This is just a drabble that came to me while reading R2-D2106's Avalon trilogy. This drabble is focused on James when Harry is born. This story is based in her trilogy canon.
Before this moment I hadn't realized just how fucking sad I was. Looking through the glass into the nursery filled with babies so new to life including my own second born son. My first one would be about seven now if he was alive. He would be starting at Avalon Academy just as Aster had wanted because her and me agreed that he should grow up on Avalon. Markus James Potter if it was a boy because we had both agreed we couldn't use the named Charlus for him. Abigail Dorea Keeney if it was a girl.
I remember thinking he must have really hated the name Markus James because why else would he be born dead? I was thirteen and a son I hadn't wanted had been born dead. I felt a punch in my gut when I got the news. It made me so sad that maybe he had died because he had known the less than ideal situation in which he had been conceived. His parents were half siblings that would make anyone want to shrivel up and die. Right? It didn't matter…I wanted him back.
And as the years went, on I kept thinking about Markus and I tried so hard to make the punch in my gut go away. And I hated how Aster was with Severus and they kept trying to have a baby. And she kept loosing them and that made me sad but I wanted another baby to.
Not that I could ever tell her that. I was by no means in love with Aster I just wanted to have another baby to replace the one we had lost. Another baby to make the punch in my gut go away. I had grown so used to the feeling of being punched in the gut I never realized it was getting bigger. Especially how it would get just a bit bigger every time I saw a boy that would be about his age.
I love Lily and when she said we where having a child together I was happy. I wish I could tell Markus he is going to be a big brother I thought.
Harry is healthy and sleeping soundly and most important he is alive. And I loved him from the moment I first held him in my arms but he is no substitute for Markus. A child of Lily and James Potter no matter how loved can replace a child born to Aster Keenly and James Potter.
After all Markus is my first born.