A/N: Ok, this piece was written months ago, and I found it on my computer last night while looking for part of TPA that I thought I had on my computer, but it turns out it isn't there (I probably still have it on paper somewhere, but finding that is needle-in-a-haystack territory, so...)
It's partially canonical, and partially eversoslightly AU. Timeframe wise, I'm not sure really where it takes place, let's say it's a gap year piece...in between college and uni but not involving travel, etc.
This also contains a Cigarette Warning™ for the last part, so be warned lol, also a slight serving of angst/drama. And fluff. (I hope!)
Disclaimer: I do not own skins. Apologies for any typos, I literally gave this a quick read-through and edited some bits, but didn't actually scour it with a fine-toothed comb.
Angry footsteps thudded up the stairs, as the front door slammed shut.
"That you, love?" a concerned voice filtered through from the kitchen. A slammed door upstairs, and a rattled picture frame were her answer.
Gina Campbell sighed, draining the remnants of her mug of tea, before rinsing it out and leaving it in the sink. Her daughter was known for her moodiness, and lately, it had become worse. She looked at the clock and figured she had at least a couple of hours, before Naomi came downstairs.
"Fuck!" Naomi groaned, as she paced back and forth, for once wishing she had something handy to throw around. Or punch. She could use a punching bag. She felt like being the punching bag.
She collapsed into her bed, replaying the conversation in her head...
"Why do we always end up back at this?" the redhead had asked.
"I-"
"Because I'm sick of talking about it."
"You brought it up!"
"Did I?" Emily asked.
"YES! Everytime I wanted to actually talk to someone you wouldn't let me." Naomi replied.
"Oh, well, had I known you were on the pull, I'd have stayed home!"
"Emily- what?! That's not what I meant."
"Well, what did you mean, then? I was under the impression you and I were out togeth-" and then she stops. "Huh. I see."
"Emily, I-" the blonde stuttered.
"You…what? Didn't want anyone to know you were out with me?" Emily asked, folding her arms across her chest.
"No, that's not-" Naomi protested.
"Well, what then?"
Naomi's ice blue eyes met Emily's tired ones. "It's… suffocating."
Emily glared at her.
"Suffocating. Being with me is suffocating?!" Naomi heard the hurt in Emily's voice and immediately wanted to kick herself for being the cause of it.
"Wait, that's-"
"Not what you meant? Seems to be a bit of that going around." The redhead scoffed.
"Emily, listen-"
She held her hand up. "Save it. I'm tired of it. So sick and tired of it. This…" she gestured between them, "...it isn't a game to me, Naomi. I don't know if it is to you, because you barely open up to me sometimes."
Naomi leaned against the wall and sighed, "Look-"
Emily stepped closer, and touched her lips against Naomi's. She stepped back and her eyes met the blue ones she loved to drown in, though this time with sadness.
"I love you, Naomi. But I can't keep doing this. If you want to be with me, you know where to find me."
And with that, the redhead left Naomi standing alone.
"You're such a twat." Naomi told herself. She huffed as she reluctantly dragged herself off her bed, and stalked off downstairs.
"Afternoon, love. Fancy a cuppa?"
"Yeah, thanks." Naomi mumbled, sitting down at the kitchen table.
"Alright?" Gina asked. Naomi didn't reply, but simply shrugged her shoulders.
"Want to talk about it?" she asked, busying herself with tea bags.
"Emily."
Gina sighed. "I thought as much." her hand moved over her daughter's. "You two are so hot and cold, I can't fathom whether you're at each others throats arguing, or at glued to each other shagging."
"Arguing." Naomi said, flatly.
"Oh love, I bet it's over something silly, too."
"Sort of. I was mid-conversation with someone, and… I guess she didn't take it well because we were out…together…and…"
"One thing lead to another…"
"…next thing I know we're arguing about it outside. She didn't let me get a word in, mum! Everytime I tried she'd cut me off. Then she said something about me not wanting to be seen out with her, and…"
Gina nodded, placing two cups of tea between them. "She does strike me as a feisty one."
Naomi nodded, and a smile crept across her lips. "Should have seen her when she stuck up for me when I ran for student president."
Gina rested her chin on her hand and smiled. "What did she do?"
"Oh, Cook was being a right tosser, and she pipes up and says "Cook, any chance you could be a cunt over there, do you think?" …brought the room to a halt."
Gina chuckled. "I bet it did. But I bet it also made you uncomfortable."
Naomi looked at her mother. "How do you mean?"
"Come on, love. I raised you to be independent. Emily stuck up for you and it can't have been an easy feeling. But she did it because she loves you."
"How do you know?" Naomi asked.
"You would have to be blind not to see it, love. The way she is around you, the way she looks at you… and the way you interact with each other."
"It's confusing."
"Love always is. But that's no reason to be scared of it. It's ok to feel a little helpless, but you have to trust your heart. How do you feel about her?"
"I love her."
"Have you told her that?"
"I- I think so… I'm sure I have…"
"Might be a place to start. Tell her how you feel. The least she can do is hear you out."
"Thanks, mum."
"And fuck what other people think. Be who you are. Anyone makes any snide comments, you send them to me and I'll set them straight. No pun intended."
Naomi looked at her mother and they both laughed.
"I need to see you. Park in ten? xo xNx"
"Ok. xEmilyx"
Naomi sat on the park bench in the early evening, watching the sunset. She didn't have to turn to look when Emily sat down next to her, she knew she was there simply by her presence.
"Thanks for coming." Naomi said.
"Sure."
"Emily…" Naomi started, but then she turned to look at Emily. She stopped mid-sentence when she noticed her red ringed eyes. "You've been crying."
Emily nodded. "That obvious?" her voice came out croaky, and Naomi felt it tug at her heart.
"Your eyes are a bit of a giveaway." she said, inching closer to Emily.
"Yeah we'll… they always were. What did you want to talk about? I've got things to do." Emily muttered.
"I'm a complete twat." Naomi muttered.
"That's what you wanted to tell me?" Emily scoffed. "You could have just texted me that and saved me the walk."
"You knew you wanted to come." Naomi stared at her eyes. Emily nodded, she knew the blonde was right, no point in lying about it. Not that she would.
"So… you were saying you're a complete twat?"
"Yeah. And I don't deserve you. You were right… we were out together and I should have been with you. But also…" Naomi sighed. "…I do feel suffocated sometimes, but it's not what you think. Emily…" she threads her fingers through the redhead's, "…I meant overwhelmed more than anything. I love you, I do. And I want nothing more than to be with you, but I'm not good with the whole public thing, ok? I guess… I just want you all to myself."
"You do have me all to yourself, Naoms. Do I have you?"
Naomi's arm reached around Emily's shoulder. "You know you do, Em. I only want to be with you. It's all I've ever wanted since middle school."
"So…?" Emily leaned her head on the blonde's shoulder.
"I'm just..."
"What?" the redhead squeezed her hand.
"Worried what other people will think, that's all." Naomi sighed.
"What's more important, us loving each other, or what other people think?" a husky voice questioned.
Emily had a point, and Naomi knew it.
"Besides, since when do you give a fuck what people think? We've got our whole lives ahead of us, and-"
"We do?" Naomi looked at the redhead.
Emily stared into the blonde's blue eyes. "Yeah. I'd like to think so." she squeezed her hand gently. "You know… so long as you can stop being a stubborn twat for five minutes." she nudged Naomi gently.
"What about other people?"
"I'm not seeing other people." Emily said, deadpan. At least she could still make a joke.
Naomi peered at her. "You know what I mean."
"I am just glad for once that I'm standing on my own, and not just being seen as Katie's shadow." Emily leaned her head on Naomi's shoulder. "But I don't care what people think of me… all I care about is being with you. And so long as I have you, I know I'll be ok."
Naomi nodded. "I was a bit of a twat, wasn't I?"
Emily nodded. "Am I really suffocating?" she asked, after a short pause.
Naomi shook her head. "I didn't mean that how it sounded. You just…consume me. Most of the time I don't mind it, it's just… sometimes I feel a bit hemmed in."
"Hemmed in?" Emily asked, disbelief in her voice.
"I meant to say claustrophobic, but that sounded worse. Clearly hemmed in wasn't a better choice." Naomi muttered. "I'm just so used to being independent… as much as I love you, and as much as I want to be with you…"
"You're not used to it."
Naomi nodded. "Please don't think this has been about you, Em. It really isn't." she rubbed the redhead's hand lightly. "Well, it involves you, but how I've been feeling has eclipsed everything, and-"
"How is that?"
"Hu- what?"
"How you've been feeling?"
Naomi paused. She caught the redhead's eyes as they stared into her own. Inquisitive, trusting, safe.
Naomi sighed. Emily squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Scared. Confused."
"Why?"
"I've never felt this way about anyone before, it scares me. I feel like I'm shit without you. I think about you all the time, from when I wake up, to when I sleep, and when I'm asleep I'm dreaming of you. I miss you when you're not around me, and I really feel bad for continually pushing you away, when all I want to do is pull you closer to me."
"Naomi…"
"…and you're right, I shouldn't care what anyone else thinks. Because all that matters is that I love you, and you love me, and-"
Emily cut off Naomi's rambling by firmly pressing her lips to hers. Naomi whimpered slightly as Emily kissed her, surprised at her action. She turned towards Emily and reached up to thread her fingers through her red hair, as their kiss became deeper, and Naomi felt all her confusion and fear melt away, all she could think of were Emily's lips and tongue and how perfect they felt against her own. She felt the familiar sensation of warmth flooding through her.
By the time they broke apart from one another, both of them were breathless.
"Wow..." Naomi whispered. She stared into Emily's eyes, seeing all the adoration and love the redhead had for her. Her heart thumped harder beneath her ribs as she also noted that look Emily got in her eyes when…
"C'mon!" Naomi stood up and pulled Emily up with her, starting to leave the park.
"Wha- where are we going?" Emily laughed, confused.
Naomi stopped and turned to Emily. "Back to mine," she stepped closer to the redhead, barely inches apart from her. The close proximity of Naomi's body to hers made Emily's breath catch in her throat. "Unless…you want to get arrested for public indecency?" Naomi smirked, her voice low, and her eyes growing darker.
Emily's eyes widened. "N-not especially." she blushed, understanding what Naomi implied.
"Well, come on then!" the blonde grinned, pulling Emily in the direction of her house.
"Isn't your mum home?"
"Yeah, so?" Naomi said.
Emily was the one to stop this time, causing Naomi to jerk backwards slightly. "Naomi…"
"What? You know my mum adores you. And she's not totally blind… or deaf." she gave Emily a sly grin.
The redhead raised her eyebrow. "What does that mean?"
"Well… you're a bit…loud." Naomi explained, as tactfully as possible.
Emily blushed a shade almost as red as her hair. "Naomi!" The blonde bit her bottom lip and smirked at her. "Anyway… if you weren't so good at getting me off, I wouldn't be so loud, so it's YOUR fault, really." Emily grinned.
Now it was Naomi's turn to blush.
"I'll take that compliment." she grinned, leading Emily the rest of the way home.
"Jesus…Naomi!" Emily groaned as she shuddered under the blonde's threw her head back and her vision filled with white as she came hard.
Her heart raced as Emily fought to catch her breath. Naomi left trails of soft kisses all the way up from her stomach to her throat. She wrapped her arms around the redhead's smaller frame and held her close as Emily kissed her softly.
"Naoms…"
"Yeah?"
"You said I consume you." Emily mused, lightly stroking her fingertips across Naomi's shoulder.
"Mmhmm."
"What did you mean by that, exactly?"
"Well…" Naomi trailed light circles on Emily's stomach. "…pretty much what I said. You're always on my mind, I'm always thinking of you, even when you're not around. And then when you are around me, we might as well be the only two people on earth, because I'm so drawn to you… like a magnet, really… it used to be…"
"…what?" she asks, quietly.
"…it was a bit maddening at first. I mean… I've always been drawn to you… from the first say I saw you. That night when you kissed me at that party… I remember feeling so lucky because the girl I'd been catching glances of at school, that I liked, but wasn't sure how, was kissing me. If it wasn't for Katie…"
"…I never forgave her for that." Emily frowned. "Also…"
"…also?" Naomi asked, curious.
Emily stared into the blonde's eyes and pushed her fringe behind her ear. "I'm sorry. I should have told Katie the truth and not let her think it was your fault. It wasn't fair."
Naomi closed her eyes and exhaled slowly, gently nodding.
"I hated having to wait so long to kiss you again." Emily said, in a low voice, a smile creeping across her lips.
"Panda's party." Naomi nodded, a similar smile crossing her lips. "And those godawful pyjamas!" she giggled.
Emily laughed with her. "I can't believe Katie spiked the brownies."
"If she hadn't, Effy probably would have."
"True." Emily grinned. "I always did wonder how Panda's mum pulled up the next day." the blonde laughed.
"Do you remember what you said to me in the lounge room?"
Naomi smiled. "So… what d'you want, Ems? Pinot Grigio, or… cider oblivion?"
Emily sighed at the memory.
"And then you started bashfully stuttering…"
"God, I was so nervous!" Emily giggled.
"…and then you kissed me. Just that simple soft kiss."
"Yeah. And then you said…"
"…it's only the drugs, right? And you nodded…" Naomi continued.
"…and then we kissed again."
"Yeah." Naomi paused and snuggled into Emily. "It wasn't just the drugs." she whispered.
"I know." Emily smiled.
"And then you snogged me in the bouncy castle."
"Mmhmm. See, even then I wanted to snog the hell out of you every chance I got." Emily grinned.
"Makes two of us. Well, after then, anyway."
"Even when we drank vodka all night on the floor?"
Naomi nodded.
"Why didn't you, then?" Emily asked.
Naomi shrugged. "Don't know."
"I was a little disappointed you didn't." Emily said, quietly.
"Yeah well…me too."
Naomi leaned over and touched her lips to Emily's, softly kissing her.
"Em..."
"Yeah?"
Naomi gently stroked a strand of hair behind the redhead's ear. "I never did say sorry for leaving you here that morning."
"I understood, though…"
"I know. But it wasn't right. I didn't understand it until I came back and found your note."
Emily gave a soft laugh. "I remember that."
"Yeah. 'Emily slept here :-)' in that swirly writing of yours." Naomi paused. "I still have it, you know."
Emily's eyes softened. "Really?" Naomi nodded. "You really are rather sentimental, aren't you?"
Naomi fought to stop the blush that crept up her neck. She cleared her throat. "Uh… well. Only when it comes to you." she muttered.
"Naoms…" Emily whispered, tilting the blonde's head so their eyes met. She took her hand in her own. "I know you're not good with talking about how you feel, and I respect that… but you don't have to be nervous when it's just me, ok?"
Naomi nodded. "You're ridiculously special to me, Emily."
Emily smiled. "Cute."
"No really…" Naomi explained, "…wait, I'll show you." she kissed Emily on the cheek and wriggled out from her embrace and under the covers. Emily grumbled slightly, but watched as the blonde crept out naked, looking through her cupboard. "Ah!" she exclaimed, digging out a photo frame. She held it to her bare stomach, the cold glass making her shiver.
She climbed back into bed and snuggled herself back into Emily's warm embrace."Mmm. Missed you." the redhead said in a husky whisper, as she cuddled close.
"Here." Naomi said, handing Emily the small picture frame. She watched Emily's brown eyes take in the small frame, and could swear they glowed with an intensity she had come to adore.
"You framed it." the redhead whispered, looking at the smoothed out post-it note under the glass. "Why is it crinkled?"
"Oh, uh… I was in a bit of a state when I found it. Might have screwed it up and chucked it across the room…"
"Aww. Why were you upset?"
"I-it was the day you called Cook a cunt in the common room. Remember… I left?" Naomi explained.
Emily nodded. "I remember. You were put out that I stuck up for you."
"Mmhmm. And then…Kieran kissed me."
"What?!" Emily exclaimed.
"Yeah. I was upset, and he found me and thought… well anyway, doesn't matter now. After that I went home, and that's when I found this." she explained, tapping the frame with her finger. "But it was kind of the last straw that day. I screwed it up and chucked it across the room. About two minutes later I picked it up and smoothed it out."
"What did you do after that?" Emily asked.
"Cried myself to sleep." Naomi shrugged.
"Oh, Naoms…" Emily leaned over to kiss the blonde gently, snuggling her closer. Emily stared at her own handwriting, remembering when she wrote it. She smiled. "You know, when I woke up that morning, I wasn't surprised. It hurt, by I expected it, as bad as that sounds."
"It doesn't."
"Anyway, I had to leave you a reminder… just in case it was the last time…" Emily said, softly.
"And you call me sentimental?"
"You framed it. Anyone else would have thrown it out." The redhead laughed.
"Would you?" The blonde asked.
"Well… no."
"Like I said…you call me sentimental."
"I just didn't want you to forget it." Emily murmured.
"I couldn't."
Emily studied the note carefully. "Naoms… why is my writing smudged?"
"When I woke up after crying myself to sleep… it was stuck to my cheek. "
"Your wet cheek…"
"Yeah. When I woke up…your name was right here…" Naomi says, brushing her finger across her cheek. Emily followed the blonde's fingers with her own. "…and then I called you and said…"
"Can we go somewhere? Anywhere…" Emily smiled wide. "So I took you to the lake."
"The lake. Where everything changed." Naomi smiled. She shifted and wrapped her arm around Emily, softly kissing up her jawline.
"You jumped me." Emily grinned.
"I couldn't help myself anymore. Not after you perving at me and then the freezing cold water…"
"Can I still get out of it and say I wasn't perving?" Emily giggled.
"Not a chance!" Naomi laughed. "You couldn't then. I knew you were. But it didn't matter."
"No?"
Naomi shook her head. "When you put your hand on mine… as we were by the fire…I knew then."
"Knew what?"
"That you felt it too… that it wasn't just me and I wasn't imagining it. You felt the same way."
"Mmhmm… I did. Long before I probably knew what it meant." Emily said.
"And… you know… you looked pretty hot with your hair all wet and messy… in spite of the cold."
Emily giggled softly. "I think I got the shock of my life when you kissed me. I was so nervous."
"You were gorgeous." Naomi reached up and rested her palm on Emily's cheek. "And I asked you to say something, after you decided to kiss down my neck…"
"…'I'm all about experiments, me'…" Emily smiled at the memory. "...and then…" she broke into a wider grin. "Your lips were on mine and that was it."
Both were silent as the memory of that night played in their minds, their eyes closed as they both remembered. Emily sighed and curled herself closer to Naomi.
Naomi felt her stomach sink slightly. Her eyes opened to find Emily's warm brown ones staring back at her curiously.
"Em…"
"Shhh." Emily whispered, pressing her finger against Naomi's lips. "Just remember… it's in the past, and we're here now, ok?"
Naomi nodded. She knew Emily was talking about the same moment she was thinking of... the morning after. After the most perfect night of her, no, their lives, when Naomi had pretty much fled the scene. When she had woken up with Emily next to her and the fear had crept up her spine like a cold shiver.
"I was a bit of a coward." Naomi said, quietly. There was a hurt tone to her voice, and Emily, picking up on it, gave her a gentle squeeze.
"Yes. Do you remember what I said?"
"I remember the disbelief in your voice. 'Twice? You're gonna do this to me TWICE?' …and you were following me up the hill. It didn't click until later… what you said."
"Not even when I said 'Don't you DARE leave me in your bed again'?"
Naomi cringed, visibly. Could still hear the distress and hurt in Emily's voice, even though the moment had long passed. Emily pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "Hey. It's ok."
"It wasn't ok, though, Ems. I walked away when you were practically begging me to stay. It wasn't fair of me, and I'm such a twat for doing that… you must have felt awful." Naomi admitted.
"It hurt. A lot. But after I'd had time to think about it… well, it still hurt, but I understood."
Naomi gave a deep sigh and they lay there briefly, Emily softly tracing soothing patterns into the blonde's skin. "You ok?" her husky voice asked.
Naomi nodded slowly. "After I left… I felt so empty. I came home and took a shower, which didn't really register. I felt really kind of numb. Not because of the night we spent together…that was pretty much perfect."
"Then…?"
"I kept hearing you in my head… asking me to be brave, and telling me you thought I needed someone, and that you wanted me. It was all… overwhelming. It wasn't until the water ran so cold my tears were warmer than it, that I finally got out and got dressed."
"Naoms…"
"Yeah?"
"How did you end up back at mine that night?" The redhead asked.
Naomi gave half a laugh. "Would you believe… my mum?"
Emily's eyes widened in surprise. "You told her?"
"What?! No! Of course not…" Naomi laughed.
"Phew."
"No… she found me drinking tea in the kitchen and gave me a dose of Gina Campbell's cheering up."
"What did she say?"
"She said that the people that make us happy are never the people we expect. And when you find someone, you've got to cherish it. I- I wouldn't have told her, you know? That is between you and me. It's our memory." Naomi whispered, staring into Emily's warm brown eyes. She pulled her closer and kissed her softly.
"I know."
"Emily?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you. So very much." Naomi said, quietly. Emily blinked.
"Tell me again."
Naomi leaned in and kissed her lips deeply, slipping her fingertips gently up Emily's spine. "I. Love. You." she said, in between further kisses.
Emily rolls on top of her and rained passionate kisses across her neck and shoulders. Her tongue trailed softly up her neck to her ear. "I…love…you…too." the breathy whisper filtering in through Naomi's ears and settling right in her lower stomach. Emily gave her a mischievous look and then began to leave kisses all the way down her body.
Naomi watched as Emily's mop of red hair slid further down her stomach, and she felt Emily's tongue slide from one of her hips to the next. She shivered as the redhead circled her navel with her tongue and then licked a lazy trail back up her torso.
The blonde found herself straddled in short order, Emily kissing her slowly. The two lost themselves to the motion of their lips against each other, soft moans and whimpers escaping every now and again.
Naomi's fingers threaded themselves through Emily's red hair, as she snaked a hand in between them and slid her fingers straight into the hot wetness between the blonde's thighs.
"Fuck…" Naomi groaned as their lips broke apart. Emily's hand crept around the back of Naomi's neck, and as she slid two of her fingers inside her, she pulled her closer so their eyes met.
"Look at me." Emily whispered, her voice thick with desire. Naomi shivered with intensity as a moan escaped from her, Emily's fingers moved their way inside her, and she began to rub her thumb against her clit. With every ounce of concentration she had left, Naomi fought to keep her eyes locked with the redhead's. A strange feeling burned through her as she stared into Emily's trusting eyes, a combination of desire, need, and love. But there was something else this time, something that had always caused a sense of trepidation… that sense she had that when it came to Emily, she lost control of herself.
"Jesus, Emily…" Naomi moaned, as the redhead's fingers brought her closer to the edge. She groaned as their eyes spoke volumes between them
Emily's eyes grew darker and Naomi wished she could capture them forever. "Trust me." Emily said in a low whisper. She continued to stroke her fingers inside Naomi's wetness, feeling her clench and shiver around her.
"Emily…please…" the blonde groaned, her hips thrusting closer. Emily pushed her thumb against Naomi's clit more firmly, and she gave a loud moan at the unexpected sensation. Emily knew she was almost there.
A string of muttered expletives came from Naomi as she shuddered hard under Emily.
"Nai… come for me." Emily said, low, not allowing their eyes to break contact.
Naomi felt the pleasure overwhelm her and cried out as her orgasm crashed into her and she convulsed under Emily. And when she came, every last barrier she had in her mind crumbled, her vision filled with brown and red as Emily watched her come undone. In that moment she finally surrendered herself completely to the redhead, and sunk backwards into the pillows, Emily following her with soft meaningful kisses.
"Christ, you're so fucking perfect I don't know why I ever tried to keep you at a distance." Naomi mumbled breathlessly as Emily snuggled in beside her.
"Shhh…" the redhead soothed, leaving soft kisses across Naomi's jawline. "It's ok… I love you." she squirmed, though not uncomfortably into Naomi's arms and closed her eyes as she felt them constrict slightly around her body.
"Emily…?" Naomi mumbled, sleepiness setting in.
"Yeah, Naoms?"
"Love you too." she mumbled, gently brushing a kiss to Emily's temple.
A/N#2: Awwww...
You know, I think I've almost exhausted my list of stuff-I-wrote-months-ago lol wit the exception of one last multipart thing that needs a serious overhaul before I think about posting any of it. Maybe one day..who knows?
Cheers for reading... Reviews? Most welcome! You know what to do with the boxes! ;-)
~GN~ xo