CHAPTER ONE
Byakuya Kuchiki

1. Why do you wear the kenseiken?

Byakuya- The heads of each of the four noble houses are allowed to wear them.

Me- They look tacky.

Byakuya- *Glares at me*

2. And the scarf?

Byakuya- It is passed down to every head of the Kuchiki household.

Me- Was a woman the first head of the Kuchikis then?

Byakuya- *Glares again*

3. Have you been able to beat Yoruichi in a flash step race ever since seeing her after 100 years?

Byakuya- … What kind of question is that?

4. Is that a no then?

Byakuya- *Sighs* Fine. Yes, it's a no.

Me- *Giggles*

5. Do you know how many tunnels Yachiru has made in your home?

Byakuya- I thought I boarded them all up…

Me- Nope. There's one that… Never mind.

Byakuya- *Looks at me nervously*

6. Do you obsess over Hisana's death?

Byakuya- No. I am not like Kurosaki's father who has a giant poster of his late wife on his living room wall.

Me- Dude, you have shrine for her! With flowers and candles and two tassel things!

Byakuya- Hisana loved candles, flowers, and tassel things.

7. Do you think Renji is a good lieutenant?

Byakuya- Define 'Good'.

Me- Is he a good soul reaper?

Byakuya- When he isn't drunk, I guess. He still has that absurd dream of one day defeating me.

8. You know WHY Renji wants to defeat you, don't you?

Byakuya- He wants my position as captain?

Me- *Slams palm on forehead* For an incredibly smart noble, you sure are stupid when it comes to things like that.

Byakuya- Like what?!

9. What relationship do you think Rukia has with Renji?

Byakuya- If he's smart, he will remain just friends with her.

10. Do you know how much smut there is between you and Rukia on FF?

Byakuya- What's 'smut'?

Me- *Leans over and whispers answer. His eyes go wide*

Byakuya- *Runs to computer. Sinks down in chair when results show up* I hope no one here reads them.

11. What do you think of Soi Fon?

Byakuya- *Shudders* A dangerous, Yoruichi-obsessed woman.

Me- She can flip an awesome bird though in her released form. The ultimate flip off!

Byakuya- Can I leave now?

Me- No! Don't make me chain you here. *Holds up chain. Byakuya sits back down.* Good boy.

12. Who would you rather have as a son-in-law, Renji or Ichigo?

Byakuya- Hopefully neither.

Me- Awe, but I think Renji would make a good husband. J

Byakuya- He's loud, obnoxious, ignorant, *Goes on and on and on.*

13. What would you do if either got Rukia knocked up?

Byakuya- She's smart enough not to let that happen.

Me- But if it does?

Byakuya- If it's her husband, I'm sure I wouldn't be able to do anything to them. If not, *Grabs hilt of zanpaku-to.* I'll cut his-

Me- OKAY! Moving on! I want this to stay a T fic.

14. Do you like pink?

Byakuya- It depends. I do when it's my zanpaku-to, because I can kill you if you laugh.

Me- *Gulps and nods.*

15. Do you ever want to marry again?

Byakuya- My only love will be Hisana.

Me- You do remember that the Kuchiki clan needs an heir, right?

Byakuya- Yes. But as far as I'm concerned, they will have to adopt their heir.

Me- Oh come on! They could have an arranged marriage! What if you fall in love with her?

Byakuya- That won't happen.

Me- Oh really?

Byakuya- Yes.

Me- That wouldn't really be fair to her.

Byakuya- How so?

Me- Well, she'd be in a home where she would think she's unwelcome in. At least care about her and treat her like a wife.

Byakuya- can we move on to the next question?

16. Is Kouga your father?

Byakuya- Kami no. I'd be ashamed if he was my father. And I would be ashamed myself for having to kill him if he was indeed my father. My father was DEAD before I fought Kouga, remember?

Me- Of course I remember! I have that episode on my iPod when you saved Rukia! (Episode 62)

17. My phone screensaver and my computer screensaver has you and Rukia on it.

Byakuya- How is that a question?

Me- *Shrugs* I don't know. But you're eating candy! *Laughs hysterically* And on my iPhone you're looking at her through the window of your bedroom.

Byakuya- It sounds like I'm stalking her.

18. Would you like to meet the genius Tite Kubo?

Byakuya- No. He killed my beloved Hisana. Don't respond to that.

19. How have you changed since Hisana died?

Byakuya- I've learned never to let emotions get the best of you.

Me- Yeah, I can tell.

Byakuya- Never to make promises that others can contradict.

Me- You're also cold, emotionless, shut in. I think you are a turtle.

Byakuya- You are comparing me to an reptile?

Me- You shut yourself in and you're quiet as hell when at home. You're a turtle!

Byakuya- How do you know I'm quiet in my home?

Me- The tunnels you didn't board up. Yachiru gave me a tour!

20. Are you a virgin?

Byakuya- I am NOT answering that!

Me- why not?! It's a simple yes or no question!

Byakuya- That invades my personal life!

Me- So you didn't have a honeymoon with Hisana?

Byakuya- Of course I did. I took her to an art gallery.

Me- *Sighs* You are a virgin.

Byakuya- What makes you say that?

Me- A man won't get laid for taking his wife to an art gallery on their honeymoon! Unless their art was displayed. Where's your sense of adventure?

Byakuya- It died when Hisana did. *Groans and bangs head on desk*

Me- You're hopeless.

Byakuya- That still doesn't mean I am a virgin. Hisana loved art.

Me- So you aren't a virgin?

Byakuya- Must I say it again? I will not answer that question. *I stand.*

Me- This is boring now. *Walks away.*

Byakuya- Thank goodness.

Haha. Well, there's Byakuya. Please Review! And no flames. This is a crack fic, so I want it to make you laugh. Bye! I think Ukitake is next!