advert and this girl replied." LaFontaine's eyes went wide with horror, but Laura continued. "And at first I thought, she's crazy, but after I swapped the ad for the correct one, a good, easy, basic advert and no one replied, I realised I really didn't have much of an option. I need the money to stay here and she has it. She's the only one willing, and worst comes to worst, she'll be here two months, tops."
"Wow. You're really doing this," Perry said, still looking concerned, as she gripped LaFontaine's hand. "Well, we'll support you, of course, and we need to meet her, at once."
"That's actually why I asked you both here," Laura confessed. "I didn't want to invite a stranger round if they turned out to be some kind of serial killer. Safety in numbers and all that. So, can you please just stay until she gets here?"
"Of course!" Perry called, feeling much more at ease with this piece of information. God only knows she would not be able to handle one of her friends being kidnapped or worse.
"Thank you so much, she should be here soon-"Midsentence, and then the buzzer rang on the door.
Getting up, Laura hit the button to reply, and asked who it was.
"It's Carmilla Karnstein, potential new roommate?" Hearing the mysterious new roommate's voice for the first time had Laura swallowing a lump in her throat. It sounded dry, husky, like this Carmilla girl had been up all night drinking booze and smoking cigarettes.
Maybe this wasn't going to work out.
"Great, come on up!" she called, filling herself with fake confidence.
Hitting the button to open the door, Laura took a step back and looked to Perry and LaFontaine. No longer were they lounging around on her sofa holding hands, but now standing at the ready, in case there really was some kind of monster on the other side of the door.
It didn't take long before there was a knock at the door, which Laura had been preparing for. She wiped the wrinkles out of her shirt before advancing on the door, pulling it open quickly to see who she might just end up living with for the next two months.
Freezing, Laura was met with the sight of leather. There were leather pants, and a strip of skin, before a grey top, with a loose jacket on her shoulders, and wow, Laura was still staring. Where the hell had her brain gone?
"I'm here about the room?" Carmilla said, looking far too bored to notice Laura's blushing cheeks and frantic fake smile.
"Yes, of course, come on in!"
Doing just that, Carmilla walked past Laura, into the living room, completely ignoring LaFontaine and Perry as she did so, and began inspecting the apartment from where she stood.
Leaning back upon the door as it closed behind her, Laura took in the scene before her. LaFontaine was grinning ear to ear, Perry looked exceedingly concerned, and Carmilla looked like she'd walked off a catwalk for the stunning and pissed off.
There was no way any of this could end well.
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