Title: The very sexy story of Cid Being an Active Player

Author: Bobobobobobobo

Warning: Hunks and boobs

Rating: FGNI for fangirl nasal irritation

Summary: And then Cloud's tight leather vest and pants tore to pieces! "Ah!" gasped Cloud. "Sephiroth!" —AKA the very sexy story of Cid Being an Active Player.

A/N: I regret forever some things.

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The very sexy story of Cid Being an Active Player

By bobobobobobobo

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Sephiroth became again in the world.

"Sephiroth!" roared Cloud when he saw him descend from storming skies. He charged at him with his very big sword.

But Sephiroth had a secret weapon.

He could grin clothes off.

So he grinned Cloud's clothes off.

And then Cloud's tight leather vest and pants tore to pieces!

"Ah!" gasped Cloud. "Sephiroth!"

His attitude also changed.

Sephiroth finished his descent and flung Cloud into his arms.

"I want to dye you black," he growled.

"Oh, Sephiroth," moaned Cloud.

Then they started making out.

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"Oh, Sephiroth," someone sneered behind said living sex god.

Sephiroth paused in his make-out session to turn around and murder the person who dared to interrupt their attempt at getting down and dirty with it. ("It" was presumably a towel.)

It was unnecessary! Aerith was already dead.

He had killed her.

She lounged against the air, surrounded by calm, white clouds.

"Bitch," he replied in kind.

She descended down to the ground too. Then she stood before him, quivering with righteousness.

Then they started sucking tonsils instead.

"Sephiroth," Cloud whimpered softly behind them, gritting his teeth and forcing back tears.

Sephiroth paused in exchanging saliva with Cloud's former girlfriend to exchange saliva with Cloud instead.

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Then the clouds parted again! Or for the first time.

"Stop right there!" exclaimed a mysterious, dark figure. His name was Zack.

Sephiroth turned to behold Zack. So did Cloud and Aerith, gasping.

"Zack!" they cried in unison. It was cliché.

"I am Zack!" cried Zack.

This was not cliché.

Zack rode down the air on a white horse. It did not compliment well with his dark hair and clothing.

In fact, it looked ridiculous.

"Sephiroth, I will rid you from this earth permanently and finally allow Cloud some peace!" Zack declared dramatically.

He was a dramatic guy.

"Zack, I need to tell you something," said Sephiroth gravely.

"What is it, Sephiroth?"

"Actually, I don't care about these people at all! I love you the most in the whole wide world. I just had mommy issues there for a while. But now I'm OK. Can we just throw these guys into a river and ride off into the sunset for our happily ever after now?"

Sephiroth was not a very dramatic guy.

"No, Sephiroth!" Zack cried again. "Because you see— I only love Cloud, actually!"

"Oh, Zack!" Cloud quivered.

"Why, Zack?" Aerith wept.

Sephiroth gasped.

"No!"

Suddenly, his powers were weakening! Because everyone wanted Sephiroth in their pants!

It was not actually humanly possible for a citizen of Midgar to refuse. (He had made sure of that.)

But then he remembered that Zack was dead. So he wasn't a citizen of Midgar at all.

"Curse you, Zack!" he gasped, feeling betrayed.

And then he melted into Ash.

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Cloud and Aerith and Zack looked at the tiny heap of Ash.

Ash said, "I'm gonna be the Pokemon master!"

Then Aerith stomped him with her feet.

And then he was no more.

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Cloud and Aerith and Zack looked up at each other.

"You know, suddenly I don't know who I love anymore!" Zack sighed dramatically.

"I love you more!" Cloud cried.

"No, I love you more!" cried Aerith.

"But I love you too, Aerith!" Cloud exclaimed to her.

"I only love Zack," said Aerith, Sephiroth-tonsils-sucker.

"But it doesn't matter, because we have to go back to the Lifestream now," said Zack. "Bye Cloud!"

Aerith said cheerfully, "Bye!"

And then they rode back up to the Lifestream. Somehow. And Zack and Aerith began making out mid-flight.

"Bye," Cloud sighed, sadly. A tear drop trickled down his face.

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And then he was surrounded by his teammates!

"Dilly dally shilly shally, Cloud," said Tifa, batting her eyelashes. Her boobs jiggled without her moving.

They were made of magic. And Styrofoam.

"Hey there, Cloud," purred Yuffie, a.k.a. the Amazingly Underaged Ninja Girl. Her boobs didn't jiggle magically. Or with Styrofoam.

"Cloud," said Vincent stoically.

"Hey," responded Cloud seductively. Because he was gay (and also in love with Aerith).

They started making out.

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"CLOUD" roared Barret from a distance away. Cloud paused abruptly in the middle of his make-out session to turn to search for him.

He was running towards them, arms wide open and tears streaming down his eyes!

"CLOUD!" cried Marceline and Dietrich, the new little boy and girl who lived with Cloud. They clung to his naked legs.

Because Cloud was basically naked.

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"Cloud," said someone evenly behind Cloud and Co.

Cloud turned around.

Suddenly, there was a group chilling out behind Cloud!

It was Rufus and Co!

He decided he couldn't do this anymore.

"I can't do this anymore!" Cloud sighed dramatically.

"Now excuse Vincent and me as we whirl off into the sunset—" It was still very grey above them. "—and exchange cell phone numbers!"

Cloud considered getting Vincent's cell phone number the #1 most important thing in the world.

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And then they did exchange cell phone numbers!

But they didn't whirl off into the sunset, because Vincent's cape was too stylistically torn. (So he wore a towel.)

Everyone turned to Reno.

"Reno," growled Rufus seductively.

"Bay-beh," said Elena, to mix things up a bit.

"Partner," said Rude, taking Reno into his arms.

"Reno," Tseng, a.k.a. Cha-Ching!—Coke Classic, deliberated.

Tifa started saying 'Reno,' too, or maybe 'You!' before a cell phone flew into her breasts.

Vincent groped Tifa to get his cell phone back.

And then he pulled out the padding in her shirt, and discovered that she was a dude!

"My little sister (Tifa) is a dude!" cried Vincent, to Cloud. It was a shocking twist!

Everyone else started advancing towards Reno lecherously.

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And Reno said,

"WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS.

"GOING.

"ON.

"HERE?"

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And then he woke up screaming. Cid stirred in his arms, muttering grumpily in his sleep.

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The end.

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A/N: I almost forgot about adding Cid so I did right there! (This is where the title comes from.) And I couldn't remember the kids' names so I substituted the Adventure Time and Trinity Blood vampires respectively to act in their place.

I hope that Barret reaches them someday… (The padding was Styrofoam, by the way.)

— Signing off! Bobobobobobobo