Ok, for some bizarre reason, I want to do this Bleach fic. A few things I want to say… (1)This is my FIRST (shocking, perhaps. I don't really think so) Bleach fic. (2)For those of you who happen to be taking a detour through Bleach fanfiction trying to take a break from Naruto fanfiction that notice my name and think, 'she writes 'He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not'', and start reviewing saying, 'Why the fuck haven't you updated?! I want SasoDei action, NOW!', bear with me. I've gotten bored with the story before it's even started. Sad, I know…but inspiration helps, so if you have any ideas, I'm all ears. And lastly (3) (Yeah, I hear the cheering in your heads), Just because I haven't written a Bleach fanfiction and it MIGHT resemble that of another fanfiction (honestly, I'm still fairly new to Bleach fics and only read yaoi, so I honestly don't know if there are any fics like this) doesn't mean you can flame me! Please, try and be mature and take it elsewhere. On that note, I'll probably get a bunch of flames lol. So, if you do, whatever, but be sure to be dumb enough to leave your username and the link taking me to you page ;-). Just kidding (or am I?) Anyway, I don't own Bleach and never will. We'll start with Ichigo.
Tch, being a shinigami is a real pain if you ask me. For those of you fans out there thinking, 'It would be so kick ass if I could chop up some hollows and wave around a big sword,' you have no idea how wrong you are. For one thing, that sword is much heavier than you think. I mean, it's nothing after a while, but come on! What zanpakuto is that fucking big?! I know it had to do with my reiatsu and shit like that…bunch of bull if you ask me. Also, I didn't want to be a shinigami in the first place! This leads to Rukia…
Some girl out of nowhere is injured and says, 'Pierce your body with this sword and fight in my place as a shinigami.' I thought, 'When pigs fly! Like that will happen!' But then, I'm in a black kimono carrying a big ass sword stabbing an ugly creature. Wouldn't you know it; pigs flew and made me look like an ass. But becoming a shinigami isn't the end of it. Rukia ends up sticking to me like glue, going to my school…LIVING IN MY CLOSET!! She's even fixed up my closet to her liking. Honestly, it's not my closet anymore 'cuz my clothes are in a pile on my floor. And these are the clean ones, mind you. It's like a never-ending nightmare.
Plus, don't get me started on her artwork and means of getting the message across. Actually, let me do that. I mention her artwork all the time, saying it sucks. To be frank…it's not that bad. I know die-hard fans, shoot me now! But, hear me out and I'm sure you'll agree. Whose artwork would you prefer: Rukia's poor Chappy work or Byakuya's…I don't even know what you would call it. Frog thing, for lack of better words? Exactly.
Now onto her candid messages. That message where she ran away and told me not to find her…weirdest thing ever and trust me, I know weird. She could have just wrote, 'I'm leaving. Don't look for me!' on my wall in red paint instead of that riddle. Could have saved me and Kon, even though he did very little, a lot of time.
Despite all her…odd ways, Rukia is a close friend and I don't know what I'd do without her. Probably be a little bit saner, but I enjoy the craziness. Without her or any of the others, life would be very boring.
Hmm, now what? Oh, Uryuu! Or as I call him: The Quincy Nerd! Seriously, dude is that nerdy, sewing smart ass you want to beat up. I almost did once, but remembered my karma. But karma has kicked my ass so much that I can't take a piss without having to take some punishment for it! It's like Byakuya is just waiting for me to slip up so he can torture me and say 'it was Kami-sama's doing, not mine.' Kami-sama, my foot…sumi-masen, Kami-sama.
Anyway, about the Super Nerd. Uryuu always feels like he needs to have the last word in everything. He also feels that since he has the highest grades in the tri-state area, he automatically knows everything. That's why he gets his ass kicked as much as he does. He gets to be very annoying. Not to mention he sews! Now, that probably isn't a big deal because a lot of men sew. It is a big deal, though, when you sew better than Martha Stewart. And being a know-it-all nerd doesn't make it any better on his part.
…Now I would say something about not needing him…but I do. He's, believe it or not, a friend and someone who I can count on. And his intelligence it often times much appreciated.
Chad…I honestly have nothing to say about him. He's never been seriously troublesome like Rukia and Uryuu. Congrats Chad, you're probably one of few in this that won't be bad-mouthed!
Should I even talk about Orihime? Yeah, maybe I should but keep it clean. Yes, Orihime can be a handful and she does often times get caught in some serious situations, but she doesn't do it on purpose. Orihime tries to help…it just doesn't go as planned. Anyway, everyone takes advantage of her because she doesn't stand up for herself. It's not that she's as weak as everyone thinks; she just doesn't know what she's fully capable of yet. And now a lot of you IchiHime fans must be having a field day with this…annoying fan people. Just because I'm sticking up for my friend, doesn't mean I'm in love with her! I'm just a devoted friend, honest! Ah, screw it. You're all off on your laptops writing M-rated fics about us now. Don't try to lie, I hear those key taps.
Ok, family I don't have much to say on. As far as family goes, nothing really weird other than a father that is an ex-taichou that insists on ambushing his son every chance he gets. Yeah, didn't think I knew, did you old man! I'm on to you and you weak-ass attacks!
The bounts were pretty fierce, I guess. To be honest, I don't remember any of them in great detail other than Kariya. Wait a minute…that doll, Dalk I think, was just wrong. Constantly saying I'm 'less of a man'. Please, it claimed it was a woman, but I doubt it (whole use of 'it,' people).
The vizards are just…I don't even know how to describe it. It's hard to believe they were once captain and vice-captains! Especially Hiyori, who used to be a vice-captain! She has the temper of a…a…well, Ikkaku. Plus, she has this odd thing with beating you with her flip-flop. Don't be fooled, those things pack a punch!
And Shinji…weird guy with even weirder teeth. Guy can park a Mitsubishi on those things! Yet, he was a captain, so he knows what he's doing. The other vizards…weirdly dressed people and perverts that accuse others of being a pervert (coughcough-Lisa-coughcough).
Soul Society and its crazy as hell residents' time! I mean, being a ryoka is one thing, but demanding for my head on a silver platter is just too much! Already weak as hell compared to the numerous shinigami in the goddamn area, so is it really necessary?! Just seriously injure me and demand for answers. But, they kill first and ask questions later, so nothing much I can do.
Kukaku Shiba was scary enough…girl was fierce. Her brother wasn't that far from her level of crazy either. Riding a pig, for Kami's sake! I can just hear him screaming, 'boar!' as we speak.
Hanataro is certainly just as weird, no doubt about it. But, I'd rather deal with him than some of those crazy captains! Byakuya worshiped the Rules and Regulations of the Soul Society. Yeah, I made up a name for the book they eat, sleep, and breathe; sue me. Plus he's stupid strong with that senbonsakura technique. But it is cool; I'll admit…I hope Byakuya didn't hear that.
Despite how powerful Byakuya is and how nice his handwriting is, he can't draw worth shit. He and Rukia obviously taught each other how to draw.
Abarai Renji, or tattooed loser, thinks he's all that. Between you and me…he sleeps with a blue blanket. You know, the ones you see little kids with? Yup, the very same! The tough redhead that wields Zabimaru, sleeps with a blanket.
Kenpachi's squad, not just one person but the WHOLE team, is just plain nuts. You have a fifth seat shinigami that cares more for his looks than his fighting, a third seat shinigami that just demands for senseless fighting, and a vice-captain that will, and probably has, eaten everything. Oh, and let's not forget the powerful taichou that can kill without batting a single eyelash, while using a dull blade. Crazy group…but I can't get over the fact that Kenpachi, the toughest taichou there is, fighting with only brute force…wears bells in his hair. No matter what he says, that is still very disturbing.
Toshiro-taichou is fun to make fun of. I mean, he's so little! The captain 'claims' he's 'fun-sized'…yeah right. And I'm some poor sap that's actually dumb enough to fall for that. Oi, what do you mean I AM dumb enough to fall for that?!
Mayuri-taichou, I honestly don't know his last name, is just plain weird. He wears make-up and thinks of everyone as a test subject. Your typical psycho, ne? To put it simply, his looks is weird, his bankai is weird (looking, hahaha), his assistant/vice-captain, Nemu, is also weird; his existence in general is just plain weird. I try to ignore him, but he always finds a way to get near me.
Komamura-taichou…uh, I like his half-human, half-canine body. That's something, right?
I despise Aizen, Ichimaru, and Tousen; but mainly Aizen. First, you go against your own, then create arrancars, and then try to recreate some King's Key and start a war that could destroy all of humanity?! That's nothing but bullshit. Yeah, you totally don't scream, 'I'm an evil man who plans on destroying a race.' Not to mention you attempted to use Orihime for your selfish needs. Have you no shame? Wait-no, you don't.
Coming back to your Arrancars, could you make anything stronger? No, how 'bout weaker? Y'know, give us 'weaklings' a chance? 'Cuz, shit, if they weren't the violent ones (Grimmjow and Yammy, just to name a few), they were arrogant as hell (Ulquiorria and Szayel (who I call swizzle-pop), again, just to name a few). And I don't where the hell as these UlquiHime and GrimmIchi fanfiction are coming from, but they are insane! i mean, some UlquiHime are good...but, and I'm only going to say this once, THE GRIMMICHI NEEDS TO STOP! THAT'S JUST WRONG!
Well, now that I wasted pretty much five and a half pages on my pointless rant, I think I'm going to torture Renji. Just remember that I am and always be the coolest character in the series! What? What do you mean I'm not the coolest character in the series? Hold on… (Checks most recent poll)…WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DO YOU MEAN I'M IN 3RD PLACE?! HOW COULD TOSHIRO AND RUKIA BE MORE POPULAR THAN ME?!
Well, that's ok 'cuz I know Zangetsu is the coolest zanpakuto! Oh, don't tell me Zangetsu isn't the coolest either? Sigh, whatever, I'll be back on top soon, that's for damn sure!
Now I really will go. Ichigo, (that's 'Ichigo' as in 'One who protects' and not 'Strawberry' like all of you just love to pick at) out!
Lame I know, but I did this at 3:30 in the morning and I'm tired. I just had to write this! And no, I'm not bashing, like, half of the characters in the series. I really love a lot of those characters, like Hanataro, Rukia, and Byakuya. Just some good-natured fun, ne? Plus, I'm not picking at people who like UlquiHime or GrimmIchi, 'cuz personally I love GrimmIchi. I hope those of you whose actually read past the note at the beginning liked it and review. Remember, no flames please!