A/N: This is my first ever fanfiction! Yaaay! =D Sam & Cat belongs to the one and only Dan Schneider!

SAM'S POV

"Some people never find it, some people will.
What you're looking for, you'll never know until."

Until when? That's a question I've been asking myself for so long, right from the time an old bloke in Seattle grinned at me with his toothless smile and told me this riddle.

I hate riddles. They puzzle me and continues to bug me until I get an answer, and then only everything becomes clear. If riddles were normal people or just plain living things it would be just so simple. Instead of pondering their meanings I could have just knocked the socks off them.

For I'm Samantha Puckett. Or Sam, for short.

I loathe the name Samantha. It's an icky girlish name. Ever since my wine-driven mom (who has hundreds of boyfriends) had me with God-knows-who, I've learnt to be alone. And strong. I think my strength comes from being alone. By myself. I do have a twin sister, actually, and her name's Melanie. An equally girlish name but she doesn't seem to mind. Sometimes I wonder how could we be twins in the first place. She buries herself in books, goes to some posh boarding school, dresses as neat as your typical waitress and probably the most unfair thing is, mom gives her all the attention. At least more than me, anyways, whenever she's not drunk off her pants.

I don't bottle up my anger. I release it. I don't throw a fit or cry my eyes out like most stupid people do. I punch things. I don't care if they break or tear apart, even if they're people or just plain things. People around me label me as 'rough' and 'rude' and many more pleasantries you can ever think of. Ever since kindergarten, most kids run off every time they spot me from afar. I don't mind at all. It's fun to smirk at those cowards. I don't really care about not having any friends. After all, who needs them? I've got myself, and that's all I need.

CAT'S POV

"Cat, you're always so happy! I wish I could be like you."

Am I?

I don't know. I wish I could say yes. But my heart denies it every time. But why? I have a family, a circle of amazing friends, a beautiful apartment where I live with my nonna, and of course my plushie pals [especially Mr. Purple!] - what more can I wish for?

Maybe it's because they can't see how I am in the inside. If you're give a survey to my friends to describe me, I'd bet they'll write something like "Caterina Valentine: Overly happy, bubbly, easily excited, bouncy redhead who lives in her own world." At least I think that's what Jade would write. Jade and I are best friends. She'll never admit it, but I know! We're always there for each other, and most of the times people would find it funny how both of us can click like light and darkness. I could tell her anything in the world, but somehow, I didn't want to tell her about the mixed emotions running inside of me that's constantly grappling at my heart.

Whenever I finish parking my bicycle and open the doors that lead to me and nonna's apartment, all I see is emptiness. Nonna's always babysitting outside. She takes these kids to the park or sometimes just babysits them at their place. She's only home at night, and that's when I'm the happiest, because even after all the babysitting, she never ever forgets me and always returns home on time.

Not like them.

"They" are my family. I have a mom, a dad and a brother. I love them very much. They were always there for me and they even saw me getting into Hollywood Arts. My brother is a beast but he's super fun to be with. We live in this big house and we were really happy. But one day, my brother had a letter from this famous high school somewhere far away and my family had to move because they couldn't bear to miss this opportunity. Dad told me to live in nonna's and told me to pack up. He promised me that he would visit me every few months. And then, just like that, they were gone.

At first, fitting myself into nonna's was alright. Dad and mom called me once in a while, and they visited me two months after I moved in. I was really happy to see them and my brother's uniform was so hilarious that I just couldn't bear myself from laughing out loud. My family laughed along with me. It seemed just like the good old days.

Everything was fine during the first year, but after that they stopped calling. They haven't visited me for three years now. I tried to call Dad and finally he did pick up - I was so happy that I nearly cried. But after what was like three minutes or so, he said, "Sorry Cat, I'm busy right now. I'll call you back later." But he never did. In fact, none of them did.

For the first time in my life, I felt alone. Every time when I return home, it feels so lonely that I can't help but cry my eyes out. I don't understand why my family left. I always have these endless conversations with my plushie pals. I would sit on my bed and tell them everything that happened in school - all the laughs and all the funny incidents, but somehow, whenever I pause to take a breath, the silence reminds me that I'm still home alone. Again. So I lie on my bed and cry onto my pillow because I don't want my plushie pals to see me cry. The tears keep flowing, I don't know why.

SAM'S POV

I couldn't believe it then, and I still can't believe it now - but Sam Puckett was wrong. Ever since I walked into elementary school, I was prepared for the same old things that happened during kindergarten: people loathing to be around me, getting countless detentions, breaking school rules, not having any friends blah blah blah. But somehow, I did managed to find myself friends. Two of them, in fact.

One of them just happened to have a tuna sandwich and I definitely couldn't say no to that. So I snatched it out of her hands. That's my way of getting food. And best of all, everyone didn't even bother to fight back, so I got all the food I wanted without even nicking a penny. But this girl did. And nobody ever fought Sam Puckett, so I was mighty impressed. And this was how my best mate, Carly Shay, stuck with me for ten whole years.

Then came this crazy incident where stupid Fred-twat uploaded a vid which was clearly not meant to be uploaded online, and the craziness called iCarly was born, and I have never had so much fun around people in my life. True, I still kick things and get into mishaps and stuff, but defying gravity by putting together a webshow with Carly and Freddie was a hell of a fun. Best of all, it was an excuse to not return home to see my mom stuffing herself with alcohol.

I thought this would never end, but right after high school, Carly went to Italy and iCarly was abandoned. Why do you need to go to Italy and leave me and Fred-twat behind? I sound like a sissy here, but I don't want to be plunged into a state of nothingness again. With a string of criminal records and a hopeless family, there's no point living in Seattle anymore.

So I'm alone. Again. I'm fed up. Last time I thought I could be stronger when I'm alone but turns out I'm not. I'm not one to admit that, so I vent out my anger by bashing a parking meter with a baseball bat. I went to my room and crammed a few dollars into my pocket, got onto my motorcycle and sped down the road. I don't know where it's taking me, and I don't care. Maybe I thought the wind can help drown out the fact that I have nobody to depend on anymore. I gripped the handlebars tightly until my knuckles turned white.

Screw it, old man. I'll never find what I'm looking for, because everything gets lost in the end. I'm fed up of this world, I really am.

CAT'S POV

I try my best to look happy on the outside. I want to help be the light in people's lives, because I never want anyone of them to feel the darkness that's been living in me for so long. But sometimes, I overdo it and that's when people see me living in my own fantasy. In my own happy fantasy. Where there's a rainbow with little baby unicorns dancing around and the sun's always shining and there's laughter all around and people you love would never leave you and- I can't describe it all, but whenever I start being in my own world, people would ask me if I had already took my "special vitamins" or not. I can't help it. I think living in my own world takes all the pain in my heart away, and I never want it to end.

Nonna doesn't want to babysit anymore. Whenever she gets back home, she gets all flustered and keeps on telling me that she wants to live in Elderly Acres so that she can "end this insanity". Whenever she says this, it's like a piece of ice entering my heart and stabbing it cold. I can't bear to be alone. Nonna was my only family since my family migrated elsewhere and now she wants to leave me like they left me three years ago! The thought scares me so much that sometimes I want to call Jade and tell her everything that's going on with my life, but I don't want her to feel bad because of me. And someday, I'll graduate from Hollywood Arts too, and I'll be alon-"NO!" I shook my head defiantly as I wiped the tears that begin to fall onto my cheeks. Now's not the time yet. Nonna's still here. It gets better in the end.

It will get better in the end.

A/N: Sorry if it's out of character! There will definitely be more chapters in the coming! But it'll probably be less than five, and I might take some time but it WILL come in the end! Please review, and constructive criticism is most certainly welcome! =D ~Sakura