Note: Between // is an event that is happening in the present time and not the time at which the journal was written.
Italics and '' is the thought of a character in the present time whilst words in italics are meant for emphasis. Losing sight of my mindBy the Pretty Penwriter
//A young soldier walked along the deserted trail and then stumbled on something. She cursed but due to her curiosity she bent and picked up the obstacle, a small book no wait a journal the edges bent and marred. The once rich brown leather cover was now a faded yellow and in some places a burnt black. She opened the cover and was about to start reading but a noise interrupted her. Quickly pocketing the book she darted up a tree and waited for the noisemaker to pass and to her relief it was only a squirrel.
'Funny' she thought 'I haven't seen one of those since I was a child.'
She jumped down from her hiding place and smiled as the startled squirrel darted away into the underbrush. She decided to save the reading until she reached her barracks. She ran down past the old burnt out supply shed and past the vehicle storage bin she slowed her pace, when she came in front of the graveyard she looked in and spotted the large monument that stood in the center of it a angle one wing broken the other perfectly intact she bowed her head and then continued. Running down the trail and then to the barracks finally she arrived to the gray and dark building and sighed.
"Home sweet home." She muttered
This was home to her it had been since she was of age 15 and that was two years ago. Running down the hallway she managed to dodge everyone in her way.
"Hey Hitomi slow down." Someone called after her.
She ignored him and burst into her room she discarded her gun and her satchel to the side on the floor then slid off her boots. As soon as she was done she flopped onto her bed and opened the old journal.//
I know that he may be my best friend but he was truly an insensitive asshole possibly the coldest man that I have ever met. But that's not to say that I don't love him oh on the contrary I love him so much sometimes it feels as if my heart will burst at any moment and not just from feeling love for him but an underlying anger towards him as well after all he was the reason for the whole world to change.
I suppose I should start at the beginning with maybe the year and my name the year is AC 200 yes five years after the eve wars and four after the Marimaea incident. The two greatest mobile suit battles in all my generation but it won't be for the next sadly. These massive mobile suit battles brought about change for warring nations alike and the greatest fight the war between the earth and the colonies well it's laughable only a bit though to say that both wars were ended by a girl no more than the age of 16!
Unbelievable that she had such strong ideals at such a young age she was also the princess of the Cinq Kingdom wait I do suppose that I am getting a bit ahead of myself let me introduce my self my name is Lucretzia Noin I am…well was the 2nd in charge of the preventer agency my colleague Une was head of the preventers I would guess you'd say I had a lot of stress and pressure correct? Well that may be but compared to that girl my stress factors were only minimal to say the least she was in charge of the world at age 15 and had a haunting problem. A problem by the name of Heero Yuy who appeared out of no where whenever he wasn't wanted and never appeared when he was it was always a recurring problem on her mind I could tell by the way she acted when he was around how her posture stiffened she began to sweat nervously. I could have seriously harmed that fellow yes I could've and on many an occasion was so close to killing him but for her sake I wouldn't because I loved her. Yes she was like the sister I had always wanted many a night we had slept over in each other's rooms holding a slumber party a bit childish yes, but not for me because I never did have a childhood and she sensed that although I was always to embarrassed to say such a thing out loud.
A specific conversation stands out in my mind the most it was in her seventeenth year before she changed when she asked,
"Lu is there any man in your life right now that you love?"
A slight blush tinted my cheeks and I answered her dutifully "Yes." It came out like a squeak but she heard it.
"Who?" she asked I suppose she already knew by then because she held a specific type of gleam in her eyes.
"Your brother." I mumbled incoherently
"What!!" she shrieked at an intensely high decibel I even covered my ears I was surprised that she hadn't broken any glass.
"Sheesh keep it down." I muttered the last thing I wanted was for her brother to come bursting into her room with me only wearing a tank top and shorts and my nightmare was to be realized.
Sure enough there were footsteps as he burst into the room and there he was standing in all his 6'7 perfection his platinum blonde hair askew only slightly but on him it looked perfectly placed his sapphire orbs looking around the room attentive. I was in so much wonder at his beauty that I stupidly forgot to breathe and began coughing she patted my back for me. I looked into her own violet orbs and her honey blonde hair it was amazing how the two siblings seemed to have that look of perfection maybe that was why she kept drawing in that perfect soldier boy and maybe not too bad I didn't have that look. With my platinum black hair that always seemed a bit purple and my inky blue eyes that seemed violet my tall frame but not lanky build. I wasn't much of a looker and I think that I might have been a tad bit jealous if her and she being younger than I.
"Relena what's wrong?" he asked worried
"Oh nothing Milliardo everything's fine and Lu is right her with me remember." She complained to her older brother.
I felt crushed he hadn't even noticed my presence in the room much less spare a glance at me my sadness was replaced by immense pride and anger. I quickly stood placing my hands on my hips.
"What Zechs didn't think I could watch over her and to think I was the one who scored higher than you on the tests at the institute such a blockhead." I spouted angrily he hadn't thought, he never thinks first.
His eyes flickered to me and I saw a bit of an uneasiness rest in them as he saw what I was wearing when his eyes did linger a bit Relena rudely cleared her throat to break the tension he turned his attention back to her. Thankfully giving me enough time to blush lightly then shake it off. But not all of his attention was back on his sister mind you I think a great deal of it was on me. I would've given anything to know what was running through his mind right then and there. It was then that I did realize that maybe Milliardo had feelings for me as well that weren't platonic.
"Honestly brother you're so silly sometimes." Relena muttered shaking her head slowly
He only grinned
"Goodnight Relena…goodnight Noin." He grinned as he turned around closing the door behind him.
Heart be still he had actually acknowledged me I felt like I would burst at any moment but felt content to sitting back down holding a silly grin on my face.
"And what are you so happy…" Relena stopped and trailed off then her voice changed getting deeper and crueler "oh I get it aren't you the lucky Noin you get a guy to like you by showing off some skin, slut." She said menacingly.
I looked at her shocked that shouldn't have been Relena it couldn't have been and when I turned to look at her she was sneering at me actually sneering this can't be happening.
She shook herself and there was the usual smiling and jovial Relena once again I shook my head it must've been a fluke right something wrong with the lighting. I hugged her tightly.
"Lu?" she asked quizzically
"Nothing goodnight." I said and crawled underneath the covers of the spare bed.
"Okay see ya in the morn." Relena said winking and throwing off the light switch climbing into her own bed asleep.
If only then I had paid attention to the signs that my best friend was deteriorating right before me I didn't know what type of friend am I. I don't think I can call myself her friend anymore I don't know if she would call herself a friend to even herself. Her life didn't seem to change drastically if ever it was like this go to meetings, sign policies, attend a function, have a speech and so on and so on. It never occurred to me that there was anything wrong with her she was in every aspect to those that admired her (yes even me) that she was beautiful and successful but what we didn't seem to see was that she was lonely and every bit as far from normal in her mind at least. One moment she's nice and talkative the next silent it didn't seem strange. I hadn't really thought about it much until on her 18th birthday I had taken it upon myself to organize a small celebration and that only consisted of her friends and family. I even made it my personal endeavor to have a specific ex-gundam pilot there even if I had to chase him to the end of the universe. But sadly there was an emergency problem on the Mars terraforming and Milliardo had to leave immediately he promised me that he would be home as soon as possible, but he wouldn't be in time for her birthday. So the big night arrived and with all the candles lit and all the guest minus an absent brother I lured the unsuspecting girl to her home with an act as if nothing were different gossiping about the latest office romance to which she only replied with a nod or a shrug. I looked at her worried and decided to carry the papers in her hand she snatched them out of my grasp and stuffed them in her briefcase so quickly I thought that they were never there. I slid the house key into the lock and turned the knob opening the door at which she was surprised by a mob of her friends. She screamed loudly and dropped her briefcase she darted to the stairs and ran up them quick as lightning I heard her door slam loudly. Maybe she was a little bit off edge from the stress and hadn't taken kindly to the flash of light and the loud noises. I glanced at the shocked and startled faces of the crowd yes even Heero had a shocked expression then I was bombarded by questions from the long haired one with his brown hair plaited into a braid a Duo Maxwell and a young successful businessman with blonde hair and sea green eyes a Quatra Winner.
"Miss Noin what was all that about?" Quatra asked
"I don't know remember she hasn't seen you all for a year and due to the stress of being vice foreign minister and all it was stupid of me to make it a surprise party totally stupid with the…" I trailed off slightly my lip quivered slightly then stopped and I set my mouth in a straight line like I had seen Relena do so many times.
"What were you about to say?" Asked Duo
I placed an expressionless face and answered "Nothing." I replied I suppose my voice was a bit cold and that may have started it all. They began to question me like I was a criminal and they were good at it I almost felt sorry for them because I had been trained for events like this all my life.
"What's been going on with Relena?" Heero asked
"Maybe if you were around Heero then you'd know." I snapped at him he pissed me off trying to ask as a friend but he wasn't a friend to me right then.
"Please Miss Noin what is happening to Relena she never acted like that before." Quatra said pleading
"People change Quatra…besides she has a major event coming up I'd call it stress now if you'd all excuse me I must talk with my friend." I said and pushed my way through the crowd but before I could reach the stairs, Heero grabbed my arm tightly to prevent my movement not waiting for him to talk I simply grabbed his wrist gave it a slight twist and flicked it away then I ascended the steps it was a long walk let me tell you.
I lightly tapped on her door a secret tap we made up together she didn't respond but only opened the door slowly and shook her head tears falling steadily.
"Noin I think I'm going crazy." She murmured weakly as if she were fighting something down maybe that voice I had heard many a night ago.
To Be Continued
Many chapters to come don't worry okay and R&R the only way for this fic to get any better is if you guys review you know then you can criticize and chastise me all you want.