Curse of Women, a twilight fanfic

Did you ever wonder why the Cullen children never went crazy in high school? I mean, there are probably ~200 children in Forks High School, and half of them are girls. So that's 100 teenage girls, 80% of whom have probably started puberty.

Since, the cycles of menstruation happen every month, and most girls don't have the same schedule then there is probably at least 1 girl menstruating at any given point during the year. And since the Cullen children don't skip school every day...

Let's assume that somehow tampons dampen the smell of blood so much that the Cullen's don't smell it. Okay, but then probably only half of the 80% that have started menstruating use them, the other half will be using pads which do in fact smell.

If regular humans can smell them (when they haven't been changed) then vampires with a superior sense of smell can definitely smell them.

And let's not forget that, even if for some bizarre reason in the Twilight world every girl uses tampons, they can't be wearing them all the time. So then the vampires would have to deal with those girls who start bleeding suddenly in the middle of class with no warning.

I mean, take New Moon for example. One teensie-winsie paper cut from Bella had Japser going crazy with blood lust. That means that the rush of blood from menstruation would have him frothing in the mouth. So, how come the books never show this!?

I challenge you writers out there. Create some stories about this. Humorous, angst-y, anything. You don't have to follow my summary, feel free to create your own.

Title: The Menstruating Challenge
Story: Twilight
Idea: Edward kills Bella because she suddenly starts her period in the middle of a kiss! Teh Horror!
Idea 2: Oh no, some random girl is menstruating! What shall the Cullens do?
Timeline: Anytime (pre-Twilght - post-Eclipse)
Small bit to include: Alice forgets females need to menstruate.

Please send links! I want to read them!

This is a story of one of the Cullens few slip ups with menstruating teenage girls. Not particularly funny, I'm not sure how to make it humorous. Oh well.

Edward twitched as a particularly loud though hit him.

Oh no! Not my new pair of white panties! GOD DAMN PERIOD! Someone kill me now, not cramps as well!

He turned, wide-eyed to Alice who went still. She groaned and looked at Edward.

He tilted his head toward Jasper, and she shook her head.

Look, she directed her thoughts. And suddenly he saw. Rosalie walking past the girl going into the bathroom. Rosalie freezing, her face taking on a feral edge. Her disappearing in the bathroom and--

He pulled out of the vision sharply and ran from his seat, hoping to make it in time.

You won't make it, Alice spoke, resigned, from her mind.

He ran faster, hoping to prove her wrong, but as he burst through the door of the girls bathroom he saw Rosalie drinking deeply from the girl in the vision.

Rosalie was sulking. It just wasn't fair, she had a clean record until now.

These stupid humans and they're stupid periods, she snarled in her head.

Edward sitting beside her nodded his head then growled, "Why exactly are we going to high school again? Carlisle, you might be able to handle the smell of blood really well, but we're not so lucky. And high school? Can someone say 'Eternal Damnation?' with all the menstruating teenagers there..."

Jasper groaned, "They smell so good..."

"Taste good too." Rosalie muttered. Carlisle gave her a reproaching look, "I thought we agreed that staying in one spot for as long as we can is a good idea? You five look young enough that you'll have to be in some type of school."

Emmett grinned, "Home school! Esme can..."

"No."

Emmett pouted, "But Esme..."

"Absolutely not!" she snarled, "I love you all to death, but I am not going to home school you again!"

"Oh come on Esme, it was only one time! I won't do it again, promise!"

"NO! Do you have any idea how much time I spent on that garden, and you ruined it all because you wanted to fight!"

"Fight!?" Emmett whined, "We didn't fight, we were debating!"

Esme growled and Emmett sighed.

"Besides," Esme said, "There will always be a girl out there who is on her period. You might as well get used to it now, that way when your in the middle of shopping," she paused giving Alice a pointed look, "you won't want to kill a young woman."

Alice grinned, "Yeah, it's practice!"

"Alice..." Jasper groaned.

"Oh come on Jasper, I promise I'll keep a sharp eye from now on. If any girl suddenly starts her period I'll know!"

Rosalie growled out, "Didn't help out here did it."

Alice laughed nervously, "Hehe, would you believe I forgot all about the fact human girls need to menstruate? We're not anymore so..."

"What!?" Rosalie looked at Alice, gob smacked. "How the hell can you forget something like that!? It's an integral part of being a woman!"

"But we're vampire women now, and vampire women don't menstruate!"

"And we're vampire women surrounded by HUMAN WOMEN who DO MENSTRUATE!"

"Now, there's no need to fight you two."

"Esme, don't interrupt!" Rosalie snarled out, "HOW COULD YOU FORGET SOMETHING LIKE THAT!"

"It's not like it matters, she was going to die in a car wreck next week anyway, you just sped up her death a little bit." Alice mumbled.

Rosalie choked, snarled then leapt at Alice, "I'm going to kill you!"

Carlisle sighed as his other children tried to pull them apart. He wondered briefly if he should try to convince Esme to home school them, it would certainly stop--he cringed slightly, looking at Rosalie trying to pull a shrieking Alice's arm off--this.

Yeah...not very funny. I'm not sure where I was going with this. Oh well. Hopefully one of you can do better!

I challenge you writers out there. Create some stories about this. Humorous, angst-y, anything. You don't have to follow my summary, feel free to create your own.

Please send links! I want to read them!