It was only fair
Draco POV
I had changed. Everyone who had spent any semblance of time with me since the war could see that. How could anyone come out of that time unchanged? I knew people wouldn't believe my extreme one hundred and eighty degree change, and I couldn't blame them. I had been caught red-handed in many of my exploits. Harry Potter had even watched as I helped in the murder of one of the most powerful good wizards of all time.
I hadn't deserved Harry's forgiveness, let alone his friendship, and people grew suspicious from it. But, when he left the wizarding world, I knew that could be my escape as well. I thought that after a few years, people might soften to the Malfoy name.
And then I met her. She ignored what others said about me. She got to know Draco. She surprised me everyday, caught me off guard all the time, and teased me mercilessly. No one, save Harry, had ever done those things to me. Then, there was the outside stuff. She looked nothing like the woman my father expected me to be with. Hell, she didn't look anything like anyone I thought I'd be with. Dark hair with purple streaks, piercings and crazy muggle clothes. And she was American. I loved her. More than anyone else, my parents included. She caused me to feel things I never knew existed. She made me forget that one thing that would prevent us form being together forever.
I didn't think about it until we came back to the wizarding world. I caught a glimpse of Astoria at a café in Diagon Ally. Immediately, I turned and ran in the other direction, full well knowing I only had so long to run.
I wasn't that naive little boy that followed his father's every order anymore, but there was one thing he commanded that I must obey. I had no choice and no idea how to tell Saranna. She stood for everything I wanted and didn't deserve. I deserved to be forever unhappy with Astoria.
I could change myself. I could give all my money and time to help those who had nothing. I could do manual labor rebuilding what I had helped to destroy. But, I'd never be able to fully atone for the lives lost and pain caused by my actions or lack of action. This was life's way of getting back at me for my first seventeen years.
I wished I could call foul; it was unfair. I was raised that way. It had been engrained into my head since I was born, that I was better than those around me. By the time I had figured out my entire childhood was flawed, I had no choice. Well, I did have a choice: Kill the headmaster or die and be the reason for my parents' demise as well. What seventeen-year-old could handle that?
I knew the Dark Lord had set me up to fail, as punishment to my father. And then, after all that and after Harry defeated Voldemort, I was still the reason behind my father's death. Even if it was to save Harry, Ginny and Saranna. Even if he fully deserved to die. I had killed my own father.
This was my penance for all those things and for thinking I could forget my destiny. I would never have what I wanted.
I saw Saranna and Benji together. She loved him still, and I knew she would be fine. In the end, the only person hurt in this mess I called my life, was me.
She wouldn't live with the guilt or pain. I would bear those burdens alone. I would marry Asotria and we would have an heir. I would raise him to be everything I wasn't. He would be a new Malfoy. He would value honesty, love and fairness. He would be strong and intelligent. He could be everything, if that was what he wanted. He would have the choices I never had until it was too late. And maybe, years down the road, he wouldn't be tainted by my grandfather, father and myself. I could only hope life would allow me this. It was only fair.
hi. so I got a random desire to write about Draco today. This is what happened. Let me know what you think! Also, FYI I am working on another HP story. James and Lily. Should be posting it around thanksgiving-ish. I want to get it written before I post for a change. Perhaps you'll get a few one-shots in between! Thanks!
-Sarah